Hollywood Merman PG-13 Version

by KuroKoneko Kamen

  Chapter 4: Playful Dolphin

  Uriel chewed on her thumbnail as she gazed upon Levi’s interaction with actress, Vivien Tempest, who’d just fallen off a horse and sprained her ankle. Pity, she hadn’t broken her neck. Yes, it had been Uriel who’d placed the yellow and black poisonous snake in Vivien’s path. And yes, she’d tried to kill an innocent, human female.

  But Uriel didn’t feel bad about it. After all it had been to protect her charge, Levi. It had been for the ‘greater good’ or so Uriel believed.

  Uriel was a Rogue Angel and for the last five hundred years she’d been living in Hell with her brother while carrying out a very important mission. Uriel’s brother, Archangel Gabriel, had not agreed with God’s decision that his fallen angels were unredeemable. After all if the murderous, perverted humans that lived on Earth were given a second chance at redemption through their belief in Jesus Christ, it only seemed fair and right that the fallen angels had a way to redeem themselves too.

  More than five centuries ago, when God’s holy sword upon the Earth - Joan of Arc - had fallen in love with the demon Duke, Dantalion, and he’d fallen in love with her in return - this had shown Gabriel the answer.

  The key to the fallen angels’ salvation.

  Love.

  Love is the most powerful force of good that exists in the universe. Gabriel knew that love would have the power to redeem demons. The Archangel consulted with the demon seer, Vassago, who foretold that a possible future path existed where if the fallen angels were sent to Earth without their memories they would have the chance to fall in love with certain special men and women who were destined to judge the angels and fallen angels during the End of Days. As it says in: 1 Corinthians 6:3 Do you not know that we are to judge angels - to say nothing of ordinary matters?

  These special men and women are known as Judges.

  Judges have pure souls, kind hearts, and a special inner light.

  Upon hearing the prophecy, Gabriel and Uriel began offering fallen angels in Hell the opportunity for redemption by erasing their memories and sending them to Earth, so that they could find their destined Judge, and fall in love.

  The war over the fallen angels’ souls and their loyalties had begun.

  One may wonder why Uriel had joined her brother in this task. Back when she’d been God’s loyal Archangel, she’d fought side by side with a certain Archangel. A mighty prince of the Seraphim. This Archangel had been fearsome, strong, and powerful. A true warrior for God. She’d fallen in love with him, but the angel had only ever seen her a ‘sister’. And when this Archangel had decided to turn his back against God and ‘fall’, Uriel had decided to follow him into Hell, just not in the conventional way. She hadn’t sinned…just left her duties behind.

  That fallen angel was none other than Levi Devlin, The Brawler Chef.

  In a strange turn of events, God recently offered Uriel a chance to get back in his good graces by becoming Levi’s guardian angel, and helping him to find his destined Judge.

  If Levi fell in love with a Judge and managed to win her love in return - he would be redeemed and God would gain a powerful new ally in the battle against Evil.

  But Uriel had other plans. Why should a mere human female be the one to redeem Levi? She wondered. When it could be her?

  Uriel decided that she would make Levi fall in love with her this time. And that it would be she who redeemed him. No matter what.

  ***

  Evening had fallen and the merprince was watching Princess Vivien from the sea as she stood on her balcony gazing upon the vast ocean. He watched as the princess nibbled on her lower lip and looked around to make sure no one was watching her before a mischievous smile curled her lips. The princess then approached the balcony railing and swung her leg over it.

  Levi sucked in a surprised breath, and held it as he watched the princess grab hold of a vine and begin to use it to climb down the castle wall. Levi continued to hold his breath as he watched the spitfire princess descend from her balcony to the ground below using one of a series of leafy vines that had attached themselves to the side of the castle.

  As soon as her feet touched the sandy ground, Levi let out a breath of relief. He watched as Princess Vivien ran down the beach in her white robe, which billowed behind her, and then stopped. She happened to be standing on the beach in front of the rock Levi was hiding behind.

  Princess Vivien’s hands went to the belt of her robe and she untied it. She opened the robe, slipped it off her shoulders, and let it fall off her body so that it pooled at her feet.

  Levi sucked in a surprised breath, and his eyes widened when he saw the princess naked - illuminated only by the light of the half moon overhead and the twinkling stars. Her pale skin seemed to glow in the moonlight and the merprince decided she was the most beautiful female he’d ever seen. A beauty that could rival the Goddess Aphrodite. The beauty of the mermaids he knew in Atlantica could not compare with Vivien’s even with their dazzling multi-colored tails.

  Princess Vivien approached the surf slowly and dipped her toe in first to test the water’s temperature. Levi’s eyes lingered on the gentle curve of her foot and her long, lithe leg. He’d never found human legs to be attractive before but for some reason he found Vivien’s legs to be extremely attractive.

  The princess entered the ocean slowly and then began to swim around, enjoying her forbidden, and dangerous midnight swim.

  Unable to resist, Levi ducked down into the water and swam over to her. As she gazed across the water’s surface, he swam directly below her. He flipped over onto his back so that he could watch Vivien swim over him. She was so close to him…and yet so far away. Like the golden sun he’d always watched through the ocean - they were worlds apart.

