Kisses to Remember

by Christine DePetrillo

  Holden could picture him now, sitting on his shop stool as he had on many occasions. Only this time, Vaughn’s forehead was creased, his eyes wide with shock. His friend reached out to him, opened his mouth, tried to form words.

  A noise Holden couldn’t identify sounded close by, and he opened his eyes expecting to see the plastered walls of his garage. Instead the stout rafters of a huge barn filled his vision.

  “Hi,” a voice said beside him.

  He slowly turned to see Johanna then a cow mooed outside the barn.

  “You were dreaming, I think,” Johanna said. “I thought maybe you were remembering something, so I tried to keep still and quiet, but one of the cows woke you. Sorry.”

  He pushed up on his elbows. “I remembered being in one of my racecars and then my house. It’s got a bricked front and a killer landscape that I did myself.” He left out the part about Vaughn. What was his buddy trying to tell him?

  “Holden, that’s great.” Only her eyes didn’t seem happy.

  “It is great.” He cupped her cheek and recalled being with her last night. “And don’t for one second think that me remembering my past makes you any less important to me.” He kissed her beautiful lips and silently rejoiced when she kissed him back.

  “I hope it stays this way,” she whispered, “even after you remember it all.”

  “There’s only one thing that could keep us apart, Johanna. Just one.” He traced a line along her thigh.

  “If you have someone already.” Her voice broke a little on the word someone.

  “And I haven’t remembered a someone yet.” Was Vaughn trying to tell him about his family? Why wouldn’t an actual family member come into his mind instead? Why Vaughn?

  He took a moment to picture walking through his house. It didn’t appear to have any feminine touches. It was tidy, but Spartan in its décor. Just the bare necessities, and the garage was clearly Manland. “What I recall of my house suggests it’s just me.”

  Johanna slid her arms around his neck and hugged him to her. “I hope so.” She released him. “That’s selfish, huh? To wish you were all by yourself before you ended up here.”

  “Nothing about you is selfish.” He kissed her again and scooped up a handful of petals. Letting them drop one by one on her naked body, he took a moment to appreciate the view. If he was already married, could that woman be as wonderfully perfect as Johanna? He doubted it. No one could match up to her. No one.

  “You probably want to check out your house now that you remember it, huh?” Her sad eyes were killing him.

  “Eventually, yeah. Are you kicking me out of your house?”

  “I’m considering chaining you up in my basement so you can’t escape.” Why didn’t that sound creepy when she said it?

  “Maybe you and Kam can come with me?” He was inexplicably wary of going back to Texas by himself.

  “Maybe.” Johanna reached for her dress. “How about some breakfast?” Clearly, she didn’t want to talk about Texas right now. In truth, neither did he.

  They both dressed and Johanna helped Holden gather the candles and sweep up the rose petals. They set the petals free on the slight summer breeze outside, and soon the field was dotted with purple snow, the petals settling atop the grass.

  “I will think of last night—of you—every time I go in that barn,” Johanna said as she and Holden climbed the porch stairs.

  “Ah, all according to my brilliant plan.” Holden rubbed his palms together, then took Johanna’s hands in his. “From what I’ve remembered of my life so far, it was missing something.” He pulled her into an embrace and whispered in her ear. “It was missing you.”

  She squeezed him around the waist then stepped back. “You better remember you said that.” She lightly punched him in the stomach before opening the porch door and stepping into the house. “What do you want for breakfast?”

  He came up behind her in the kitchen and trapped her against the counter. “Some of this,” he kissed her shoulder, “and some of this,” he nibbled on her neck, “and a scoop of this.” He cupped her breast in his hand and instantly wanted her out of that dress again.

  Johanna turned around in the small space he allowed her. “If we do this,” she slid her hand under his T-shirt, “or this,” she rubbed her hips against his, “then this,” she patted his stomach, “is going to stay empty.”

  “What’s a little starvation? Big deal.” He shrugged and caught her lips once more. God, he could spend every morning like this.

