To Love Anew

by Bonnie Leon

  Hannah’s first meal there was more than she could have hoped for. When a thick mutton stew with fresh bread was set on the table, she thought that perhaps God hadn’t forgotten her after all. She spooned up a bite of the stew enjoying the mix of flavors—vegetables with lots of meat. “I had no notion that stew could taste so delicious.”

  Elvine tried not to smile. “I pride myself on my cooking. It’s not always easy here at the end of the world. I sometimes have to make do with what’s handy.”

  Hannah took a bite of bread. It was fresh and soft. “I doubt I’ve ever tasted bread this good.” She took another bite.

  “I dare say, there’s lots of bread just like it round about. I imagine your exuberance comes from having so little during your captivity.” She eyed Hannah. “You could use a bit more meat on your bones.”

  “I’m quite willing to do all that is required to accomplish that.” Hannah smiled and then settled down to her meal, eating every bite. When she left the table she was overly full. That night for the first time in many months, she went to bed without feeling hungry. She snuggled down on a cushioned bed beneath plentiful blankets and slept soundly. When she awoke the next morning, she forgot for a moment where she was. When she remembered how her life had changed, she was eager for the day.

  This was wash day, and Hannah helped Gwen with the laundry. There was a pile the size of a small mountain. They were responsible for washing bedding, towels, and all the clothing for those who lived and worked on the premises.

  “It’s a terrible lot,” Gwen said. “Can’t imagine how much there would be if the Athertons had children.”

  “They don’t have any?”

  “Not a one.”

  “Do you know why?”

  “No. No one ever said. But I’m certain Mrs. Atherton would have made a fine mother.”

  “I agree. She’s very kindhearted and she’s helped orphans at the gaol find homes. In fact, a little girl I knew . . .” Hannah stopped, for the thought of Lottie raised a lump in her throat. Swallowing away the hurt, she continued. “Mrs. Atherton helped her find a home.” She dropped a sheet into a basket. “I wonder why she never adopted any herself.”

  “Can’t say.”

  Hannah was still puzzling over that question when she headed outside with a basket of clothes. She set the basket on the ground and then straightened, breathing in the country air. It was comfortably warm. A breeze caught at the eucalypt trees, stirring up their sharp fragrance.

  Hannah moved along the clothesline, taking pins from her pocket and securing items. While hanging one of Elvine’s aprons, she heard someone walking through the dry grass behind her.

  “Hannah?”

  She looked over her shoulder and then turned to stare at the man approaching. Was it John? He looked quite different—well dressed, clean shaven, and his dark hair cut and pulled back away from his face. It was him. She gasped. “John?” Quickly pinning the apron, she turned to face him. “It can’t be you. I don’t believe my eyes.”

  He smiled broadly and moved toward her. “It’s me all right.” He reached for Hannah, lifted her, and held her in his arms. “I thought it was you, but I wasn’t sure.” He set her back on her feet.

  Hannah smoothed her skirt and her hair, uncertain just what to do. It was inappropriate for him to embrace her in such a fashion.

  “I’m sorry for my enthusiasm.” He gazed at her, adoration lighting his hazel eyes. “I just couldn’t believe it was you. I told Mr. Atherton about you, but he never said that you’d been put to work here.”

  “I wondered who’d told him about me. Mrs. Atherton said I’d come highly recommended.” She barely managed to keep her smile modest. “Thank you kindly for rescuing me from the factory.”

  “That’s where you ended up, then? I’m sorry. Heard it’s a dreadful place.”

  “That it is. Lydia’s still there. I’ve been hoping to find a way to rescue her. It really is horrible.”

  “Perhaps there’ll be need for more help here.”

  “Perhaps.” Hannah studied John’s angular face. “I’ve never seen you cleaned up.”

  “Better?”

  “Yes. Much.”

  “And I’ve never seen you looking quite so beautiful.” He couldn’t conceal his admiration.

  Hannah felt her face redden. “How is it that you came to work here?”

  “Mr. Atherton heard about my tooling skills. He needed a man and hired me off a road crew. I’m overseeing the toolmaking as well as taking care of some other business responsibilities.”

