by Kira Blakely
“Do you have my phone?” I asked. “I need to make a couple of phone calls.”
I wanted to call Ava. Her face had flashed through my head through the entire incident. It was her voice that I heard in my head throughout the chaos of voices around me. I knew that she hadn’t been a figment of my imagination. She had shown up to the Games. I had seen her in the stands.
And she is probably flipping the fuck out over the crash. Guilt crushed my chest as I looked at the nurse who shook her head at me.
“I don’t have any of your possessions,” she said. “There is a female journalist outside in the ICU waiting room. She’s been camping out here for the past three days. I’m not sure if she knows you the way that she says she does, but—”
“Does she have dark hair?” I asked, heart pounding. The machine next to me started to beep at the increase. “Her name is Ava James, if that’s the same journalist I’m thinking of.”
“I’m not sure of her name. She arrived with a few other racers three days ago. She hasn’t left since but hospital procedure says we can’t let her in because she is technically press. We didn’t know her relationship to you, either.”
“Bring her in,” I said. “If she isn’t who I think it is, she can leave.”
The nurse nodded as she left the room. I scanned the room again for any sight of my personal possessions. I didn’t like the fact that my wallet and phone were gone. Wait, shit. My phone was in the quarry. I shook my head at myself. I had tossed the damn thing in the quarry back in Gypsum because I was pissed. No wonder everyone was confused about looking for my phone.
Before I could hit the nurse button to call her back, the door opened. Ava stepped into the room with the nurse directly behind her. Tears filled Ava’s eyes as she gazed at me. Relief. Fear. A variety of emotions filled her eyes as she slowly approached the foot of my bed.
The machines around me went nuts with my heart rate increasing. The nurse reached up to turn the noise level down as she looked at me. “Is this who you were thinking it is?”
“Yes,” I said thickly. “It is. Thank you.”
“Of course. I’ll give you some time alone, then.”
She shut the door quietly to give us privacy. Ava stood nervously at the edge of my bed as she twisted her press lanyard in her fingers. She looked like utter hell, like me, I imagined. Her dark hair was greasy. Mascara was smudged beneath her bloodshot eyes. Her clothes were also wrinkled.
“You look like shit,” I commented, which earned a small smile. “Have you even taken a shower since you’ve been here?”
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I’ve been concerned about you. I haven’t slept anywhere besides that waiting room.”
“You didn’t have to do that. You could’ve gone back to Gypsum. I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine, though,” Ava said. Tears filled her eyes again. “How are you feeling? The crash—”
“I hurt like hell,” I interrupted her with a shake of my head. Pain washed over me again. “I think that’s rather obvious from all the drugs they are giving me in this drip. Where’s the button for it?”
“Button for what?”
“The drip,” I growled, lifting the blankets to look down at the top of my thigh. A green and yellow bruise peeked out from beneath the bandage. “Holy shit. My thigh is bruised. Did you see this shit?”
“Not up close and personal,” Ava said as she approached to lift the blanket. She lifted the tiny button hooked up to the machine. “Here. Make sure to use it sparingly. You don’t want to waste all the medicine when the pain is manageable.”
I clicked the button to fight the pain off, even though I knew she was right. I was already floating in a pleasurable numbness from the drugs. Just seeing Ava after everything that had happened was bringing out a whole new layer of fresh pain that had little do with the physical ones. She had shown up to the show after I left Gypsum in a haze of anger and darkness.
“What are you doing here?” I asked once the medicine washed over me. “You told me to go on my way, so I did. What are you doing here?”
“Are you going to be churlish with me?” Ava asked. “Because if you are, then I’m going to leave. I’m not going to fight with you after watching you nearly kill yourself out there, Jude.”
“I’m going to survive,” I said, shrugging my shoulders. “This isn’t the first time that I crashed, Ava. It’s a part of the sport.”
“Billy told me that he could smell alcohol on you,” she said. I looked away when her eyes burned into me. “I came all the way out to the Games to tell you that I love you, but you rewarded me with a crash because—”
“What did you just say?” I interrupted, gazing at her intently.
Ava shifted uncomfortably next to my bedside. She sucked in a deep breath before looking at me again.
“You heard me. I came out here to Chicago to tell you that I love you.”
Chapter 32
Ava
The past three days had passed by in a surreal and terrified blur, sitting in the ICU waiting room with Billy and his team. It was the only way that I could get information from the nurses and doctors. They had no idea who I was, and because it was well-known that Jude didn’t have a wife or girlfriend, they had been quick to dismiss me.
“He’ll be fine in time,” they had told me. “Once he wakes, if he says that you can come in, we will let you come in.”
I refused to leave, though. I didn’t care how long it took for Jude to wake up from the coma they were keeping him in to let the swelling in his brain go down. I would wait here to tell him what I had flown to Chicago to tell him. That I loved him. That I was in love with him. I wanted to spend my life with him. I didn’t want him to give up his career because of my fear. That he was right for moving on with his life, to not let fear dictate his life.