  Even when she was here in his element.

  Unbeknownst to Vivien, Levi continued to swim with her, and in his happiness at getting to be this close to the princess he sent out a telepathic message to the nearby sea creatures to join them in this glorious moment. A moment he never wanted to forget and a memory that he would cherish for all eternity.

  Minutes later, Levi and Vivien became surrounded by graceful dolphins, gigantic sea turtles, and playful sea lions. When Vivien first spotted the dolphin fin she gasped and grew afraid, thinking it was a shark. But then the dolphin leapt up into the air and arced down into the water with a splash.

  Vivien gasped in surprise, and giggled with delight.

  Levi grinned triumphantly at the smile on her face, and her obvious happiness.

  It was in that moment that the merprince realized that he had fallen in love with her. Her happiness was his own.

  Wanting someone else’s happiness above your own - that is true love. Or so his father King Triton had told Levi. His father had also warned Levi that a merman’s love was eternal, and so to be very careful about who he bestowed his heart to.

  The dolphins began to put on a show for Princess Vivien by swimming in circles around her and leaping up into the air.

  Then came the grand finale of this aquatic performance.

  An enormous Blue Whale leapt up into the air and came crashing down into the water with a tremendous splash that sent waves and ripples in Vivien’s direction. She laughed and clapped her hands together in wonder. A wide smile broke out across her face and her face began to hurt since she was smiling so hard. Tears of happiness came to her eyes. Vivien had never seen something so beautiful before in all her life. “So beautiful…thank you.” Princess Vivien whispered to the sea.

  “And cut!” Director Maverick called out. The cameramen and light crew in the water swam back up the surface, and began to take their masks and breathing apparatus off. “That was amazing. Tell me you got all that on film! The dolphins jumping and that amazing whale at the end!” Scott demanded from the cameramen on the beach.

  The cameramen gave Director Maverick a thumbs-up. “Don’t worry, we got it, Director.”

  Vivien blinked in surprise.
“You mean that wasn’t in the script? Those weren’t professionally trained sea mammals or something?”

  Director Maverick shook his head and his eyes were sparkling with a look that clearly said he’s just won the lottery.

  “I didn’t think it was…I was so surprised when all of a sudden we were surrounded by so many sea creatures.” Vivien said.

  “I called them here.” A low, husky male voice whispered in Vivien’s ear.

  “Eek!” Vivien jumped and turned to see that Levi was swimming directly next to her in the ocean. “Levi…you did that? Why?” She questioned softly.

  Levi’s eyes were burning with an indefinable emotion. “I did it for you.”

  Vivien felt her cheeks heat up and she coughed awkwardly into her hand. “You mean you did it for the movie?”

  Levi just continued to stare at Vivien intently and there was this one particular emotion shinning in Levi’s deep blue eyes that seemed to make them glow. Vivien wondered what it was. It couldn’t be…lust? She shook her head at the outlandish thought and frowned. “Shouldn’t you be going off to…you know?” Vivien asked in a low voice.

  Levi nodded. “Yes, but first.” The merman swam to the shore like a bullet and held his hand out to Teresa in a demanding gesture. “Fetch me Vivien’s robe, woman. I will not allow anyone to see her naked again.”

  “Ah, right. Okay, sure.” Teresa swallowed her sassy retort at being called a ‘woman’ and ran over to fetch Vivien’s robe. She returned a moment later to hand it over to Levi. “Here you go, man.”

  “Thank you, female.” Levi said dryly before swimming back to Vivien’s side and handing her the robe. “Put this on, woman.”

  A flash of surprise crossed Vivien’s features. She took the robe from Levi and put it on. “Thanks…but I’m not ashamed of my body.”

  “If I had known you planned to reveal yourself in front of all these males…I never would have permitted it.” Levi’s eyes flashed gold. His manner was angry. Possessive.

  Vivien gave Levi a searching look. “Why do you care? Do you like me or something?”

  Levi flinched at her direct words. “What? No…I…it’s just inappropriate for a woman to reveal herself like that. Have some dignity, woman!”

  “Dignity!” Vivien burst out. “I’m an actress. And I’m playing a role and I will do whatever that role requires of me. It’s not ‘me’ who’s naked…it’s Princess Vivien. Don’t confuse reality and the movie, Levi.” She huffed and crossed her arms over her chest.

  Levi’s expression fell…and then darkened. “You’re right…it’s not reality.” That said the merman ducked beneath the water’s surface and swam away.

  “Jerk!” Vivien said as she hit the water with her hand, but an uneasy feeling swirled in her chest. She’d just lied. Because some of what had happened that night had been real…like her happiness upon seeing the dolphins and the Blue Whale. It had been an amazing gift and one she’d never forget.

  Vivien shook her head of such thoughts and made her way back to shore. Dylan was there to greet her. He snapped his fingers at his manager Charlie. “Towel.”

  Charlie ran off to fetch a towel and bring it to Dylan. Dylan handed this towel to Vivien. “Here, baby.”

