by Jill Lynn
“Cate?” Luc stood in front of her, too close for comfort, the questioning pucker of his brow telling her it wasn’t the first time he’d said her name. She was falling to pieces—trampled wildflowers plowed over by horse hooves—and Luc smelled like a forest and looked as tall and strong as a one-hundred-year-old pine.
Jerk.
“Nothing is going to go wrong.” His hands landed on her shoulders, the dueling colors of his hazel eyes leaning more toward hickory in the early evening light. “Ruby will be fine. We have emergency measures in place for the guests on a normal week. We can use them, but we won’t need to. If she wants to come home, I’ll bring her back no matter what time it is. The campout is simple. We’ll ride up to the campsite. Tell stories, sing songs. Then we’ll sleep on the hard ground and love it while you sleep in a pillow-soft bed. Ruby will be back in the morning and might even need a nap tomorrow.”
Why was he being so nice to her? Cate would almost prefer feisty Luc. Then she could reach for anger instead of having to deal with her real emotions. Those were much harder to process. Concern and fear and maybe even a little dread all rolled together. With a sprinkle of loneliness on top. Ruby had never spent a night away from Cate.
Or maybe the bigger problem was that Cate had never been away from Ruby for a night.
“I’m not going to convince you about this, am I?”
Her head swung back and forth.
Luc’s hands dropped to his sides. “Then I’m going to quit trying. You can come with us, you know. The offer still stands.”
Cate had considered it, but one, she really didn’t want to sleep on the ground, and two, she should be able to let her daughter spend a night camping out with her father. She had to practice letting go. Had to. “Thanks, but I’m good staying here. You two have fun.”
“Okay, then, off we go. Rube-i-cube, give your mom a hug.”
Ruby bounded over to her, and Cate held on until she squirmed to be released. Then Ruby ran out the front door, singing a made-up song about fires and stars and sleeping bags. She didn’t seem quite as broken up about the whole thing as Cate.
“Her sleeping bag’s by the door.” Cate handed him Ruby’s backpack and pointed to the pink sleeping bag, which would likely come back needing a good scrub. The one that Ruby had begged to include when they’d packed for the ranch. Cate had acquiesced, thinking it silly but not wanting to battle over something so small. And yet now here she was using it.
Luc snagged the bundle, and unexpected humor surfaced at the sight of such a rugged man holding so much pink.
“What caused that smile?” Luc glanced down, then back up, a full-fledged grin igniting. “I look good, huh?” He turned his chin to the side and struck a pose with supermodel flair.
She laughed. “You look funny.” And heart-stopping. She wasn’t going to tell him what she really thought. That watching him be a fantastic dad to Ruby was an attractive thing. That he was so good with their daughter that sometimes it made Cate ache all over—like a what-might-have-been flu.
“I’m going to assume by ‘funny’ you mean incredibly handsome.”
“I’m going to assume you meant it when you said you’d bring her back if she freaks out. She’s so little, Lucas.”
Lucas. She’d always used his full name when she meant business. Recognition of that flashed in his eyes. They held on to hers, all kinds of emotion flooding the space between them.
“I promise. I’ll take good care of her.”
And then he was out the door and gone.
Luc probably thought that last statement was what had her so upset. So agitated. And absolutely, Ruby’s safety was her highest concern. But running a close second was the thought of someone else taking care of Ruby. And doing a good job of it. Cate not being needed.
And therein lay the true problem. From the moment Luc entered their lives, Cate had begun losing Ruby bit by bit. And tonight another chunk of their relationship was being torn away. Built into something new.
Prim jumped down to the floor and sat at Cate’s feet, her look questioning. Tears formed as Cate scooped her up, rubbing a hand along her spine.
“He doesn’t understand.”
Prim’s head angled to one side as if to say, Then why don’t you tell him?
Not only was Cate talking to her pet, she was imagining the animal—or her conscience—answering her. A habit she didn’t want to admit was commonplace.
Cate deposited Prim on the floor, and the cat immediately went to lie down in the patch of remaining sunlight by the back window.
“We have a night to ourselves. What should we do, Prim?”
Strangely enough, no answer.
Cate had just finished a big deadline, but more work awaited. Always. She could use the alone time tonight to get ahead. And if she focused on a project, then maybe she wouldn’t be consumed by the image of Ruby sleeping out in the open with mountain lions prowling about, their golden-green eyes glowing in the darkness.
A knock sounded. Could something be wrong already? Cate hurried to answer, practically ripping the door off the hinges with her herculean effort.
Emma stood on the step, holding the screen door open. “Hey, what are you doing tonight? I was thinking about making a frozen pizza and watching a chick flick. And I know Luc’s taking Ruby on the campout.” Her free hand rested on the hip of her peach shorts that were paired with a simple gray T-shirt. When she worked with the kids and horses, Emma wore jeans and boots, but otherwise, she was often casual in cutoffs and flip-flops. “No pressure if you just want a night to yourself. I know you never get that, either.”
Warmth cocooned Cate at the unexpected offer. “Can you do that? Make a pizza and not eat with the remaining guests in the dining hall?”
“Yep.” Emma beamed. “Dinner is covered. I’m not in charge tonight. You in?”