Standing at Jude’s bedside, I realized that those words had tumbled out of my mouth before I could mentally prep myself. I scanned his battered body. IVs were taped to his uninjured arm. There were patches and wires poking out of his hospital gown in every direction imaginable.
The machines next to him were monitoring his heart rate. Judging from the way his heart and blood pressure kept increasing, he felt those words. Even if his bruised face was completely devoid of emotion besides skepticism. Jude was good at masking his emotions when he felt the need to.
“I said that I love you,” I repeated, tilting my chin to look at him. “I’m sorry for what happened in Gypsum. I shouldn’t have pushed you away after you told me that you were going to give up this for me.”
“No, you shouldn’t have,” he said flatly. “Do you understand how fucking painful it was to know that you didn’t think it was good enough for me to give all this up for you? I love my life, Ava. This is what I live and breathe for.”
I didn’t point out that this passion was what led him to the hospital bed in the ICU in Chicago. There were a swarm of reporters outside that wanted the latest on his condition. They were starting to pester me, every single time I came down to the kitchen area to grab a cup of coffee. I didn’t even want to think how dreadful I looked on live television when they shoved cameras in my face.
“I realize that,” I said. “It is enough. It’s more than enough. I just didn’t want you to resent the fact that I asked you to give it up.”
Jude settled back against the pillows with a sigh. “You didn’t ask me to give it up, Ava. I was going to give it up anyway.”
“Why?”
“It’s just a bunch of bullshit at this point,” he said. “Endorsement deals. All this crap. I just want to get on that bike and ride. Not anything else.”
I rested a hand on the edge of his hospital bed. “So, do it. I will be understanding of that. I mean, the fans are your biggest support group. I can see that. I wouldn’t ask you to turn your back on them.”
“The media attention is what will push you away,” Jude said coolly. “You can’t handle the attention, Ava. Not like it matte
rs anyway at this point.”
“What is that supposed to mean?’
“It means that this crash scared the shit out of me, okay?” Jude snapped, glaring at me through swollen eyes. “You were right. About all of it. What I do is stupid and dangerous. It damn near killed me out there in the arena three days ago.”
I held steadfast against the anger because I deserved the whiplash of it all. I had hurt Jude in ways he didn’t like. I couldn’t back out because of the intensity of his emotions. I was in love with him. Spending the past three days in the ICU waiting room had solidified that for me. I didn’t want to lose him.
“You are a talented athlete,” I said evenly. “I never doubted that you weren’t capable of doing those stunts out there.”
“I’m lying in a hospital bed. I can see why you doubt me.”
“I didn’t come here to argue with you,” I said, steering away from the topic. “I came here because while you were on that board in the arena, I thought that I’d lost you, the way I lost Andy. I came here to tell you that I love you.”
Jude blinked a few times as he clicked the button to his pain medicine again. I watched as his eyes rolled a bit for a moment before they focused on me clearly.
“And?” He motioned for me to go on. “And you have something else to say, too?”
“I’m sorry for the mixed messages,” I continued, looking down at his bruised hand next to me on the hospital bed. An IV was taped to the back of it. “I shouldn’t have done what I did, and I can understand if you don’t want to give me a second chance to prove how much you really mean to me.”
“Can you understand my skepticism? We’ve been through this a few times. I don’t think I can go through it again.”
“I understand,” I said. “I’m not going to run away.”
“If you do, I won’t chase you, either,” Jude warned, shifting in his bed. “Not again. You walk away from me, don’t expect me to come after you.”
I nodded. I reached for his hand, but he pulled it away to examine the IV there. His face contorted in pain.
“I have to think about everything,” he gritted out, eyes clenched shut. “I just need some time to get my head on straight here.”
“Of course,” I said and fought back the tears in my eyes. I had expected this type of reaction for good reason. “I’ll just go wait out in the lobby until—”
“I have a townhome here, thirty minutes from the hospital,” Jude said abruptly. “I’ll call one of my drivers here in the city to take you there. Get me some clothes and shit. Take a shower yourself because you stink and look like hell.”
The corner of my lips curved at that, while I handed him the phone. I leaned down to press a quick kiss to his scruffy and bruised cheek.
“You look like hell, too,” I said. “I’ll be back in a few hours to see when they plan on releasing you.”
Jude nodded as he reached for the phone. “Don’t think you’re off the hook yet, Ava. I need to think about everything still.”
“I know,” I said.
I stepped out of the hospital room with a relieved breath. I didn’t expect him to welcome me back into his arms, but I could see that look in his eyes. He was relieved to be alive. He was relieved that I was here, even if he didn’t want to say it out loud.
Chapter 33
Jude
I clicked the pain button again after telling one of my drivers to pick up Ava from the hospital to go to my townhome. I needed fresh clothes. I needed a long hot shower to wash the past couple of days away. I waited until the pain in my leg and arm faded away to a pleasant numbness before running my head over my exchange with Ava.
She had come all the way back to Chicago to apologize. To say that she loved me. She had spent the past three days in the hospital waiting room, terrified that I was never going to wake up again.
