Uncaged

by Lucy Gordon

  “You mean, you painted it?” The child nodded. “It’s excellent. You’re very talented.”

  “It’s my puppy, Jacko. I like drawing things that are alive. It’s nice if you can get them looking right.” He added, “I’m Tommy.”

  Daniel decided to work fast. He wasn’t sure how much time he had. “I guessed you must be,” he said. “You’re exactly as your mother described you.”

  A sudden glow lay on the child’s face. “You know my mother?” he asked eagerly.

  So he’d forgotten Megan “very satisfactorily,” had he? Daniel thought grimly. “Yes, I know her,” he said.

  “Is she coming to see me soon? I thought she’d come as soon as they let her out—but she didn’t.”

  “You knew she was out?” Daniel asked cautiously.

  “One of the boys at school showed me the paper. I didn’t know. Daddy just said she’d gone away and left us. He made it sound as if she didn’t love me anymore.”

  “Don’t ever believe that,” Daniel said at once.

  The child shook his head. “I never did,” he said with a simple dignity that was far beyond his years. “Daddy was very angry when I found out the truth. He said I shouldn’t go back to that school and now I have to go somewhere else, and I don’t like it.”

  “What school do you go to now?” Daniel asked softly.

  “Buckbridge Junior.”

  Daniel sat down so that his face was nearer Tommy’s level. “I don’t know how much time we have, so listen carefully,” he said, and Tommy nodded intently. “Your mother couldn’t come to see you because she hasn’t been well. But she sent me to talk to your father and...and tell you that she still loves you. She thinks about you all the time.”

  “Then why doesn’t she come to see me?”

  “She will, just as soon as she can.”

  “You mean, when Daddy lets her.”

  It was said with a sad wisdom that was too much for a boy of his age. And before Daniel could suppress it, came the fleeting thought, my fault?

  “You miss her a lot, don’t you?” he said gently.

  Tommy nodded, looking up at him, and Daniel saw that he had Megan’s eyes, a brown so light that it was almost golden.

  “Look,” Tommy said, tugging at Daniel’s arm and taking him to a small cupboard, which he pulled open. From inside he took a sketchbook and flipped over some pages until he came to a sketch of a woman’s head. Like the picture on the wall, it was rough and immature, but the likeness was there in the angle of the head and the curve of the lips. Daniel felt a pain around his heart at the thought of the lonely child drawing his mother to protect himself from the people who wanted to wipe her from his mind.

  “Can I take this?” he asked quickly.

  Tommy seemed to understand perfectly because in a moment he’d ripped out the page, folded it and handed it to Daniel. “Will you tell her...tell her...” His voice wobbled.

  “Don’t worry,” Daniel said gently. “This will tell her everything she wants to know. And don’t let anyone say she’s forgotten you, because she hasn’t. She’s your mother, and mothers don’t forget.” Something made him add, “Neither do fathers.”

  Tommy gave him a puzzled look, but before he could ask anything there was a sound in the hall. Daniel had a sudden inspiration. Pulling out a pen, he scribbled some figures on the pad and closed it, mouthing “Telephone.” Tommy looked at him in comprehension. The next moment a shadow darkened the doorway and they both looked up to see an imposing elderly woman with an expression of iron. “I think this conversation has gone far enough,” she said in a hard voice.

  Tommy was standing close enough for Daniel to feel him flinch. It was obvious who this was. Her resemblance to Brian Anderson was marked, except that she had a more decided chin. She came forward and looked down at Tommy, dominating him.

  “What have I told you?” she demanded. When he didn’t answer, she repeated firmly, “What have I told you, Tommy? I’ve told you not to mention that woman in this house. Haven’t I?”

  “She’s not ‘that woman,” Daniel said in disgust. “She’s his mother.”

  He might not have spoken for all the heed she paid him.

  “You’re normally such a good little boy. It’s a shame to spoil it by being disobedient, dwelling on people who are no good and best forgotten. What were you saying?”