Cate looked toward the bedroom as if she could see her computer through the wall, waiting for her. She was always so responsible. Had to be. But with the money she’d saved eating here and not paying for day care, and the check from Luc, things weren’t as tight for once. She could breathe. And maybe that was exactly what she needed to do. For once in her young life, work could wait.
“I’m in.”
* * *
A charcoal backdrop, tips of pine trees reaching for the stars, a deep, full breath filling Luc’s lungs with the taste of campfire and crisp mountain air...and best of all, his daughter right beside him.
It didn’t get better than this.
They’d roasted marshmallows and sang along while the talented Kohl played his guitar. The kids had run around earlier, playing tag, chasing each other with giggles and flashlights until parents had started calling for them to snuggle into their sleeping bags.
Ruby had spent all of her energy and now sat beside him, eyes glazed as she watched the flames dance.
“Tired?”
Her head shook, fast and furious, denial at its best.
“I think maybe we should just rest in our sleeping bags. You don’t have to sleep yet.” Though he imagined she would conk out once her head hit the small travel pillow.
A sheen of moisture joined the orange reflecting in the brown pools of her eyes. Luc snuggled her onto his lap, and she sat back against his chest, facing the fire.
“You okay?”
She glanced across the fire to where the family of kiddos she’d been playing with were settling down for the night. “My friends had to go to sleep.” Her r sound switched into a w, and Luc pressed down on a grin. When she was tired, her words got groggy, too. “How come Mommy didn’t come?”
A question Luc wouldn’t mind the answer to. But he could guess. “I think she might not want to sleep outside on the hard ground. Isn’t she a weirdo?”
Ruby giggled. Nodded and grew serious again. “I miss Mommy.”
“If y
ou need to go home, we can do that. You don’t have to stay all night. There’s nothing wrong with wanting your mom.”
She twisted into his shoulder. Finally, she spoke. “No. I stay.”
He tucked a finger under her chin, tipping her eyes up to meet his. He had to know she meant it. Not one part of him wanted her to do this if she was frightened. It wasn’t worth it. They could come back and do it a different week or month or year.
“Are you sure? Because we can go home easily. It’s not a big deal.”
“Are you gonna sleep right by me?” Ruby’s eyes were big and beautiful. So trusting. Their message stole the air from his lungs.
“Definitely.” She might be asking about their current situation, but in Luc’s mind, it was a lifetime commitment to be there for her wrapped up in that answer.
“Okay, good.” Ruby climbed off his lap and into her sleeping bag, and though most of the adults weren’t settling in yet, Luc took off his boots and zipped into his so he was near her.
Quiet voices and guitar strings created a lullaby with the crickets. It wasn’t long before Ruby’s lashes rested on her cheeks, casting shadows in the flickering light.
Beautiful girl. Inside and out. Luc stared up at the bright, endless stars, his mind full.
You missed so much of her life.
Yes, but Cate didn’t have to tell me about her at all. And she did.
The two camps warred, agitation stealing his immense peace from only a moment before.
I don’t want to do this anymore, God. I don’t want to live this way. I have to let go of the choice Cate made. Help me.
He’d been praying along those lines for weeks, but tonight he meant it. Luc could take either fork in the road in front of him, and he knew which one he didn’t want: bitterness.
What would it have been like if Cate had told him about Ruby right away? He would never know the answer to that question. But he did realize things wouldn’t have been perfect. His behavior and attitude at twenty years old would likely have equaled a pile of manure. Especially because he didn’t have a moral compass back then to direct him. Now God was his guide.
Maybe it had all worked out for the best that he hadn’t been a part of Ruby’s life until this summer. Either way, there was nothing he could do about it now. And he was tired of holding on to self-righteous anger.
It was time to release all of it and move forward.
Under an expanse of sky that reminded him just how great and infinite God’s love was, his prayers were finally being answered. He was shedding scars and leaving smooth skin in their place.
Luc shifted to study Ruby’s sleeping silhouette. Me and your mom...we’re going to be okay. The three of us will be just fine. No need to worry your pretty little head about anything other than what horse you want to ride this week. Or if you can teach Molly a new trick.
She smiled while still in peaceful slumber. Dreaming of s’mores? Or something else? Luc had been surprised by how well she’d handled the evening so far. Ruby just...fit. With him. At the ranch. The campout. She was a part of the tapestry of this land.
He’d loved watching her play tonight. Her infectious joy. The sense of adventure and high spirits that permeated her life.
Cate had done a really good job raising her.
And for once he wasn’t irritated at the thought.
Finally! Luc blinked back unexpected moisture and stifled the desire to give a loud, whooping cheer. The rest of the guests likely wouldn’t appreciate him waking the children or understand his happy relief at how amazing this change in him felt.
In the morning Luc woke with the scent of smoke in his nostrils and he assumed hair and clothes, one particularly annoying rock biting into his lower back, one sweet girl curled up in the sleeping bag next to him. When Ruby had whimpered during the night—only once—he’d looped an arm over her bag and she’d snuggled into him. And then she’d gone right back to sleep.
Luc had stayed awake for a chunk of time to make sure she was okay, drifting off after realizing she was.
