LL Keeps smiling at me from across the table watching my every move. She is dressed up tonight, wearing a low cut blouse and tight jeans. I hope it isn’t for my benefit. Bitch does nothing for me. She did once upon a time, but that has been over and done with for years.
The kids are having a nice time though. Dawn has a huge smirk on her face as she twirls the noodles around her fork. Even Jamie seems content as he tells me about some video game he is into at the moment. Mine something or another. I don’t get the attraction but it makes him happy. Miracle wipes her sauce stained hand through her blonde hair and I shake my head.
I can’t help but wish it were Baby’s eyes meeting mine as LL talks to me about the job she is starting soon. She found something that she can do that will be good for her too. She is going to be heading an addiction group that meets three nights a week at one of the local churches. I know she is trying. I just hope it sticks for the sake of our children. If she fucks up again, I swear I will kill her with my bare hands.
LL and Dawn clean up the mess in the kitchen. While they are doing the cleanup, I take Miracle into the bathroom to wash her hair and get her ready for bed.
Their chatter and laughter floats down the small hall of the cabin. “So there is this boy, Tony, and I think he likes me,” Dawn says. Christ! Lord help me, it is starting—boy crazy, fuck. One trip to her school on my Harley acting like a badass could put an end to this Tony business. No boy wants to mess with the daughter of an outlaw knowingly—in my experience anyway.
Miracle splashes me with the water and laughs. I return my attention to her and her bubbles.
After everyone has had their bath or shower in Jamie’s case, LL calls the kids to the living room, and they curl around her on the couch. Miracle is cuddled in her lap with a book. I observe as she reads them a story. This is the way our life was supposed to be. This is what I pictured the day I married her. She seems at ease as she reads them another fairytale.
My phone buzzes and I step outside onto the porch to take the call. “Yeah?”
“It’s Truth. I am still on the road. I think I found something. I have been following a lead. Don’t want to say much over the phone, I’ll be in touch when I know something more concrete. The road is taking me out West.”
“Ride free brother.” Taking a seat on the top step I light up a joint and take a long hard toke for Grim, wherever in the hell he is. Goddamn I hope Truth finds him soon.
A few minutes later LL joins me, her head rests on my shoulder and she inhales deeply.
“Sorry I wasn’t thinking. Does the smell bother you?”
Her head lying against mine should feel strange but it doesn’t, we are husband and wife after all. We have a sorted history. It would be nice if we could be friends again.
“No it sounds funny, but it is comforting. It reminds me of our happier days. Do you think we will ever have that again? Not together of course, but do you think you’ll have that with Baby? Do you want that with Baby?” She speaks softly without hurt or resentment, surprising me.
“Fuck, I don’t know if I can. I wanted it. Christ, I could see it. We were so close I could taste it. I thought I could give her what she needs and be here for her and Colt, but I need to tell you something. It affects you in a way.”
“Whatever it is just tell me,” she assures me.
“I have —I had another son. I didn’t know for sure until recently and now it’s too late to change things.” I admit to her that I fathered Striker. She tenses next to me and I don’t know how she will feel about it. She and Foxie were business partners and best friends.
“That does make for an uncomfortable situation,” she says finally. “But Striker isn’t here to stand between the two of you if that’s what you really want…”
“No he isn’t but it makes me feel wrong. I didn’t raise him but I feel so goddamn disrespectful even looking at her. It’s dishonorable.” I lean away from LL feeling ashamed, but resolved in saying it aloud to someone. It feels good to speak about it.
“Since when have you cared about what anyone else thinks?” She nudges my rib with her elbow.
“Since it made me feel like a piece of shit under the boot of my son’s ghost.”
We sit in a comfortable silence looking at the stars, listening to the frogs croak and the crickets chirp. I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but I can’t keep on feeling this way. I need to be honest with Baby.
My timing is shitty, I know, but somehow I think she will be fine. She is strong. She is like Foxie—she did one thing right raising Baby—made damn sure she could handle the ride.
