by Sa'id Salaam
“I mean I can, except I can’t feel nothing,” Crystalline replied. Had he cared he would have heard the obvious pain in her voice. He didn’t, care that is.
“Shit, as long as I can feel it, it’s all good.” he announced selfishly. “I got a fat dime to hit.”
Crystalline looked at the dime of crack in fear. She lived in a South Bronx housing project her whole life. She knew what happened when you crossed that line. Very few make it back from that place he was offering to take her. Even the ones who did manage to come back had still left a piece of them there. Usually, their dignity and parts of their souls.
“Bet, come on,” she said pushing her chair across the line.
Once they got inside the stairwell Crystalline applied the handbrake that locked the wheels to her chair.
Rudy Picked her up and carried her to the landing between floors. He laid her down on the concrete and pulled her pants to her ankles. His pants dropped giving Crystalline a look at the dick she wouldn’t get to feel.
Using spit for lubricant Rudy shoved himself inside of her. She could only watch as he humped and grunted.
“You telling me you can’t feel this?” He asked pounding harder. He felt his dick would re-connect the severed nerves that left her dead from the waist down. Niggas!
“Yeah daddy that shit good,” Crystalline offered.
“I know it,” Rudy said proudly. He switched holes just to make sure she felt him, she didn’t.
******
“This bitch here!” Zaria whispered bitterly as Angle’s mother slinked in halfway through the service.
“What I miss?” She asked sitting in between Dasia and Cameisha. She smelled like weed and beer so Dasia turned her head to hold her tongue.
“How special Angle was,” Cameisha gushed. She was too consumed with her thoughts to listen to what the preacher preached about.
“Angel was special!” her mother took to her feet and shouted. Cameisha reached up to steady her when she wobbled. “My Angle is an Angel!”
“Angle the Angel.”
Once the service was over the girls piled into one of the vans the funeral home provided for the ride out to the cemetery. All the girls were now in tears as they watched their friend lowered into the hole. Angle’s mother put on a show when she filed past to drop a rose on the casket. She did a mourning dance that resembled the Harlem shake.
“Oh shit!” she muttered as she lost her balance and tumbled into the hole.
“Somebody get that bitch.” The preacher grumbled louder than he intended.
The solemn ride home was followed by a thick weed cloud. The rest of the summer passed quickly under similar weed clouds. It was a blur of weed, local parties and letters from Tay.
The next time they looked up it was time for school. Senior year!
“Really,” grandma asked as Cameisha emerged from the department stores dressing room. She turned at an angle to inspect her backside in the mirror.
“Too much?” she asked cautiously. Looking cute had recently become an interest, only she didn’t do it for show. Hanging out with Sincerity from time to time over the summer gave her an appreciation for clothes, but she still loathed the attention.
“In general I’d say no. Hell grandma got a pair of jeans that fit like that,” Deidra replied.
“I better get the next size up,” Cameisha advised herself then agreed with a nod.
“Good idea,” grandma said proudly. She was delighted that the girl maintained her modesty, even if she really did own a pair of tight jeans herself.
“You know I could have paid for it myself,” Cameisha said after the sale was completed.
“Your father left you that money for college. Besides, it’s my pleasure.” The mention of Cameron cast a somber mood over both the women.
The fog of despair hovered over them the whole way back uptown. It took the sight of someone else’s misery to break the spell.
“Damn shame!” Deidra lamented at the sight of Crystalline rolling through the court yard drinking a 40 ounce bottle of Malt liquor.
“I swear I tried to help her,” Cameisha moaned. It broke her heart watching her friend destroy herself.
It seemed she got worse every day. None of the other girls even spoke to her anymore. Now they openly scorned and ridiculed her as they would any other of the projects many junkies.
“Get yo’ D.U.I ass away from here,” Zaria barked when the wheel chair got too close to the bench she once ruled with an iron fist.