  Tommy averted his head from them both. Although he couldn’t see the child’s face, Daniel guessed he was fighting back tears.

  “Tommy,” Mrs. Anderson’s voice was as iron as her face. “What were you saying?”

  “For God’s sake, stop this,” Daniel said desperately. “It’s sick, trying to force a child to forget his mother.”

  Mrs. Anderson seemed to become aware of him. “I don’t know who you are or what you’re doing here, but you certainly have no right to upset the boy by dragging up painful memories.”

  “If he’s upset, it’s because he’s being bullied by a woman who appears to have the sensitivity of a rhinoceros,” Daniel said through gritted teeth.

  Tommy made a small choking sound, showing that he’d appreciated this description. Mrs. Anderson looked daggers at him. “That was a very vulgar remark, and you’re a very naughty little boy,” she said. “What would your new mommy say about your behavior?”

  Tommy’s mirth vanished, and his face took on a mulish aspect. “She’s not my mommy,” he said at once. “I don’t like her. And she doesn’t like me.”

  “I forbid you to say things like that,” his grandmother said in a hard voice. “You’re just a silly little boy. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “I know if someone doesn’t like me,” Tommy said stubbornly. “She calls me ‘that brat.’”

  “By ‘she’ I suppose you mean Miss Bracewell. You know your father has told you to call her Mommy.”

  “But she isn’t my mommy,” the child repeated, almost in tears, but refusing to yield.

  “What’s going on here?” Brian demanded, coming into the room.

  “You should be more careful whom you let into the house, Brian,” the woman declared loftily. “This man seems to believe he can interfere in what doesn’t concern him.”

  “So I’ve already discovered,” Anderson said grimly. “All right, Mother, you can leave Mr. Keller to me. You’d better take Tommy away.”

  Mrs. Anderson took the child’s hand firmly and marched him out of the room, but not before Tommy had turned back and given Daniel a beseeching look. He forced himself to cover his anger with a smile, trying to tell the child that he’d see Megan, give her the picture and pass on her son’s love. A smile seemed a fragile thing to carry so many burdens.

  “I think you’d better leave now,” Anderson said dismissively.

  “I’ll leave, but you haven’t heard the last of me.”

  “Spare me the threats. Tell Megan that for every lawyer she hires, I’ll hire ten. I’ll blacken her name and keep her tied up in the courts for years. Tommy will be grown up before she ever sets eyes on him again. I hope I make myself clear.”

  “Perfectly,” Daniel said grimly.

  “Then I see nothing to keep you here.”

  He followed Daniel out to his car, and at the last minute he said, “Take this as a friendly warning. Megan is using you. That’s her way. She seems sweet and delightful, but underneath it she’s a schemer, a user. Somehow I would have expected a man of your experience to have spotted that earlier.”

  “Good day to you,” Daniel snapped, and got into the car. It took all his self-restraint not to sock Brian Anderson in the jaw.

  * * *

  “What did Brian say?” Megan demanded as soon as he got home.

  “Just what you expected him to say. No dice. Don’t look so cast down. I have something that will please you. Here.” He took the picture out of his jacket and offered it to her. “Tommy gave it to me, for you.”

  Instantly her face was alight. “You saw Tommy?” she asked eagerly.

>   “I actually had a few minutes alone with him before we were interrupted. Megan, he knows all about it. One of his school friends saw it in the paper and told him.”

  “He knows I was in prison? Oh, God!”

  “He knows you’ve been cleared. He knows you’re free and he longs to see you. He loves you.” Daniel was speaking quickly, trying to impress her mind with some good news and drive the sadness from her face. “The others are trying to make him forget you, but they’re failing. Hold on to that.”

  He wasn’t sure that she heard him. She was staring at the picture. “Tommy did this?” she whispered.

  “That’s how he keeps your memory alive, despite everything they can do.”

  “He still loves me, doesn’t he?” Her eyes were glowing.

