All or Nothing (All Series Book 1)

by Ann, Natalie

  He knew what she was doing. The same thing he did last night. Just trying to get him to talk. It was simple enough, and he had enough control to limit what he said, regardless of how heightened his emotions might get. “We were a lot alike. Went through all phases of the Navy and SEAL training together. He was funny, always smiling, and always laughing.”

  “A lot like you, then?” she asked with a small smile of her own.

  “Yeah. We were like brothers. After years of jealousy at how close Phil and Alec were, I finally understood it. I had that with Trent. Only different. What we went through, the missions, the training, the pain and the sorrow—it brings people together in a way that only those who serve can fully understand.” He stopped and continued eating, letting what he said process in his head before he continued.

  “Will you tell me about his death?”

  He finished his sandwich, then took a drink to help the burning in his throat. “No. There are some things I won’t share, Presley, and some things I can’t, because they are confidential. In this case, it’s both. I know you told me things last night, but this is different. War is different. What Trent and I experienced together, what we went through together, could be classified as hell at the best of times.”

  Her look of sympathy made him pause, he didn’t want that look, and didn’t want her to feel that toward him. “There are parts of my life I’ve found I have to keep secret for a reason. No one needs to know the things I did, or the person I was in the service. I’m not that person anymore.”

  “I think you will always be that person. Until you can let go. Until you can get it all out. You saw what happened to me, Ben. That was years of emotions and secrets hidden deep. Don’t make the same mistakes I did.”

  “It’s not the same thing, Presley. I appreciate you asking and trying to help. But no one can understand what happened that night. Or what I go through because of it.”

  “Because you won’t tell us. But I know more than you think.”

  “Oh yeah, what’s that?” he said, sarcastically, then wished he hadn’t. Not when she smiled at his response.

  “I know you feel guilty, and you feel responsible. And that every time Patty calls, you have nightmares and can’t sleep. Because a part of you feels like you failed her too, and she blames you for her son’s death, doesn’t she?”

  He picked up the wrapper his sandwich came in, crinkled it up loudly, and tossed it in the trash. “You see more than you should.”

  “I guess I’m a little bit like you in that sense, huh?”

  He ignored her. “Do you mind changing and going in early? I need to meet with Lucas soon.”

  “Sure. Give me a few minutes.”

  She came out dressed in her scrubs minutes later. They drove to the hospital in silence. He parked his SUV and they made their way to the elevator. When she got off on the same floor as him, rather than going on to the Pediatric Ward, he stopped and pulled her aside, away from the foot traffic. “What are you doing? I told you I’m fine. I appreciate it, Presley, but I don’t need you to go with me. You don’t need to relive it right now.”

  “That’s too bad, because Lucas called and asked me to come in and make a statement. Besides, as long as I have the man I love next to me, I can get through it, right?”

  Three Big Words

  “What time do we have to be at Kaitlin’s?” Presley asked.

  Ben looked up from the text he was reading while sitting on her couch. “Not until four. We’ve got a few hours still.”

  “I’m surprised they want everyone together again so soon. They just got back from their honeymoon last Sunday.”

  Placing his phone on the coffee table, he shrugged. “Kaitlin told me they wanted everyone together. I didn’t ask why. I just do what I’m told.”

  She snorted. “Since when?”

  “You haven’t figured out by now how terrified I am of the women in my life?” He stood up and walked over to where she had been washing the windows. He knew by now she always cleaned when she was antsy. He just didn’t know why. “Besides, I’m pretty sure you know what today is about,” he said, raising his eyebrow at her.

  She ducked her head and went back to her cleaning, and not doing a very good job covering up the light pink that spread across her face. It had been almost three weeks since they both let it slip that they were in love with each other. Yet neither of them had actually said those three big words to each other. Only little comments about not breaking each other’s heart, like it was their secret code.

  He didn’t know what was holding her back from saying the words to him, but then again, he hadn’t said them either. So he couldn’t judge.

