When Mercy Ends

by Ella Parks

  “I can if he wants me to. What time does he want to go?”

  “What time do you want to go Doc?”

  “He said he can pick you up whatever time you say.”

  “Why don’t I drive you and Belinda over there? It’s too wet for me to work in the fields today and I would love to spend the day with my favorite people.”

  “Oh Billy, that would be great.” I said as Belinda squealed out her delight.

  Doc must have heard the conversation because Billy said. “We will see you shortly Doc.”

  “I’ll help, I’ll help.” Belinda kept saying as we all started to the kitchen to fix some breakfast and get ready to go.

  “I think Belinda likes the idea of us spending the day together.” I said as I smiled at Billy over her head.

  “It looks that way.” He said with a smile that seemed to shine from the soul of him.

  The wind was blowing hard and the rain had not eased up any, but the ride to the hospital was still nice. I sat close to him, looking at his hands on the steering wheel, they were brown from the sun and calloused from all the work he did, strong hands, but so gentle when he touched me and Belinda. I reached and pulled one of his hands away from the steering wheel bringing it to my lips to kiss. I leaned closer to him putting my head on his shoulders as he put his arm around me pulling me even closer. He felt solid and strong against me. We were warm in the car and the sound of the wipers clearing the rain from the windshield was hypnotic as I felt my eyes growing heavy.

  Billy woke me with a gentle touch and a smile that seemed satisfied as he said.

  “We are here baby.”

  I opened my eyes to see him smiling at me.

  “I like opening my eyes and seeing you looking at me like that. I like it a lot.”

  “I like it too, I like it a lot. You don’t know what it means to me to see you relaxed and to be able to watch you sleep. I have wanted to do that for so many years. Lucy, I love you so much. You are the life of me, you are my heart. I don’t have the words to tell you how happy I am that we are blessed enough to have each other after all that time.

  My eyes answered him as Belinda started getting out of the car and I saw Doc walking toward us. I looked at the house I had hated for so long, but I realized now that I had spent so much time changing the house that I didn’t feel that way about it anymore. I had intended to use the house for the hospital, but Doc and I had decided that it might be better to add a couple of wings instead, that way the rooms would be side by side to make it easier to see the patients. The barn was gone now, replaced by two large and long buildings. One unit had twenty-five rooms and a large kitchen where food would be prepared. The other side was offices equipped with all the newest medical equipment, and it was all connected together. I had remodeled a lot of the house also, changing enough to erase Barry from it, but leaving it in for the boys to live in, if they choose to do so. The house was large enough for both of them, and I secretly hoped they would live there and someday marry and fill the rooms with the laughter of children. I looked at Billy to try to read his eyes when he looked at the house and the yard where he had been shot. He knew what I was thinking, and he took my hand and slightly squeezed it.

  “It’s not the house baby. It was the man and he is gone. This is just a house and a piece of land. Be happy my love. You have done a wonderful thing here.”

  Billy had come by a few times as Doc and I were having all the work done, but I had always been inside and now we were standing just a few feet from where I had gathered him to me believing him dead.

  Doc broke the spell of our memories by leading us up to the house.

  “Now come on in. We have lots of people coming by today looking for a job. I sure am glad you brought my favorite girls to me.” He said as he lifted Belinda into his arms leaving Billy and me to follow them. Billy reached for my hand as we walked to the front of the house. Doc wanted to give Billy the tour again and Billy just smiled as Doc walked with him from room to room.

  “Are you going to help us with these interviews today?” He asked Billy.

  “I don’t mind doing anything to help but I don’t know anything about interviewing anyone.”

  “I think you know more than you realize. We have to hire ground workers to keep the grounds nice and you know most of the people in town. You know who is a good -worker, and who isn’t, and you also know who needs a job. From the beginning Lucy has made it clear that this place isn’t about making money but about helping others.”

  “I know how she feels about that. The money Barry left her means nothing to her, but she does have a strong need to help those that are falling down on their luck. Yes, I will help with the interviews but stop me if you don’t agree with my decisions.”

  About an hour later there was a crowd of people lined up for different positions and we were all busy. The line did not seem to end, and I was trying to stretch my back out between each one. I was thinking of telling some of them to come back another day because each face was beginning to run together when I looked up at the next one in line, ready to tell her to come back tomorrow. She was pregnant, her belly swollen with life. She looked like she had twisted her hair up quickly because her pins were slipping, and locks of dark brown hair floated around her face. She had a large bruise across her mouth and the area around both of her eyes was a molted black, her lips were dry and looked parched. Her throat was covered with welts that were purple and the color went as far into her dress as I could see, the same shade of purple and black extended to her arms. I knew that someone had cruelly beaten her, and my heart fluttered in my chest with compassion for her pain. Her eyes were a deep brown with dark lashes that blended in with the dark bruises and despair was all over her face and in her eyes. I didn’t ask her to come back another day. I just asked her name as I started to write her name down in the book I was using.

  “Molly.” She said in a soft voice.

  “Molly what is your last name?”