  “Yes, he still loves you a lot,” Daniel said. Her lightning change from despondency to radiance was giving him a hard time. She’d lost so much, and there was still such a mountain to climb. He didn’t know how to tell her that Brian was planning to remarry. He dreaded to see the despair return to her face, and not merely because he felt guilty. This woman’s pain was unlike any other’s. It had a way of seizing his heart and becoming his own pain. He didn’t examine this too closely, or ask why, but it disturbed him. “Listen,” he said, “I’ve discovered something else. Brian has put Tommy in a different school—Buckbridge Junior. Tommy told me that himself.”

  “I could see him,” she cried eagerly. “Let’s go now.”

  “Megan, it’s Sunday.”

  “Tomorrow, then. Just a glimpse. I don’t care how far away I am. I must see him. Don’t try to stop me.”

  “I’m not trying to stop you. I’ll even take you there.”

  “When? First thing in the morning?”

  “Whenever you like. Megan, calm down.”

  “How can I calm down when I’m going to see Tommy again? If only I could tell you what it’s been like, missing him every moment—thinking of him...”

  “You don’t have to tell me,” he said. “I know how memory can be a blessing and a torment.”

  “Yes, of course,” she said, sobering instantly. He guessed she was thinking of his wife, but it was his son who was in his heart at that moment. There was nothing quite like the love of a child, or the empty ache when his arms no longer went around your neck in eager confirmation of the most spontaneous, uncalculating love of all. If he could have told her his thoughts, they might have drawn close on common ground, but as always, at such moments his tongue seemed to be chained.

  Suddenly she smiled at him, and there was a confidence and contentment in that smile that filled him with dread. To fail her now would be the most terrible thing in the world. “Don’t build your hopes up,” he said. “There are still a lot of hard things ahead of you, and you’re going to need all your courage.”

  “But it can be done, can’t it?” she asked eagerly. “I can get Tommy back, can’t I?”

  He had no idea, but he wasn’t strong enough to destroy the fragile hope that was keeping her going. “We can do it,” he said at last. “Somehow...we’re going to do it.” He brushed the hair away from her forehead and took her face between his hands. Now, he knew, was the moment to tell her the worst. The words struggled on the edge of his tongue, until at last... “We’ll find a way,” he said gently. “Trust me.”

  He despised himself as a coward, but he couldn’t help it.

  * * *

  They found the school the next morning and waited in Daniel’s car, their eyes on the entrance, but it was soon obvious that this would be useless. All they could see was a set of wrought-iron gates through which cars swept every few minutes. There was no hope of recognizing Tommy. Megan stayed calm but her face was dreadfully pale. “Wait here,” Daniel told her.

  He was gone half an hour, and when he came back, he said, “I’ve been looking at the playing fields right around the back. There’s a wire fence where we can get a good view.”

  They took up position outside the fence and waited for three hours. During all that time Megan scarcely moved. Her hands rested on the wire, and every time a class appeared for games, they clenched slightly, then relaxed when there was no sign of Tommy. “Perhaps it wasn’t such a good idea, after all,” Daniel said. “He may not have a games period today. Let’s go.”

  “You go,” she said, not taking her eyes from the field. “I’ll stay awhile.”

  “Well, perhaps I’ll stay awhile, too,” he said casually.

  She didn’t hear him. Her hands tightened on the wire and he heard her inhale her breath sharply. A crowd of little boys had appeared on the far side of the playing fields, and Megan’s eyes were fixed on one of them. “That’s him,” she whispered. “That’s Tommy.”

  Frowning, Daniel tried to get a better view. At first glance the distance made all the boys look alike. Then he realized that Megan’s instinct hadn’t erred. After three years, during which Tommy’s appearance must have changed, her mother’s heart had chosen him at once.

  “Surely they’ll come a little closer,” he murmured, trying to make it happen by sheer force of will. It seemed monstrously cruel that she should have kept so patient and heartbreaking a vigil and have it rewarded in this meager fashion. But soon he realized that the class had settled at the far end of the field, and wouldn’t be coming any nearer. Megan didn’t speak. Her eyes were fixed on Tommy with a look more piteous than tears, and she never moved them for the next half hour.

