Rev It Up

by Julie Ann Walker

  It was a deal she planned to keep even though doing so was going to kill a little part of her…

  “Non, not even then,” Rock said, leaning back against the wall and crossing his arms over his chest. They were silent for a while before Rock spoke again. “I’m, uh,” he scratched his ear and grimaced. “I’m sorry about your nanny. If Vanessa and I had found out about Johnny earlier, we could’ve—”

  “No,” she stopped him, shaking her head as her heart bled with remorse. Lisa Brown had been a sweet, beautiful woman with a bright future, and Michelle didn’t think there was a level of hell nasty enough for the likes of Johnny Vitiglioni after what he’d done to her. Every time she thought of it, she wanted to slit Johnny’s throat all over again. And she’d learned from the investigating officers that they’d found a dozen blue roses in Lisa’s apartment. Those goddamned blue roses. Michelle never wanted to see another one in her entire life. “You can’t blame yourself. Johnny was a monster. And we have to take comfort, small as it may be, in the knowledge that he’s dead. That he’ll never do to another woman what he did to Lisa.”

  “Oui,” Rock sighed, and once again they fell into silence, each lost in their own thoughts, their own grief. Then Rock cocked his head, letting his eyes run over her face.

  “What’s that look for?” she asked. “Do I look as bad as I feel?” When this was all over, when everything was finally said and done, she was going to sleep for a week. Maybe two weeks…

  “Ya know you’re always beautiful to me, Shell. No matter what.”

  She snorted and rolled her eyes, not buying Rock’s whole charming-southern-gentleman act for an instant. She hadn’t looked in a mirror, but she was pretty sure she could pass for an extra in The Walking Dead. “Okay,” she crossed her own arms, mirroring his stance, “so then what’s with the look?”

  “You’ve been keeping secrets, ma petite soeur.”

  And yep, the Black Knights grapevine had obviously been hard at work.

  She sighed with resignation. “And you’re one to talk?”

  “You’ve got me there,” he slung an arm around her shoulders, pulling her back until she leaned against the wall beside him. “So what are you guys going to do?” he whispered in her ear after a long pause, hugging her close to his side.

  And suddenly the need to cry was overwhelming. She’d held everything together all night, but now that the adrenaline had worn off, she was teetering precariously close to the edge of an emotional breakdown.

  A well-deserved emotional breakdown, as far as she was concerned.

  “We’re going to split custody.” Just saying the words out loud felt like a punch in the gut. “Jake says Frank offered him a job, so he’s moving here to Chicago. It’ll be a struggle, no doubt, given the nature of the work you guys do and how inconsistent his schedule will be, but we’ll figure it out.”

  Rock turned toward her, his brow furrowed. “You mean ya’ll aren’t gonna try to make it work?”

  A hard stone of remorse settled in the pit of her stomach, making her nauseated on top of her nearly overwhelming grief. “It’s impossible,” she shook her head. “He’ll never forgive me.”

  “Are ya sure about that?”

  She searched Rock’s hazel eyes, her own hot with unshed tears. There was so much she could cry about, so much she should cry about, but she was afraid to start. Because once she did, she might never stop. “How could he? I kept his son from him and I—”

  “You thought you had your reasons,” he interrupted.

  “I thought I did,” she hiccupped, unable to stop the tear that spilled onto her cheek. “But I was wrong. So wrong. He’s nothing like my father, Rock. Because my father was an incredibly thoughtless man who only ever really cared about one thing, himself. But Jake,” she shook her head, “Jake cares so much about all of us that he took himself away from everything and everyone he knew and loved in order to—” She choked on her tears, unable to go on now that she was admitting the truth to herself. The awful, horrible truth…

  Rock pulled her into his embrace, and she wished she could find comfort there. Unfortunately, she feared she’d never be comforted again.

  “Now don’t go making a martyr outta him, ma belle,” Rock crooned. “He made his share of mistakes, too.”

  She shook her head against his shoulder. “But they’re nothing compared to—”

  “Chère,” he held her at arms’ length. “You both share in the guilt on this one. You both do. Doncha go shoulderin’ it all by yourself.”

  She nodded, gulping down the sobs that threatened at the back of her throat, wishing she could believe him.

  They were silent then. Her wiping away the hot tears on her cheeks as she tried to get herself back under control. Him watching her so intently it wasn’t helping matters in the least. Then he went a made things oh so much worse by asking, “Do you love him?”

  And yep, so much for getting herself back under control. A new torrent of tears spilled from her eyes. “Of course I love him,” she admitted aloud for the first time ever. The words seemed to hang in the air, buoyant in their freedom. “I’ve always loved him,” she finished quietly, her shattered heart cutting at her insides until she thought she might die from the pain of it.

