"That’s too..." Angela confirmed. "But I must warn you that your fans are not as excited as you are for these free days.”
"You always want more..." He said, half jokingly, half true.
“From you?” Ang teased. “Certainly. But this is a privilege of Melissa...”
"If you let her hear you talking like this ..."
“Our secret!” She interrupted him. "But don’t change the subject. What day is today?”
“Saturday?”
Angela laughed heartily.
“Wrong. Sunday. January 25th”. She continued. “Lissa's birthday.”
The new information stolen the singer's attention.
“Oh really? I didn’t know...”
“Don’t worry... I'm here to save you. With my help you will turn that day into the perfect birthday.”
“Really?” He questioned amused. "I think I can do it myself. Maybe I can sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to her...”
“Too cliché”. She complained. "And it doesn’t do Lissa's style. First tip: Pretend you do not know what day it is, okay? Do it like it's any other day, just get closer. Maybe she's in a bad mood, so ignore it and be gentle. Maybe after the show you guys can do something cool together, watch a movie or something.”
"Is this your plan for an unforgettable birthday? It's the worst plan I've ever heard”. Gabriel sneered. "Thanks God I have experience in celebrating birthdays on the road. There is always someone on the team celebrating their birthday during the tours. We can plan a surprise party and the fans can sing along with me during the show...”
"Believe me, that's not a good idea”. Angela cut off the singer's speech. "She's not much of a surprise, and she's not the typical fan either, so..."
Gabriel laughed heartily.
"She's not even a fan." He continued laughing. "But I think you're right, nothing to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ with my fans.”
"Seriously, Gabe. The least is always more when it comes to Melissa. No surprise party. Just do as I suggested. A normal, loving day is all she's going to want.”
“I will do this”. He agreed. “And a little more. Now, can I go back to sleep or do you have any more surefire plans to share?”
"No presents, either”. Angela said. "And that's all."
“Yes ma'am.” – the rockstar joked before saying goodbye.
Before leaving the bathroom, he sent Arthur a message. The friend would only read the text when the day dawned, but it didn’t matter. There would still be enough time to plan a little surprise for Mel.
Returning to the bedroom, he turned off the cell phone and lay down again. As if attracted by her return, Melissa moved over the bed, resting her head on his chest.
She smelled so good, a shampoo mint mixture she always wore and wildflowers of light scent she used to spray against the neck and wrists.
It didn’t take too much to get back to sleep. He dreamed of Melissa, with a beautiful smile and a tight embrace as he wished her a happy birthday.
Maybe at the end of the day, they could exchange more than kisses.
♫
"Seriously, you're very strange..." Melissa pointed out as Gabriel left the armchair he was in, after Lorys had done his magic in the singer's dark, untamed hair. “What are you doing?”
He had been all mysterious all day, whispering on his cell phone and disguising it as she approached. She was suspicious that he was planning something and hoped she was wrong.
She couldn’t tell if the singer was aware of what that day meant in part, but it was possible that everyone knew it was the day of her birth, after all, he had access to her documents and knew almost everything he had to know about her.
"If you're planning something, you better give it up." She jerked him away as she felt his arms wrap around her in a tight embrace. "And, please, stop grabbing me."
Lorys laughed softly.
"I can’t believe I lived to see anyone dismiss Gabriel Voss." The hairdresser and makeup artist provoked them before leaving them alone. Privacy wouldn’t last long. Soon Arthur appear to guide the rockstar to the stage to give the show started.
"And you're so nervous..." He stepped back, searching for the leather jacket he'd put over his sweater. The set with the dark jeans made it really cute.
“Gabriel...”
"I'm not up to anything." He cut her off and grinned. “I'm just in a good mood.”
It will be good if he wasn’t planning something. The day was already over, and no one had come to her to wish her a happy birthday. Not even her mother had called, even though she had sent her a message a week ago, informing the new number.
The fact provoked a mixture of feelings. It was not a date to be celebrated, so she was grateful to be able to pretend it was just another day like any other, but it was strange to think that no one thought otherwise. Maybe her mother didn’t even remember and Angela had avoided touching the subject, despite having exchanged messages with her friend all day.
Anyway, she was grateful that she hadn’t received any calls from her stepfather's brother. She hadn’t had a new panic attack for almost 15 days, it was almost a record, and she didn’t want that to change.
"When are you not in the mood?" Melissa allowed herself to relax, only a few more hours, and the day would be over.
Without fearing to be turned away, she approached the singer and, with a delicacy foreign to her, helped him to put the electronic point, passing the wire under the shirt and the jacket. She held the device in the back pocket of his pants and waited until Gabe turned to look at her.
"You look beautiful" He chose to ignore the question. He had no reason to be in a bad mood, he preferred calmness and constant happiness.
Melissa blushed a little, just enough for the singer to see the blush even under the heavy makeup she wore.
