Jared pulled over. Amanda still stared at the road as if the car were moving over it. He reached across and slid his palm down her cheek, turning her face to his. ‘You want a spreadsheet detailing every woman I’ve ever slept with?’
‘No.’ The thought repelled her. She hated all of them.
‘Then let it go. The past is past.’
‘Would your spreadsheet run to more than a page?’
‘Amanda,’ he half laughed.
‘It’s not fair. You know exactly the detail on mine.’
‘It was a lot harder saying no to you than to her.’ Softly he brushed back a wisp of her hair.
Well, that sure didn’t make her feel any better. The old embarrassment crushed her, doubling in weight. She’d thought she was so special. Had been offering him a precious experience as if she were some princess bestowing a favour on a man she thought worthy.
But in truth she was just one of at least two women throwing themselves at him like cheap tarts. No wonder he’d got so jaded. Part of him must have wanted to laugh but instead he seemed so bitter about it. Why?
‘What did she do when you refused her?’
His expression closed over again. ‘That’s something you really don’t want to know.’
He looked over her shoulder, nodded to the rest home. ‘Now get in there and sort him out. I’ll see you at the motel later.’
Chapter Twelve
AMANDA paused at the bottom of the rest-home steps and made herself file away the conversation of the last five minutes in a compartment labelled ‘Danger: Do Not Enter’. Grandfather was the priority. Grandfather, whom Jared was going to help. She quickly walked in, far more confident than when she’d arrived first time round this morning. Jared hadn’t laughed at her. He’d taken her qualms seriously and invigorated her with the sense that she was right to be concerned and, even more, that she had to do something about it. She’d known that. But it was so nice to have the back-up.
As for what might have been happening to Grandfather? She couldn’t think about it. For so long she’d seen him as a pain in the neck, restricting her freedom, limiting her choices—giving her no choices, in fact, not until she was well and truly of age. Underneath she’d known he had her best interests at heart. Thought he was doing what was best for her. That he loved her—as she loved him. But she’d also hated him for it, and rebelled in cowardly fashion, by leaving, barely visiting—only occasionally out of obligation.
She hadn’t known the extent to which he’d helped Jared and there was part of her now that felt jealous. Sure she knew Jared had worked odd jobs—she’d watched him after all—but she’d no idea of the almost paternal care Grandfather had taken over him. He’d kept his business life away from her; it wasn’t something she’d ‘needed to worry her pretty little head’ about—not until he was no longer capable and then it was kind of too late. She wished he’d included her more, taught her more. Maybe she should have asked more, taken a more active interest.
But the hard, determined man had been old school through and through. Women didn’t do the finances; that was the man’s job. He’d probably spent far more time talking to Jared than he ever had to her. And no wonder Jared felt as if he owed him. He’d made him work for what he got, given him a sense of respect and dignity. She wished he’d done the same for her. She’d been given all the ‘things’ a girl could want and yet none of the things she’d really needed in life.
Completely spoilt and sheltered right up until that night of her birthday, and then he’d been so angry he’d sent her away to a hell on earth. And she’d been so angry she hadn’t come back—not until it was too late.
He was dressed and dozing in his armchair when she got to his room. She shut the door behind her as she went in. Carefully lifted the short sleeve of his tee and got her phone from her bag. Feeling like a spy, she took a couple of pictures of the angry-looking bruise and checked his other arm. There were another couple of bruises. Anger and upset burned in her chest and she didn’t leave his side the rest of the afternoon.
The darkness unnerved her as she walked back to the motel. Despite the streetlights the sky was huge and forbidding. She was cold and the heels of her shoes clipped and echoed along the empty street. Her feet moved faster as she saw the lights of the motel. Breathless, she scanned the note taped to her door.
In the next unit…
That was as far as she read because the door next to hers opened. Jared looked at her, took her hand and with a frown pulled her straight into his room.
‘How did you get on?’ He took both her hands between his and rubbed them.
‘OK. How about you?’
‘Great.’ He smiled and she felt as if the sun had just burst through the storm clouds. ‘I found a place for you to look over on Monday. I’ve made an appointment already but you can take a look at the website now.’
She walked to the table where his laptop was open, the big screen showing bright, high-definition images of a place that looked like a five-star resort.
She skimmed an eye over the features of the exclusive facilities. ‘But there must be a waiting list?’
‘It’s taken care of. You decide if you like it and that’s where he’ll go.’
So fast. So easy. And while it was wonderful, suddenly she felt so guilty. Why hadn’t she been able to do this herself? ‘You’ve been busy.’
‘We’ll get a specialist to look him over,’ he said. ‘I’ve already been on to them about that. There might be other meds they can try and they can assess if there’s anything else that we should know about.’
She scrolled through the pages, searching for the finer print. But there was no information on fees. She shook her head. ‘This place will cost a fortune.’
‘Forget it, Amanda.’ Jared put a steaming mug of coffee on the table in front of her. ‘I wouldn’t have a fortune if it wasn’t for him.’