  Quickly, he had her caged against the wall, holding her hands above her head with one of his own as his mouth was at her neck placing feather-like kisses along her collarbone. “I’ll get it out of you.”

  “Huh? What?” she asked, her eyes starting to glaze over.

  “What is going on today,” he mumbled around kisses, his lips close to her ear now.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she stammered.

  He pushed his hips against her, rubbing the length of his body on her. “I think you do. And I’m really good at making people talk,” he whispered, her body trembling now.

  She arched against him, then ordered, “Kiss me.”

  He knew what she was doing. She was trying to distract him. It was working. He could get her to talk, but he really wasn’t going to. Whatever it was, he would let her keep her sister’s secret. But he was having too much fun with her to stop now. “Maybe if you ask nicely,” he said softly, pulling her earlobe into his mouth.

  “You told me to take if it I wanted it,” she reminded him. “But I can’t move my hands.” She tilted her neck to the side, trying to get him to kiss her more. “So I’m demanding it instead.”

  She was slowly killing him and didn’t even know it. Or maybe she did. He didn’t care either way. Instead he let go of her hands, then quickly dipped his shoulder under her chest and lifted her onto his shoulder, her legs hanging in front of him “Hey,” she yelled. “What are you doing?”

  “Taking control of the situation.” He walked quickly to her room, and when she started to squirm to get down he slapped her behind with just enough force to sting, keeping it playful at the same time. She laughed at him, letting him know she knew what he was about.

  Walking into her bedroom, he tossed her on the bed and came down on top of her, straddling her waist with his legs and locking her arms above her head with one of his hands again. Then he leaned down and kissed her like she asked, their lips and tongues meeting and retreating, setting a frantic pace they both loved.

  Until suddenly, her leg wrapped around his waist, she shifted and was now on top of him, straddling him as he had been her. Now both of her hands were pinning his to the bed above his head, her fingers entwining with his. She noticed the shock on his face, followed by the admiration in his eyes. “I impressed you, didn’t I?”

  Damn, she did. And that she knew it was even better. He could easily turn her back around but decided to let her have her way with him. Matter of fact, he preferred it.

  Running her tongue down his neck, around his collarbone, then back up his neck, she whispered, “You won’t turn the tables on me if I let go of your hands, will you?”

  She wasn’t stupid, she knew he could turn her around easily enough, but she seemed to be enjoying the game as much as him. “Like to be in control, do you?”

  “There is nothing I like better than having you under my control,” she said seductively, and at that moment he was willing to give her control any time she wanted it.

  “Maybe there is nothing I like better than giving you that control,” he replied.

  She leaned back quickly, searched his face for a second, then stopped, leaned forward and placed her lips gently against his. “Your heart is safe with me,” she whispered.

  Not what he wanted her to say, but he knew it meant
the same. He repeated those same words back to her, and then she changed gears and kicked it up a degree.

  Releasing his hands, she frantically reached for the bottom of his shirt and lifted it up over his head, tossing it on the floor. Then scooted down and quickly shed him of his pants. He helped her out of her clothes just as fast, until they were both naked, her on top straddling him once again, then easing down, taking all of him, agonizingly slow. A huge contradiction to the urgency they shared undressing each other.

  Leaning forward, she laced her fingers through his again, laid her upper body against his, slid her long legs out so they were on top of his, and stayed still. “I just need to feel you for a minute. Under me, inside of me, every part of you with me.”

  He was rocked to the core, his emotion greater than ever. This was more than sex, this was love, the love they couldn’t seem to speak of to each other, but they had no problem showing it. “Take all the time you need.” He could have laid there like that for years and been content.

  But minutes later, she adjusted her legs, got back on her knees, grabbed his hands and placed them on her breasts. Then she threw her head back and started to ride him. Slow, then fast, hurried, then not so hurried, changing it up, leaving him guessing, making him wait for it, ready to beg.