  When they finally released each other, Johanna went to the refrigerator and pulled a paper from one of the magnets. “I thought it was a little too quiet in here.” She handed the paper to Holden.

  Nurse Nancy came by early. We went to breakfast. Took the kid with me. You can pay me back in cookies. Homemade. Chocolate chip. Enjoy your day together. Ted.

  Holden put the paper on the counter and grabbed Johanna. He spun her around in a quick dance move, then flicked his arm so she twirled in toward him. Her laughter filled the kitchen, his mind, his heart. “What shall we do with our day, my lady?”

  “Hmmm.” Her body pressed against his, and Holden had only one thought on how to spend the day. “After breakfast, let’s swing by the airport. I know where to find Ted’s friend.”

  Holden nodded. “Okay, that would be great, but I’m pretty sure Ted wants us to have some fun too.”

  “Last night wasn’t enough fun for you?” Her lips curled up in a vixen-like grin.

  “Never enough, but I don’t just mean that kind of fun. There are other kinds.”

  “Right. Of course.” Johanna tried for a serious face, but the little crinkles at the corners of her eyes gave her away. “We could do a little biking, off-road. I know a place we could go. It’s not as fast as racecars, but I think you’ll like it.”

  “Perfect.” Holden looked out the window. “Then maybe you want to help me with that?” He pointed the beginnings of Ted’s cabin.

  “Sure, if while we work we can talk about design ideas for my newest client, an aquarium they want to build in Rhode Island.”

  “Then we’ll probably be sweaty from all that hard work and will need a shower.”

  “I knew we’d end up naked again at some point.” Johanna flashed him a smile as she pulled eggs and milk from the refrigerator.

  Clothed. Naked. It almost didn’t matter to Holden as long as he got to be with her. Almost.

  ****

  “You remember driving now, right?” Johanna wiggled the keys to the Bronco in front of Holden’s face. After a hearty breakfast—one that replaced all the calories they had burned last night—they were ready to head to the airport. “And you have your license.” She couldn’t pretend he wasn’t remembering things as much as she didn’t want Texas to reclaim him.

  Holden took the keys and held them in his palm. “You mean you’d trust me with your sacred Bronco?”

  She shoved him lightly and he stumbled back a few steps. “If I were you, I’d hop into the driver’s seat before I change my mind, punk.” Only he didn’t look like a punk. In his dark jeans, charcoal gray T-shirt, and black work boots, he looked superdelicious as usual. The way he looked at her with those bright blue eyes told her the decision to wear a purple sundress that tied around the neck halter-top style had been the right one. With a single pull of the tie, the dress would come off in a second. A good feature that would come in handy later.

  They both got into the truck, and Johanna loved the look of Holden in her Bronco. “Suddenly, this vehicle looks much improved.” She pretended to take a picture of Holden behind the wheel.

  “It doesn’t take much. One of those cardboard air freshener trees hanging from the rearview would much improve this vehicle.”

  Johanna elbowed his arm. “Don’t hate the Bronco”

  Holden shook his head. “I don’t hate it.” He turned the key and the engine coughed to a start. “I loathe it.”

  Waving a fist at him, Johanna said, “Just drive.”r />
  She gave him directions to an airfield just out of Valentine. On the drive, Holden asked her a ton of questions about Nebraska, and she got the feeling he was comparing the state to what he must have remembered about Texas. She did her best to make Nebraska sound the like the best place on the planet, which truthfully she believed it to be. She’d grown up in Valentine, and while her home life as a kid was shaky at best, she’d always found comfort in the natural surroundings Nebraska had to offer. Her colored pencils and sketch pad in hand, she’d spent much of her time by herself in some outside hideaway she’d discovered.

  “Do you think you always lived in Texas?” she asked after pointing to where he should park at the airfield.

  He eased into the spot and shut off the Bronco. “I guess so. I don’t remember any other place, but I also don’t remember parents or siblings so maybe other homes are still locked away with that info.” He shrugged then turned to face Johanna. “Nebraska seems like a good place to call home.”