She sat at the table and went through the website again, torn between being thrilled and feeling so bad. He took the chair next to hers and looked alongside her. This was a huge undertaking, a huge responsibility, and she couldn’t really let him do this, could she? But she already knew she had no choice. But it would affect them, it couldn’t not. The question was how.
Eventually she turned. ‘Jared—’
‘Don’t worry about it.’ He shook his head. ‘This makes no difference to us. This is separate from us.’
She understood what he was trying to say. He was underlining their ‘affair’ again. And he didn’t want her reading more into his actions than he intended. But the questions that had been turning over in her mind all afternoon just begged to be asked. ‘How did you know I was here?’
He looked back to the computer.
‘Why did you come after me?’ she pressed.
‘I guess it was my intuition,’ he said. ‘Something wasn’t right.’
‘Not right?’
‘I was worried about you.’
Adrenalin and forbidden hope surged in her chest at the words. Worried. ‘Why were you worried?’
‘I don’t know,’ he said sharply. ‘You just didn’t seem right.’
‘How did you find out where I’d gone?’
‘Does it matter?’
‘Yes.’
‘Why?’
Because it was telling her a lot about him—about how he was feeling about her. Surely there must be more to them than sex if he was chasing down half the length of the country to make sure she was OK. Surely that meant he must care.
And as the nervous excitement exploded in her chest, sending electrified blood racing through her veins, she realised just how much she wanted him to care.
Try to play it cool, Amanda, she told herself. Just try. This was Jared the loner. Jared the sexier-than-anything flirt who had ironclad armour. If she was going to find a chink she had to do it by stealth.
‘I have to get back to Auckland first thing.’
She drew breath. He’d realised his mistake, was pushing away and putting up the bo
undaries again. Well, she wouldn’t make the mistake of clinging too tight—not yet. Patience wasn’t one of her virtues, but she was thinking she might have to work on it. That and hope.
‘Of course.’ She nodded. First thing he’d be off to get his distance. But he hadn’t been able to answer her questions, couldn’t deny what they both knew she was thinking—that there was more going on than either of them was able to admit just yet.
And there was the night between them now—their first whole night together. This night could be on her side.
He was staring at the computer. An avoidance tactic if ever she saw one.
Jared had always made her want to be bold. And now she’d had an extra confidence shot in knowing he’d come after her. She badly wanted to say thank you. But she didn’t want him associating this with gratitude. So she kept the words back as she swung her leg over his, straddling his lap, her body blocking the computer screen from him.
He didn’t look up to her face, kept his gaze on the same angle—right at her breasts. She took off her top. He still didn’t move so she twisted her arms behind her and unhooked her bra. Cupping her breasts in her hands, she pushed them together and lifted them in offerance.
His groan was torn from him. And then he buried his head in her.
‘I’m starving.’
Amanda lay back and enjoyed the view as Jared disentangled his limbs from hers, sat up on the bed and stretched.
‘Really, really hungry.’ He grinned.
‘So am I.’ Lunch at the café had been hours ago. ‘Pizza?’
‘Yeah.’ He pulled on his jeans and made the call.
The incessant drumming of the rain on the iron roof of the motel precluded further conversation. He stood in the doorway, one arm stretched out, bracing on the frame, looking out into the light, seemingly unfazed by either the damp or the chill—despite wearing nothing but those black jeans. The pizza boy should have been and gone already—but it was Saturday night and with the weather so miserable it probably meant that everyone in town was staying in. And ordering pizza.
Amanda pulled the sheet higher, wondered if she’d ever tire of looking at him—it didn’t seem likely, at least not in the next century or ten.
‘I used to hate this town.’ Jared finally spoke.
‘And now?’
‘Well, I’ll never live here again. But I don’t hate it so much.’
‘I hate it,’ she said.
He turned, brows raised. ‘You don’t hate anything.’
‘Yes, I do.’
He slammed the door shut and walked towards her. ‘What else?’
‘Not knowing what you’re thinking.’ She held her breath.
He studied her, head on an angle. ‘It’s real simple. I can’t wait to have the pizza, and I can’t wait to have you again.’
‘In that order?’
He grinned. ‘Yeah.’
She sat up and let the sheet fall to her belly. ‘Still in that order?’
His grin widened. ‘Yeah.’
She stood right up on the bed, legs apart, running her hands from her breasts downwards as she rocked her hips in a sensuous circle. ‘And now?’
There was a knock on the door and she instantly fell on the bed, burrowing back under the covers. His laughter rumbled loud and genuine from some place deep inside. And she couldn’t help giggling herself.
Having paid the pizza boy and carried the box in, Jared put it on the table and strode over to the bed where she was still half hiding. ‘What are you thinking?’
That she loved it when he laughed like that. That she’d never had so much fun. That she could stay holed up in this motel for ever. ‘That I hate cold, soggy pizza.’
‘That right?’
She nodded, fascinated as he grappled with the fly of his jeans.
‘Well, isn’t that just tough?’ he muttered as he pressed his body close to hers.
True to his word Jared left early. She slid from bed at the same time, quickly showering and dressing, ready to see him off and get to her grandfather.
But as she stood by his rental car the infernal uncertainty smothered her. ‘Are you sure?’