  Gloriously she let go of her inhibitions and gave him everything she had. He felt everything she had. From her body, from the emotions in her eyes as he watched her breath catch, and her hand go between her legs while she rubbed herself until she was right to the very edge. Removing her hands, she rode up and down at a fast unbridled pace until he couldn’t hold back any longer and jumped over the edge of madness with her.

  ***

  Presley looked around the large family room at Kaitlin and Ryan’s house. Phil was the last to arrive, then apologized to everyone saying he lost track of time on the drawings for the new development that he and Alec had in the works. Minutes later Sophia slipped in. Presley didn’t even know she was coming.

  Everyone was there, or everyone that seemed to matter in Kaitlin and Ryan’s life. Both of their parents, their siblings and their spouses, herself, and their closest friends, Jack, Cori, Mac, and Beth. Presley waited with bated breath, the same as the other girls, who were all hoping and praying Kaitlin said what they thought she would.

  “Now that you are all here,” Kaitlin started, then stopped and picked up Ryan’s hand and gave it a little squeeze. “We just want to tell you all, officially, that we’re having a baby.”

  Both mothers jumped up and ran to Kaitlin, hugging her tight. Both fathers congratulating Ryan, and then each other. Like that had something to do with it, Presley thought. The men all seemed surprised, which was good. Presley was glad she’d kept it a secret from Ben and suspected that all the other women had also.

  Looking over at Ben, she noticed he was unusually quiet, a little bit shell-shocked, but hanging in there. “What’s wrong?” she whispered.

  He looked back at her, his eyes a bit misty. “My baby sister is having a baby,” he said in wonder.

  “Yeah, she is. And she is watching you right now,” she pointed out.

  Ben looked Kaitlin’s way, stood up, walked over and lifted her off the ground in a hug, then planted a kiss on her cheek. Then he turned to Ryan, shook his hand and told him in a firm voice, but with a big grin, “Don’t ever let her down.”

  “No, worries there,” Ryan said, happily. “You should know by now, your sister has me wrapped around her finger.”

  Ben slapped Ryan on the back, then walked back to sit down next to Presley while Kaitlin laughed and said, “Okay, Cori. Your turn.”

  All heads turned in Jack and Cori’s direction. Obviously the women had all kept that a secret from the men too. “Geez,” Cori whined. “It’s your day.”

  “And yours. So spill, I can’t believe you waited this long. You of all people,” Kaitlin said going over and tugging Cori up and taking her seat.

  Cori pulled Jack up next to her. He looked slightly embarrassed and extremely proud, while Cori bounced up and down on her toes. “We’re having a baby, too!”

  More hugs, kisses and congratulations made the rounds. Presley looked over at Ben, who was chuckling. “I hope there wasn’t something in the water at the wedding. Anyone else have an announcement to make?” he said, looking at Phil, who turned away embarrassed. Presley wasn’t sure what that was about, but everyone laughed.

  Kaitlin spoke first. “I was pregnant before the wedding, Ben. I’m almost eight weeks now, and Cori is about eleven weeks.”

  “What?” Ben roared. “You got my sister pregnant before you married her?!”

  Ryan burst out laughing, obviously not the least bit concerned with Ben’s outburst. Presley reached over and patted him on the leg, then leaned over and kissed his cheek. He was such a good big brother.

  Needed

  After dinner, Kaitlin pulled Presley aside away from everyone else and out of earshot. “I just want to thank you again.”

  “For what?” Presley said.

  “For giving Ben back to me.”

  “I don’t think he went anywhere,” Presley said softly.

  “Maybe not. Maybe he was just lost.”

  Presley was sure Ben still was, but didn’t say anything. He was slowly finding his way, but he wasn’t there yet. She would like to take credit for some of it, only she wasn’t sure it had as much to do with her as everyone thought.

  Though it felt good that people believed it did. “Maybe,” she said instead.

