Zack
Page 7
“What? No, I wasn’t.”
“New Year’s Eve five years ago. I was talking about how I didn’t have anyone to kiss at midnight. You leaned over and said ’It’s not that big of a deal’ and laid one on me. That was my first kiss.”
She quirks her eyebrows and then raises her camera. While I stand in the cold trying to figure out how I’ve been so oblivious, she takes my picture.
“Have I ruined everything between us? By telling you how I feel?” she asks softly. When she lowers the camera, I can see the fear in her eyes.
“I’m so scared to say the wrong thing. This past week without you around has been really hard. On all of us.”
She looks chagrined. “I didn’t mean to stay away so long. I especially wouldn’t want to make Debbie and Paula worry. But I promise not to get mad no matter what you say. This is a judgment free zone.”
“Sex changes things between people. It attaches a lot of expectations. Do you understand what I mean?”
Her cheeks tinge pink but she nods slowly.
“And I don’t do relationships. I’m just not built for that. I’ve never cared enough.”
“You’re not that way with me.”
“I hope not. I would never want to be that way with you. That’s why I stopped things the other day.”
She considers me for a long moment. The wind whips the hair hanging from her baseball cap until a long strand sticks to her cheek. Her color is high and she looks so vibrant. It would kill me if anything I did took that sparkle from her eyes.
Finally she says, “You’re worried about what happens afterward.”
“Yes, I am. I’m so afraid that I’ll do something that hurts you.”
“I’ll be hurt more if I end up doing this with some guy I don’t care about.”
The sharp stab of jealousy takes me by surprise. My hands curl into fists at the thought of Josie wrapped around some other guy. I care about Jo too much to let her do something she’ll regret. I’m still worried that she’ll assume sex equals love, so many women do, but honestly that’s a risk even if her first time is with someone else.
At least if she’s with me her first time will be with someone who truly loves her and has her best interests at heart. And I’ll finally be able to shake this obsession with her.
Suddenly my prior reservations seem stupid in comparison with what I’m gaining. It’s a risk getting involved with a close friend but in this case, the reward is worth it.
“Since we’re in a judgment free zone, I have to admit that the thought of you doing this with anyone else makes me crazy.”
“Does it really?”
I laugh at her eager expression. “You know it does. You’re a little temptress.”
She looks smugly satisfied at that description. “So does this mean you’re saying yes? You’ll do it?”
“Yes. I’ll do it. If this is really what you want, then I’d be honored to be your first. It’s not like it’s a hardship to make love to a beautiful woman. As long as you know that you can change your mind at any time and I’ll respect that.”
“I know that, Zack. As if you’d do anything else.” Her eyes are bright as she looks up at me with a sassy smile. “So, should I say thank you?”
“Not yet, brat. You might not be thanking me when you find out some of the dirty things I’ve imagined doing to you.” I let out a sigh of relief that the hardest part of the conversation is over and things don’t seem too awkward yet.
“I can’t wait.” She blushes and then links her arm through mine. “You really want to know why it never happened before?”
“I want to know everything about you.”
“With Gabe, I always followed his lead. He was my crutch. He made me feel safe because he kept me away from everything that scared me. For a long time that was what I needed but now, I want more from life. You don’t make me feel safe.”
“I bet.”
She turns to look at me, her bright eyes shining. “You make me feel alive.”
I have no idea what to say to that or how to handle the sudden urge to pick her up and run off with her. But I can’t do that. The rest of the family will be relieved to see her and we need some distance between us after such an intense conversation. But when she’s looking at me like this, I forget about everything else. It’s unsettling the way she can disrupt my world with one look.
She raises her camera and takes a picture of what must be the most befuddled expression in existence. Because that’s definitely how I feel.
“Come on, we need to get back. Everyone will be really happy to see you.” I glance over at her as we turn around and walk back the way we came. “Did I really just agree to take your virginity?”
Her satisfied expression does funny things to my insides. It makes me think about other things I can do to put that look on her face.
“Yup. And there’s no getting out of it now.”
chapter six
†
JOSIE
The entire walk back to Gabe’s house, I’m convinced the last hour has been a dream. Did Zack seriously just agree to make love to me? The thought scares and excites me. All the things he said and warned me about hang in the back of my mind but the only thing that stands out is that tonight, I’ll finally know what it’s like to be in his arms.
When we reach the house, Zack opens the back door with his key. Debbie looks up when we enter. Her excited screech brings Paula and Sasha rushing into the kitchen, Gabe not far behind.
“Our girl is back! We’ve missed you, honey.”
I’m folded into a warm hug before Paula grabs me, too. “Where have you been? It’s not the same around here without your smiling face.”
“Sorry I stayed away so long. I’ve missed you guys, too.”
Gabe and Sasha watch indulgently as the kitchen becomes a jumble of excited laughter and talking. I glance over at Zack who is leaning against the wall. My breath stops at the look in his eyes but I can’t allow myself to get caught up. Not when his family is right here watching our every move.
The warm welcome drives home his earlier point about how risky this is.