  “Uh, thanks.” Vivien said as she wrapped the towel around her body for extra warmth. A blush rose to her cheeks when she realized Dylan had seen her naked. Eeee! So embarrassing! Huh. Maybe Levi was right about the whole letting everyone see me naked thing.

  Who the hell was she kidding? Levi was absolutely right. Maybe she should have asked Director Maverick if she could have worn a bikini during the scene or something? These days though actresses got naked like it was nothing. But just because it had become the norm didn’t exactly make it right.

  “Would you like some hot chocolate?” Dylan asked.

  “Uh, sure.” Vivien shot Dylan a surprised look. It was odd that he was suddenly paying attention to her.

  Dylan snapped his fingers at Charlie. “Hot chocolate.”

  “Right away, Dylan.” Charlie ran off to find some hot chocolate.

  Vivien felt a trickle of sweat slide down her temple. She couldn’t help but think that Levi would have gotten her the hot chocolate by himself…or made it for her by hand, for that matter. Poor Charlie had to go find a Starbucks.

  ***

  Later that same night, Levi was having a very hard time falling asleep. His body felt hot. Restless. He couldn’t stop thinking about Vivien Tempest. He’d seen Vivien Tempest naked. A sight he would never forget.

  When Vivien had removed her robe to reveal that she was naked and not even wearing a swimsuit, Levi had been incredibly caught off guard. A strange feeling of possessiveness had washed over him next and it had taken all of his willpower not to swim over to Vivien, drag her into the ocean, and shield her from everyone’s eyes.

  Levi had had the desire to gouge out all of the eyes of the men who’d seen Vivien naked but…

  The scene had been filmed and millions of males would be seeing his Vivien naked. Millions of males whose eyes he would have to gouge out. No, no, no. It was doable but Vivien wouldn’t be happy if she discovered what Levi had done. Her opinion of him mattered, and Levi wasn’t exactly sure why.

  In the movie, the narrator had claimed that in that moment the merprince had realized he was in love with Princess Vivien. Pfft. Falling in love just because he’d seen a human female naked? That was preposterous!

  Once again, Levi’s thoughts strayed to Vivien. Naked. Laughing. Smiling. God, that smile. His heart rate sped up. He felt hot. Sweat beaded on his skin. Levi felt feverish and warmth was pooling in his lower abdomen.

  He studiously ignored these strange feelings, like he always did. Levi shifted on the bed and the material of his shorts rubbed against himself. He hissed. That had felt…good? Levi put his hand down his shorts and began to pleasure himself.

  Tension coiled in his gut, and his muscles flexed and strained as he thrashed on the bed. This strange pressure was building inside of him. It was a frightening, unknown feeling but Levi couldn’t stop what he was doing.

  Levi groaned loudly and hoped his fellow chefs didn’t hear what he was up to as he got closer to…closer to…?

  A wave of pleasure crashed into Levi, and stars burst behind his eyelids. He let out a tortured roar: “Vivien!” For a moment, Levi had no control over his body as it trembled with pleasure…a frightening feeling indeed.

  Finally, Levi’s body settled down, returning to normal, and he felt…sated. Content. Tired. He removed his hand from his boxers. What the hell is this? What’s happening to me? And then Levi remembered watching dolphins mate in the wild…

  Mating.

  Levi sat up and pulled his shorts off to inspect himself. What the thing between his legs a reproductive organ? If he wished to produce offspring…would he unite his body to Vivien’s with it? Is that how it worked? Is that how humans mated? Levi didn’t know for sure. But as he imagined Vivien naked, he grew aroused once more. Did he wish to mate with Vivien?

  Absurd.

  Levi didn’t understand what was happening to him with his human body. He considered asking Derek about it, but quickly decided against it. The man would tease him indefinitely and he didn’t want to lose the man’s respect either. No, no, no. Not Derek. But who could help him with this? And then it hit him.

  Tristan Savant.

  Tristan Savant was an incubus or sex demon, who needed sex in order to survive. Tristan was also a chocolatier and owner of a mobile chocolate shop called, Dark Heaven. His chocolates contained a powerful aphrodisiac that drove women crazy with lust. Levi considered the chocolatier to be his friend and saw him as a kind of little brother. If anyone could teach Levi about ‘human mating rituals’ it was Sex Guru Tristan Savant.

  Tristan was currently engaged to a patissiere named, Issy Sweet, who specialized in whimsical novelty cakes. Issy was the owner of Dolly’s Tea Party Bakery where Levi’s oth
er ‘friend’ Ambrose Rune worked as an assistant patissier.

  Levi nodded to himself and decided that he’d go to Dolly’s Tea Party Bakery tomorrow and speak to Tristan. What did he have to lose?

  ***

  The following morning, Levi awoke feeling very warm and content, but his pillow had lumps in it. He groaned and reached out to fluff his pillow and his two hands landed on-

  What the? Levi’s eyes snapped open and he saw that a very naked Uriel was in bed with him and he had his hands on her bare flesh.

  “Good morning to you too.” Uriel purred.