  “I was hoping you’d say that.” Johanna leaned across the armrest and caught Holden’s lips. When his hand slid up to the back of her neck so she couldn’t pull away, she deepened the kiss. She immediately wished they were back in the barn, or on the couch in the basement, or…in her bedroom. Somewhere she could unwrap Holden like a chocolate bar and devour every last piece of him.

  “I have a feeling,” Holden licked his lips after breaking away from Johanna, “that wherever you are would be a good place to call home.” He brought her hand up to his lips and dropped a chivalrous kiss on the back.

  Careful, Johanna’s mind warned. This could all change at the snap of a finger. She knew that, but it was far too late to be worried about it. Her heart was his.

  Sighing, she got out of the Bronco and met Holden on the driver’s side. He automatically took her hand and that cautionary voice in her head was completely snuffed.

  “Where are we going?” he asked.

  She blinked a few times then led him to the main entrance. “Ted’s friend said to go to hangar C. This airport doesn’t accommodate jets, just small planes like the one you were flying.”

  “A Beechcraft King Air 350i.”

  “If you say so. I didn’t get a good look at yours. The raging flames made it hard to see.”

  Holden shuddered beside her.

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “I shouldn’t talk lightly about that.”

  “No, it’s okay. I…well, now that I remember the crash, it freaks me that I actually survived.” He squeezed her hand. “I survived because of you.”

  “I’m not even sure what possessed me to chase after your plane. Ted was hollering at me to stay away, that it could totally blow up, but I couldn’t stop running toward the wreck. I wish your friend had made it as well.”

  “Yeah, Vaughn was a good guy. Although, he probably would have made a play for you. He loved women. All of them.”

  “Well, I wouldn’t be interested in a guy like that.”

  “That’s what most women say, but Vaughn was good. I’ve seen him win over the impossible.” Holden cleared his throat, and Johanna realized his beautiful eyes were moist. He scratched his nose and sniffed in a long breath seeming to compose himself.

  She pulled him into a hug and he resisted for a moment then slid his arms around her.

  “It’s terrible that no one came to claim him.” His voice was a little hoarse, a touch shaky.

  Johanna stepped back so she could see his face. “Do you want to maybe plant a tree or something at the crash site? You know, in memory of him?” She hated seeing the sadness in Holden’s eyes. It ripped her up inside.

  “That would be great. Thank you.” He gave her another squeeze. “Oh, and you can stop carrying around the Epi-pen. It wasn’t for me. It was Vaughn’s. He’s the one who used to order banana-nut muffins minus the nut.”

  “Okay. I’ll dump it when we get home. C’mon.” She edged him toward the sign for hangar C. The sooner they finished here, the sooner they could get home. And home was where she wanted to be for however long Holden decided to stay.

  When they arrived at hangar C, Johanna led them to a small desk. “Excuse me,” she said to the older woman seated there. “Is Carl Rutherson available?”

  “Carl!” the woman shouted causing both Johanna and Holden to jump. “Somebody’s asking for you.”

  “Be right there, Sandra,” came a voice down a jet bridge beyond the terminal gate.

  “He’ll be right here,” Sandra said.

  “Thanks.” Holden led Johanna to a group of seats. “Let’s sit here and pretend we’re going somewhere. Where do you want to go?”

  “Hawaii,” Johanna said automatically.

  “That answer was waiting to pop out.” Holden took her hand and rested it on his thigh. “Why Hawaii?”

  She hesitated, then decided she had no reason not to be honest with him. “Right before Alex got arrested, we were planning a family vacation to Hawaii. The four of us for two weeks. I realize now he was trying to hide from the guys that were after him. Still, it would have been the longest trip we’d ever taken, the longest time we would have had Alex to ourselves. I’d taken the kids to a few places myself when Alex couldn’t get time off, but we’d never ventured all that far. I wasn’t sure about the trip with Kallie being so sick, but Alex said it might be good for her.”

  “There’s still time to go.” Holden put his hand atop hers on his leg. His fingers rubbed against her knuckles and she closed her eyes.

  “Not for Kallie.”

