Luck stopped running and dropped Yodama into a mud puddle. Luck looked at a dark opening in the side of a hill. Vines and moss half covered the entrance.
“Hey, what’s that creepy cave?” said Luck.
“It’s a creepy cave,” said Yodama, brushing mud off his burlap robe and glaring at Luck.
Luck wandered closer to the opening.
“Careful, the cave is full of the dark side of the farce.”
“Oh, I can handle that,” said Luck moving even closer. “I told you I’m not afraid…Ahhhhhh!” Luck fell down a brush covered hole that led into the cave.
Yodama leaned over the edge of the opening, and looked at Luck, sprawled down below. “You will confront your worst fears.”
“What is in here?” said Luck standing up.
“Only what you bring with you.”
“Can’t you ever give a straight answer.”
“No.”
“I’m not afraid to confront my worst fears,” said Luck walking deeper into the cave. He came to a mirror hung in the wall. In it, he saw himself walking into a class and the teacher handing out a pop quiz to students. It was a test Luck hadn’t studied for.
Luck shrugged. “Big deal, I never study for tests even when I know they are coming up A pop quiz doesn’t scare me.” Luck walked to the next mirror. He looked into it. He was walking around in public, totally nude. “Been there, done that, got grounded by Auntie Mame for it.” Luck went onto the third mirror. Dark Cater’s image appeared in it.
“So, mirror, what’s so scary about that?”
Dark Cater stepped out of the mirror. Luck gasped. Cater fired up his laser sword and raised his arm to strike. Luck jumped back and fumbled for his own laser sword. Cater’s arm descended, Luck moved out of the way just in time. Cater’s powerful sword cut into rock near where Luck had just been standing.
Luck turned on his laser sword just in time to block the next blow. He struck out with the sword defensively, swiping blindly but luckily connecting with Cater’s neck. The laser beheaded the evil Cater with a shower of sparks. The plastic encased head bounced, knocking off Cater’s mask. Underneath, was Luck’s own face.
“Oh my god,” said Luck. He leaned closer to the head. “Hey that is really cool! Are you my twin brother?” Luck looked at the head for an answer. “Oh, you can’t talk. No lungs.”
Outside, Yodama shook his head. “You cannot scare someone who is so utterly clueless.”
Chapter 38 Wolf Popsicle
“You let him escape?” said Vullcan Spocko, a hint of steel in his voice. The guard on the view screen had just told him that the telepathic vampire, Edward Cullet, had escaped from the Vulcanturi base.
“No, sir. I mean, we did out best, sir,” stammered Gabriel the guard. “We thought the door was locked…He was spotted on another planet. We will go there and recapture him.”
“I will go there and recapture him,” said Spocko. “You will report for disciplinary action.” On the view screen, Gabriel blanched. The Vulcanturi were cruel disciplinarians.
Spocko punched the “off” button on the communication link, and left to find Princess Lela in her quarters.
Lela scanned Spocko’s face as he entered her room. Since Spocko had confessed to kidnapping her father for the Vulcanturi, she had felt anger mixed in with her gratitude to him for rescuing her from the Dearth Star. She had still not decided whether to leave with Spocko to see her father, or stay with the Rebels to fight their cause. If she followed Spocko to the Vulcanturi base where her father was, they may not let her go.
Spocko stood, with his hands behind his back, affecting a stoic air, but beneath the surface he disliked being pulled away from Princess Lela. “I must leave you,” said Spocko. “I will return as soon as possible.”
Lela frowned. “You still haven’t told me where my father is.”
“I will reunite you with him, soon,” said Spocko thinking he would find Edward, her father, on the planet where he’d last been seen.
“I don’t trust you,” said Lela. But I’ll miss you, she thought.
“Many people do not trust Vulcanturi,” said Spocko. “However I mean you no harm. I understand your wish to see your father again.” Their eyes met for a moment. “Farewell, Lela.” Spocko bowed and left. For a moment, Lela had a feeling that he wanted to kiss her goodbye, but his Vullcan side prevented it.
After Spocko’s ship had left, Lela received a text message from her father. “I have escaped the Vulcanturi. Meet me in Sky City, on Jaffe”.