Baby
I decided against taking Colt to daycare today. Definitely don’t want to chance a run in with LL again. I’m not sure I have the patience for it after my calls to Romeo went unanswered last night. He spent the evening with his wife and children. A part of me resents them for it. Colt won’t get that…a family dinner with both parents.
I still have plenty of boxes and totes left over from cleaning out Striker’s apartment yesterday. I know Rebel wants to see Colt and my sister’s possessions overwhelm him…always there in his face as a constant reminder of what he has lost. I might as well get it over with and help the asshole.
Gathering some of Colt’s outdoor toys, we go over to Rebel’s trailer. I knock on the door several times with no answer. Dickhead is probably hungover. Taking the spare key my sister gave me ages ago, I let myself in. Colt comes in hanging on my leg.
Shit, it stinks in here. It smells of liquor, smoke and despair. I clear an old pizza box from the seat of the recliner and turn the TV on for Colt. “Sit right here for mommy and watch Mickey, while I go wake up your Uncle,” I instruct him firmly. My sister would beat Rebel’s ass if she had seen this mess. Rumor always kept it spotless.
Making my way down the hall, I peer in the bathroom at the clutter. My sister’s makeup is busted all over the tile floor. Blood is splattered on the sink and down the hall.
I can’t let Rebel live like this. I can hear Rumor’s voice in my head pleading with me to watch over him for her.
That’s it I am waking his ass up and he can hang out with Colt while I clean this chaos up, and go through my sister’s belongings.
Walking into the bedroom, I see Rebel lying across the bed naked, snoring loudly. He is a striking man. His blond hair covers the side of his face, the other side is pressed snuggly into the pillow he is hugging as he wheezes loudly.
I can’t help but admire his muscular tattooed form. His butt is so damn tight I could bounce quarters off it. I am almost tempted to try. My admiration is stopped short when the bastard farts. Men are gross!
He mumbles something in his sleep but I can’t understand what he is saying. I draw the blinds open and flip the light on, hoping that is enough to rouse him from his slumber and praying he doesn’t fart again.
Rebel only shifts his legs around and rolls onto his back. Sweet mother of Pearl his cock is erect and saluting me. I can almost hear it saying, “Good morning darlin’ how about a ride.”
I know I shouldn’t look at him in that way, but it’s hard not to with him lying here in his naked glory, looking like one of those sexy birthday cards they sell in adult novelty stores. My cheeks are flushed, my nipples are hard, and my panties are damp, as my fingers go to my mouth remembering the way it felt when he kissed me yesterday.
The sound of Mickey Mouse singing in the background snaps me out of my stupor and lust. I go into the kitchen, get a pitcher out of the cabinet, and fill it to the brim with cool water, needing to douse myself with it, but deciding it will best serve Rebel.
I smile at Colt as he grins at me and goes back to watching the cartoon.
Down the hall that hard cock is still staring at me...tempting me to do something I shouldn’t. I am snapped back into reality seeing my sister’s picture on the nightstand eyeballing me. She would be so disappointed knowing I was I was ogling her husband a few months after she was murdered.
Strik
er would fucking kill me. What is wrong with me? This man murdered my husband and yet I feel for him. Fucking Rebel….fucking Foxie and Slim raising me, making me fall in love with both of their sons. Fuck them all.
Feeling more like myself, I take the water and dump it over Rebel. He jerks up quickly and his erection shrivels. That’s better. Much better.
“Oh good, you’re awake,” I say with a faint hint of amusement.
“What in the hell are you doing here?” he asks in wonderment. The look of shock on his face is priceless. He shakes his head cursing me under his breath and grabs a sheet from the bed to dry off with. He smirks at me; his lips curving upward in a wry grin, seeing my cheeks go red as I watch him.
Colt comes wandering into the room attracted by the noise. “Here baby, come to momma.” I take him in my arms, afraid he will get hurt in here. This room is disgusting.
Rebel sees Colt and pulls on some jeans that were lying on top of his dresser.
“You said you wanted me to go through Rumor’s effects and you wanted to see your nephew, so here we are. You can take Colt out back to play and I am going to clean this shithole up.” I inform him.