  Holden slid his arm around her shoulders. “She’d still want you to see it.”

  Johanna nodded, her throat too tight for speaking. Fortunately, Carl came out and changed the mood.

  “Johanna!” He folded her into a bear hug. “Have you decided that significantly older men are what you’re interested in? Please, say you have.” He stepped back and gave Holden the once-over. “Shoot, who’s this kid?”

  “Carl, this is Holden, the pilot I told you about over the phone.”

  “You didn’t say he was all young and good-looking. I don’t have a shot, do I?” He shook Holden’s hand, but slumped his shoulders in defeat.

  “I’m sorry, Carl.” Johanna patted his back. “If I were a few years older, maybe…”

  “Ha! A few years? Try like twenty. Oh, well, Sandra, you’re stuck with me.” He blew the woman behind the desk a kiss.

  “Oh, joy.” Sandra rolled her eyes.

  “Don’t pay attention to her. She fantasizes about flying with this pilot.” He arrowed a thumb at himself and ignored the death glare Sandra sent him. “Okay, enough of this funny business.” He looked at Holden. “Johanna told me about your situation. You want to sit behind the controls of my bird and see if anything comes back to you?”

  “That would be great. Thanks.”

  “I’ll let you because it makes me look good in front of the lady here.” He gestured to Johanna while Sandra let out a disgusted noise. “Hush, Sandra.” Carl pointed at her. “I don’t have a flight scheduled until when, dear?”

  “Not until 4:30 today, old man.”

  “Weren’t you born the same year as me?”

  Sandra shrugged, neither denying nor confirming her age.

  “Chicks.” Carl slung an arm around Holden. “Are they any easier to deal with when you’ve got amnesia?”

  “Well, I’ve only really dealt with that one.” Holden pointed to Johanna. “And I’ve enjoyed everything about those dealings.”

  Johanna’s cheeks grew hot as Holden looked at her.

  “I’ll bet you have. Lucky bastard.” Carl shook his head. “All right, c’mon. Bird’s this way.”

  Carl led them down the jet bridge and when Holden climbed into the cockpit, Johanna was struck by how right he looked behind the controls.

  How right and how damn sexy.

  ****

  Holden ran his fingers over the controls and like a fast forward movie in his mind, all his pilot skills came rushing back.
An older model King Air, Carl’s plane wasn’t much different from the one Holden had crashed in Johanna’s field.

  “I can tell by the look on your face that you know what to do with this girl, don’t you?” Carl clapped Holden on the back as he eased into the co-pilot seat.

  “I do. I totally do.” He named all the instruments, described pre-flight routines, talked about the engine and features of the plane. Once he started, he couldn’t stop.

  That is, until he glanced back at Johanna sitting in one of the passenger seats. She flashed him a bright, encouraging smile, but it didn’t make her eyes sparkle.

  “Excuse me a moment, Carl.” He abandoned the cockpit and kneeled down in front of Johanna.

  “Sounds like it’s going well up there,” she said.

  “It is. Thank you for bringing me here.” He gathered her hands in his. “I also know that each thing I remember is like a knife to you.” She started to shake her head and opened her mouth, but Holden put a finger to her lips. “I love you, Johanna.”

  “You what?”

  “You heard me. I love you. I think I loved you when you first came to my hospital room and stood in the doorway. Racecars are fun, I’d like to check out Texas, I definitely want to get back to flying one of these babies, but none of it means as much to me as you do.”

  “Looks and eloquence,” Carl muttered as he squeezed by. “Some guys get everything.” He huffed out a breath. “I’ll give you two a few moments, then you want to take this bird for a spin?”

  “You’d let me?” Holden tore his gaze from Johanna to look at Carl.

  “Yeah, I saw all the evidence I needed the moment you sat in that seat, son.” Carl gestured to the cockpit. “You’re a pilot. No doubt about it.” He clamped a hand on Holden’s shoulder, then ducked out the side hatch. “Besides, some of my career was spent as a flight instructor, so it’ll be okay if you don’t remember everything. I won’t panic. Be back in a few.”