See, that’s the thing about ruling. Either your subjects love you or hate you. If they love you they support and help you. Your success is their success. Go Team! But if they hate you, they’ll follow and obey until they get a chance to kill you.
She felt the results of her tyrannical dictatorship as Zaria plunked her in the head with an empty juice carton. Only Aqua didn’t laugh, she had a heart. A few girls who previously weren’t allowed to come out because of Crystalline laughed as if it were funnier than it really was.
“Da-na-na-na-na-na-!” Crystalline cackled imitating the bat mobile as she rolled off in her head-mobile. The visiting drug dealers even had an emblem stuck on the back that read the same.
“Come on y’all,” Cameisha pleaded as her and her grandmother passed by. “Give her a break?”
“A break! Shit my ass wasn’t allowed to come outside for a year ‘cause of that hoe!” Leslie spat. She was one of the pretty girls Crystalline tormented for being pretty.
“Chill y’all,” Zaria ordered and the taunts came to a cease. Well, paused, because they would never really stop. Karma is funny that way.
******
First day of any school is always a big deal but multiply it by being senior year and it was really special. To be alive, free and still in school by 12th grade in the Bronx means you beat a lot of odds. They should give you a medal or something just for making it that far.
Cameisha was in front of the bathroom mirror admiring herself when Tovia came in to do the same. There was a brief tension filled pause when the enemies locked eyes.
Tovia was shocked but not scared. When no attack came she took it the wrong way. She thought Cameisha was scared.
“Tell ya’ girl Angle I said what’s up,” she said with a smirk. “Oh…wait that’s right, dead people can’t hear.”
“Remember you said that,” Cameisha replied with a wicked grin. Her and her girls agreed to squash the feud before someone else got killed, but Meisha just had a slight change in plan. Tovia was dead first chance she got. Big mouth bitch just made a play date with death.
School was cool but Cameisha rushed to check the mail everyday.Most days she was rewarded by a letter from her boo. She and Tay had begun professing their undying love for each other. It was now serious. So serious in fact, that they made an appointment for her cherry.
Today in addition to the poorly written love letter she received, the correspondence she eagerly awaited. She jumped up and down hysterically as she read, and re-read the name in the left hand corner. Too excited to open it she ran upstairs to the apartment.
“What’s wrong baby?” grandma asked startled by her rushing inside the apartment.
“It’s from the school, the college!” she replied thrusting the letter at her.
“Ok thought you had beef. I was about to put my sneakers on!” Deidra said. Instead she pulled the reading glasses she wore around her neck onto her face. “Let’s see here. The college of Atlanta is pleased to announce that you have been accepted into …”
“Yes, yes, yes!” Cameisha said jumping up and down then launching into the ‘fat-fat' dance. The original one not the souped up New York version.
“Congratulations baby, I’m very proud of you,” Deidra gushed, spreading her arms. She let out a grunt as her granddaughter rushed in to accept the hug.
“I gotta go show Sincerity!” she yelled and disappeared from the apartment.
******
“That’s what’s up little mama! Proud o
f you chica,” Sincerity gushed as she passed the acceptance letter back. “Told you, get up out of here and don’t look back.”
“Well I gotta look back ‘cause of my girls, and me and Tay gonna get married. “
“Is that what he told you?” Sincerity laughed, “girl you too smart to be dumb”
“What’s that mean?” Meisha asked earnestly.
“It means jail talk is different from real talk. It ain’t exactly a lie, because them niggas be believing that shit themselves,” she replied.
“Well, Tay aint like that. He might even come stay in Atlanta with me.”
“Well, not. That lil’ nigga was born in these projects and he gonna die in these projects. Only time he’s gonna leave is for prison and come back, or leave for the graveyard and be gone forever. Leave here and don’t look back.” Sincerity urged. She hated not taking that advice herself many years ago. Now she only stayed because she had made a promise to her man to keep an eye on his people.
Cameisha heard the sincerity and regret in her voice and wanted to take heed, but, she was in love. You know how love does you? She pretended to agree as they smoked a blunt and changed the subject. The new subject was Crystalline.
