When Mercy Ends

by Ella Parks

  “We will take them home Doc. Thank you for all you have done and thank you too, Miss Lucy. Thank you so much, we will always be grateful.”

  Neither of us mentioned what I had done.

  Billy was waiting to hold on to me as I walked to our house, the rain still falling in torrents. Markus had already told Molly and Mark what had happened, but they were waiting for us, waiting to pull us close to them, trying to lift the burden of our pain. Molly had gotten Belinda and Jimmy back to sleep from me waking them by shaking the bell. She had taken Belinda into the room with her, and as I stood watching her sleep seeing her innocence, I was haunted again by what had happened to the precious souls.

  “Did Markus tell you what Ralph did?” I asked Molly.

  “Oh Lord, yes, he said someone was fighting with him and killed him. I can’t say I am sorry. He was evil, so very evil. I can’t bear to think of what those little girls went through.”

  “It’s over now, he won’t hurt anyone else.”

  Billy walked to my side, tucking the blanket around Belinda as we stood watching her.

  “Let’s leave Belinda here. We might wake her if we try to move her. We need to get you in bed.”

  “Okay.” I said as Molly hugged me and I leaned over the wheel chair to hug Mark. Markus was standing by the door, and he reached for me as I walked by, pulling me close to him.

  “It’s alright now Mama. It will be alright.”

  He knew what I had done, just as Billy did, but I didn’t say anything as Billy led me to our room. Billy took me to our bathroom, turning the water on as he gently pulled the wet clothing that belonged to Gladys from my body. I didn’t move as he undressed me, cooing to me as if I was the broken child. He helped me into the tub, washing the mud and blood from my hair and body.

  “Don’t cry, my love, please don’t cry.”

  I had not realized I was crying.

  He pulled his clothes off and got into the tub with me still washing me as the tears kept flowing like a spring that had no end.

  I held my hands in front of me, thinking of everything I had done with these hands. I had tended babies, I had worked with them all my life. I had tenderly touched my Billy with them, and now there was blood still crusted around my fingernails.

  “Billy,” I whispered.

  “Hush, my love, It, is over now.” He told me soft eyes looking inside the soul of me.

  I couldn’t stop the words from flowing out of me like a fountain of pain.

  “I killed him because he was a vile animal that hurt little girls. I killed him because he was like a rattlesnake about to bite. He was vermin that needed to be destroyed. He was not a man, he was nothing but evil. I killed him because he needed to be dead, so he would not hurt anyone else. I don’t regret it. I would do it again. I didn’t know I had that much hate in me until I saw them laying there bleeding, crying with such heartrending sorrow. Doc told me what to say, but Howard and Gladys both know. I knew you would know. You see inside my soul. Markus knows and maybe even Mark. I don’t hide things very well. The sheriff may even know, but I would go to jail to rid the world of the likes of him.” I said breathless between sobs.

  “The sheriff may or may not know, but maybe he thinks the world is better off with Ralph gone.” He said softly.

  “Maybe.” I whispered as Billy finished washing the night off us, gently touching me as fearing I might break. He dried me before pulling my night gown over my head and leading me to the bed. He lay beside me pulling me so close our skin and hearts blended together. My hair still wet, but clean and he tucked a towel around it to keep the wet strands off my skin, his hands caressing my face while his lips were tender all over my face. He kept whispering to me over and over about how everything would be alright.

  “I’ll take care of you my love. It will all be alright. Close your eyes my love.”

  “I can’t. I see the pain and the fear in those precious girl’s eyes. I can’t close my eyes.”

  I was still trembling, shaking so hard as he kept pulling me closer, trying to warm my body with his. I could hear my teeth chattering and my chin was trembling so I could hardly talk. He gently rocked me, the same way he rocked Belinda when she was sick as he pulled me as close to him as he could.

  “I am here baby. I’ve got you baby. It will be alright.” He told me over and over with a steady rhythm that finally made me turn loose of the breath I didn’t know I was holding.

  Sleep finally took me as I fell asleep close to him, but dreamed fitful dreams of little girls crying, while I struggled to reach them. I could not save them. I was always too late causing me to wake up, struggling to get my breath.

  Each time I woke up he would hold me close rocking me, trying to ease the pain in my heart.

  I woke to a new day with the painful memories pushing sleep away. I shivered as I pulled my hands in front of me again, looking at hands that had taken a life, they were clean now, but I knew I would always remember the sight of blood on them. Billy was watching me as if he could read the thoughts going through my mind.

  I lay there, seeing his body again, hearing the sounds my blows against his body had made against his body.

  “Don’t grieve him, Lucy, don’t waste your grief on him.”

  “I am not grieving him. I am grieving my ability to take a life, even a life as vile as his was.”

  “I am sorry it was you that had to do it but if you hadn’t one of us would have. We could not have let him walk away to do something like that again.”

  “Maybe the law…” I started.

  “No, what if they let him off somehow. You caught him in the act. There was no denying it. He needed killing. You know that.”