  “Bloody hell!” Levi snatched his hands back and glared at the Archangel fiercely. “What the hell are you doing here, Uriel? And why are you naked?”

  Uriel turned on her side to face Levi and propped her chin in her hand. “I was just thinking I could help you out with that-” She nodded in the direction of Levi’s crotch.

  Levi looked down and realized that he was aroused. But why? That’s when he remembered that he’d been dreaming about Vivien…naked. The tips of his ears turned red. He shook his head vigorously to rid it of his lewd thoughts. “No way. Put some clothes on, woman!” Levi shouted before he unceremoniously shoved Uriel right off the bed.

  She landed on the floor with an ‘oomph’. Uriel stood up, dusted herself off, and pouted. “I wonder if I were Vivien if your answer would be different.”

  “What?” As Levi looked at Uriel’s naked body he felt his desire leave him. His heart did not beat faster. He felt normal. Even cold. Uriel’s nakedness did not affect him as Vivien’s had. Thank God.

  “I heard you moaning her name in your sleep.” Uriel waved a hand over herself and her silver battle armor appeared.

  “Aw man.” Levi rubbed a hand down his face to hide his embarrassment.

  “Are you in love with her?” Uriel questioned and waited until Levi met her gaze. Her blue eyes were boring into him, and righteous anger seemed to be swirling within their depths.

  “Don’t be absurd.” Levi glared at the pesky angel.

  “Levi…” Uriel trailed off before she steeled herself for what she wanted to say. “Vivien is not the female for you. She doesn’t care about you. She’s just using you for the betterment of her career. Vivien doesn’t see you as a human male but as a…fish. A pet fish even. The one she’s in love with is Dylan Black. And she knows your secret and so…she’s a danger to you. It’s a shame she didn’t break her neck when she fell off that horse.” She grumbled the last.

  Levi rubbed at his chest where an ache had formed at Uriel’s harsh, cutting words. But then he narrowed his eyes fiercely at Uriel when he caught her final grumble. “How did you know about Vivien’s accident?”

  Uriel’s ice-blue eyes were cold…so very cold. “I did it for you. To protect you.”

  Levi lunged off the bed, tackled Uriel to the floor, straddled her, and wrapped his hands around her throat. “I should kill you, woman!”

  “Then do it…kill me.” Uriel stared up into his deep blue eyes. “It would be an honor to die at your hands.”

  Levi was about to tighten his grip on Uriel’s neck when something stopped him. There was something familiar about Uriel…something he trusted. He instinctively knew this female was not his enemy and she would obey his commands. Levi let go of Uriel’s throat. “I will not harm you, female, but I will have your vow that you will not harm Vivien - directly or indirectly again. In fact…I order you to watch over her as well.”

  Uriel’s eyes flared at Levi’s unexpected request. “Levi…I…very well. You have my vow. I will not harm her directly or indirectly, and I shall watch over her as I watch over you.” A flicker of sadness passed across her icy gaze.

  But Levi didn’t notice it. The merman smirked and got off of Uriel. He held his hand down to her. Uriel took it and allowed herself to be helped up. She was surprised when Levi didn’t let go of her hand straight away. “Do I know-?” Levi was saying, however-

  There was a knock at his door. “Hey Levi, my man, you awake?” It was Derek’s voice.

  “Uh, yeah, just give me a second.” Levi turned to look at Uriel but she was already gone. He shrugged and got out of bed. Levi made his way over to Raphael’s tank and opened the jar of turtle food to sprinkle a little of it on the surface of the water. “Good morning, boy. How you doing today?”

  Raphael poked his head out of his shell and peered up at Levi with his golden eyes. Good morning. I forgot to tell you yesterday that a blonde human female was in your room snooping around.

  Levi’s eyes widened at this declaration. “Vivien Tempest was in my room?” He wondered aloud. “What was she doing?”

  She appeared to be admiring your decorations and put one of the shells up to her ear. After that she noticed your bloody socks and then she left. Raphael explained in Levi’s mind.

  Levi nodded. “I see.” So Vivien had been listening to the sound of the ocean in a seashell. The thought made him smile. Perhaps Vivien loved the ocean as much as he did. And just the thought that Vivien had been snooping around in his room in order to find out more about him, left him feeling giddy for some reason.

  ***

  Levi pulled his black Harley Davidson with blue wave designs on it, right in front of Dolly’s Tea Party Bakery, which was located on Pier 39’s boardwalk. He turned off the engine and swung his leg over the massive bike as he dismounted. Anytime he rode his bike he wore his favorite black leather jacket with spikes on it. He liked to think it made him look fearsome.

  Dolly’s Tea Party Bakery was a Victorian-style building that had been painted a pale pink with white accents. The sign that was attached to the building was white with the store’s name: Dolly’s Tea Party Bakery in swirly, black letters. The image of a sitting Victorian doll was also on the sign. The front window display had a small table where teddy bears and dolls were enjoying a tea party together. The shop was very…pink. Levi shuddered.

  The merman walked to the entrance, opened the door, and made his way inside. Levi planned to ask Issy where Tristan was and berated himself that he didn’t know the man’s cell phone number. Levi didn’t own a cell phone since he was wary of human technology, but he knew that if he wanted one that Malakye would hook him up.

