Kisses to Remember

by Christine DePetrillo

  “Wow, nicely done, Kam,” Holden said as he took a seat at the table.

  Johanna’s gaze zeroed in the fact that only two places were set. “What about you?” She pointed to Kam.

  “I already ate.” He gave her a look that said he was totally up to something.

  Taking her seat and looking at Holden, Johanna knew what that something was. She’d have to clear this up. It’d be irresponsible to let Kam get attached to Holden. It’d be downright stupid to let herself get attached.

  “I’m going to get started on the Lego model of Pep’s cabin,” Kam said. “Come find me when you’re done, Holden.” He started for the hallway, then stepped back into the kitchen. “But don’t rush in here. We have all day.” He tossed them a little wave and shuffled to his room.

  Johanna fiddled with her fork. “I’m sorry about him. He’s usually not so—”

  “Obvious?” Holden took a swig from his orange juice.

  “His father has been gone for a while now, and Kam’s been missing out on—”

  “Johanna?”

  “He just wants to—”

  “Johanna.”

  “What?”

  “You don’t have to explain. I get it. I also know we should be careful here.” He glanced down to his cereal bowl then up at her. “I like Kam. He’s a great kid. I don’t want to hurt him.” He tossed a glance back to the couch. “I also like you. I want to be close to you like that again, but we should probably wait until I remember who the hell I am before getting…involved.”

  “That makes sense.”

  “Damn.” He offered her a smile. “I was hoping you wouldn’t agree.”

  “We’ll take it slow.” She scooped up some cereal. “In the meantime, I don’t see anything wrong with a few shared catnaps.”

  “I’ll drink to that.” He clanked his glass against hers. “Now let’s see about this gross cereal.”

  They ate with companionable small talk until the phone rang. Kam came running out with the phone and handed it to Johanna.

  “Pep wants to know if you’re done sleeping with Holden.”

  “Give me that.” Johanna took the phone and got up from her seat. She went down to her office and closed the door. “Ted, how are you feeling?”

  “Like I want to know what the hell you’re doing over there.”

  Great. “Look, Kam got mixed up. Holden and I were not sleeping together in the sense you’re thinking we did.”

  “Oh, then in what sense did you sleep together?”

  “We fell asleep on the couch. That’s all.” Why was she explaining this to Ted? He wasn’t her father. She didn’t owe him explanations.

  “You slept? That’s it?”

  “That’s it. I promise you.”

  “Good to see you have some sense in that pretty head.” He exhaled a breath. “Now come get me. Clearly someone needs to keep an eye on everyone. That someone is me.”

  “I’m on my way.”

  Ted was probably right. With a man like Holden around, she totally needed a chaperone.

  ****

  “Can we make the ceiling higher?” Kam held up the Lego model. “Pep’s a tall guy.”

  “Good idea.” Holden took the model and pulled off the roof. “Add two more layers around the perimeter, then put the roof back on.

  Kam nodded. The kid was great at taking orders. Holden had made a few suggestions to improve the overall design of the cabin, and Kam didn’t once argue or pitch a fit. Weren’t kids always pitching fits? Did he know any kids that threw temper tantrums? Did he have kids with tempers?

  He shook these thoughts away and focused on the Legos in front of him. He’d been tinkering with some wheels and few other pieces while Kam worked and now had a sweet, red racecar built out of the plastic blocks.

  “Cool!” Kam swiped up the car and pushed it in a circle around his bedroom floor. “I like racecars!”

  “I think I do too.” A black car with red paint splattered down its sides flashed before his eyes. The roar of its engine filled his ears. He could almost feel the steering wheel in his gloved hands.

  “Holden?” Kam’s hand on his knee pulled him out of the vision. “Where’d you go?”

  “I’m not sure. To a racetrack, I think.” He shrugged and took the Lego car back from Kam. “Maybe your grandfather wants one of these too.”

  Kam giggled. “No, Mom’s the one that likes speed.”