He’s right to be scared of things possibly changing. But no matter how hard you try, nothing stays the same anyway. The earth keeps turning and life goes on. It’ll hurt for sure if I can’t show him how good things could be between us but I have to try. I’ve wanted Zack for so long and I know that I can’t go forever in this state of limbo.
Once things settle down a bit, Sasha speaks up. “I’m glad you’re here, Josie. Maybe these guys won’t be such grumps now.”
Sasha glances over at Zack who mutters a curse under his breath.
The news that Zack was grumpy while I wasn’t around is strangely satisfying. He claims that he doesn’t do relationships or emotions but there’s so much love inside him. I’ve always known it’s there. It’s in the way he’s always been there for me and the tender way he is with his family. He wants everyone to think he doesn’t care about anything but anyone looking can see that isn’t true.
“Anyway, I wanted to make sure you knew about my grand opening party for my new club. It’s in three weeks and I want you all to be there.”
Sasha told me previously about her new jazz club but with everything that’s been going on lately, I hadn’t realized it was opening so soon.
“Wow! The time has gone by so quickly. Congratulations.”
She looks giddy. “We’ve had crews working overtime to get things ready. If your brother is still in town you should bring him. And your roommate, too.”
“Will Perry be coming with you?” Debbie asks.
Zack’s eyes lift to mine and even from across the room his stare sends shivers down my spine.
Gabe flinches and then makes a cutting motion at his neck. “Mom, they broke up.”
Debbie covers her mouth. “Oh no, I’m so sorry!”
“Yeah, we did. With everything that’s been going on I didn’t get to tell you guys.”
There’s another round of commotion as I’m enveloped in hugs again, with everyone telling me how sorry they are. All the while, Zack watches with that maddening little smile on his face.
“It’s okay, really. It was for the best.”
Paula puts her arm around my shoulders. “It’s better you found out he was a dud now rather than later. Maybe Sasha can fix you up!”
Sasha winks. “I could do that. But I don’t think Josie will have any trouble finding her own dates.”
Heat rushes to my cheeks. Sasha is the only other person there aware of how I feel about Zack. Even though I know she won’t spill the secret, it’s still incredibly uncomfortable to have this conversation play out while Zack watches.
After Debbie and Paula leave, Sasha and Gabe go back upstairs. He’s still moving slowly but I’m happy to see he’s looking much better than the last time I saw him.
Once we’re alone, I turn to Zack. “That was a little awkward.”
“Just think, we’ll have a lifetime of awkwardness to look forward to.”
Or we could have a lifetime of something else. But I don’t say that out loud. If I want him to give this a chance, scaring him with thoughts of commitment isn’t the way to go.
“Are you backing out of our deal?”
Zack looks like he wants to but finally he shakes his head. “No. But I do have one condition. We can't tell Gabe.”
“Am I your dirty little secret?” I’m joking but there’s a little pang of hurt at the idea that he doesn’t want to be seen with me.
“It’s no one’s business. It’ll only make them uncomfortable and trust me, they’ll all have an opinion about it.”
I think about how weird it was to have Debbie and Paula asking about my dating life before. It would be doubly weird for them to know that I’m doing the nasty with Zack. Just the thought of that makes me want to go hide.
“That’s probably for the best then.”
“Come on, I’ll drive you home.”
He puts his hand on my lower back as we walk outside. My stomach is instantly a mass of butterflies. I can hardly believe what’s about to happen. Are we really going to do this? My mouth is suddenly dry and I’m hit with a million insecurities at once. Will he be expecting sexy lingerie? Did I remember to shave this morning? What if it hurts a lot and I can’t even do it?
All these thoughts swirl around my brain the entire drive home until I’m a ball of nerves when he finally parks in front of Izzie’s house.
“What’s wrong with you? You look like you’re on the way to an execution.”
Zack waits patiently as I figure out how to explain what I’m feeling without coming off as completely flighty. I’ve assured him over and over that this is really what I want and now that we’re about to get down to it, I’m terrified.
“I’m just nervous. But it’s no big deal. Everyone’s nervous their first time, right?”
Zack cracks up. “Jo, what do you think is about to happen?”
He cracks up harder when I glare at him. I mean, seriously what does he think?
“I thought you’d want to, you know, do it now.”
“Eager little thing, aren’t you?”
“Well… yeah.”
His smile flashes again before he reaches over and takes my hand. The butterflies in my stomach explode all over again at the warm press of his palm against mine.
“I’m eager, too sweetheart but I want it to be right. It should never be something you do on a schedule. When the time is right, it’ll just happen. We’re not going to rush it.”
“So, you’re not coming in?”
He shakes his head. Even though I’m disappointed there’s an equal part of me that’s relieved also. When we were kissing on the floor the other day, I was too into it to be nervous. Everything was all warmth and sensation and there was no room in there for nerves. But just doing it out of the blue is really intimidating. Trust Zack to know that I’d feel that way. He always seems to know what I’m feeling. Although he’s usually using those insights to annoy me.
“I’m not going to make love to you, yet. But I am going to kiss you.”