She ran her hand nervously across the fabric of the dress she wore. It was one of those who had won the singer. It hadn’t been designed to be luxurious or sexy, it was wide enough to not fit perfectly into her body, but still fit very well over the girl's small body. The fabric was a gradient of purple, which emphasized the pale skin. She was wearing thick black pantyhose and a cothurnus of the same color, as well as a heavy leather jacket. About black hair, Lorys had convinced her wear a headpiece with flowers and spikes.
It had needed to be as close as Gabriel was to repair the accessory details, since the flowers were as black as the long hair, but the silver spikes to excel.
It wasn’t Lissa's intention when she dressed, but for Gabriel she was more than beautiful, she was really sexy. So much that it was very difficult to keep his hands off her.
"I was thinking ..." He continued when he realized she wouldn’t say anything to acknowledge his compliment, perhaps because she was shy. “After the show, we could go out for dinner. Just the two of us. It's our last day in London and I wanted to introduce you to one of my favorite restaurants.”
Melissa studied the invitation for a moment. She wanted to go, but she wasn’t convinced she should.
"It's not a date, is it?" She asked in annoyance. He'd never been to one, but she knew that their own dinners were one of the favorite programs of the couples they were meeting.
Voss felt his smile diminish a little. His intention was even to be a date, but he was smart enough to realize that the denomination caused some discomfort in Mel.
"No..." he denied, turning his back on the girl to focus on his own image in the large mirror that occupied much of one of the walls of the dressing room. “It's just dinner. We already had a lot of them.”
"All right..." She nodded and, trying to enjoy that everything was coming out as she wished that day, took the initiative and hugged the singer. Her chest touched his back as her arms circled his waist. "And after that dinner, will you sneak into my room again?"
Because she was lower, the most she could do without standing on tiptoe was to rest her chin on his shoulder. It was comfortable and peaceful, as Melissa needed. She just loved to be like that w
ith him, but she just wouldn’t tell anyone.
Gabriel laughed lightly. It was one of those moments when she was on low guard, in which he could see in the glow of the green eyes that stared at him through the reflection of the mirror that she was as much in love for him as he was in love for her.
"Maybe you want to vary and sneak into mine ..." he teased.
No matter how, he'd always found a way to spend the night with her since the first time she asked him to stay, still in New York, a few days after the new year. Sometimes she had complained and tried to put him out, but she always ended up with her head on his chest when she fell asleep.
"Dream about it..." she replied, but she laid a kiss on his broad shoulder.
He had a funny answer on the tip of his tongue, but was prevented from speaking it when Arthur entered the dressing room. The manager said nothing about how the young couple were clinging, just shook his head in a negative gesture and reported that everything was ready for the show to begin.
Melissa followed them to the stage, staying in a dark corner.
When Gabriel came running into the stage, she smiled. That was his environment, where he always felt at ease. Not even the deafening female screams bothered Lissa. She had been tense for most of the day, but it had been a good "no birthday" and it was even better when, in the middle of the show, the singer picked up her guitar and, as she did on all other shows, sang to her.
This time wasn’t Everything but Mel knew the performance of All Of Me was for her, as the way he had sought with her eyes when he announced the cover.
The lyric stole her air and brought tears to her eyes. She flinched in her corner as she watched him sing with his eyes locked on hers. She cried silently as she realized what that meant. It wasn’t just any song, it was a declaration of love.
She didn’t deserve it, and for a moment she felt the pain of ever increasing in size. She was in love with him, but Gabriel should not feel the same. But, it seemed, it was too late.
"Because all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you..."[31]
When he smiled singing the chorus, she closed her eyes and did something she hadn’t done for a long time: she wished she had a shooting star in the sky and she could make a birthday wish. In that year she wished Gabriel would not give her up, even when she demanded otherwise.
She opened her eyes again and smiled back, even suspecting he couldn’t see. Only for that night, she would take everything she could with him.
♫
Melissa let everyone greet the singer when the show came to an end, before approaching.
She hugged him tight.
"You're all sweaty..." She laughed against his ear as she was lifted by the strong arms. "It's a good thing I don’t have any disgust problem like you."
“Oh my gosh!” He pretended to be offended. "You really know how to ruin everything."
Putting it back on the ground, the rockstar took possession of the female hand.
"Come on..." He pulled it lightly. "I'm going to take a quick shower in the dressing room and we’ll have dinner."
She followed him in silence, then stopped as they approached the dressing room door.
"You changed the music..." She commented as the singer stared at her.
"There are many songs I want to sing for you.” He used his fingertips to lift her face. "So many lyrics that remind me of you.”
"I like this one ..." She confessed, embarrassed. "Maybe you can sing again later ..."
He nodded in agreement.
“I’ll do it” Gabe managed to say before she played on him and kissed him.
Pulling her closer, the rocker returned the kiss until the two of them ran out of air.
"Forget the bath..." she whispered to him. “Let's just get going.”
"No, wait..." He slowed her down as she tried to move on. “It'll be quick.”