  As Levi walked into the bakery he had the oddest sensation that he’d been hit with a shrink ray and shrunken down to doll size. Inside of Dolly’s Tea Party Bakery the tables and chairs were all three times the normal size. As a matter of fact, Levi had made that gigantic, oversized furniture for Issy by hand. Levi was good with his hands and enjoyed making furniture. It also never hurt to have extra money with all his restaurant’s expenses.

  Inside the bakery, were also seven-foot-tall dolls, seven-foot-tall teddy bears, and seven-foot-tall toy soldiers. The coffee was served in cups the size of bowls. The corner of Levi’s mouth twitched when he thought his friend Garth would fit right in and make all the furniture appear normal sized.

  The bakery was currently filled with people…mostly human couples. Levi looked around for any sign of Issy or Tristan, and that’s when he spotted the chocolatier seated at one of the tables sipping coffee and staring in one particular direction with a dopey look on his face.

  Levi followed Tristan’s line of sight and saw Tristan’s fiancée, Issy Sweet. Issy Sweet was dressed up like a Living Doll in a ruffled, baby blue, Victorian-style dress, knee socks, and patent leather shoes. Levi was surprised to note Issy wasn’t wearing a colored wig that day, so her natural brown, highlighted hair was on display. Her eyes also appeared to be her natural eye color that day - caramel brown.

  Levi looked back at Tristan. Yep. The guy had it bad. He was head over heels in love with that female. Tristan was definitely the man who could help him. The merman approached Tristan’s table and took a seat across from the man unnoticed. “If I were an assassin you’d already be dead.” His tone was dry.

  Tristan’s attention snapped to Levi and his eyes popped. “Levi? Hey, what’s
up, my man? Long time no see.” Tristan Savant was incredibly handsome with his long, blue-black hair and bi-colored eyes - one eye was a golden-yellow color and the other a sapphire blue. His hair was getting pretty long and was now past his shoulders. The chocolatier had pale skin, and was tall, and lithely muscled. Tristan was currently wearing a white chocolatier jacket, black pants, and dress shoes.

  “Hey.” Levi greeted, Tristan’s easygoing manner helped him to relax. “What’s with the hair?”

  Tristan fingered a lock of his longer hair and shrugged. “Issy said she likes it long.”

  Levi shook his head and his expression turned bemused. “You are so whipped, my friend. Anyways, a lot’s happened and…I need your help. And maybe some advice.”

  Tristan blinked and his expression immediately shifted to concern. “You need my help?” Tristan greatly respected Levi’s strength and power, and it seemed like there wasn’t anything the man couldn’t do. Levi could cook, build furniture, and kick some serious butt.

  Levi nodded. “Yes. Do you remember Vivien Tempest?”

  Tristan nodded and a tiny smile formed on his face. “Oh yeah. She’s the famous action heroine that was at Dolly’s during the Grand Opening Party. I never forget a beautiful female-” Tristan shot a worried glance Issy’s way. “But don’t tell Issy I said that. Anyways, what about her?”

  Levi rubbed the back of his neck in a nervous gesture. “She…discovered my secret and has blackmailed me into starring in this movie with her.”

  “Like a normal movie…or a porno?” At Levi’s blank expression, Tristan shook his head. “Never mind. What’s your secret?”

  “Do you have any salt?”

  “Uh, yeah, why?”

  “Can we go upstairs? I need to show you something. And bring the salt.”

  “Uh, okay…sure…as long as the thing you want to show me isn’t your junk.” Tristan said with all seriousness.

  “Don’t be a smart aleck.”

  Tristan grabbed a bottle of salt off one of the tables, and the two men headed upstairs to Issy’s bedroom. Levi grabbed the bottle of salt out of Tristan’s hand. “Wait here.” Levi made his way into the bathroom and shut the door behind him.

  “Okay.” Tristan was left standing in the middle of Issy’s bedroom with a befuddled look on his face. The chocolatier scratched the back of his head confusedly. “That was a strange way to ask if he could use our bathroom.” Tristan shrugged and took a seat on the bed. He could hear Levi turning on the faucet in Issy’s antique tub. Levi was obviously preparing a bath. “Maybe the water is out at his restaurant.” Tristan mused.

  The chocolatier was just about to leave; deciding the guy probably wanted some privacy when Levi called out to him. “Tristan, get in here.” His tone was firm.

  Tristan figured Levi couldn’t find the soap or something, and opened the door of the bathroom before strolling inside. “I thought you weren’t going to show me your-” His gaze flicked over to Levi in the tub and his eyes widened at the sight before him. “Holy crap!” Tristan shut the door quickly and locked it, his heart hammering inside of his chest. He couldn’t let anyone else see this! He turned to look at Levi again, his eyes wide. “You’re a, a, a-!”

  Levi nodded, looking amused by Tristan’s freaked out reaction. “I’m a merman.”