  “You’ve done well then since I last saw you.” She folded her arms over her chest. “I’m happy for you.”

  “God has been good to me. Life’s not so bad after all, eh?”

  “Not so bad,” she said, though she hadn’t forgotten how ugly and cruel it could be. And might be again. If she made a mistake or if the Athertons discovered the secret of how despicable she really was, she could end up back at the factory. “I best get to my work. It’s wash day and the pile of clothes is tremendous.”

  “Right. Of course.” John remained where he was. “So I’ll see you about, then?”

  “I should think so.” Remembering that John didn’t know how wicked she could be, she felt an inexplicable malaise.

  He lingered. “Would you consider taking a walk with me tonight after dinner?”

  “Is that allowed?”

  “We’re permitted to move about freely. Mr. Atherton has no fear that we’ll run off. Where would we go, after all? And he’s good to us. A man would be a fool to leave.”

  “All right. I’ll walk with you.”

  “After dinner, then.” John moved away, then stopped and waved.

  Hannah waved back. The old fears and self-loathing threatened to strangle her joy. She refused to allow it. This was a moment to be savored.

  19

  Pulling a shawl around her shoulders, Hannah hurried to the main house. She stepped carefully to avoid puddles from the previous night’s rain. Guests were expected four days hence, and a long list of duties awaited her; the flatware and silver needed polishing and Mrs. Atherton’s gown still waited for final touches. There were also the daily chores that must be completed, including preparation of the guest rooms.

  When she stepped onto the back porch, she stumbled into Elvine who was leaning over a basket of clothing. “Forgive me,” Hannah said. “I’m in a rush.”

  “No harm done.” She folded a dress and laid it in the basket.

  Gwen set an empty basket on a table. “Why in such a hurry?”

  “I’ve a great deal to do before the guests arrive.”

  “We’ve all a lot to do.” Gwen smiled. “It’s always this way when the Athertons host an event.”

  Elvine brushed back graying hair and studied a shelf piled with clothing. “I’ve got pies and cakes to bake. Plus I need to sort through these dresses. There are more than usual this time ’round—for the ladies.”

  “More than usual? For what?”

  “Mrs. Atherton is going to the Female Factory today. She drops in from time to time, seeing to the needs of the prisoners.”

  “Yes, of course. I first met her at the gaol in Port Jackson.” Elvine glanced outside at the dark sky. “I’m glad she’s going no farther than the factory today. The weather’s looking dreadful.”

  “Do you think she needs help?”

  “Certainly.” She eyed Hannah. “You thinking of going, eh?”

  “Possibly.”

  “And what about your duties, then?”

  “I’ll work later tonight and start earlier tomorrow.” Hannah needed to go. If Lydia was still there, this was an opportunity to see her.

  “I don’t think it wise for anyone to go out there. Heard they’ve an outbreak of sweating sickness.”

  “Disease is part of a convict’s life. It’d be difficult to find a time when there wasn’t an outbreak of some sort.”

  “I’ll never set foot in that place again,” Gwen sa
id. “It was a horrible time I had there. And I don’t need to be reminded of them days.”

  “I understand, but I’ve a friend still there,” Hannah said, moving toward the kitchen. “I’ll speak to Mrs. Atherton and see if I can be of assistance. Do you know where she is?”

  “In the study. I believe she’s looking for books to take with her.”

  Hannah hurried to the study where she found Mrs. Atherton standing on a chair and reaching for a book on a top shelf. It seemed a precarious position for one of her age and plump figure. “Do be careful.” She moved toward her mistress.

  “I’ve got it.” Mrs. Atherton grasped a book and held it against her chest. With one hand on the back of the chair, she gingerly climbed down. Blowing on the cover, she said, “Dusty on the top shelves.”

  “Sorry, mum. I’ll make sure it’s taken care of.”

  “I’m sure you will.” She smiled. “You look in good humor this morning. Did you sleep well?”

  “I did, indeed.”

  “Good.” She added the book to an already full crate and then stooped to lift the box.

  “I’ll carry it,” Hannah offered.

  “Thank you, dear. I’m not quite as robust as I once was.” She stepped back as Hannah hefted the box. “Can you take it to the back porch? I’ll have Mr. Keen load it into the carriage.”

