Lost and Found (Twist of Fate, Book 1)

by Lucy Lennox

  The boys had started chuckling as I described Bennett getting wetter and wetter with every attempt.

  “Finally, he wiggled his ass to get ready for the ultimate attempt before giving up. Only this time I could tell by the look in his eyes, he was prepared to go all in.” I actually had to stop for a second because another round of laughter hit me unexpectedly.

  “Then what happened?” Lucky asked, laughing since I was laughing.

  “He… he saw one of the biggest koi swim toward him and took off in a giant flying leap just as his dad walked out of his office onto the back patio and saw us. Right when Mr. Crawford yelled, Bennett turned his head and landed in a giant belly flop on the water. I swear I saw three big koi splash up into the air.” I barely managed to get out the words as an image of Bennett’s startled expression hit me. “One of them landed on the stone surrounding the patio right in front of Mr. Crawford. He stood there gaping at it, and then just turned and walked back into his office. As if the whole thing was just par for the course with the two of us.”

  The boys turned to call back to Bennett, who was presumably hiking in the back of the pack.

  “B? Is it true you once captured a koi fish with your bare hands?” the kid called out.

  I didn’t look back, but could imagine the mischievous grin sliding across Bennett’s lips.

  “Who wants to know?” he called up to us. “Has someone up there been telling stories about me?”

  The warmth in Bennett’s voice stroked over my entire body. Fuck. Why had I told this story in the first place?

  “Yeah. Xander makes it sound like your technique involves cannonballing into the water and splashing poor unsuspecting fish onto shore,” Lucky called back over his shoulder. “That doesn’t sound like expertise as much as dumb luck.”

  “I never promised I was an expert at it. Just that I was good at it,” he teased back. “We had that poor koi for dinner that night, didn’t we, Xander?”

  I bit my tongue to keep from laughing. What we’d had for dinner that night had been exactly nothing. We’d been sent to Bennett’s room without dinner for fucking up the Crawford’s pristine decorative whatever.

  “Xander?” Lucky asked when I didn’t respond to Bennett’s tease.

  “Best damned koi dinner I’ve ever had,” I replied with a small smile, and I couldn’t resist the urge to look over my shoulder at Bennett. His warm brown eyes were on mine, and for the first time since he’d stepped off that bus, I let myself enjoy that memory with him. It felt so good to just laugh. I hadn’t even really realized until this very moment how long it had been since I’d done just that.

  Because of Bennett… because of all the things he’d done and said when we were kids to make sure I’d always had something to laugh about.

  Lucky turned back to his map to double-check our direction as we continued making our way forward.

  I forced myself to focus on Lucky and the trail, but for the rest of the hike down to Basin Lake, I couldn’t stop my damned brain from replaying scenes from my childhood. Of course, the one I didn’t want to remember was the scene I kept coming back to. The last time I’d seen Bennett— when he’d fucking ripped my heart out.

  “Can I see Bennett?” I whispered as I tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. I’d hoped and prayed Bennett would be the one to answer the door, but since life had decided today should be my worst nightmare come to life, it had also figured giving Mr. Crawford a starring role would be more amusing. After a nurse had found me passed out on the floor next to the gurney that had held my father’s sheet-draped body, Mr. Crawford had explained that he had things to see to and that my aunt would be arriving soon to take care of me.

  I’d only met my Aunt Lolly a few times, though it hadn’t been because my father and she had been on the outs. No, my aunt was what my father had labeled a free spirit, and he’d explained that Lolly only got seen when she wanted to. I’d never really understood what that meant, but after meeting her a couple times, I’d learned enough to know that although she was an odd duck, she was a loving one. When she’d arrived to pick me up from the hospital, she’d held me for a really long time, and while it had felt good to have someone warm touching me after feeling my father’s icy skin, Aunt Lolly hadn’t been the one I’d needed.

  No, the only one I needed was currently tucked away in the too-big mansion somewhere, and to see him, I had to get through Mr. Crawford first.