  “A merman.” Tristan murmured before walking over to Levi and crouching beside the tub. His gaze went over Levi’s shimmery, blue and green scaled tail that was so large it was hanging over the end of the tub. His gaze then focused on Levi’s bare chest, his brow furrowed, and he reached out and squeezed Levi’s pecs.

  “What do you think you’re doing, you perverted incubus!” Levi smacked Tristan’s hands away.

  Tristan chuckled at Levi’s flushed face. “Just making sure you’re not a mermaid.”

  “I’m male, you perverted idiot.” Levi shot back.

  Tristan pouted, looking disappointed, and thoroughly put out. “Aw man…where did my Ariel go? You just shattered a young man’s dream, you know?”

  Levi rolled his eyes. “Do I look like I care?”

  “So wait…you’re telling me that Vivi found out you’re a merman?” Tristan wanted to clarify.

  “Yes.”

  “How?”

  “I rescued her from drowning.” Levi grumbled and looked embarrassed by his admittance.

  “Like you did me, huh. So…back then that mermaid I thought I saw in the ocean was you.” Tristan beamed at Levi. “You’re such a nice guy. Even though you try so hard not to appear so.” A few months ago, Tristan had seen the ghost of his vindictive ex-girlfriend, Hazel, at the end of Pier 39 and had unwittingly followed her into the water. Tristan would have drowned had it not been for Levi.

  “Shut up. But now Vivien’s blackmailing me. I have to play the part of the merprince in the live action, Disney remake The Little Merman or else Vivien will reveal my secret.” Levi explained.

  “Merprince? The Little Merman?” Tristan ran a hand back through his hair. “Man, that’s messed up. Won’t your secret be discovered even easier?”

  “I’m handling it. That’s not what I need your help with.”

  “Oh? What is it then?” Tristan’s eyebrows rose.

  A hard look formed on Levi’s face and he shifted uncomfortably in the tub causing some of the water to splash onto the tiled floor. “For five hundred years I lived as a merman under the sea. I would hunt fish for my meals and my only friends were fellow sea creatures. I never tried to go on land…and it was only after I was captured by humans and almost vivisected that I discovered that when I dry off I get human legs and a…” Levi cleared his throat awkwardly.

  A frown formed on Tristan’s face as he listened to Levi’s story. “Whoa, back up a sec. You were captured? By who?” Tristan unconsciously tapped the tip of his shoe against the tiled bathroom floor. He was already itching for a fight.

  “That’s…not your problem. The less you know about them the better, Tristan.” Levi said sternly.

  But as Tristan’s gaze fell to the scar on Levi’s chest, the one that was directly over Levi’s heart, his bi-colored eyes glittered dangerously. “Tell me who tried to vivisect you, Levi, so I can go kick their butt.”

  Levi gave Tristan a surprised look. “Tristan…no, I won’t tell you.” Though he had to admit to himself that he was oddly touched by the gesture.

  The two men had a staring match that went on for several minutes before Tristan finally let out a resigned sigh. “Alright, fine, you stubborn guy. Go on.”

  Levi coughed into his hand. “When I gained human legs I gained…uh…” Levi looked down towards where his groin would be if he had legs.

  Tristan followed Levi’s line of sight and his eyes widened when he realized what Levi was trying to say. “Oh! You’re all freaked out because you grew one!” The chocolatier couldn’t help it - he burst out laughing.

  Levi flushed. This kind of reaction is exactly what he’d been afraid of. “Shut up.”

  “Oh man…I can’t believe it…” Tristan clutched his aching sides as he tried to stop laughing. “Levi Devlin is bothered by having one.”

  “This is no laughing matter!” Levi snapped.

  “Alright. Okay…I’m sorry. Well, not that sorry.” Tristan wiped a tear from his eye. “So what’s the problem exactly? It works…right?”

  Levi’s flush deepened. “Define…works.”

  Tristan blinked. “Whoa, you can’t be serious, right? You mean…you’re really completely clueless about it…about sex?”

  Levi reluctantly nodded. “I’ve seen dolphins mating before but…”

  “Oh man, oh man…Levi came to ask me about the birds and the bees!” Tristan’s tone was incredulous.

  “The birds and the bees?” Levi frowned.

  “Ah, just…forget about that. I don’t want to confuse you.” Tristan finally sobered, his expression turning serious. “Well, first of all…why do you want to know ab
out sex all of a sudden?”

  “My body and that part of me reacts to Vivien, and I don’t know what that means. Or what I should do about it.” Levi crossed his arms over his chest in a subconsciously protective gesture.

  “Oh, you like Vivi. I get it.” Tristan nodded to himself.

  Levi scowled at the chocolatier’s blasé attitude. “I never said I like her. I said my body…acts strangely when she’s around.”

  Tristan gave the merman a droll look. “Yeah, man, that’s because you’re attracted to her. You want to mate with her.”

  “Mate…and how would I do that exactly?” Levi swallowed, his throat feeling dry.

  Tristan blinked. “Er, you’d unite your bodies.” Man, this had to have been the weirdest conversation Tristan had ever had in his entire life. Now he knew what those poor guys had felt like on the Bachelorette when Kaitlyn made them explain sex to a classroom full of kids!