“Damn shame,” Sincerity exclaimed as she sped through the court yard in her chair. She was quite proficient now and could move at a pretty good clip.
She had to because her old crew would hurl objects and insults at her every time she flew pass. Neither of which bothered her now as the drugs and alcohol that she consumed either brought on or exasperated mental illness. The light was still on but nobody was home.
No one seemed to care other than Cameisha. Even Crystalline’s mother would now walk past her without a word or a glance. Even when she had her son in tow they completely ignored the girl.
A few nights later Cameisha woke up in the middle of the night parched. “Man,” she whined to herself seeing the glass she kept by her bed for this very purpose was empty. As she passed through the living room a commotion in the ‘should have been deserted’ courtyard, caught her eye.
A group of at least ten teenage boys came busting out of one of the staircases laughing. They were slapping five and carrying on loudly. The last of them was pushing the now lopsided wheel chair. When Cameisha saw it was empty she rushed to get dressed.
Cameisha ran to the abandoned wheel chair that the boy pushed into the center of the courtyard. All that remained was the white shoe lace Crystalline used to tie her weave to her head. Yeah ole girl was a mess. She darted into the staircase and there she was.
“Oh no!” she wailed as she found her friend on the landing between floors. Only the soft snores told her that the girl was alive, physically at least.
She was naked from the waist down and her shirt and bra pulled up to her neck. One glance at her round belly said she was three to four months pregnant. Actually the mis-shaped, malnourished monster in her belly was almost due.
Crystalline had semen on her body from head to toe. Globs ran from the battered vagina as well as swollen lips. Cameisha pondered for a second about smothering the girl to put her out of her misery. Put her down like they do at the dog pound.
She shook it off and decided to take her home. Now came the challenge of getting her dressed and into her chair. Cameisha kicked the filthy crusted panties away and struggled to get her grubby jeans onto her body. Once that was accomplished she went to retrieve the chair.
“Ayo Dexter, come help me,” she called to a local junkie scouring the night for a hit.
“Ten bucks!” he exclaimed happily as he made his way over. Ten bucks was his going rate for any job. Wash your car, walk your dog, paint your apartment? Ten bucks!
“I got you, just come help me,” she said leading him to her friend.
If touching all the semen bothered ole Dexter Cameisha couldn’t tell. He hoisted her up and plopped her into the chair. He eased her down the half flight of steps and followed Cameisha to Crystalline’s building.
“Who!” Crystalline’s mother demanded at the knocks on the door. She snatched it open so forcefully one of her titties came free from her gown. She left it out.“What you want me to do with that?”
“Fuck you mean?” Cameisha heard herself say. It worked and her mother sucked her teeth and stepped aside
“Just put her right there,” Crystalline’s mother said as soon as Dexter pushed her across the threshold.
Cameisha was hot, but satisfied that she was out of danger. She snarled at the women before turning on her heels. She made Dexter wait in the court yard as she went to retrieve his money. All she had was a twenty which meant he owed her an odd job.
Chapter 28
Even though Cameisha’s influence led her wayward friends back to classes, as opposed to just going to school she was the only one who graduated on time. The rest of the crew was at least a year behind from fucking off the first couple years of high school. If they stuck to the example she gave they could get diplomas next year; except only they wouldn’t.
For Cameisha, it was like aunt D.G. said ‘a bad bitch is a smart bitch’. She was well on her way to becoming a ‘Bad Bitch’. Just like Denise and her idol, Sincerity.
No matter what, her friends still traveled to the graduation ceremony and whooped and hollered when their girl crossed the stage. Not only was she the first, she would be the last. It was a joyous occasion and it only got better once they got back to the projects.
“Tay and them are home!” We-We said when he saw the girls exit a cab. We-we was called that because he was quick to pull his we-we out. I’m talking western, cowboy movie quick, like he had that guy in a special holster or something.
