Southern Attraction

by Kaylee Ryan

  When we make it back to the table, Whit and Aaron are getting ready to cut the cake. I sit with my back against Mike’s chest, his arms around me as I watch my best friend bask in the glow of her happiness. I want that. I want what she has, and I can’t help but think I’ve found it and I’m just too afraid to take a chance and hold onto it.

  “Jamie!” Whit screeches when she sees me. I hold my arms open and she falls into them. “I did it.” She smiles. “Can you believe it? I’m married.” She wiggles her fingers in front of my face to prove her point.

  Mike and I both laugh at her.

  “Woman, we just got married. You’re not supposed to be running off from me already,” Aaron says, wrapping his arms around her from behind. She turns her head and he kisses her softly.

  “So when are you leaving for the honeymoon?” I ask.

  “We decided to head out tonight, so I won’t be here tomorrow when you go back home.”

  “Well, I’m going to need another hug, then.” I step out of Mike’s arms and into hers. “I’m going to miss you so damn much. I’ve liked having you just a short drive away again.”

  “Me too, Jamie. It’ll all work out,” she whispers.

  I can only pray that she’s right.

  “When do y’all come back?” Mike asks them.

  “We’re just going to be gone a few days. We’re going to Gatlinburg, so we should be back on Friday.”

  “Be safe.” I hug Whitney and then Aaron. “Take care of her.”

  “You know I will.”

  I turn to look at Mike. “I guess we should get going. I have to pack too.”

  His face falls at my words and hot tears burn the back of my eyes. This is all too much. With another round of hugs and goodbyes, Mike and I head toward his parents and his sister to tell them we’re leaving.

  “Jamie, will you be at Sunday dinner tomorrow?” his mom asks.

  “No, I need to get on the road earlier than usual. I have to get ready for my new job and I have no food in the house, so there’s a lot to do before Monday.”

  “We’ll miss you.” She pulls me into a hug and I can’t hold the tears back anymore. She gives me a sympathetic smile when she sees them.

  “Baby.” Mike pulls me into his chest. “We’ll see you later,” he tells his family, then leads me to his truck.

  The drive to his place is quiet. He holds my hand the entire way, and I’m gripping him so hard I know my nails are digging into his skin, but I can’t bring myself to loosen my grip.

  He parks in the garage and comes around to lift me from the truck. Hand in hand, we silently walk into the house, kicking off our shoes at the door. He leads me back to his room, no words spoken as we strip each other of our clothing. He kisses me deeply and I feel wetness on my cheeks. Opening my eyes when he pulls back, I see his are wet as well. Mike climbs into bed and holds the covers back for me, just like he always does. I take my spot next to him and he pulls me into his arms, kissing me. We make love for hours, neither of us willing to lose a single second of this last night together.

  “Baby, you have to rest. You have a long drive tomorrow,” he says.

  “I know.”

  “Rest, I’ve got you. I won’t let you go all night, I promise.”

  I nod and let the tears fall. Eventually exhaustion takes over and I fall asleep.

  I didn’t sleep all night. I tried closing my eyes but sleep never came.

  It’s a little after seven and I know I need to wake her up soon. She wants to be on the road by nine, but it was after three before she finally fell asleep. I’ve dreaded this day since even before she took the job. I knew it was coming. I had hoped I could convince her to stay a little longer with no job waiting on her, but that plan never took shape.

  Silently I watch the clock as the minutes slip by. I know I have to wake her, but dammit, I don’t want to. I want to hold her like this forever, keep her in my bed so she can never leave me.

  “Hey,” she says, waking on her own.

  “Morning, beautiful.”

  “What time is it?”

  “About twenty minutes until eight.” I dread telling her the time because I know she has to get up. She still has to pack.

  “I need to get moving,” she says, not making a move to get up.

  “I know.” I do know, but I don’t like it. I hate it. I hate her driving all that way on her own. I hate that she lives in Chicago. I hate that she was offered the job of her dreams that happens to be hours away from me.