  When I’d escaped the cottage for the big house and asked to see Bennett, I could hear music blaring from the back of the house. I could only assume the Crawfords were having yet another party, but that would be good for me because Bennett could easily sneak out when his parents were preoccupied with entertaining their fancy friends.

  “Please, can I see him?” I asked again when Mr. Crawford made no move to get Bennett.

  “Now isn’t the time,” he said blandly.

  I could feel the tears threatening to spill over my eyelids, so I quickly looked away from him and said, “I’ll just be a minute. Promise.”

  I didn’t even need the full minute. I just wanted Bennett’s arms around me long enough for him to send me that secret message I needed so badly. Whether he gave me his infamous wink or he squeezed me just a little harder than necessary or he whispered something nonsensical into my ear; I just needed something that I could hang onto until he could sneak away to be with me.

  Mr. Crawford huffed and said, “Just don’t keep him.” Then he shut the door in my face, and I heard him calling Bennett’s name. I used the few seconds to dash madly at my eyes to try and clear them, but nothing I did could stem the tears. God, I just needed Bennett so fucking bad. I thought I could wait for him to come find me, but I knew I couldn’t. I felt like I was dying… like it was my chest being crushed like a vise. Was this what my father had felt in his final moments? This crushing weight? This uncertainty about whether or not he was dying?

  When the door opened again, I let out a harsh sob at the sight of my friend and I stepped forward, too impatient to wait for Bennett to come to me. “Benny,” I cried out. But before I could reach him, he closed the door a little, leaving just enough room for his body. I stopped mid-stride.

  “Hey,” he said softly, and then he cast a glance over his shoulder. When his eyes returned to me, he murmured, “Sorry to hear about your dad.”

  I nodded because I didn’t know what else to do. Why wasn’t he letting me in? Or coming out?

  “Benny, I need—”

  A voice from somewhere inside the house cut me off and I saw Bennett look over his shoulder again. More voices joined the first and I realized he wasn’t alone. And the voices weren’t those of the Crawfords’ adult friends.

  “Dude, you coming or what?”

  Even in my fucked-up state, I knew whose voice that was.

  Garrett Somersby. Captain of Bennett’s crew team and the guy who’d thought it was his personal mission in life to point out that I didn’t belong at Knollwood Academy because I was the dreaded scholarship kid.

  “Bennett?” I whispered, hoping against hope that it wasn’t true. That my mind was still playing tricks on me.

  “Uh,” Bennett began, but then the door was being opened, and yes, by Garrett.

  “Hey, it’s the Knollwood freeloader,” Garrett said snidely. “You selling girl scout cookies or something to help pay for that scholarship?” he said with a laugh. The door opened wider to reveal several more of Bennett’s friends. I saw his father standing several feet away, arms crossed.

  “I came to talk to Bennett,” I murmured, even as an ice-cold chill settled over my body.

  “What, you want to tell him about some gardening emergency?” Garrett said with a laugh.

  I shook my head and let my eyes connect with Bennett’s.

  Wink, Bennett. Please fucking wink at me.

  More tears fell as I waited, prayed… but there was nothing. Even worse, Bennett looked embarrassed.

  “Come on, B,” Gar
rett said as he slapped Bennett on the shoulder. Pool’s calling our name.”

  He was having a pool party? My dad was dead and Bennett was having a fucking pool party? The boys disappeared back into the house, leaving the two of us alone again.

  “Xander…” Bennett began, but then his father’s cough interrupted him.

  “You should get back to your friends, Son,” Mr. Crawford said. “Xander, you run on home. Your aunt’s probably worried about you.”

  I froze for a beat before nodding and turning away. I felt numb. I tried to walk, but I couldn’t manage it. I had no pride left. So, I ran and I kept running until I reached the small caretaker’s cottage my father and I had called home for so long. But it wasn’t home anymore.

  Not with my father gone. And not if Bennett was no longer the person I thought he was…

  I didn’t even manage to finish my thought before I fell to my knees on the hard cement walkway and finally gave into the rolling in my stomach. When my aunt found me lying beside a pool of my own vomit ten minutes later, I let her believe my tears were only because I’d lost my father.