With a pout on the lips that the singer found particularly sweet, Lissa let him open the door. She was still staring at Gabriel intensely when excited screams popped the bubble they were in.
“Happy birthday!” She moved slowly.
The first thing she saw were the air bladders, purple and silver, gracing the spot that before the show Gabriel had used to dress up. When she met the gaze of a good part of the singer's staff about herself and realized what it meant, she felt herself crumble even though she was still standing.
Gabriel hugged her again.
“Happy birthday, babe!” She couldn’t find a voice to answer.
Her body was there, but her mind was locked in a larger and more luxurious celebration than that. Five years had passed and she could still hear the excited voice of her schoolmates, she could still remember every decoration, also in shades of purple, and especially, she remembered how it ended.
She didn’t know what it was like to end up in front of the cake or the hugs she was getting she just knew there was something in her throat that made her nauseous.
Gabe said something she didn’t understand and then placed it facing a notebook.
Angela's image was on the screen. Unlike everyone else, she wasn’t laughing, probably because she knew there was no way the party would end well.
“I'm sorry!” Her friend said, her voice was not heard, the noise was great after all, but Lissa could read her lips.
That's when the tears came.
She cried for the memories that never left her, for the pain that never ended and for the certainty that she would never be able to celebrate a birthday again like a normal person.
Once again, she wanted to be able to change places with her best friend. It didn’t make sense that she was alive and well when she was already dead inside, and yet it was Angela who was facing a terminal illness.
“Mel?” Gabriel pulled her into a quiet corner and made her look at him. “What's it?”
She took one more look at the table full of goodies. In her intimate, she begs to act like any girl and thank for the surprise party. She wanted to throw away all the bad memories and create new ones, this time, good memories.
When an involuntary sob escaped, she realized that her desires would never be met.
"Why did you have to do that?" She whispered, her voice failing that he could only hear because it was practically glued to her. "It was all perfect and... and you screwed up."
He didn’t try to stop her when she intended to leave. He also didn’t move to find the questioning looks of his team when the birthday girl passed by them like lightning.
Raising his hand to his face, he just took a deep breath.
Ignoring the presence of Arthur, who had practically materialized at his side, Gabriel seized the notebook and, staring at a tearful Angela, locked himself in the dressing room bathroom.
"Well… you said that was not a good idea”. He finally said something.
Angela didn’t answer for the next five minutes, when at last she said something, she didn’t blame him, she was only direct.
"What you did was touching. But it was the worst possible choice, if it was Melissa. I'm sorry.”
He sighed in defeat. No matter how hard he tried he would never know what the right choices were for Melissa.
"Is she going to be okay?" He asked.
"I don’t know..." Angela let her shoulders fall. “I'm praying to be”
"I'm not going after her." He said, as hurt as he was worried. He didn’t need to be a genius to understand that the surprise he had tried so fondly had triggered something that could turn into a new panic crisis or worse.
He wanted to make sure Melissa would be all right, but he didn’t think that imposing his presence was the best option at the moment. Maybe he should leave her alone, as she had so often asked, at least for a while.
"I’m no wonder you're giving her up." Angela remarked. She was still crying, but she was star
ing at him in anger, too. “That's what everybody does. Give it up.”
“Unless you”. The singer countered in the same angry tone. "Because you're the perfect friend."
“No”. Ang denied it. "Because I love her, really”. She said with such pain in her voice that even though thousands of miles away, the singer could see. "And you don’t give up on those who you love."
"Other than what you think, you're not the only one to love her.”
"Then why are you quitting?"
“I'm not!”
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE - BROKEN ANGEL
“And I promise that it's not your fault
It was never your fault”[32]
M elissa was curled up on the floor of the room, her back against the side of the bed as the door opened abruptly.
Her eyes remained on the blood-stained blade in her hand, that now was trembling by the recent cuts he had done on one of his arms.
She didn’t move, even when she heard someone coming, but inside she shuddered at the same time that her heart wished it was Gabriel and her mind begged the singer couldn’t find her at that moment.
"What's the matter with you?" Arthur's irritated voice brought even more tears to the eyes that were already burning from the cry that she hadn’t been able to shut up since she ran out of the dressing room, leaving her surprise party behind.
She didn’t want to talk to anyone, especially at that moment when her worst secret was on display. The big proof of this was that she'd let her cell phone ring over and over, even though it was Angela calling.
She had been so desperate for any way to ease the agony in her chest that she hadn’t bothered to lock the door and when she realized that the cuts, deeper than usual, had done nothing to plug the steady hole in her soul, she continued to stand there, watching the blood drain down her arm, soiling the dress Gabriel had praised earlier, further tarnishing her life.
"Why can’t you act like a normal person?" Not even the approach of the male voice was able to make her react. Apparently, the manager hadn’t yet seen her and, intimately, Lissa wanted to become invisible so he wouldn’t find her. “For heaven’s sake! It was just a party... Gabriel didn’t deserve your attitude.”
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