  “I have to shower.” She rolls over and climbs out of bed.

  My heart races. This is it. I have to somehow say goodbye. I have to somehow let her go. “I’ll make you some breakfast.”

  “I’m not really hungry.”

  “Some toast?”

  “Yeah, I can do some toast.” She disappears behind the bathroom door.

  I swallow hard and climb out of bed. Slipping into some basketball shorts, I head to the kitchen to make my girl some toast and orange juice.

  Twenty minutes later, she comes down the hall, rolling her two suitcases. I glare at them. I fucking hate this. “Here you go.” I slide a plate with toast and jelly toward her.

  “Thanks,” she says softly. I watch as she nibbles on her toast, managing to eat both pieces before standing and rinsing her dishes in the sink. “I really need to get going.”

  “I pulled your car out. I checked, you have a full tank of gas.”

  “Yeah, I stopped just after I got to town.”

  “I’ll take your bags.”

  She nods and I grab both handles, following her outside and loading them in the trunk for her. She’s leaning against the driver door and I pull her into me. “I don’t know how to do this, Jamie. I don’t know how to let you go.”

  She releases a sob against my chest. “I don’t either. I love you so much,” she cries.

  I hold on to her and bite my tongue. I want to beg her to stay, but we both know she can’t. This is her dream and she needs to go for it. It just sucks that she’s taking my heart with her.

  Bending my knees, I get eye level with her. Her big green eyes are wet from her tears and hold so much pain. “I love you, James. Never forget that. Call me when you get there, and if you’re up to it, I’d like to come and visit. You tell me when and I’ll be there.”

  “Mike, we can’t keep doing this.”

  She’s right, but I don’t care. “I can’t just give you up. I have to… I’m coming to visit. You tell me when.”

  “Okay,” she concedes. “I’ll keep you updated as I go.”

  “Be safe, babe.” I kiss her one last time. Backing away, I open her door and wait for her to get in and buckle up. “I love you,” I say one final time before shutting her door, keeping my eyes on her car until it disappears into the distance. My chest aches as if there is a thousand pounds sitting there.

  I head into the house and go straight to my room. My bed smells like her. I turn the TV on, but I couldn’t tell you what’s playing; I’m watching a mental reel on repeat of our time together over the past several months.

  My phone beeps, pulling me out of my memories. I grab it and see a text from David.

  David: Sunday dinner?

  Me: Not today.

  David: I’ll handle it.

  Me: Thanks.

  What he really means is that he’ll handle my little sister. It’s only a matter of time before she’s giving me her opinion on the situation, and I’m not in the frame of mind to listen to it or even attempt to deal with it today.

  Picking up the remote, I flip through the channels and stop on the sports network. I mindlessly watch TV, waiting for her check-in text. She usually stops once on the way home and checks in with me. I’m almost asleep, unable to fight it, when my phone beeps.

  Jamie: Bathroom break. I’m making good time.

  Me: That’s good, babe. Be careful. I miss you.

  Jamie: I miss you too.

  Holding my phone in my hands, I make sure the ri
nger is turned on and let exhaustion take over. Hours later, I wake to my phone ringing. It takes me a minute to realize I’m still clutching it in my hands.

  “Hello,” I say sleepily.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” Jamie’s sweet voice comes over the line.

  “I’m glad you did. Did you make it home?”

  “Yeah, just got in. Did you sleep at all last night?”

  “No.”

  “Mike,” she sighs.

  “I miss you,” I tell her before she can say whatever it is she was going to say.

  “I miss you too. More than I thought possible for just being away from you for a few hours.”

  “You ready for tomorrow?” I ask her.

  “Not even close. I have to iron an outfit, go to the store, unpack—the list goes on and on.”

  “I won’t keep you. I’m glad you made it back safely.”

  “I love you, Michael,” she whispers.