  “Molly Jackson.” She said. I had to lean forward to hear her because her voice had dropped even lower.

  “What type of job are you here for today?”

  “I would take any kind of job, but I was hoping maybe I could see a doctor while I was here today.”

  “What seems to be the trouble?”

  “I am bleeding,” She whispered.

  That was all I needed to hear, I stood up and announced to everyone in the line.

  “We are going to talk to this lady but everyone else will have to come back tomorrow. We can’t take any more names today.”

  I could hear some grumbling, but Billy and Doc stood up and said the same thing. Doc told them we would be back tomorrow and the two of them started seeing everyone out. I turned back to Molly and asked.

  “How long have you been bleeding?”

  “Two days.” She said.

  “Come and set here.” I told her as I gave the chair, I have been setting in to her.

  “Tell me about it.” Her look of pain was pulling at me and I found myself wanting to pat her hand and reassure her, but I didn’t. I just waited for her answer.

  “It’s just when I pee.” She said, I was relived, that it was not worse.

  “You can be our first patient. Let’s go to one of the brand -new offices, and we will see what we can do for you.”

  “I need to tell you first that I can’t pay you. I can work out the payment, but I don’t have any money.”

  “Money is not the most important thing in this hospital, and I don’t want you to worry about that right now.”

  “Follow me and we will see what we can do to help you.” I noticed she walked like she was stiff as if the steps she was making hurt her.

  “Doc we are going to the first room in the office. This lady is having some problems if you could come in a few minutes and check her out.”

  I’ll
be right there Lucy. Let me get all these names together and I will be in a few minutes.”

  Billy was helping him, and Belinda was trying to make herself useful as well. Molly followed me to the new rooms and our footsteps sounded loud on the tile floors of the vacant halls. I opened the door to the first room as she looked around as if she was scared. I picked up the papers to make a file on her and started asking the questions that we would need answered to help her.

  “How old are you Molly?”

  “Fifteen.” She said.

  Oh Lord, I thought as I remembered how scared I was when my boys were born.

  “How far along are you?”

  “I am not real sure, but I think about seven months. I never was really regular, but I think it has been about seven months.”

  By looking at her I though she probably right.

  “How long have you been bleeding?”

  “About three days now. I hoped it would stop but it didn’t and when I heard about all the people coming over here, I thought maybe someone would see me.”

  “Well I am glad we are here to see you. You say it is only bleeding when you pee? How much blood are we talking about? Is it just a little or is it a lot?”

  “It makes my pee red and it burns something awful and I feel like I have to go all the time.”

  It sounds like you may have either a kidney or bladder infection. Doc will need to check your urine. He can get you some medicine and I believe you will feel better really soon. How long has it been since you have felt the baby move?”

  “It has been kicking me today.”

  “Good.” I said.

  I noticed she did not have a ring on her finger, but I would need to ask the next question for her file.

  “What is the baby’s Daddy’s name?”

  She had been setting close to me, but she stiffened and seemed to pull herself tight as she wrapped her arms around her stomach. Her voice grew cold.

  “There is no Daddy and I know how you will judge me, so I’ll not answer any more questions. Just let me have the medicine and I will leave so you don’t have to look at me anymore.” She said in a quick rush of breath.

  I was startled by her words, but I heard more than what she said. I heard her pain and I started to reach for her, but I realized that it was not the time for that.

  I looked at her face and my eyes drifted to the bruises once again and she saw what I was looking at.

  “This is not a place where we judge anyone. We try to help, and we try to heal. I only ask the questions to put in your file. No one sees the file except the ones trying to help you. Look at me. Take a good look at me the way I am looking at you. Do you see any judgments?

  Do you want to tell me how you got those horrible bruises on you and do you want to tell me how bad it has been for you before you walked through the door out front? Because if you want to tell me then I will try and do everything I can to help you.”

  She came off the chair so fast that for a split second I thought she had fallen but she landed in my arms, sobbing so hard she could not get her breath and I held her and gently rocked back and forth as one would rock a child. Doc knocked at the door and hearing the sobs he opened the door and walked in. He opened his mouth to say something, but he only walked back out leaving us alone while she cried.

  “I don’t have anyone to help me and I am so scared.”

  “It is alright. I will help you. It will be alright now.” I told her, and I meant every word I said.

  “I have been sleeping on the porch out there for the last three nights. I didn’t have any place to go and when I started bleeding, I was scared maybe something had hurt the baby.”

  I knew by something she meant the beating she had taken and most likely not having much to eat.

  “Tell me what happened.” I said as she moved away a little. I got her something to wipe her face with and the words spilled from her like a waterfall and each word she said cut into the heart of me as I listened.