Jaffe was a planet in a neutral territory. Neither the Empire nor the Rebellion controlled it. Lela cheered “My father is free!” She called pilot Brun Solow to charter her ship.
On a ship in space outside the Rebel base, Dark Cater chuckled. “You have done well, Van Helsing.”
“Oh, it was no problem whatsoever, Master Cater,” said Van Helsing. “I simply tapped into the communication signals with alien technology that I got from a vampire I took out.” Van Helsing winked.
“Ah, yes. You kill vampires. You have taken out many a bloodthirsty vampire no doubt.”
“Just the one.”
“You’ve killed just one vampire?” said Cater.
“I took out just one. Ya see, she was at this bar…”
“Oh never mind all that,” said Cater waving his hand in dismissal. “As long as Lela and her friends go to Sky City. Our forces will be waiting for them.”
Lela, Brun and Chewy had barely landed in Sky City, when Dark Cater and his army attacked. The rebels put up a valiant fight, but were overwhelmed by the sheer number of Imperial soldiers. They were taken to prison cells.
“The Rebellion will hear of Cater kidnapping us and retaliate,” said Lela to an Imperial guard as he locked her in a cell.
“He’s not after you at all. He wants some…Stywalker. He’s setting a trap and you’re the bait.”
“Luck Stywalker? Why would anyone want him?”
Against his better judgement, Yodama had Luck try a handstand. “Use the farce, feeeel it.”
Luck tried a handstand, and ended up rolling into a somersault. A startled rat ran out from under a bush.
“Oooo look a swamp rat. I’ll get it for dinner,” said Luck, who was tired of Yodama’s cooking. The rat scampered onto Luck’s half sunken starfighter. Luck scampered after the rat.
“Luck, no!” said Yodama. With the added weight of Luck, the starfighter groaned, and then with a sickening sucking sound, it sunk deeper into the swamp. Luck jumped back to shore.
“Pull it out of the swamp, Luck,” said Yodama.
“You ask for the impossible.”
Yodama crossed his short arms over his chest and sighed.
“Ok, I’ll try,” said Luck.
“No try. Do, or do not,” Yodama cut the air with his hand to emphasize the point.
“Ok, I’ll do not.” Luck sat down with his back against a mossy tree, and drank from a murky water bottle.
“Do it!”
Luck sighed and looked around him. He began pulling on a vine.
“What are you doing?”
“Getting a vine for a rope.”
“No, use the farce to do it.”
“Huh? How?”
“Oh, never mind, I’ll do it!” Yodama turned towards the starfighter, and extended his green, clawed hand. Luck snickered. Yodama turned towards him.
“Judge me by my size do you?”
“Well my date judges by size,” said Luck.
“I am strong with the force. Life creates it, makes it grow, its energy surrounds us.”
“I don’t believe it!”
“That is why your date doesn’t either.”
“Speaking of dates, maybe that blond at the filling station text messaged me.” Luck pulled out his space cell phone with the “Kiss me, I’m a Jetti in training” cover, and began scrolling through his text messages. “Hey, is this a joke? ‘Dear Luck, I’ve got your friends. Come to Sky City to save them, or else, terrible t
hings will happen to them. Best wishes, Dark Cater. P.S. Don’t bring any weapons.’ He put a smiley face at the end.” Luck looked at Yodama. “I guess I shouldn’t go because it’s a trap, right? You will advise me to stay and continue to train?”
“No, go ahead and go to Sky City.”
“Really? Aren’t you afraid I’ll turn to the Dark side?”
“It’s not going to strengthen the Dark side if you do. In fact, it might weaken them.”
Luck grinned widely. “Thanks, that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”
“Uh….”
“Come here, give me a hug, you little green gnome!” Luck gathered Yodama into a bear hug. Yodama’s feet left the ground. “Thanks for all the training and the eel dinners.” There was a muffled reply from Yodama as his face was under Luck’s armpit. Yodama struggled and used the farce to repel Luck. Yodama tumbled out of Luck’s arms, and to the ground. Breathing the fetid swamp air cleared his lungs of Luck’s armpit smell.
“I believe I can fly!” said Luck. “Can you raise the starfighter?”
Yodama stuck out a clawed hand towards the starfighter The starfighter shivered, droplets ran off the roof, but it did not rise.