“That’s what’s up,” Zaria said as they all turned their heads in case he exposed himself.
The girls posted up on their now seldom used bench and waited for the jail birds to come pluck, then fuck.
“I know Dee gonna want some pussy,” Dasia said excitedly. They had been going together before he got knocked and had written each other the whole time. She knew when he was getting out and stopped fucking other dudes a month ago.
“Guess I’ll let Rabbit hit,” Zaria sighed as if it were a chore. These girls were the modern equivalent of women waiting on men to return from war. It was D-day. Dick day!
Aqua didn’t say so, but she would just take whoever was left. She liked sex so it didn’t feel like she was being used. Her girls had trained her to get something else besides dick out of the deal. A ten or twenty dollar, bag of weed, something.
Cameisha didn’t say a word. True she had promised her virginity, or what was left of it to Tay, but it wouldn’t be some rushed back seat or bent over in the stair case affair. No, grandma was going to Atlantic City for the weekend. They planned a romantic evening for the two of them.
Only problem was today was Tuesday and Tay couldn’t wait until Friday for some ass. Careful not to shit where he ate he took his show on the road. He was boning all up and down the Grand Concourse. And of course they had more pressing matters to deal with.
******
“Ayo fam, we appreciate y’all keeping our seats warm while we was away but we home now,” Tay told Mac and company. “Naw mean?”
“Kept y’all bitches warm too!” Mac laughed at the younger man.
“Damn sure did,” Rudy co-signed. “Check it, we got this shit pumping so y’all lil’ niggas fall back. Find somewhere else to play. Naw mean!”
“Word, word.” Tay smiled and backed away. The dealers from Nelson laughed and mocked them assuming they had ran them off. They assumed wrong, it was just too early for gun play with the sun still up.
When Tay warned Cameisha to stay inside and out of the windows that night she knew something was going down. So of course she stayed in the window so she could see.
The first thing she saw was Crystalline being pushed home by her mother. She had been rushed to the hospital earlier to give birth, but came home empty handed. The fetus had died weeks ago and when the smell became
too much her mother took her to have it removed.
“Ayo wheel her over here!” Mac called out. It must have sounded like Bernie Mac ‘cause his crew doubled over in laughter. Cameisha was hot but was about to have a reason to smile herself.
She recognized her boyfriend by his swagger even in the hoodie and ski-mask. Dee and Rabbit were masked up too as they crept up from behind one of the buildings. The Nelson Ave Crew were still yucking it up when the first of what would be many gunshots rang out.
Cameisha couldn’t help but laugh as Tay turned his pistol sideways and began dumping. Her grandfather told her only wangsters and movies heroes fired a gun sideways. It looked cool but no accuracy.
“I’m hit!” Mac yelled grabbing his ass cheek as he ran. Rudy didn’t get to say anything as a lucky shot to the back of his head paid him back for the foul shit he did to Crystalline. Maybe they could put ‘karma’ on his headstone as well.
The rest of the crew scrambled away to safety. Luckily, Tay and company couldn’t shoot and ran out of bullets. Cameisha mused to herself that if they staged a shooter behind the next building and one in the parking lot they would need more than just one body bag. Amateurs.
The heat from the murder drew heat so nobody could work the courtyard for a minute. The local precinct didn’t mind the dealing; it was the murders they had an issue with. Paperwork and stuff. The lull was cool because Tay had an appointment with a vagina. A brand new one.
******
“So you ready?” Tay asked between tender kisses as he grinded himself between Cameisha legs.
“Mm, hm,” she lied. Everything between opening the door for him and now laying naked was a blur. Her body was obviously ready as Tay lubricated himself with her fluids. She kept her eyes closed tightly so she wouldn’t have to see it. The sight of a dick might have made her chicken out.
In fact she had chickened out the day before. She called herself doing research on sex and virgins and the results scared the shit out of her. The internet search led to a movie of a girl losing her cherry.