  “I love you too. We’ll talk soon.” I end the call and drop my phone to the bed beside me.

  How am I going to do this?

  I made it through my first two days at my new job without breaking down in tears. I’ve cried myself to sleep every night since I’ve been home. The job is good, people are nice, the office is great, but it’s not what I thought it would be. I know it’s only been a day, but the passion I once had to hold this type of position just isn’t there. I know a lot of that has to do with missing him.

  I’m pacing my apartment, needing to talk to someone. My best friend is still on her honeymoon. I contemplate calling Olivia, but she’s too close; Mike is her brother, after all. I could call McKinley, but I don’t. It’s not lost on me that all of my friends in Kentucky are the ones I want to reach out to.

  Thirty minutes later, I pull up outside of my parents’ house. I don’t bother knocking, choosing to walk on in. “Mom, Dad,” I call out.

  “Jamie,” Mom says, surprised.

  “Hey, you got a minute?”

  “Of course I do, but what’s going on? Have you had dinner?”

  “No, I don’t have much of an appetite.”

  “Come on and I’ll make you a sandwich. You have to eat something.”

  “Where’s Dad?” I ask, following her into the kitchen.

  “He’s in the shower.” She moves around the kitchen, making me a sandwich. I stay silent, just watching her. She sets it in front of me just as Dad joins us.

  “Jamie! What a nice surprise, sweetheart.”

  “Hey, Dad.”

  “Uh-oh, what’s wrong? How’s the new job?”

  “The job is fine.”

  “Just fine?” he asks, looking over at mom.

  “Yeah, I mean, the people are nice, and the office is bigger than I expected. I even have a view,” I say without an ounce of excitement.

  “Honey, isn’t that what you’ve always wanted?” Mom asks gently.

  “Yeah,” I sigh. “I just… I don’t know if it’s what I want anymore.”

  “What’s brought this on?”

  Pushing my plate away, I rest my elbows on the table, then bury my face in my hands. “I miss him,” I confess through my silent tears.

  I feel her hand on my shoulder. “Jamie, if you miss him so much, why are you here?”

  I look up to see her and Dad both patiently waiting for my answer. “You’re here, my life is here, my job.”

  “Do they not have attorneys in Kentucky?” Dad asks.

  “Uh… yes?” I answer.

  Dad laughs. “Jamie, your home is where you make it. You remember when we used to travel to Ohio when you were little to see Nana and Pap?”

  I nod.

  “I left Ohio to come to Chicago when I met your mother. I loved her and this was where she was. She was my home.”

  “Sweetheart,” Mom says gently. “As a parent, you know your child is going to grow into their own life, have their own family. You have to live your life for you. You know that when we retire completely in a few months, we want to travel and see the world. We won’t be here. As a matter of fact, we’ve been throwing around the idea of selling this place and buying an RV. Maybe get an apartment somewhere as a home base.”

  “Really? That sounds just like the two of you. I’m happy for you.”

  “Sometimes in life, what we think we want most changes. It could be because of age, location, those you surround yourself with or even love.”

  “Does he love you?” Dad asks.

  I nod. “He does.”

  “Is he as miserable as you are?”

  “I think so. We talk every night and text throughout the day.”

  “Sometimes you have to sacrifice to be with the one you love. I can promise you the reward outweighs the risk,” Dad says, kissing Mom on the cheek.

  “I see that now. I thought I’d be able to bury myself in work and could forget, but nothing I do makes me forget. He’s always there, in my thoughts, no matter what time of day.”

  “I think you have your answer,” Mom says with a watery smile.

  “I can’t quit my job. I just started.”

  “Sure you can,” Dad chimes in. “You know Warren will give you a great reference no matter where you’re working. Be open and honest with them. If you’re going to do it, don’t wait. The sooner the better.”

  I think about what they’ve said and realize they’re right. I don’t know why I couldn’t see past the idea of what I wanted. It took me until this moment to see that I was leaving behind the only thing I do want.