  “I don’t know if Ben told you or not. And maybe I shouldn’t say anything.” Kaitlin hesitated and looked across the room at Ben, who was laughing with Alec and Ryan. “But in two weeks it’s the two-year anniversary of Trent’s death. I just wanted to give you a heads up. In case he starts to… act differently.”

  She hadn’t realized it was coming up. Ben never said a word. But she was glad Kaitlin did. And she was right, he was still lost, especially if he couldn’t tell her something like that. Even after everything she told him about her life and her family. “Thanks for telling me.”

  “There is one more thing,” Kaitlin said, pulling Presley over and whispering. “Trent’s mother is having a memorial in Trent’s hometown. I only know because she actually extended an invitation for it to my parents. They were stunned, but Trent did visit often. Still, they aren’t going to attend, mainly because it’s too short of notice, and they felt Ben would prefer they didn’t.”

  “Did Ben say if he was going?”

  “Ben hasn’t said a word to my parents about it. And obviously he hasn’t to you either. They didn’t want to bring it up to him and have been nervous about it, to be honest. I think they hoped that I would talk to him since he listens to me. But frankly, I don’t think he would listen to me for this.”

  “So you hoped I would talk to him?” Presley guessed.

  “Yeah,” Kaitlin said sheepishly.

  “I’ll let you know if I find anything out. But only if it’s okay with him for me to tell you,” she clarified.

  “I expected no different,” Kaitlin said.

  ***

  “I’m going with you to Trent’s memorial service,” Presley announced out of the blue on the drive home.

  “What?” Ben asked, turning his head toward her, seeing the determination in her eyes. “What are you talking about?”

  “Kaitlin told me that Patty is having a memorial service for Trent in two weeks. Why haven’t said anything to me about it?”

  He shrugged. “There wasn’t anything to say. I’m not sure I’m going.”

  She eyed him, not believing him. “You know. So I repeat, why didn’t you tell me about it?” She seemed to be able to see right through him. He didn’t know why he even bothered to cover it up anymore. He had been able to fool everyone else for two years, everyone but her. How she figured him out in the last few months was beyond him. Maybe that was what love was all about?

  Instead he asked, “How did Kaitlin k
now about it?”

  “She said your parents were invited. Patty called them a few weeks ago.”

  Sighing deeply, Ben wasn’t surprised. Patty thrived on drama, and she would want everyone there so she could bask in it with them. She would want everyone to see her struggle, how her life was over and that she was left all alone in the world.

  And she would need other people there to blame them, and for them to tell her she would be okay. Pat her on the back. He was beyond angry that she was dragging his parents into her emotional upheaval. It was bad enough she pulled him in, but his family was off limits.

  “I should have guessed.” He turned his head and looked at her again. “Does she know if they’re going?” He didn’t know why his parents didn’t say anything to him about it, so he suspected they weren’t.

  “No, they aren’t. They didn’t think you would want them there.”

  “They thought right.”

  There was at least five minutes of silence and she finally asked, “So when is your flight? I’ll try to get on the same one.”

  “You aren’t going.”

  “Yes, I am. I’ll just fly out without you and meet you there.”

  He ground his teeth. Her stubbornness was shining through again. He tried another approach. “You don’t even know where to go.”

  “I’ll ask your mom. She likes me. I bet she would tell me,” she told him with a chuckle and knowing look.

  “Shit,” he muttered.

  “I heard that,” she said, laughing. Then reached over and grabbed his hand that was sitting on the console between them. “Ben, I want to go.”

  “I don’t want you to go.”

  “Yes, you do. Why can’t you just say it?”

  “Because I don’t want you there, Presley.” He didn’t want her to see any of that. To see how Patty was, to see how Patty piled the guilt and grief on him, barely more than he piled it on himself.

  “You need me there, then,” she said, and then he felt her fingers tracing the ring on his right hand and was lost. Turning to look at her, he could only nod, then continued to drive them home in silence.