  I saw once again the horrible image of those two little girls, crying, broken. I took a deep breath, knowing I was all out of mercy for evil and I knew I would not grieve the loss.

  “You are right Billy, he needed killing. I’ll be alright.”

  “That’s my girl.” He said pulling me close to him, placing gently kisses on my face and lips.

  I bathed again before getting dressed, determined to put all thoughts of Ralph behind me, focusing instead trying to help the girls to heal.

  Molly cooked a large breakfast, and everyone was already at the table, waiting for me.

  Billy had his arm around my waist giving me strength as I walked into the room where I knew everyone was aware of what I had done. They may never mention it, but I knew each of them realized that it was me that killed Ralph.

  Billy whispered, “I love you baby. I love you so much.”

  Everyone made small talk, with no mention of the darkness of the night before. It was still too raw to speak of now.

  When we finished eating Billy and I started filling a basket with food, still not saying anything about what we were doing as we walked toward the cabin.

  The rain had turned to snow in the early morning hours, covering the ground where the nightmare had happened. We knocked on their door, and Gladys opened it for us. She has a scrub pail in her hands, but she sat it down inviting us in, not mentioning what she had been doing.

  “We brought some food, so you wouldn’t have to bother with cooking today.”

  “I thank you kindly. Howard is outside chopping wood. Would you like to set down?”

  “We were wondering how the girls are.”

  “Whatever Doc gave them, it made them sleep. They cried out some, but they did better than we thought they would.”

  “Gladys, I am so sorry, so very sorry.” I whispered.

  “Miss Lucy, I know you are. I know you are a good woman. You have only tried to save us. We know that, we won’t talk of the reasons, but we know you have tried to save us. We won’t forget it either. We are grateful for your help because what happened last night could have happened in that field where we had been sleeping. There would not have
been any saving us then, no saving us and we won’t forget your help.”

  Howard came in the door, arms full of fresh chopped wood, his coat pulled up covering his neck.

  “Are you sure you don’t need to be resting today?” Billy asked him.

  “No, it’s best if I keep on working. Honest work does a body good, keeps the mind from taking over.”

  “How is your neck today?”

  “Doc gave me some salve for it. It is sore, but nothing I can’t live with. I am just thankful it is still attached.” He said with a small smile trying to make light of his pain.

  I moved toward him pulling his collar back, not able to control my gasp at seeing his neck in the light. I touched his check, gently not wanting to be bold with him, but feeling so much with no words to express my feelings.

  “Don’t cry Miss Lucy, we could have been in the woods when they came.” Saying almost word for word what Gladys had said, making me realize it had been a fear for them.

  “You have been really good to us, but we thought maybe you might want us to go after all that trouble last night.”

  “Do you want to go?” I asked half scared to ask the question knowing I did not want them to go.

  “No ma’am but we thought maybe we were too much a burden.”

  “You are no burden. I want you to stay as long as you will. After what we have been through together, I think we should be family from now on and I don’t think they will come back anymore.”

  “They may not Miss Lucy, let’s pray they don’t. The Klan is a hard bunch. I have never seen anyone stand up to them before.”

  “It was a horrible night, and I pray to God it is over Howard. I pray to God it is over. We are here for anything you need. We are going to try to go on. We don’t want them to control us with fear, we will all stand together.” I was crying again as I looked around at the family I had come to love. I saw the splinters of wood clinging to Howards coat sleeve, as he tried to move forward past last night and my heart soared with respect for him and his family. If they could do it then I would try my best to live up to the courage they had.

  “We are going on with everything Howard. We are going to measure feet today. We will draw an outline of everyone’s feet on some paper sacks with their name on the sack. I will take the sacks into town and buy the shoes along with a few supplies. All of you come by when you can.”

  They smiled at Billy and I walked toward the door. I turned around and quietly said.

  “I want you all to know that I love you. I love your strength, your courage. I love you.” I didn’t wait to see if they answered me. I just gently closed the door.

  We spent the morning drawing outlines of feet until I had a large stack of paper with names written on the corners. I took some money from the safe, there was still plenty there, but I didn’t know how long it would need to last so I was careful will all the spending. Billy and Doc took me into town with all my scraps of paper, still carefully watching me, as if he thought I might break apart at any time.

  The owner was glad to see me, happy to see anyone with a little money for shoes. I haggled with him over the prices, not trying to cheat him but trying to buy for so many. He didn’t have all the sizes we needed so some of them were larger, but I knew they could walk better in shoes that were too big than they could walk without shoes in the cold. Billy and Doc loaded the shoes on the truck, while I looked longingly at some of the clothing material. It was so pretty, soft and colorful, but now the material we used for clothing was feed and fertilizer sack material. I reminded myself to be grateful for what we had, many others didn’t even have enough to cover themselves to keep the cold away.

  While we were in town, we bought flour, meal and salt, driving home with a truck full of supplies. I noticed both the men watching the roads carefully and there were two shotguns within easy reach of both of them. I wondered if it was just the Klan they feared or maybe someone trying to rob us of the food we had. I was glad when we got home safely.