  “Really?” A new image unfolded. Johanna in a sleek, black leather jumpsuit zipped only far enough to still offer a glimpse of her breasts. Her red hair lit up the racetrack as she pulled off a helmet and leaned against the racecar from his previous vision. The smile on her face ignited things inside him.

  “Yeah, one reason she keeps the Bronco is because it can barely get above sixty miles an hour. I think Mom would be dangerous with a real car.”

  Dangerous. Yes, that was the right word.

  “She’d end up with lots of speeding tickets.” Kam chewed on his bottom lip. “Do you go to jail for speeding tickets?”

  Holden was speechless for a few seconds. “If you don’t pay the tickets, you could be arrested.”

  Kam’s dark eyebrows lowered. “Mom’s not allowed to get a new, faster car. Ever.”

  “I’m sure your mom wouldn’t do anything to get arrested.” Holden couldn’t picture Johanna in jail under any circumstances. The woman was a saint to save his life then take him into her house.

  “I didn’t think my dad would do anything to get arrested either, but he did.” Kam sat back on the floor amidst his Legos.

  “What did your dad do?” Holden asked then put up his hands. “You know what? You don’t have to answer that. I shouldn’t have asked. I’m sorry.” What are you doing, jackass?

  “No, it’s okay.” Kam put a few more blocks onto the walls of the model. “He worked at a bank and stole money from his clients.”

  Embezzlement. There were worse crimes, right?

  “I see.” Holden wasn’t sure what else to say.

  “Some of his clients were really important people, and they got mad when they found out he took their money.” Kam’s eyes were glossy with unshed tears. “They hired people to find my dad. My twin sister…she was killed by those men who were looking for him.”

  Holden had no idea what the proper response to this information was. He never expected Kam to say all this. And what kind of a guy would screw up a life with Johanna and a couple of kids?

  Kam rose to his feet and opened a drawer in his desk. He extracted a small rectangle of stiff paper and handed it to Holden. “That’s her. That’s Kallie.”

  Holden took the photograph. The dark eyes that stared up at him were the same as Kam’s. The hair too, only there was more of it, long and wavy like Johanna’s.

  “How old was she here?”

  “She was seven. That picture was taken about six months before she died.”

  So Kam had been without a father and a sister for about three years. Johanna had been without a husband and daughter for as long. Ted without a son and granddaughter. Something in Holden’s chest tightened over what an upset this family had endured.

  And yet, they seemed…functional.

  No doubt Kam was a well-adjusted kid. Holden had only been around him for two days, but the boy was upbeat, funny, creative. Alive. Perhaps living life for him and his sister both.

  Holden handed the picture back to Kam who stashed it back in his desk drawer.

  “Mom doesn’t know I have that one. She put the others away about a year ago, but I snatched that one. For me.”

  “I won’t say anything. You must miss her.”

  “She was my best friend. We didn’t have to say things out loud. We could just look at each other and know what the other was thinking. She got real sick and spent a lot of time in the hospital, but when she was home we’d play and do all the stuff we always did.” Kam sat on the end of his bed and leaned against Holden’s arm.

  Before Holden could think about it,
he put his arm on Kam’s shoulders and gave him a squeeze. A few sniffles sounded, and Kam ran his arm along his nose twice. He straightened up, and Holden let his arm fall away.

  “I should probably clean these Legos up before Pep comes home. He hates to see blocks all over the place.”

  “Good idea. I’ll help you.” Holden slid off the bed and grabbed a handful of pieces. He dumped them into the bucket Kam held out to him. The two of them gathered Legos until the front door of the farmhouse opened.

  “I can do it.” Ted’s voice boomed into the house.

  “I know you can. Stop being such a curmudgeon,” Johanna replied.

  “Pep isn’t a good patient,” Kam whispered as he and Holden left his bedroom. “He broke his arm once and drove Mom and Dad crazy.”

  “We’ll have to help Mom out then.”

  Holden followed Kam into the living room where Johanna was easing Ted onto the couch. She looked up for a moment, and Holden had a little trouble swallowing. With her cheeks slightly red from settling Ted and strands of hair falling loose from her ponytail, she was breathtaking. A natural caretaker with a heart that reached to everyone apparently.