  Even if they weren’t.

  Because I’d lost so, so much more than that.

  I’d lost everything.

  “Xander?”

  Lucky’s voice caught my attention and I managed to look up to see he’d stopped hiking at some point, which meant the entire group had and everyone was currently staring at me. A quick look at Bennett revealed the concern in his expression.

  “Sorry, what?” I asked.

  “Is this where we’re stopping for the night?” Lucky asked, and I quickly looked around and saw that we’d reached the lake. I nodded and automatically began giving out instructions to the kids. By the time we got the camp set up, I’d gone through all of the emotions of that night over and over, vowing yet again that I wouldn’t feel sorry for myself. I wasn’t holding a damned pity party. I refused to be sad about it any longer. I refused to be anything. Bennett had no fucking hold on me anymore. He was just some guy.

  No, he wasn’t even that.

  He was no one.

  Just like I’d been no one that night when he’d closed the door on me.

  Unfortunately, Aiden picked that moment to get in my face about something and I snapped at him, proof that maybe I wasn’t as unaffected as I wanted to be.

  He stepped back and held his hands up. “Uh, chill, Ranger Rick. I was just trying to find out if you knew where the fillet knife was for the fish.”

  “Your boyfriend’s the fisherman. Ask him,” I barked, picking up my water bottle and heading off into the woods so I wouldn’t be tempted to ram my fist into Aiden’s perfect face.

  Chapter 12

  Bennett

  It was getting dark and the kids were settling down in their own tent groups for the night when I finally got Xander far enough away from the other kids to talk to him about what had happened with Aiden earlier. They’d had some kind of blowup before Xander had disappeared for the entire fishing lesson with the kids.

  He’d returned to help with dinner but hadn’t said a word to anyone the entire time. Now, when I saw him head through the woods to the creek with Bear, I decided to follow him. As soon as he reached the edge of the creek and realized I was behind him, he turned and glared at me.

  “Go back to camp, Bennett.”

  “What the hell is going on between you and Aiden?” I asked.

  “He’s an asshole. You two deserve each other. Now leave me alone.” He spun and continued toward the creek.

  His jab hurt, but I pushed down the pain and asked, “Did something happen?”

  This time when he turned back, the look in his eyes was a cross between hatred and anguish, and it hit me right in the gut. I wanted to double over with the pain of it, but I stood frozen instead.

  “What part aren’t you getting, Bennett? I don’t want you here. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to even fucking look at you.” Xander squeezed his eyes closed for a moment before pinning me with a hard look. “You know what? Be with him. I thought maybe you deserved better, but I realized I don’t know you. Maybe I never really did. Maybe you two are perfect for each other. For all I know, you like guys like that. The one thing I am certain about is that I don’t want anything to do with you anymore, Bennett Crawford, so just leave me the hell alone.”

  I stood there staring at him, knowing I’d had a strong hand in changing the sweet, quiet boy I’d known into this angry, bitter man, but I couldn’t quell the frustration that went through me, either. I felt like a raw, open wound and my self-preservation instincts kicked in.

  “Fine. I’ve been turning myself inside out to talk to you and apologize for what happened the night your dad died, but if you’re so hell-bent on pushing me away, I guess that’s it then.”

  I turned back toward camp before stopping and clenching my fists. As usual, I couldn’t stop it there. “Just for the record, I’m not fucking Aiden. We had a thing in college but it’s been over for years. We’re just friends.”

  “Whatever,” Xander mumbled. “Like I care.”

  Seriously? I whipped back around and stalked closer to him, fighting the tears of anger I could feel building. “What the hell happened to you? When did you become such a jackass?”

  Xander stood back up from where he’d been squatting by the stream to fill his bottle. He took two giant strides toward me until his chest was practically pressed up against mine. His familiar cobalt eyes glinted in the dim moonlight streaking through the trees.

  “The night you closed the door on me,” he said without any kind of hesitation at all.

  My chin trembled and I begged the fucking tears to stay put, even if they had to cling to my eyeballs by nothing but a sheer force of will.