  When we pulled into the yard, a few of the children ran out to meet us and as usual Belinda was in the middle of all them. They knew we were buying the shoes and they couldn’t wait to see them.

  “Hold on now kids.” Doc said. “We have to start dividing the sizes. Go get your Mothers and we will start sorting them out.”

  They ran as soon as he said that. We unloaded the shoes in the waiting area of the clinic because there was open space in there. We tried to put the same sizes in stacks because we knew the children were so excited to have shoes, they would have taken any size whether they fit or not. The Mothers came to the rescue and we managed good, among all the squeals and laugher, with everyone holding out their feet admiring their new shoes. I was glad to see all their feet covered, December had fast, bringing in hard cold. Howard and all his family had shoes now. His poor bleeding toes were covered at last. Still I asked that he do chores close to the house and not venture out past what I hoped was a safety zone. Gladys and the girls busied themselves in the house. She never denied the girls staying the night again. They seemed to be slowly healing from the horror, as sometimes I saw smiles creeping past the memories.

  30

  Christmas was close, and Billy went to the woods to cut down a cedar tree for the house. He cut one for the bunk houses too. We would use them for fire wood after Christmas, and we wanted the children to have some joy. Molly popped corn and the children strung it with fishing line making a string of corn to wrap around the trees. The children were happy with it, knowing there would not be much under the simple trees. Billy and Doc took me back to town, still watchful, still carrying the guns. I bought peppermint, and some chocolate covered candies, and I bought oranges, enough for everyone. I looked at a doll for Belinda and a truck for Jimmy, but I left it on the shelf. I could have bought it for them, but I knew the other children would see them and be hurt when they didn’t get much. They still had toys they had before the times were so bad. I felt torn, but I didn’t buy them.

  Molly popped more corn and we formed it in balls then rolling it in molasses. She even put peanuts in some of them, and she made cookies using the molasses to sweeten them. On Christmas Eve I fixed a basket of the treats and carried it to Megan’s front door.

  “Megan, I brought you some sweets for Christmas. We are going to give the children their treats this afternoon. You are welcome to join us if you would like.”

  She didn’t come to the door.

  “Megan, can you hear me? I brought you some treats.”

  I knocked again. It was quiet inside.

  “Go away.” She said. “Just go away and leave me alone. I don’t want your treats as you call them.”

  “I’ll leave them here on the porch.” I said, setting the basket down and walking away.

  Billy had shot a couple of wild turkeys, and Molly had cooked us a feast! We had meal dressing, turnip greens, kale, roasted sweet potatoes. Doc said our blessing in the dining area of the hospital, and we sang some Christmas songs before the children lined up for their sweets. All the workers gathered round with the children lining up for the sweet treats we had for them, and there was laughter, more laughter than I had heard in a while.

  I thanked God for every blessing he had sent our way. As we went back to the house that night, I looked toward Megan’s house but in the darkness, I could not tell if she had taken her basket of food in or not.

  Everyone took the day off for Christmas, but then everything started again, we could not afford to take too much time relaxing. The foreman had a crew cleaning out the barn and chicken houses, carrying the manure to the garden and the fields for fertilizer. There was wood to cut and fields to clear. The local school had closed because the teacher had not been paid for so long, so Jenny decided she would start a short class for the children, trying to prevent them from falling so far behind. She was beautiful, even more now than she had ever been, her skin glowing
with life as her stomach grew larger with the baby.

  It’s sometimes strange how we can get used to things, even fear, but it seemed we did. We were still fearful, having a lot of things to fear. We still worried that whom-ever had shot Mark might come back, maybe to try again. We still worried about the Klan, about what they may decide to do to prove their point and day and night, I worried about what Megan was planning to do, but most of the time we all seemed content, thinking of the good things we had instead of the bad as our lives moved on.

  My brother John came by one cold morning, sleet falling while the clouds promised even more. I pulled him into the house and in my arms, hugging him, his face damp and cold.

  “Oh John, it is so good to see you. How is your wife and the children? I’ll bet they are almost grown now.”

  “Yes, they are Lucy. I can’t believe how fast the time has gone by. Let me look at you.” He said stepping a little away from me.

  “Take your coat off and set down. Do you want something to eat or to drink?”

  “No. I am fine.” He said as he took his coat off and sat down.

  “It seems like yesterday you were just a wisp of a girl, now look at you.”

  “Yes, I am certainly not a wisp anymore.”

  “You look good Lucy, really good.”

  “Thank you, you look good too. We drove out to see Mama and Papa a few weeks ago, and they well doing good. I was hoping they would come for Christmas but Mama sent word that Papa was not feeling well and she thought they should stay in. We saw them more before we moved back here. They were keeping Belinda some while I worked with Doc. We went to check on them to make sure everything was alright with them after the bank crashed. Mama said they were alright. The land is paid for now.”

  I heard his quick intake of breath before I stopped.

  “I didn’t mean anything John, but that is the reason we checked on them. Did Mama tell you I wanted her to tell all you to let me know if you needed anything?”