Now the smell of coffee tempted him to brave the crisp mountain air and snag a cup. One of the wranglers had brewed it and put out the pastries that would make for a simple breakfast before the ride back down. Then if the guests wanted to grab a full breakfast with some protein back at the lodge, they could. Not everyone participated in the campout, so Joe would still have a full meal set up and ready to go.
Ruby turned onto her back, eyelids still closed, and he leaned over, close to her ear. “You did it,” he whispered.
Her eyes popped open, a mega grin overtaking her tiny face. “I was a big girl.”
“You were a very big girl.”
Luc wouldn’t have minded taking Ruby home last night, but he couldn’t deny he was proud of her for pulling through.
During the ride back to the ranch, Luc felt lighter than on the way up. As though he’d left something heavy and dark up on that hill. And he had, in a way. He’d finally buried the thought that he would have handled things better than Cate. That he would have done the right thing when she didn’t. The truth was, he didn’t have a clue what he would have done as the person he was back then.
“I’m a-cited to see Mommy.” Ruby’s version of excited was one of his favorite scrambled words she used. No one corrected her. In fact, he’d taken to using it himself at times.
Me, too. The thought shocked him, and his shoulders straightened in response.
“She’ll be so happy to see you,” he answered Ruby, mind jumbled.
He couldn’t want to see Cate, could he? Couldn’t have missed her like Ruby did. That had to be a misfire in his brain. One that didn’t even need addressing. Besides the fact that he’d just reached the point of forgiveness with her, Cate wanted nothing to do with him outside of his role as Ruby’s father. She’d made that very clear the night they’d had dinner and watched Ruby at the playground.
Their focus was to be on their daughter, not them. And Luc agreed with her then and now.
So he needed to rein in his thoughts. They had absolutely no business getting so far off track.
Chapter Eleven
Cate opened the cabin door before Luc even had a chance to knock.
She scooped Ruby up as if she hadn’t seen her for weeks, squeezing her tight. Luc set her things just inside the door. No doubt clean Cate would have everything put away in a matter of minutes after he left. She ran a tight ship.
Cate looked and smelled fresh from the shower, her hair still damp. She wore white shorts and an army-green sleeveless shirt today, her feet bare. Considering he and Ruby had slept in their clothes next to a campfire, Luc shouldn’t even be allowed in the same room with something as pristine as the woman in front of him.
“So how was it?” She moved to the couch and sat, Ruby snuggled against her.
“It went great. She did amazing. One small moment of homesickness, but when I asked if she wanted to come back early, she said no. So we stayed.” He stretched his arms behind him, trying to work out the pesky new kinks in his back. Luc had led the campout a number of times when he’d been in high school and didn’t remember having any issues. Guess those days were over.
“What did you think, sweets?”
She’s questioning Ruby, not you. He gave himself a stern warning, just in case any of his rampant thoughts hadn’t shaken off him on the trail.
“It was so fun, Mommy. We ate marshmallows. Lots of ’em. I think I had ten.”
An accusing look swung over Ruby’s head, hitting Luc square between the eyes. He raised his hands in defense. “It wasn’t that many.”
“And then we sang songs and somebody played the brown thingy.”
“Guitar,” Luc filled in.
“I’m so glad you’re back.” Cate ran her hand over Ruby’s forehead in a comforting gesture Luc wouldn’t mind experiencing
himself.
“We should get you cleaned up. I’ll start a bath for you.”
“But I don’t want a bath!” Ruby wailed at a volume too loud to come from such a small body. She’d thrown a hissy fit once or twice since she’d arrived at the ranch—mostly in attempts to get her own way—but nothing that sounded remotely like this.
“But you love baths. We’ll get out all of your toys. I’ll even get you some kitchen stuff to play with in the tub.”
Despite Cate’s soothing, the tornado-siren coming from Ruby increased in magnitude.
“Don’t. Want. To.” Ruby squirmed in Cate’s arms, fighting to break free.
“Okay, okay, we can do a bath later. Calm down.” Cate tried that forehead soothing thing again. Didn’t work this time. Like trying to pet a writhing shark. “She’s exhausted.” Her eyes met Luc’s, something close to blame residing there.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. This isn’t the only time she’s had a meltdown. They’re more common than not when she’s tired. You can go, if you need to.”
And leave Cate to handle the temper tantrum on her own? No way. Luc crossed over to them. Without asking permission, he plucked Ruby from Cate’s arms. Her body went stiff as a board. He held her against him anyway, her head near his shoulder. Though of course she didn’t loosen a muscle to let it rest.
“We had a fun time, didn’t we, Rubes? Let’s not cry too much or your mom will never let you go again.” He strode from one end of the small living room to the other, needing to do something. He had to prove to Cate—and himself—that she wasn’t the only one who could handle a cry-fest. If Ruby would be going back and forth between them in the future, it mattered that he could take care of her if she flew off the handle. Luc kept talking, and eventually Ruby’s cry quieted. He listed the fun things they’d done at the campout. He repeated himself and went in circles, likely wearing a path in the wood floor. Sometime during his verbal explosion, Ruby’s head had drooped to his shoulder.