  “I see. So it is like dolphins.” Levi nodded to himself, feeling a little better.

  Tristan was beginning to get very worried for his friend. “I’ve never watched mating dolphins myself, but I’ll put it on my To Watch List of videos to look for on YouTube.” The chocolatier ran a hand back through his hair. “Man…I wonder if I should just show you some porn.” He gave Levi a thoughtful look.

  “Porn?”

  “Er…” Tristan hesitated; surprised that Levi didn’t even know what porn was. Levi was like this totally pure merman. Tristan felt…wrong if he’d corrupt Levi with something like porn. Besides, porn might totally freak Levi out and turn him off of the idea of sex completely. It seemed like a miracle Levi was even interested in a human female to begin with.

  This was a very delicate situation, Tristan realized. And he had to do right by his friend. He couldn’t screw things up. “Never mind. Look, Levi, I think it’s better if you don’t know too much about it. I mean…if you decide you love Vivien…then just tell her so. And then just tell Vivien that you’re a clueless virgin. She’ll take good care of you and show you how to have sex. This is really between you and her.”

  “Love…how do I know if I’m in love with her?” Levi asked with a furrowed brow as he gave Tristan an intense look.

  “If you see her around another guy, and your heart beats faster and your blood boils - you love her.” Tristan said in a matter-of-fact tone. He remembered how it felt to see Ambrose Rune flirting with Issy before he finally managed to win her heart - he’d wanted to beat the crap out of the guy.

  “I see. And I can only have sex…if I’m in love with her?” Levi asked.

  “Well…I’d recommend that. Having sex is a union of souls, so you should only have sex with someone you deeply care for or else you risk damaging your soul. I had to learn that the hard way. My guardian angel Michael taught me this. My soul…is in shambles right now because of my previous promiscuous lifestyle, but Issy is healing it with her love.”

  “Understood. What should I do when I get aroused?” Levi glanced away, feeling awkward.

  Tristan raised an eyebrow at the merman. “You’ve never pleasured yourself?”

  “Actually, last night I pleasured myself while thinking about Vivien and something happened.” Levi explained.

  “Ah, that’s how you make babies alright. Except you’d just do that with Vivien.” Tristan felt like hitting his head against the wall. He was doing such a lousy job with this Sex Ed, stuff it wasn’t even funny.

  “I could really make a baby with Vivien? Produce young?” Levi looked a little thrown by this startling revelation.

  “Yes. Look, as long as you’re alone like in your bedroom…it’s okay to pleasure yourself if you feel like it. It’s perfectly normal. Just don’t do it outside of anyone’s window in the middle of the night or you’ll get arrested.”

  Levi scowled. “I’m not an idiot. I would never do such a thing in public.” He coughed into his hand before continuing. “But when I was pleasuring myself I felt…dirty. It was also a little bit…frightening, temporarily losing control of my body like that.”

  “Again, I would suggest you do it with someone you care about. Like getting Vivien to do it for you. Then it will have meaning.” The corner of Tristan’s mouth twitched at his lewd suggestion.

  Levi’s brow furrowed in thought. “How would she…?”

  “She could use her hand or her mouth to pleasure you. But you shouldn’t be afraid…it’s a natural response your body is having to your physical attraction to Vivien. And you shouldn’t feel dirty about it either. A lot of males pleasure themselves because it feels good and relieves stress.” Tristan waved his hand flippantly through the air. If Issy knew about how many times Tristan pleasured himself per day she’d probably have a heart attack. But every cute little thing she did seemed to turn him on these days.

  “I see.” Levi let out a sigh of relief, and his expression turned grateful. “Thanks Tristan…and thank you for not laughing at me or teasing me about all this, but for taking it seriously. Well, for the most part anyways.” A wry smile formed on Levi’s face.

  “No problem, my man.” Tristan clapped Levi hard on his shoulder. “I’m just glad you didn’t ask Ambrose about all this. He would have had a field day! There’s no telling what strange ideas he would have put into your head!”

  Levi shuddered at the thought. “I hear you.”

  There was a knock on the door. “Tristan? Levi? Are you guys in there? It’s been more than thirty minutes…” It was Issy’s voice and she sounded worried.

  “Oh crap.” Tristan glanced over at Levi’s tail. “What should we do? Dry you off?”

  “Hey, what are you two doing in there? Oh my God, Tristan, are you and Levi…in love? I always knew your fashion sense was just too good to be true.” Issy began to cry on the other side of the door. “Uwha!”

  “What? No, babe, it’s not like that!” Tristan shot to his feet, and unthinkingly unlocked and opened the door.

  Issy removed her hands from her face to reveal that it was tear free. “Ha! You are so gullible. I so got you, I-” Issy trailed off as she looked past Tristan and caught sight of Levi. “Oh my Goodness!” She shoved Tristan back inside of the bathroom, and locked the door behind them. Only then did she turn around and stare at Levi. “You…?” She approached Levi with slow steps. “You’re a…?”

  Levi held his breath as he awaited Issy’s response. He liked Issy and hated that she had to see him like this. Would she find him to be disgusting? Frightening? Would she scream? Run away? Call him a monster? Try to attack him?