  The box pressed against her abdomen, Hannah headed for the porch. Mrs. Atherton followed.

  “Elvine said you’re going to the Female Factory today.”

  “I am.”

  “Could you use some assistance? I’d be honored to accompany you. I know some of the ladies and could be of service to you there.”

  “I suppose that’s true.”

  Hannah stepped into the kitchen. “It’s charitable of you to assist the ladies.” She pushed against the door leading to the porch and set the box on a table. “I remember when you came to Port Jackson. I was much encouraged by your visit. . . .” Her voice caught. “Knowing that someone cared meant a lot.”

  “I feel badly for the women and especially the children. So many were transported without just cause. I do very little for them, but I pray my presence brings a bit of pleasure into their dismal lives.”

  She peered out the porch door. “It would be best to take the carriage. It’s miserable weather. I do hope the rain holds off.” Mrs. Atherton glanced back at Hannah. “Having your company will be an added blessing today.”

  Hannah’s stomach churned. She tried to maintain a calm exterior, but the closer they came to the factory, the more distressed she felt. Like Gwen had said, it held memories best forgotten.

  Mrs. Atherton had been quiet, mostly watching the countryside pass by the window. “It seems the weather is improving. Dalton is a skilled driver. I trust him no matter what the weather.”

  Hannah glanced outside. Sunshine peeked through heavy clouds. “It may turn out to be a fine day after all.”

  Mrs. Atherton settled a sympathetic gaze on Hannah. “I’ve often wondered what it is that troubles you, dear.”

  “Troubles me?” Hannah felt a knot of fear in her stomach. “Nothing’s troubling me. I’m quite content.”

  Mrs. Atherton’s eyes seemed even more gentle. “I’ve been thinking about Lottie and how much she must have meant to you.” She rested a hand on an open window. “I do hope my finding a home for her wasn’t too painful for you.”

  “No. Of course not. Certainly, I’ve missed her, but I’m thankful she has a good home and a family.”

  “Good, I was just wondering. You seem to carry a burden, and I wondered if that might be it.”

  “We all have our burdens,” Hannah said, hoping her tone didn’t give away her alarm. She didn’t want Mrs. Atherton to know about her past. She changed the subject and asked, “I’ve wondered why you never adopted. You’ve helped others.”

  Her mistress didn’t answer right away, and Hannah feared she’d crossed the line of propriety.

  Then Mrs. Atherton smiled. “I don’t believe anyone has posed that question to me before.”

  “I apologize. I shouldn’t have asked. Forgive me.”

  “No.” Mrs. Atherton sighed. “I don’t mind, truly.” Her eyes took on a faraway look. “When William and I first married, we planned on a family. We believed it would simply happen. But the years passed and there were no babies. I kept believing God would bless us with children of our own, but it didn’t happen.

  “In his younger years William was quite an adventurer.” Her eyes sparkled at the memory. “He’d accomplished a great deal in England, but when he heard about this place with so many opportunities, he decided we should move here.” She smiled. “That’s my William.” She let out a soft breath. “So we came. It was a wild place in those days.”

  Her eyes turned sad. “We were no longer young and we were still childless. I must admit that I wallowed in my sorrow. By the time I saw beyond my own need, it was too late. I was too far advanced in years. Taking care of a child requires more stamina than I have.” She pressed her fingertips to her lips and then continued. “I always watch for the little ones, and if I know of a good home, I see to it that they have a chance at being part of a family.”

  Hannah’s heart ached at Mrs. Atherton’s sorrow. “I’m so sorry, mum.”

  “No. No. Don’t be. God has blessed me in ways I’d never counted on. I couldn’t do what I do if I’d children of my own to look after.” Lifting her eyebrows slightly, she added, “Sometimes I feel like a mother to the suffering women in the gaols and a grandmother to their little ones.”

  As the carriage approached the Female Factory, Hannah tensed and her stomach ached. At the Athertons, her old wretched life seemed like someone else’s. Now, it came rushing back—real and ghastly.

  The carriage stopped. Dalton opened the door and assisted Mrs. Atherton as she stepped out. She looked back. “Hannah, dear, can you bring the dresses?”