Rebel crosses the short distance to where I am standing with Colt in my arms.
“Thank you,” he says and kisses my cheek softly. He happily takes Colt from me.
“Hey buddy, what are we going to get into today?” I hear them continue to talk as Rebel carries him back down the hall.
Surveying the room, I don’t even know where to begin, but I suppose getting all the trash cleaned up would be a start. Gah, I could fill a dumpster with the liquor bottles.
Walking into the kitchen I search for garbage bags and cleaning supplies. I see Rebel and Colt on the back porch. Rebel is showing him how to blow bubbles. It makes me pleased and depressed. Striker should be the one getting to experience these moments with his son, not his fuckwit brother.
Gathering what I need, I get started on the disaster Rebel has made of our childhood home. I grew up with Rebel and Striker in this trailer. I have so many fond memories of our childhood.
Funny how things have changed. I used to dream I would one day live either here or next door as Rebel’s wife. I ended up across the lot married to the other brother. Now look at me widowed at the age of twenty-one. I didn’t see much point in celebrating my birthday, we held Striker’s wake on the very day. Happy fucking birthday, right?
After bagging up the junk, I tackle an easy task…packing my sister’s books. I can give these to Dawn because she is one kid who loves to read. I know she will appreciate receiving them and Rumor would want her to have them.
As I am sitting the last box of books on the porch, a shadow falls over me. I look up to see that whore Chelsea glaring at me. Her caramel hair is in a braid, I’d like to rip out for her.
“Get the fuck off my sister’s porch you skank!” I shout in her face taking a step toward her. The wood creaks under the pressure when I stomp my foot at her.
Her eyes go wide but she stands firmly in front of me. “Foxie called and said she wanted someone to come over and clean for Rebel.”
“I don’t care if Rebel himself told you to come. I am telling you to back the fuck up, you aren’t wanted here.” I shove her chest hard. Her fake titties don’t even budge an inch.
“Is Rebel here? Let’s ask him if I am wanted here,” she says looking smug. She tries to peer past me into the trailer and when she hears Rebel’s voice, she takes a step forward as if she thinks she is walking inside. Not on my watch. I don’t care who he fucks, but it won’t be this skanky snatch bitch!
I see red. Who does this little whore think she is? First, she fucked my husband. Now I’ll be damned if she thinks she is going to have Rebel too. My fist is clenched by my side, and before I know what I am doing, I have her shoved down the stairs into the gravel, beating the shit out of her. In my head, I keep seeing her on her knees in front of my husband. My fists connect with her face repeatedly, until I decide just to choke the whore.
Tears stream down my face as hate and guilt flood my veins. I’m so fucking angry with him—Striker, for fucking her. I feel guilty because even though I hadn’t cheated on him physically, I had done him wrong by wanting someone else…his father.
I didn’t know Romeo was his father at the time, I can’t say what difference it might have made had I known the truth.
“Fucking Whore! Cunt!” I scream slamming her head back against the gravel and squeeze her airway. Tears blind my sight as I thrash and throttle her.
I let all of my frustrations out on her. Apparently, I have a lot of pent up anger.
8
Rebel
Colt and I are having a good time blowing bubbles and drawing on the back patio with chalk. We have been outside for a while now. I take him into the kitchen to see if I can find us both something to snack on and to see if I have anything in my fridge suitable for a toddler to drink. Then I hear Baby screaming at someone, calling them a whore.
With Colt on my shoulders, I walk onto the front porch to see Baby thumping the hell out of Chelsea. Colt says, “Uh oh.”
“Uh oh, is right little man,” I say as I put him down carefully and sit him on the porch swing. Baby has done lost her ever-loving mind.
Baby is cursing and speaking so damn fast she sounds like she is speaking in tongues. However¸ I make out a few words. She says, “Goddamn whore, you killed my husband. I’m going to kill you!” Her fingers are wrapped around Chelsea’s throat.
Chelsea claws at Baby’s arms but it is of no use. I should probably stop Baby from doing any permanent damage but maybe Baby is right. If Chelsea would have left my brother alone, some things might have been different.