  “Hey, Pep!” Kam bounced over to the couch and dove over the back of it to land on the seat.

  “Hey, kid.” Ted grabbed Kam around the waist and pinned him down.

  “Does it hurt?” Kam pointed to the cast on Ted’s leg as Miles sniffed a trail up the cast and back down.

  “A little, but not as much as seeing my cabin flattened out there.” He threw a hand toward the sliding door.

  “Be happy you weren’t in there at the time.” Johanna grabbed a throw pillow while Holden moved the coffee table closer to the couch. She hefted Ted’s leg onto the pillow.

  “That’s good.” He waved her off, then added, “Thank you.”

  “You want to see the model of your new cabin?” Kam wiggled out of Ted’s hold.

  “Yeah, let’s see it. I liked my old one though.”

  “You’ll like this one better,” Holden said.

  “I hear you want to help build it.”

  “It’ll give me something to do while I’m freeloading here.”

  “Boy, as far as I’m concerned, you paid all debts by hauling me out from under that tree. Could have been worse than a busted leg. Much worse.” Ted held out a hand toward Holden.

  They shook hands, an understanding between men, and no more would be said about it.

  “We’ll set up a room for you here, Ted,” Johanna said. “And pray Holden builds quickly.”

  Ted looked up to the ceiling. “Amen.”

  ****

  Johanna picked up Kam’s bath towel and wiped the puddles he’d left behind. Generally speaking, she didn’t have any complaints about Kam. He cleaned up after himself in the kitchen, put his toys away in his bedroom—Legos aside, of course. He did his chores without any whining and helped out whenever he could. Without him, she’d have noticed Alex’s absence even more. Having Kam was like have the best slice of Alex around all the time.

  But the bathroom was another matter completely. Kam always managed to get water all over the place when he showered. Johanna didn’t know how it was possible. Much to his dismay, Kam was a rather small boy. There was no logical reason for the enormous puddles on the tiled floor, the soaked towel draped over the toilet seat, the soapsuds still piled high around the shower drain. What the hell did the kid do in there?

  After mopping up the water, she threw the towel into the laundry basket and followed the moist footprints to Kam’s room. He was in his pajamas, his dark hair a wild, wet mess, and rolling something back and forth on his bedspread.

  “Look what Holden made.” He held up a Lego racecar.

  Johanna took it and turned it around in her hands. “Very cool.” He’d used only red blocks and the car had a sleek, built-for-speed design with a fin rising off the back of it. “I’d love to drive this puppy.”

  Kam reached for it, but Johanna held it out of his reach. “You stick with the Bronco, Mom.”

  “A racecar like this would be no good to us around here. Too many holes in the ground to build up any speed.”

  “Good.” Kam picked up the model of Ted’s new cabin, which he and Holden talked about at length during dinner tonight. “Pep’s going to love this.”

  “It’s perfect.” She hadn’t been able to keep her eyes off Holden as he described some of the features he had in mind for the cabin. A wood stove, an open floor plan, everything on one floor so Ted wouldn’t have to climb stairs in his golden years. Ted’s eyes had narrowed on that one, but the smile on his lips showed true acceptance of Holden. How had the guy managed to win everybody over in so short a time?

  Desperate for some male attention not of the ten-year-old or sixty-year-old sort, Johanna knew she was an easy sell. Any man with a crop of hair and a grin like Holden’s could have turned her head. Kam was a pretty simple hook too. He’d been needing a full-time father figure for three years now. And to find one that was interested in Legos was a miracle.

  But Ted. That should have been an impossible case to win, but saving someone’s life always scored big points.

  She tried to convince herself any man could have wormed his way into their incomplete lives, but Holden was definitely more than just “any man.” Though he had huge gaps in his memory, he was genuine. He wasn’t trying to be something he wasn’t. He was only trying to be himself whoever that was.

  She inspected the car in her hands. There had to be a reason he’d built a racecar. He’d be himself soon. And then what?