  6

  After Daddy died it was the three of us kids and Mama couldn’t seem to make it by herself. I think she was scared to be alone. I know she loved my Daddy, but it was only a few weeks after his funeral that Ralph started hanging around. Sometimes he would bring a sweet treat for us kids and he would bring a little something for Mama, nothing much, once just a ribbon for her hair. I would hear her crying in the night and her sobs were even worse after Ralph would leave. One night I heard her crying out in the dark telling my Daddy how much she loved him, but she couldn’t raise three kids on her own. She told him how she was scared we would all starve to death and she begged him to forgive her. Ralph started staying nights after that and one day the justice of the peace came by the house and said a few words and Ralph moved in after that. I guess it was some better for a while, at least there was more food on the table, still it was so strange seeing Ralph, set at the end of the table where my Daddy used to set. We were polite to him and tried to be good children, but he was bold in his taking of Mama and we learned to cover our ears at the sound of the bed springs creaking at all times of the day and night. Daddy might have taken a drink every now and then, but Ralph kept a bottle handy and when the bottle got low, he would go into town and stay for days. The bottle made him mean and he would say bad things, things that Mama tried to tell us he didn’t really mean, but the words were hard to erase after he said them. We got used to it in the way people have to do if they want to survive and we just tried to stay out of his way the best we could. He started changing as I got older and he would pinch at my breast and bottom if I got close to him. He would find an excuse to come into the wash room while I was trying to bathe. When I begged Mama to keep him out, he would say while he paid the bills, he would go anywhere in the house he wanted to go, and he would do it anytime he wanted.

  Mama quietly brushed it away as if she could not deal with confronting him about it. I learned to bathe when he was gone or asleep and I learned to run. If Mama went to gather eggs or to the garden, I went close behind her, but his eyes always followed me, and he said things about me, bad things. I was even scared to sleep, scared he would come to my bed and do the things he had threatened to do to me. Sometimes he would even grab me while Mama was in the room, pulling me close as if he was hugging me while he whispered how he would teach me to be a real woman, but for now he would use Mama instead. One day the thing I had dreaded for so long happened. I had been chopping weeds in the garden when I went in the house to get some water. He had come home while we were outside working, he must have been watching us because he caught me by the arm as soon as I came through the door.”

  She slowed down a little to catch her breath, and I felt the rage and the fire growing inside me as she went on.

  “I felt my heart almost stop in fear as he pulled me close against him. He smelled so bad, the scent of him made me gag as he pushed his lips hard against mine. I was begging him to stop but my voice was lost as he kept saying what he was going to do to me. One of his arms held me like a steel vice while his other hand moved under my blouse, twisting me and hurting me before moving lower. His hands were doing terrible things to me when the sound of the screen door opening cause him to shove me away so hard, I fell to the floor. He managed to get the front of his pants closed before Mama walked into the room, but I was still on the floor, dazed and hurting with my skirt still up around my waist. I didn’t move while I waited for my Mama to save me. She turned her eyes away as she told me to take another jug of water out to the garden. I was crying, low sobs from my soul and I felt so alone as I struggled to cover myself waiting and hoping my Mama would defend me, but she didn’t, and Ralph took her arm pulling her toward the bedroom. Everything in my soul cried out as I realized how alone I was.

  I helped Mama cook the evening meal, but she never mentioned what she had seen. Her silence just weighed heavier and heavier on me as I moved my aching body, doing w
hat I had to do, but wanting to lean on Mama and realizing that she didn’t want me to. I kept my head low while we were eating, trying not to look at the man setting in my Daddy’s chair, my bottom hurting from what his hands had done to me. I heard him tell her he would be working out of town for a while, that a good job had opened up for him. He said he wasn’t sure how long he would be gone. I gave silent thanks as he told her he would be leaving after he ate.

  Our neighbor had hired some workers to help clear some new ground over close to one of our cotton fields. His land had a small stream running across it and we would go to the stream to get water when we worked the field. One of them started talking to me and would walk over to me telling me how pretty I was. He was polite and kind to me. He made me smile for the first time in such a long time. I watched for him each day, looking forward to seeing him. He started asking me to slip out and meet him, he said we would just talk and look at the moon. At first, I said no but he kept asking and talking to him was the only happiness I knew, so I started meeting him. He told me not to worry that he would take care of me, he said I was special, and he loved me. I trusted him, and I saw him every night. I loved him holding me, it made me feel safe again.

  He made me feel like he really loved me, and I felt some of the despair I had been feeling lifting. I started day dreaming about being his wife, and how we would be happy together. He started wanting more than just holding and kissing me.

  He kept feeling more and more under my clothes, not in the harsh way Ralph did but easy as he kissed me, causing me to feel a way I never had before. I was scared and told him we would have to wait about doing anything else until we were married. I wanted him to hold me close to him. I wanted to feel his heart beat against my chest, but his hands were always roaming, under my blouse and my skirt. I would try to pull them away, whispering as I kept telling him we would have to wait until we were married.

  He said that if I loved him like he did me then I would prove my love for him. One night he left me standing there alone, because he accused me of teasing him and leading him on. He said I was just using him, and I really didn’t love him. I called him back that night and I didn’t stop him anymore as he pushed me backwards on the ground, pulling my clothes away. I didn’t stop him even when the pain made me cry out. I looked upward toward the stars over me, while he did what he wanted with my body, never seeming to notice the tears wetting my face.