  “I hate you,” I said. It came out as more of a sob than an accusation, and I felt myself wince at the sound of it.

  “The feeling is mutual,” he rumbled. “Join the fucking club.”

  I turned again to leave but he grabbed me by the elbow and spun me around, pushing my back up against a nearby tree. “Why do you keep trying to fix this?” he barked in my face, clearly frustrated.

  My traitorous dick began to throb at his nearness, even though my self-preservation instinct was telling me to run. “Because… because I want…” My eyes cast downward at the ground. “I want…”

  “What do you want, Benny?” It was like a whisper, a caress that I felt all the way into my gut and down into my balls. He stepped forward as he waited for my answer. His chest brushed mine and I felt his fingers stroke my neck before his entire hand came to rest on the side of my throat. I could feel him trembling as he applied just the tiniest bit of pressure. His eyes closed like he was in pain or something and I felt my own lids slide shut because I knew I was the cause of all that hurt and rage.

  You, I thought. God, all I ever wanted was you.

  I opened my eyes to see him staring at me and I knew, just knew that not saying the words aloud hadn’t mattered. He’d heard them just the same because the next thing I knew his mouth was crushing down on mine. It wasn’t a peck or a brush of lips, or even a kiss.

  It was a claiming. An owning. An absolute possession of my mouth and my entire focus there in that clearing by the creek.

  Gone were the rough scratches of the bark on my back. Gone were the night sounds of animals in the trees around us or the trickling of the water in the creek by our feet. It was just the two of us in some kind of lip fuck unlike anything I’d ever known before.

  I couldn’t have even said where his mouth left off and mine began. Suddenly, my hands were everywhere— under his shirt, over the warm skin of his back, sneaking around front to find the bumpy ridges of the stomach muscles I’d felt that night in his tent.

  Moans escaped his mouth as my hands moved and I suddenly realized that he was holding me up against him by my ass. His large hands squeezed my cheeks as he ground his hard cock against my stomach and pressed me back against the tree.r />
  Fuck, fuck, fuck. I wanted to be plastered against him with nothing between us. I wanted his hands everywhere on me and mine on him. Part of me even wanted to turn and face the tree, shove my bare ass in his face and beg him to fuck me.

  “Want inside,” he gasped between nibbles along my jaw.

  “Huh?” I asked in a daze. “Wha—?”

  “Turn around,” he growled as he released my ass, causing a whimper of need and desperation to escape me.

  Yes, yes, I would turn around and let him do whatever the fuck he wanted. This would likely be my only chance to ever know him this way, and I sure as shit was going to take it. The memory would need to last me a goddamn lifetime. As I began to turn, his hands grabbed my hips and stopped me before deft fingers moved to the fly of my hiking shorts and made quick work of it.

  “Oh god,” I groaned as the cool night air hit my throbbing dick.

  “Turn.”

  I shuddered at his commanding tone and did exactly as he said. My hands came up to support me against the rough bark and I spared a moment to glance back toward camp and make sure no one was coming.

  Were we really doing this? Was this really happening?

  “Xander?”

  “Quiet,” I heard him say as he pressed his lips to my ear and then bit gently down on the lobe. “This ass is mine, Bennett, do you hear me?” he practically snarled as his big hand caressed my globes before giving them a gentle smack. “He might get to have you every fucking night after this one, but tonight, you belong to me.”

  I knew he was talking about Aiden, but I was too turned on by his possessiveness to even bother trying to tell him once again that I wasn’t with Aiden.

  “Yours,” I whispered in acknowledgement. I wasn’t foolish enough to think what was about to happen was anything lasting, but I was his. I’d always been his. Aiden had been right about that part.

  I couldn’t stop the moan of desperation that escaped me as I felt his hand begin rubbing all over my ass. His other hand was pushing my shirt up and tucking it under my armpits before smoothing over my back. Both hands disappeared all too soon, but I silenced my protest when I sensed him undoing his own pants and then heard the familiar sound of a condom packet being opened. I’d been fully prepared to offer him the condom and packet of lube I kept in my own wallet, but he was clearly prepared for the moment.