  Hannah remained tucked safely inside the carriage. She stared at the building, picturing the pitiful conditions inside. Maybe it had been a mistake to come. Then she remembered Lydia.

  She grabbed the bag of clothing and moved to the door. When she stepped out, she immediately came face-to-face with a familiar and malicious guard. Wearing a scowl, he stared at her.

  Hannah held his gaze. She stood erect and defiant. He’ll not intimidate me.

  Mrs. Atherton glanced at the driver. “Pierce, could you please carry in the box of books?”

  “Glad to, mum.” He lifted the box off the floor of the carriage.

  Stepping around a large puddle, Mrs. Atherton smiled pleasantly as she approached the guard. “Good day, young man. I’m here to—”

  “Right, I know, to offer these poor women a bit of solace.” His tone was sarcastic.

  “Indeed.” Mrs. Atherton remained unruffled. “And I might add the Governor has been quite pleased to hear of my visits. I’m certain he’d also be interested to know how I’ve been received.”

  A puzzled expression touched the guard’s face, and then grudgingly his demeanor softened. “Go on in.” He stood aside.

  “Thank you.” Mrs. Atherton moved indoors and then up the stairs. She glanced back at Hannah. “Come along, dear.”

  Hannah didn’t try to conceal her satisfied smile as she followed her mistress. Her satisfaction, however, quickly faded as she moved through the downstairs quarters. They were just as awful as she remembered, only now they were also damp and cold. The hearth contained no fire, and the stink was worse than before.

  Upstairs in the loft, women sat as they always did on the benches, twisting rope twine and carding wool. There were new faces, including children she’d not seen before. She thought of Lottie and thanked the Lord that she’d been adopted. The Parnells were good people and fine parents. Since arriving at the Athertons, she’d hoped to see Lottie in church, but heard that the Parnells had been on holiday. Maybe soon we’ll become reacquainted.

  Without warning, Hannah’s mind carried her to her
dead child. It would have been happy and well cared for at the Athertons. If she’d survived, we could have shared a life. She tried to focus on the women.

  Abigail, the first woman Hannah had met at the factory, was still there. She looked thinner. She stood. “Mrs. Atherton. Grand t’ see ye.”

  “Hello, Abigail. I have gifts for the ladies.” Mrs. Atherton sat on a bench.

  “Abigail,” Hannah said. “Do you remember me?”

  “Hannah?” Abigail smiled. “Ye don’t look the same.”

  Hannah glanced down at her simple but fine-quality frock. “The Athertons have been good to me. Are you well?”

  “Good as a soul can be in a place like this.” She managed to smile, lack of care. “Yer lookin’ real fine. Like a lady.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Hannah? Hannah!” a familiar voice cried.

  “Lydia,” Hannah said, turning to see her friend running to her.

  “I was out back. Heard someone, but never expected ye.” She threw her arms about Hannah and hugged her tightly. “Ye’ve been on me mind every day since ye left. Wondering how ye are.” She stepped back. “And look at ye. Yer a grand lady now.”

  “Just a housemaid,” Hannah said with a laugh. It was so good to see her friend. She was a bit thinner and pale, but she was the same Lydia—her red hair falling down around her shoulders and her green eyes steady.

  Lydia hugged her again then stepped back. “Oh dear, I’m going to get ye dirty.” Staring at Hannah, she smiled broadly. “It’s truly grand to see ye.”

  “I’ve thought about you every day.” Hannah stepped aside and glanced at Mrs. Atherton. “This is my employer, Mrs. Atherton. Mrs. Atherton, this is my good friend Lydia.”

  Lydia nodded slightly. “I remember meeting ye at Port Jackson. Ye come by with some pretty dresses and sweet treats.”

  “Oh yes. It’s been some time ago. As soon as the weather improves, I’ll be on my way to Port Jackson again.” With a smile, she hoisted a basket. “I’ve brought cakes.”

  The women crowded around the visitors, and Mrs. Atherton distributed the sweets. “I’ve also brought some gowns for you.” She turned to Hannah. “Could you and your friend Lydia match up the ladies with the right dresses?”