I recognize what Baby is feeling right now—grief. She needs to let her fury and misery out. I don’t want her to do something she will regret though, as I did when I shot Striker. I never meant to kill my brother. I was blinded with rage.
Hooking my arms under the pits of Baby’s shoulders, I pull her backwards with me falling on my ass in the process, and she brings Chelsea with us, not letting go of her neck.
“Fuck! Baby, Colt is watching. You don’t want him to witness you killing a whore!” I roar in her ear, struggling to make her stop. Where in the hell is everyone, I figured someone would hear the commotion and come give me a hand. She has a death grip on Chelsea’s throat.
“The hell I don’t. Bitch deserves to go straight to hell!” Baby screeches but has grown tired and lets go out of exhaustion. Chelsea falls back holding her throat with tears in her eyes, struggling to breathe. I hug Baby against my chest to prevent her from attacking Chelsea again.
“You crazy bitch! I am calling the police and filing charges on your ass.”
“The fuck you are.” Romeo appears behind Chelsea and drags her to her feet. “You’re going to pack your shit and get gone. I don’t want to see your face around here again. And if I even think you have whispered Baby’s name or said shit about our club, I will hunt you down and slit you from ear to ear. Ya feel me?” He grabs her by the arm and nods at Baby and me. They disappear through the back door of the Roadhouse.
Colt continues to swing on the porch as I hold Baby while she cries.
“I hate her so much,” Baby sobs.
“I know you do.” I rub her arms trying to soothe her. “She isn’t worth it though.”
“But Striker was?” She asks me directly, her words stabbing my heart.
“No, of course not. I told you I’d take his place. Baby I’d do anything to bring him back to you and Colt. You have to know that.”
“All I know is you can’t give me what I want.” She shoves up from the gravel and my lap.
I give her a moment to collect herself. She walks onto the porch slowly and gathers Colt in her arms. I take a seat next to them on the swing. “Mom wants us all at dinner tonight. Can you believe she invited Lil Bit to live with her?”
“She what?” Baby asks disbelieving with shock.
/> “Apparently and she wants you to be her new ‘BFF.’ I have to admit, it isn’t a bad idea. She could just be using the pregnancy as an in to spy on us for her brothers and shit.”
Colt mocks me and says, “Shit.” Baby and I both laugh at him; he smiles big, and starts chuckling too.
“Do you think it would really help? You know I don’t make friends easily.”
“That’s what I said.”
“Well what time do I need to be there?” She smiles weakly at me. Her honey whiskey eyes hypnotizing me.
“Around seven.” I squeeze her shoulder and give Colt a high five.
They follow me inside. Baby goes back to cleaning and Colt plays with his trucks while I get in the shower. This has already been one hell of a day.
Romeo
Baby sure as fuck did a number on Chelsea. Her lip is split and her eyes are swelling, not to mention the fingerprints on her neck. I escort Chelsea to her room and make sure she packs her shit. Should have made her ass leave weeks ago. Should have known she would get under Baby’s skin considering she fucked Striker.
Seeing Baby go after Chelsea I know she isn’t over Striker and I don’t begrudge his memory that. He was her husband and I realize we jumped in blindly. I should have waited but I gave into my desire for her. I was weak. I know I have to let her go once and for all. I have to stay out of her life and cut her from mine so she can heal.
One day she will find love again and I hope I am not around to witness it. Seeing her with another man will kill me, but I know this decision is what is best for her.
Chelsea sniffles as she zips up her duffle bag. “I don’t have anywhere to go.”
“Well darlin’…” I open up my wallet and hand her all the cash I have on me. “I’ll drive you to the bus stop and you can find someplace to go.”
“Can’t we work something out? I didn’t do anything wrong. Baby is crazy. She attacked me.” She sits down on the bed trying to appear dejected.
“You know damn good and well what you did to get your ass beat. It was a long time coming. Get your shit. I have places to be. You’re lucky to be walking out of here. If Rebel hadn’t stepped in, I don’t doubt that Baby would have killed you.”
Heart of a Rebel Page 5