He leans over halfway and waits for me to make the next move. I lean into him and when our lips meet, it warms me down to my toes. He doesn’t try to turn it into anything else either, no tongue or hands involved. Just a sweet kiss that makes me feel completely cherished.
Until in a moment of bravery, I pull his lip between my teeth.
He moans into my mouth and just that quickly, the kiss turns hot and wet. His tongue slides against mine and I suck on it gently.
Zack pulls back, his heavy breathing loud in the quiet car.
“Go in the house, Josie. Before I change my mind about being a gentleman.”
“I don’t want you to be a gentleman.”
“Go,” he growls.
I can feel his eyes on me until I enter the house and shut the door behind me. By the time I slide into bed later that night, I swear I can still feel his lips on mine.
†
Two days go by before we have time to meet again. Zack asks me to come to the shop. I have no idea what to expect. Guys usually have a different idea of taking things slow so I’m not sure what he’s planning for later. Just in case, I take extra time conditioning my hair and shave my legs so they are perfectly smooth.
When I get to my bikini line I have another minor freak out. Izzie’s always talking about getting waxed but I’m too scared to do that. Is that what guys expect now? For it to be completely bare down there?
“This is way too much stress,” I mumble before deciding to just do my usual routine, cleaning up the stray hairs. I like things tidy but have never felt the need to take it all off before. I hope Zack is cool with the natural look.
As I dry my hair I think about our conversation last night. He called me right before bed and we stayed on the phone for an hour just chatting about random things. He didn’t bring up our deal and neither did I but I’m sure it’s not far from his thoughts.
Talking to him is different now. He’s not being as raunchy as usual and he seems to be making an effort to ask about what’s going on in my life. Usually he’s teasing me or we’re bickering about something but now, well, I think we’re flirting.
I like it.
When I get to the shop, I pull around the back and park next to Zack’s car. He drives this souped up electric blue Dodge Challenger that’s as loud and in-your-face as he is. His leather jacket is visible on the passenger seat. I wonder if he’s going to take me for a ride. He knows I love riding with him just because I love this car.
The back door requires a key so I walk around the front. My stomach is fluttering again. As many times as I’ve visited him or Gabe at the shop, this feels completely different. This time I’m here with no idea of what’s going to happen.
This time I’m nervous.
The bell on the front door tinkles overhead when I enter. It seems way louder than usual. Zack is behind the counter and when he sees me, his face softens. He tips his head up acknowledging me before he turns back to his customer.
I have no idea how to act. I’ve always had a slightly antagonistic relationship with Zack. First because he made fun of me relentlessly for following Gabe around all the time. Then later because he made me hot which pissed me off.
Now we’re at this strange detente and it’s like starting over from scratch. After everything that happened when Gabe got injured, our previous state of feuding seems silly and juvenile.
But that doesn't mean I feel comfortable with him doing me favors. Especially not these kind of favors.
Thanks for getting naked for me so I can capture your incredible body on camera! And could you also rock my world between the sheets so I can see what all the fuss is about? Great, thanks!
It’s all mortifying.
Since Zack is busy, I go in the back to say hi to everyone else. Jim waves as I pass by but doesn’t stop what he’s working on. When I cross the garage one of
the mechanics, Reed Harris, waves me over. Zack told me once Reed was in their class in high school but I don’t remember him from back then. He’s got a laid back beach bum kind of vibe with messy blond hair that always looks like it needs a trim.
“Hey, girl. Where have you been lately? Haven’t seen you for a while.” He pulls me into a quick hug.
I shrug but I can feel the heat climbing to my cheeks. If you’d told me last week that my absence would be such a big deal, I wouldn’t have believed it. It’s nice to be missed though.
“Just busy. Had family in town and working on something new. What about you?” I deflect back to him, hoping he doesn’t notice how shaky my voice is.
“It’s been the same old thing around here. We’re all working overtime while Gabe’s out.”
“Yeah. I know he misses you guys. He hates not being able to work.”
“That was pretty messed up what happened to him.”
No one outside of the family knows the real story behind Gabe’s attack. Everyone else thinks he was mugged at random.
“It was. I’ll be sure to tell him you asked about him. Once he’s feeling better I’m sure he’d appreciate a visit.”
He grins. “Sasha’s with him so I won’t go just yet. I’m sure he’s enjoying being taken care of.”
“Hey, Jo. Sorry about that.”
We both turn at the sound of Zack’s voice. He’s still wearing the coveralls with his name stitched in the right corner and his dark hair has started to grow in on the sides a bit. Without the spikes and the tattoos on display, he almost looks… normal.
“Hey. It’s okay.”
Reed looks back and forth between us. “Cool, I have to get back to work. But I’ll see you around.”
Zack leads me to the other side of the garage where a black motorcycle is waiting in one of the bays.
“Nice bike. What kind is it?”
“This is a Harley Softail.”
“Who does it belong to?”
“One of our longtime customers, Helen Chisholm. She’s a great lady and she’s been coming here for a long time. Reed just finished this one. I wanted to take it for a spin and make sure it’s good to go. I figured that would be an adventure.”