He looked annoyed. ‘Let’s not go round and round on this. It’s a done deal.’
But Amanda needed the reassurance; if she was going to go in there and uproot her grandfather, she needed to know there was security in his future. She had to trust Jared. Without doubt she knew she could. His reliability had never been called into question—he’d always turned up when he’d said he would, always worked later, longer, harder than anyone. If he said it, he meant it.
But there was that part of him still so unknown to her—the part he blocked. She wondered if she’d ever get to know him the way she longed to. And she worried that by letting him do this she would in some strange way make their relationship even more remote—even more of an ‘arrangement’.
He walked back round the side of the car, all closed man again, but planted a fast, fierce kiss on her mouth. ‘Just do it.’
Chapter Thirteen
JUST do it. Amanda repeated the mantra over and over on her walk to the home. A quick check found her grandfather gazing out of the window to the bare wooden fence. Amanda felt guilt stir. He’d have a better view soon. She went to the reception—it being Sunday the manager wasn’t there, but the defensive nurse of yesterday was, as was another.
Amanda assumed a bright smile and polite society mode. ‘I wanted to talk to you about Colin.’ She paused, ensuring she had their attention. ‘I’m moving him up to Auckland to be nearer me. I’ll be back on Friday to pick him up.’
‘Friday?’
‘Yes. The wonderful thing is I’ve gotten him in to see the leading gerontologist up there—he’ll have a full medical and go into a new facility.’
‘He has the appointment on Friday?’
‘Yes.’ Amanda beamed. ‘I’m so hopeful there may be a different range of drugs that might help him.’ And she was certain there was no way that awful bruise would have faded by then—nor would any others, if there were others. They’d be found. And if there was anything else to be found, it would be.
Did defensive nurse look uncomfortable? ‘You’re supposed to give us notice.’ She certainly had an unmistakable sharpness in her voice.
‘I’m giving you notice now.’ Amanda smiled to ease the edge in her own words. ‘But don’t worry, his account will be paid for the required length of notice period. But he will be leaving sooner than that. On Friday, in fact.’
Despite the satisfaction, she was shaking as she walked back to Grandfather’s room to spend the rest of the day with him. Hopefully her fears were totally wrong, but if they weren’t then those carers were on notice and they knew it. She’d follow it up with a letter to the manager and the health board tomorrow. Sitting in the chair next to her grandfather’s, she spent half the afternoon composing it. The rest of the time she dwelt on the even bigger conundrum in her life.
How could she reach Jared? While he wanted her it was only on his limited terms—physical and nothing but. And yet there was more, he’d followed her, he’d been worried…but she didn’t know how to draw him out and build on it. The darkness in his eyes hid wounds and, while she knew much of what he’d suffered, she didn’t know how to breach the walls he’d built. And, without doubt, it was her heart on the line.
Jared moved papers from one pile to another. Just as he’d been doing for three hours now—not counting the tenminute break for a cold-sandwich dinner. He meant to have the night away from her. Just to underline the point that what he was doing with Colin had nothing to do with her—with ‘them’. He winced. Hating the thought of ‘them’. But all the same, underneath, the concept was tantalising.
Dangerous.
But there was no future for them. There was never a future, never a for ever. People came together for a while and then parted. And it was better to part before it got too messy, too painful. And it was better to be the one to initiate the separation.
Because no one was walking out on him again.
But he knew she’d be home. Her flight had been scheduled to land two hours ago and, yes, he’d gone online and checked that it had. On time. Which meant she’d be home—especially as he’d arranged for a car to collect her from the airport. He’d had the call confirming that had gone successfully.
So he knew.
He moved the pile to where it had been on the desk before he’d moved it back. Again. He stood, growling in frustration.
Pointless. Procrastination. Pathetic.
But there’d be no sleep tonight, not if he carried on like this. And so, late as it was, he got into his car.
Sex. It was just sex. That was all she wanted. And him too, right?
Playful. Plentiful. Passionate.
He didn’t want more than that. And he knew she didn’t. When it came to what she wanted from him, she definitely came down on the sex side of the equation.
She said nothing when she opened her door. Simply stood aside and he walked in. There was nothing to say, was there? There was just this burning attraction, the desire that couldn’t be licked. Indeed it only seemed to be growing the more he had of her.
She melted into his arms, pressing her body to his and letting him in where he most wanted to be. The sense of relief was overwhelming. He didn’t care about the dingy room and the narrow lumpy bed because when he finally slept, it was a better, deeper sleep than ever.
But consciousness returned ultra early. With it came the awkward silence. He could hear her unspoken questions—the ‘what’s going on?’ that she was so determinedly holding back. Her room was tiny, and they were trying too hard not to fall over each other.
He didn’t want to talk about it. Couldn’t seem to think straight any more—not when he was with her.
All night together in the motel had been a mistake. Two nights in a row was a huge mistake.
‘I’m away for business meetings for a few days,’ he fabricated. It was plausible enough. ‘Flying out later this morning.’ And he would be—to his bolt hole in Queenstown. Some time on the slopes should help clear his head—some time away from her.
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