  “Can I have that comic book?” Kam pointed to his desk as he climbed into bed.

  Johanna retrieved the book and plopped it on his lap. “Twenty minutes with this, then lights out, okay?”

  “Okay.” Kam flipped the comic book open. “Love you, Mom.”

  “Love you too.” She leaned down and dropped a kiss on his forehead.

  “Tell Holden I said good night.”

  “Will do.”

  She edged out of the room, leaving the door open. There would come a time when Kam would want that door closed. Might even put up a sign that said, “Keep out. That means you, Mom.” Teenagers did that sort of thing, didn’t they? They wanted their own space, their privacy, their secrets. Johanna shivered even though humid summer air hung stagnant in the house.

  Glancing at Holden’s room, the guestroom—Kallie’s room—she pictured an almost ten-year old girl bent over the Nancy Drew books Johanna would have passed down to her daughter. She would have probably given Kallie thirty minutes to read, because a good mystery is hard to put down.

  Johanna sighed and gazed down to her bedroom at the end of the hall. That room was supposed to be so much more than a place to sleep each night. Since Alex had left, however, that’s all she did in there and not very well. Most nights, Miles was her only company, and even he left her at some point during the night to hop onto Kam’s bed instead.

  Holden’s voice reached her ears from the living room where he was talking to Ted. He definitely had snuggle capability.

  “Don’t even think it, girl.” She shook her head and turned away from her bedroom. She couldn’t view Holden as a replacement, as someone to fill the void in her life, in Kam’s life. That was a lot to ask of a man who didn’t remember his past.

  She went to the living room where Holden was helping Ted to his feet. She brought the crutches over. “Where are we headed?”

  “I’m beat, Johanna. Need sleep now,” Ted said.

  “You can take my room,” she said.

  “He’s going to take the guestroom,” Holden said. “I’ll crash downstairs if that’s okay with you.”

  “I tried to talk him out of it.” Ted draped himself over the crutches. “But the kid won’t listen.”

  “It doesn’t make sense for you to go down a set of stairs, and Johanna shouldn’t have to give up her room, because I, a complete outsider, have commandeered her guestroom. Besides, that basement spac
e is pretty sweet.” Holden offered Johanna a smile, and she wanted to haul him down to her bedroom. Dammit. What did that say about her if a mere smile made her think about ripping his clothes off?

  It says your sex-deprived, moron. Desperate. Pathetic.

  Ted made his way down the hallway as if everything had been settled. She supposed it had. They’d worked it out among men, and it was the most practical solution.

  “Do you need help, Ted?” she called to his retreating back.

  “Nope. I plan to throw these crutches to the floor and drop onto the bed. Someone come get me in the morning. I think I’ll be in the mood for French toast.” He disappeared into the guestroom with Miles right behind him.

  “Once he falls asleep, I’ll get you some clothes to take downstairs.” Johanna sat on the couch and sent up a mental hurray when Holden sat next to her. A quick thought of sleeping with him on the couch early this morning stirred her insides.

  “Maybe tomorrow, if it’s not too much trouble, you could take me to buy some clothes. I have money. These,” he tugged on Alex’s cotton shorts, black ones tonight, “are comfortable, but I don’t feel right wearing them.”

  “Understood. Maybe shopping might jog your memory while you’re picking out something you like.” She should be more focused on helping him remember his life. Not doing so was selfish.

  “I remembered something today,” Holden said.

  Johanna held up the racecar. “Yeah, I know. You like racecars.”

  “It’s more than liking them. I think I drive them.” Holden took the car from her, and something hot burned deep within Johanna as she pictured him behind the wheel of a slick racecar. The speed, the skill involved in driving, the spiraling around the racetrack…all of it screamed sexy.

  Settle down. She put her hand to her chest, trying to calm her thudding heart. If she could get this turned on merely thinking about Holden, imagine what actually touching him would do to her. She had to get a grip.

  “Kam was impressed with your Lego skills. I try, but whenever I see a pile of those, my mind goes blank and I can’t think of a thing to build.”

  “The key is you try anyway.”