  Mike.

  I stand and pull them both into a hug. “Thank you. I love you both. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. You let us know what we can do to help,” Mom says.

  “Does that man of yours have a place to park an RV?” Dad grins.

  I throw my head back and laugh. “Yes, he most definitely does.” After a quick goodbye, and finishing my sandwich at my mother’s insistence, I head home with my mind racing a mile a minute. I have to get things in order.

  I decide to text him when I get home instead of calling, afraid he’ll hear the excitement in my voice. I want to surprise him.

  Me: Long day. Heading to bed. I miss you.

  Me: I love you.

  Mike: I miss you and love you too. Sweet dreams, beautiful.

  Plugging my phone into the charger, I pull out my notebook and start making a list. I have a lot to do in a short period of time.

  It’s Saturday morning and I’m at the bar. I’ve barely left here this week, working all day until closing and going home exhausted, falling into my bed that’s starting to no longer smell like her. I need to wash the sheets, but I can’t make myself do it. I refuse to until I can no longer smell a trace of her. It’s pathetic, but it is what it is.

  “Go home,” Liv says, coming into our office.

  “No.”

  “Mike!” she yells. “Go home. You’ve been living here this week.”

  “And? It never bothered you before,” I fire back. I know it’s wrong to lash out at her, but I can’t go home. She’s there everywhere I look, and I can’t take it. Not yet, anyway.

  “Fine, go to Mom and Dad’s. Go to see Aaron or Evan. Or hell, David’s at my place. Go there, just leave this bar.”

  I hang my head. I can’t go see Aaron because Whitney is there, and Whitney reminds me of Jamie. So do Evan and McKinley, and David. “Every fucking thing, everyone I know, reminds me of her.”

  “Then go to Chicago,” she says calmly.

  “What?”

  “Go to her.”

  “How is that going to help?”

  “Do you love her?” she asks.

  “You know I do.”

  “Then you have to sacrifice something.”

  “Give up the bar, our legacy?”

  She shrugs. “You tell me. What’s worse? Think about walking away from the bar, knowing it’s still going to be in your family, or walking away from her. Which one causes more pain?”

  �
�Her,” I choke out.

  “There you go.”

  “I don’t want to let anyone down.”

  “How are you letting them down? You know Mom and Dad encouraged us to pursue any career we wanted. This is what we both chose. They didn’t force us into this.”

  She’s right. “I’m an idiot.”

  “Yup.” She grins.

  “I need to go talk to Mom and Dad.”

  “Yes, leave. Be gone,” she laughs.

  Standing, I round the desk and pull her into a hug. “Love you, little sister.”

  “Love you too, you big lug. Now go get your girl.”

  I smile for the first time in what feels like weeks. Grabbing my keys and phone, I head toward my parents’ place. I find them sitting on the front porch.

  “’Bout time,” Dad says.

  “What?”

  “We’ve been waiting for you all week,” Mom replies.

  “Care to enlighten me?”

  “You miss the love of your life.” Mom wipes away a tear.

  I nod. “I feel like I can’t breathe.”

  “Then why are you still here?” Dad asks, reaching over and holding Mom’s hand.

  “The bar. I was afraid of letting you down.”

  Dad laughs. “Son, you think I would’ve stayed here in this town if your mother left? No way, no how. She’s the love of my life. I was lucky we both wanted to stay and raise our family in our hometown. We don’t expect you to follow in our footsteps.”

  “I don’t know if I can live in the city.”

  “Can you live in the country without her?” Mom asks.

  “I don’t want to,” I say honestly.

  “I think that if you don’t try it, you’ll always regret it. In a year from now, you may hate the city and the two of you part ways. Or in a year from now, you could be planning your own wedding,” Mom says, her eyes misty. “Either way, Michael, you have to find out for yourself. The bar will be here if you ever need to come back to it, and so will we. You owe it to both of you to see if you can make it work.”