I found the remote for the television dangling off the side of the hospital bed. I clicked through the channels to ESPN. They were still doing a highlight reel from the Games. I settled against the pillows, watching images of me draped lifelessly on the board while paramedics carried me out of the arena. I didn’t remember any of that part. Fans were on the edge of their seats. There were camera flashes everywhere, which didn’t help my throbbing head.
Motocross star, Jude Jacobs, crashes after a stunt gone wrong. Rumors of alcohol and partying the night before.
I kept the sound muted as I watched the crowd in the arena stare down in horror while the staff of the arena rushed out to lift the bike away from me. My heart pounded as the television cut out to what appeared to be video footage from a fan. I had gripped the handlebars quickly when the bike started to fall away but the front wheel had dug into the dirt. I toppled down over the front of the bike on the side of the hill. I grimaced when my arm twisted around at a bad angle, followed by the bike landing on my thigh as I rolled down the hill.
There was a flurry of movement as the video cut out to commentators talking about it. Then, there were images of Chuck being placed in the back of the police car. His nose was bloody and swollen from where I had punched him in the face. I settled back with a smug grin as he shouted at the camera and policemen. A new headline appeared on the television, followed by a reporter talking outside of the hospital.
What is JJ going to do now?
“That’s a good question,” I said to the television before turning it off with a grimace. “I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
My career in motocross was over. I knew that it was. Every inch of my body ached, and coming back from this crash would not be like the other times. I no longer had a manager to deal with all the bad press. I knew the officials for the motocross sport were monitoring the news. I wouldn’t be surprised if they had already visited the hospital to confirm the toxicology reports.
The doors to my hospital room opened. Billy stepped inside as the nurse waited for me to nod in approval. She shut the door behind Billy to give us privacy again.
“Man,” Billy whistled, giving me a long look. “You look wrecked, bro. That was a bad fucking crash. You’re lucky to be alive.”
“No shit,” I said, laughing shortly. “I just watched the footage of it on the television. Looked pretty bad.”
“Take it from someone who was watching it in real time. It was fucking bad. I’m glad you’re okay, though.”
“I’ll be fine. Have any officials come by here that you know of?”
“Three of them did two days ago,” Billy said. “I mean, it’s all over the news that a few fans caught you drinking the night before. They asked all of us what we thought, but I didn’t say anything.”
I patted Billy on the hand as I clicked the pain button. Numbness washed over me again.
“You don’t have to lie for me,” I said. “It’s my fault for letting my demons get in the way of my game. Don’t worry about me.”
“You’re thinking they won’t let you race again?”
“They’d be stupid if they let me. Think about it.” I glanced down at my bruised thigh pointedly. “They don’t want to send a message to people that this is okay. You know?”
Billy nodded. “I suppose. What are you going to do now?”
“I’m not sure yet,” I said. “I don’t have a manager to navigate this for me but I’m actually okay with that for the first time in my life.”
“You have Ava here to help you,” Billy pointed out. He smiled when I let out an irritated sigh. “Look, bro. That woman loves you. She hasn’t left this damn hospital since you crashed. She’s smart. She cares about you. What else do you need to feel better about her?”
I rubbed at my bandaged head because Billy had a good point. Ava had everything that I wanted in a woman. It didn’t matter what I threatened her with. I’d chase her to the end of the earth if I had to. I knew that I would never be able to fully let go of Ava, just like she couldn’t let go of me. We were both entwined in each other’s souls. There was no escaping, even if we tried.
“I don’t
need anything else,” I said. “Thanks for coming to see me, Billy.”
“You’re welcome. You’re one of the best. Don’t ever forget that.”
That was the problem, though. For the next three days, I waited for the doctor to clear me, with Ava by my side the entire time. Being the best at what I did had come at a horrible cost to my health and relationships. I still got sick every single time I saw the bruises on my thigh or looked up on the television to see my body being tangled in the bike. None of that was fucking worth it, now that I had a future with Ava at my side.
She was worth everything.
Getting discharged from the hospital was a huge relief. I hobbled out with a knee brace, a sprained shoulder, and a mild headache. The crisp fall air felt good on my skin after I showered with Ava’s help because I didn’t want anyone else to see me. My driver embraced me happily before helping Ava get me in the car.
“No paparazzi, right?” I asked, looking out the window for cameras. “Did they find another scandal to focus on?”
Ava slid into the passenger seat next to me. “They did. Plus, we led them to believe that you were coming out on the other side of the hospital.”
I took Ava’s hand in mine with a relieved smile. Billy was right. I had Ava to handle all this type of bullshit. For now, I wanted some peace and quiet with her. Thirty minutes later, my driver pulled up to the curb outside of my townhome. He helped me climb out and told Ava to text him when she needed to go to the pharmacy. That gave us a couple of hours alone together. Which was fine by me since Ava smelled like fresh vanilla and looked amazing with her dark luscious locks of hair tumbling about her.
“I have a nurse coming by to help you,” Ava said when the SUV pulled away from us. “I need to give her a call.”
I wrapped my only functioning arm around her shoulders. I drew her in for a kiss with a sly smile because this was the only medicine that I needed and wanted. We had catching up to do. Plenty of it, and I didn’t care how injured I was.