  And then it was time for the children to go. They began to leave the field, laughing and fooling with each other, eager to get back to a shower and a change of clothes.

  All except one.

  A little boy had paused, staring down the field at the wire fence. He was totally still, as still as the woman who looked back at him, and their eyes met over the long distance. For a moment it seemed as if he would run toward her, but then the teacher noticed him lagging behind and called him. The next moment he was gone with the rest.

  Still Megan didn’t move. Her gaze was fixed on the spot where her son had stood watching her, as though she could recreate him through sheer longing. “It was him, wasn’t it?” she whispered. “I wasn’t fooling myself?”

  “No, you weren’t fooling yourself,” he said gently. “That was the boy I saw the other day.”

  “And he knew me, didn’t he?” she almost pleaded.

  “Yes, he knew you. Let’s go home now.”

  She was quiet all the way home, but then she took charge of cooking supper and a wave of euphoria seemed to be buoying her up. “Go into the living room, and I’ll bring the coffee in,” she told him.

  “That meal was a work of art,” he said as they settled down.

  “I learned cordon bleu to please Brian,” she said with a shrug. “It was one of the things he felt was appropriate for his wife. Do you know, I’d almost forgotten that I could cook like that, but suddenly it’s all come back to me. So many things are coming back—as if I’d suddenly returned to life. Tommy knew me. After three years, he knew me as easily as I knew him. Somehow I just know everything’s going to be all right.”

  Something uneasy in his manner seemed to get through to her. “You’ve been quiet all evening,” she said. “What is it? Look, I know I sound crazily optimistic. I know I’ve got a battle on my hands. Brian isn’t going to give up easily, but suddenly I feel strong enough to fight him. In fact, I feel strong enough for anything, and I owe it to you, so don’t spoil it by being downcast.”

  “I don’t want to spoil it,” he said unhappily, “but it may be even harder than you think....”

  She sat down on the sofa beside him and looked searchingly into his face. “What is it, Daniel? Have you been keeping something back?” His silence gave her the answer, and she took hold of him strongly by the shoulders. “It’s all right, you can tell me. I’m strong now. I really am.”

  “All right,” he said heavily. “I should have told you before, but I didn’t know how. Brian is planning to marry again.”
<
br />   He saw her face go gray and felt the shock shiver through her body. “Megan, it’s all right,” he said urgently. “We’re going to get him back, I promise.”

  “A stable family home,” she whispered. “That’s what the court will say—two parents. Or a mother with a cloud over her.”

  “A mother he loves,” Daniel said insistently. “He hates this other woman, I heard him say so. He said he wouldn’t accept her as his mommy. Courts listen to children these days. Megan, listen to me, we’re not going to give up. We’re going to prove you innocent and get him back.”

  Seven

  “We’re going to prove you innocent and get Tommy back,” Daniel repeated. “Megan, do you hear me?”

  She said nothing, but the desperate look in her eyes was both a reproach and an answer. Unable to bear that look, Daniel bent his head and kissed her on the lips, wrapping his arms right around her slim body and holding her close. There was no passion in his embrace, only a desire to comfort and console her with tenderness and warmth. As he kissed her, he continued to murmur, “It’ll be all right...I’m going to make it right for you...trust me.”

  At last he seemed to get through to her. He felt her relax, and began to stroke her hair. He was glad when she buried her face against him so that she couldn’t see his expression with its burden of doubt. He’d made promises that he didn’t know how to keep, but somehow he must find a way.

  Megan lifted her face again. “Daniel...” she whispered.

  Her lips were close to his, and suddenly no power on earth could have stopped him from lowering his head and kissing her. He meant it as consolation—at least, so he told himself—but a million years seemed to have passed since their last kiss only a few seconds ago. Everything had changed. Now there was no comfort or contentment, no reassurance, no friendly easing of strain. Daniel’s body went rigid with shock at the riotous sensations coursing through it, and for a moment he could do nothing but hold himself motionless while waves of excitement shook him.