Yodama narrowed his eyes. His hand trembled, and sweat broke out on his forehead. The starfighter raised an inch, but no more.
“Ha! I knew you couldn’t do it.” Luck smirked.
Yodama turned his hand to do an obscene gesture at Luck, and the starfighter exploded from the grip of the swamp water and slammed against a boulder. One wing broke apart, showering Luck and Yodama in metal shrapnel. A ring of metal rolled to the feet of Yodama.
“Call Obegone and ask him to pick you up,” said Yodama.
Luck’s mouth was hanging open. “You broke my ship!”
“Luck, don’t give into hate.”
Obegone got Luck’s confusing text message about picking Luck up and taking him to Sky City. Luck included the message from Dark Cater.
Obegone contacted Spocko for help.
“Luck’s message is confusing, but Dark Cater’s intentions are clear. Brun and Lela went to Sky City,” said Obegone to Spocko. “Dark Cater was waiting there to spring a trap. We must save Brun and the rest of them!”
I should have never left Lela, thought Spocko. “I will join you and free her.”
“This facility is crude,” said Dark Cater standing next to a pit spewing ice cold fog in Sky City.
“It is adequate as a freezer,” said the technician adjusting a control on the freeze-o-matic. He pulled a popsicle out of it, and gave it a lick. “Mmm, cherry flavored. Works fine.”
“I wasn’t speaking about the freezer. I was speaking about the bathroom. Their toilet paper is like sandpaper. Do people in sky cities have iron bottoms?”
“I’ll have to research that before giving you a scientific answer, sir,” said the technician.
“Oh, never mind,” said Dark Cater. “Will this work to freeze Stywalker for our trip back to the Emperor?”
“It’s used for freezing cargo for transport. We should test it first on a living creature. Perhaps there is a stainless steel rat about?”
Dark Cater laughed, turning up the reverb on his speaker to make it sound even more ominous. “No rats, we will test it on a dog. Bring in the prisoners!”
Princess Lela, Brun, Seetoo and Chewy were herded in by plastic armored guards. They stood on the floor lit from below with neon red. It was reminiscent of 1970s discos.
“Oh my, what retro decorating,” said robot Seetoo, eyeing the room. “It reminds me of my younger days.”
Dark Cater turned towards Lela. “So we meet again, Princess Lela. This time you won’t have any syringe wielding droids to protect you.” Cater was thinking of the Convince-o-droid on the Dearth Star.
“That was your droid,” said Lela.
“And that is your dog,” said Cater pointing at Chewy. “Put the werewolf into the freeze-o-matic.”
“Don’t Cater, whatever you want I can get it for you. I have political connections,” said Princess Lela. “You don’t have to hurt Brun or Chewy.”
“I like freezing werewolves. He’ll be a wolf popsicle--a wolfsicle.”
“Not this wolf, Cater. I’m warm blooded.” Chewy roared, his chest expanded and his shirt ripped. He was transforming into a werewolf.
“More like hot blooded,” said Lela admiring Chewy’s chest.
A syringe shot like a bolt from across the room, and hit Chewy in the stomach. Chewy cried out, wrenching the syringe out of his gut, but not before the contents had injected into him. There was a shimmering over his body and he shrunk back down to human size.
“The wolf’s bane in that syringe should inhibit any werewolf transformation,” said Van Helsing. He stepped out from behind a control panel. In one hand was a crossbow, and he was dressed like someone from medieval England.
“I hate wolf’s bane,” croaked Chewy. He stumbled forward. Lela reached for him, but guards surrounded Chewy, grabbing his arms. Chewy struggled but was too weak to fight.
“Take care of Lela, Seetoo,” said Chewy. Lela and he gazed into each other’s eyes, then they both leaned in, their lips meeting in a fierce kiss. Lela saw fireworks as they kissed, but the guards jerked Chewy away.
“No!” yelled Lela lunging forward. A guard grabbed her arm and pulled her backwards. Lela shoved him to the floor. Taking advantage of the chaos, Brun Solow grabbed the gun from the fallen guard and began shooting.
“None of that,” said the medieval man. He catapulted himself into Brun, knocking her into the freezer pit.
“Heh!” snapped Brun. She tried to climb out of the freezer, but the guards holding Chewy pushed him into the pit on top of Brun.