  “Merman.” Issy sunk to her knees next to the tub, stars in her brown eyes, and awe in her voice. “Wow. Amazing. That is so incredible. Your tail, it’s…so beautiful.” She raised her hand towards it but then stopped herself. A blush had come to her cheeks, and she looked up to give Levi a questioning, hopeful look. “May I touch it?”

  Levi released the breath he’d been holding and felt a wave of relief wash over him. “Knock yourself out, Issy.”

  Issy squealed excitedly, reached out, and stroked Levi’s tail. “Wow…it’s softer than it looks.”

  Levi’s expression softened as he watched Issy’s actions. “21st Century females are so…different. I remember how centuries ago most humans that saw me in this form would either fear me or try to attack me. But you’re different, even Vivien hadn’t acted shocked at all. In fact, she’d gotten this calculating look on her face as if she’d struck gold.”

  Issy gasped. “Vivien knows too?”

  Levi nodded, “Yes, she’s blackmailing me into playing the part of the merprince in the Disney remake The Little Merman. She claims it’s all for the betterment of the movie.”

  “Oh, I so want to see that movie. Like oh my God…you’re going to be in it. In the movie. This means you’re an actor. You’re like famous now. A celebrity. I should get your autograph now before you forget about the little people.” Issy began to look around the bathroom as if she expected to find a
pad of paper and a pen sitting around somewhere.

  Levi’s eyes had become hooded from Issy petting his tail. The act was somehow very soothing.

  Tristan noticed Levi’s expression and snatched Issy’s hand back. “Okay, babe, that’s enough petting the merman. If you want to pet someone’s tail…pet mine.” His voice lowered at the end and became husky.

  Issy blushed at Tristan’s suggestion. “Geez, don’t be nasty in front of Levi.”

  “Levi here was just asking me for relationship advice. He’s got it bad for Vivien.” Tristan revealed.

  “Ooo really?” Issy returned her gaze to Levi with an intrigued expression on her face.

  “Tristan, you big mouth! I said no such thing! Stop extrapolating.” Levi growled.

  “I think you two would make a great couple.” Issy gushed as she clasped her hands together and seemed to be imagining something in her mind.

  “Really?” Levi’s expression turned hopeful despite himself. “But…I’m a merman and she’s a human female.”

  “And I’m a human female who fell in love with a half-incubus.” Issy wrapped her arms around Tristan’s neck to prove her point.

  “Point taken.” Levi agreed. The impossible, was possible.

  Issy’s expression turned serious. “Levi, you have to be careful about who you reveal your secret to. There are humans out there who will want to-”

  “Vivisect me. I know.” Levi shuddered as he remembered the feeling of Agent Darkhart using the buzz saw on him.

  Issy nodded grimly. “Thank you…for trusting us with your secret, Levi. It’s safe with us. Even if they torture me I won’t reveal it!” She held up a fist before her in an adamant gesture.

  “If they torture you - just give me up.” Levi said with a serious note to his voice.

  “Issy stop being so nice to Levi. It’s making me jealous.” Tristan pouted.

  “Someone’s insecure.” Levi goaded as he put his hands behind his head and struck a relaxed pose that showed off his biceps.

  Issy giggled at Levi’s antics. That merman’s body was fine. “Well, a merman is hard to top.”

  Tristan jaw dropped. “Uh, hello - incubus, right here.” He beat his hand against his chest. “Who doesn’t want an incubus for a boyfriend? I’ve got the chocolate-scented pheromones…and my saliva is an aphrodisiac.”

  Issy tapped her chin in thought. “I dunno…I’m torn.”

  “Nooo!” Tristan clutched his head between his two hands and moaned dramatically.

  Levi chuckled at Tristan’s theatrics. He knew the man was just trying to make him feel better. These were his unlikely friends…human friends. And it felt good sharing his secret with them. Issy and Tristan soon joined in laughing along with Levi.

  Afterwards, with Tristan’s help Levi got out of the tub and began to dry his tail off with a fluffy white towel. Once his legs began to appear Tristan and Issy both turned around to give him some privacy. There was a blush to Issy’s cheeks.

  “Hey, no peeking, Issy.” Tristan warned his fiancée in a possessive manner. “The only male junk I want you looking at is mine.”

  Issy rolled her eyes and frowned. “When you say something like that it really makes me want to take a peek.” She groaned and found herself glancing over her shoulder. “Oh my God…it’s huge!”

  “I told you not to look!” Tristan moaned.

  “It might even be bigger than yours, Tristan.” Issy couldn’t help but tease.

  “You so did not just go there.” Tristan glanced over his shoulder and frowned. “He’s not bigger…no way.”

  “Maybe it’s bigger because he’s bigger in general.” Issy suggested playfully.

  “I’m not listening.” Tristan stuck his index fingers in his ears and began to whistle.

  Is bigger better? Levi wondered as he looked down at himself. He would have put his money on ‘inconvenient’. He shrugged. Whatever. I’ll probably never understand how human females think.

  To be continued in…Fish 5: Romantic Koi