Immediately the technician threw the switch for the freeze-o-matic. A blast of freezing cold fog shot up and the last view Lela had of Chewy was his head tilted back looking at her, with sad longing.
“I will save you,” said Lela as the guards pinned her arms. “Somehow.”
The fog cleared. The arm of a huge crane lowered into the freezer pit. It pulled out a rectangular slab seven feet tall. The crane set the slab on the ground. The technician approached the slab, and pushed it over with a chilling thump. The slab had the faces of Brun and Chewy, showing shock from the sudden cold. Lela cringed.
“I hope they’re not damaged,” said the man with the crossbow. “Jabya the Hot is paying me very well for the werewolf and Solow.”
“Van Helsing, the Empire will compensate you for any loss,” said Cater. Or not, he thought. Cater held his crossed fingers behind his back.
The technician checked the readouts on the side of the slab. “They’re alive but in hibernation.”
Lela let out her breath she was holding. Brun and Chewy were trapped but alive. There was still hope. Then she turned angry eyes at the medieval man. “Van Helsing of the un-undead?” said Princess Lela. “My mother spoke of you.” Lela practically spat out the word “you.”
Van Helsing turned towards Lela and bowed. “Have I met your mother?”
“Perhaps,” said Lela realizing she needed to keep the identity of her real mother, Queen Paddymay, a secret. She would give her adoptive mother’s name. “She was Queen Dahlia of Aldaran.”
“A charming lady,” said Van Helsing, one corner of his mouth turning upwards.
“She will not be charmed to see how you treated my friends.”
“Princess Lela, so good to meet you, perhaps Dark Cater will let me escort you off the planet.”
“Where are you taking Brun and Chewy?” said Lela.
“A client of mine, Jabya the Hot, wishes to have a pet werewolf, and wants Brun Solow for her own private reasons. I found vampire hunting has not been paying as well as I would like it to.”
“So you took up bounty hunting?” said Lela, raising one eyebrow in an unconscious imitation of Spocko.
“Bounty hunting is only a hair’s breath different from vampire hunting,” said Van Helsing. He p
ulled a wooden stake out of a shoulder bag and ran his finger along the edge. “Only the width of a stake’s point different.” Van Helsing smirked.
Lela thought of vampire Vullcan Spocko. He could eat Van Helsing for breakfast. Literally.
“Stywalker has just landed, Lord Cater,” said a lieutenant.
“Good, reset the freeze-o-matic,” said Dark Cater. “We’ll have another package in the freezer soon. Make sure to use freezer wrap for Stywalker. We wouldn’t want him to have freezer burn.” Cater laughed loudly, turning up the reverb on his speaker again.
Chapter 39 Time to Spring the Trap
Fending off Luck’s interference, Spocko expertly landed the ship on Sky City’s tarmac.
“They let us land without an aerial battle,” said Spocko. “The logical conclusion is that Cater knows we’re coming, and has set a trap.”
“No doubt, and the best way to foil a trap…” said Obegone.
“Is to set it off when you’re not in it,” finished Spocko. He and Obegone turned and looked at Luck.
“Luck,” said Obegone. “It is time for a brave Jetti apprentice like you…”
“I’m a full Jetti, not an apprentice,” said Luck.
“Time for a full Jetti like yourself to work independently. We’ll split up and search Sky City for Brun.”
“And Lela,” said Spocko.
“And look for Chewy too?” said Luck.
Spocko frowned. He and Obegone looked at each other. “We’ll give Lela and Brun priority. Look for them, and get them back to the ship, whether you have Chewy or not,” said Obegone.
“Because they’re women,” said Luck, “and you two like them?”
Obegone patted Luck on the shoulder. “You’re growing up, Luck.”
Grabbing stun guns, the three of them disembarked.
“Okay, we’ll split up now and search,” said Obegone waving Luck ahead. Luck happily trotted across the landing platform and through the doorway to Sky City. Obegone and Spocko didn’t move.
“We’ll give Luck a few minutes head start, then go in the opposite direction,” said Obegone. Spocko nodded. “Hopefully, Cater will go after Luck and not notice us.”
Twilight of the Star Vampires (Set of Books 1-3):A Parody of the Twilight Saga, Star Wars and Star Trek Page 20