  “Well then, there ya go. Love conquers all.”

  Oh, if only it were that simple…

  ***

  Balancing three cups of coffee in her hands, Vanessa carefully made her way down the hall of Northwestern Memorial Hospital. When she reached Rock—looking far too sexy leaning back against the wall, grrrr—and Michelle—looking like she’d been through nuclear winter, poor woman—she handed off two of the cups and then popped the lid off the third, blowing over the top of the steaming, brown, life-saving liquid.

  Since joining BKI, she’d learned it was almost possible to live on the stuff.

  “So what’s up,” she asked, taking a sip and glancing back and forth between the two of them. “What are you two chitchatting about?”

  “The fact that love conquers all,” Rock said, sipping his coffee and eyeing her over the rim.

  “Does it?” she asked, quickly glancing over at Michelle.

  Michelle opened her mouth to respond but shut it again when Rock’s phone made a really weird pinging noise.

  “Merde,” he cursed, digging in his hip pocket and pulling out his phone, frowning at the screen. “I’ve got to go.”

  Uh-huh. And she knew what that meant. His other job was calling.

  “When will you be back?” she asked, surprised to discover she was holding her breath, waiting for the answer.

  “Dunno,” he shook his head, turning away. Then he seemed to hesitate, swinging around to pin her with a hard stare. “I want you to know…” He slid a sidelong glance toward Michelle. “I…I just wanted to say that I enjoyed our time together,” he swallowed and scratched his ear. And with that heart-stopping declaration, he turned and strutted down the hall with that loose, hip-shot swagger that drove her insane.

  She turned back to Michelle. “And with that,” she snapped her fingers, “poof. He’s gone.”

  “Welcome to the wonderful world of Black Knights Incorporated,” Michelle muttered, her expression filled with understanding. “Of course, if it’s any consolation, I’ve known Rock a long time, and I’ve never seen him look at another woman the way he looks at you.”

  She snorted. “Fat lot of good that does me considering he seems determined to keep me at arm’s length.”

  Resignation flickered through Michelle’s swollen, bloodshot eyes. “From the little Frank has told me about what Rock’s involved in, from the little Frank knows, it’s probably best that Rock does keep you at arm’s length.”

  “Yeah, well, a girl can always dream, can’t she?”

  Michelle smiled sadly and patted her on the shoulder before they both turned and headed into Snake’s hospital room to sit vigil. Only they hadn’t gone more than a few feet when Michelle abruptly stopped in front of her.
>
  “Damn,” she cursed, spilling some of her coffee on the floor when she slammed into the woman’s back. “What gives?”

  Then she glanced around Michelle to see Jake’s very pale, very awake face.

  “I heard what you and Rock were talking about,” he said, and Michelle jerked upright like someone shoved a cattle-prod straight up her ass.

  “Which part?” The poor woman’s voice was barely a whisper, her eyes wide and unblinking.

  “All of it.”

  Vanessa looked back and forth between the two of them, and her “angst light” clicked on. Big time.

  Okay. Time to beat feet, Van.

  Glancing at her watch, she announced, “Look at the time. Man, it’s getting late. I’m sure I’m late for something. I can’t think of what, but I’m sure it’s important and—” She stopped, swallowing, smiling weakly before deciding to cut her losses.

  Then she did the smart thing and turned to make her escape.

  ***

  Jake watched BKI’s communications specialist turn tail and run before he let his gaze linger on Shell’s anxious expression.

  There were a dozen stiletto-wearing demons tap-dancing on his brain every time he opened his eyes, but he’d take the pain. Oh mama, would he take the pain, just to see Shell’s face when she finally told him she loved him.

  “But you’re wrong,” he murmured, “about one very important thing.”

  She choked, her shoulders hitching up around her ears, “I am?”

  “Yes.” He nodded, despite the fact that it caused the demons to start in with their best impression of River Dance. “Because I can forgive you, Shell. I have forgiven you.”

  ***

  Michelle couldn’t help it.

  Blame it on the fear of the last few days. Blame it on the emotional upheaval or the exhaustion or the soul-deep grief over Lisa’s death. Heck, blame it on the fact that, besides a granola bar, she hadn’t eaten in…well, she didn’t even know how long anymore.

  Because those words, those beautiful, selfless words had her dropping her face into her hands and bursting into tears.

  “Not exactly the response I was hoping for,” Jake muttered.

  “S-s-sorry,” she sobbed, everything inside her, everything she’d tried so hard to keep together, unraveling so quickly it actually physically hurt. And it was either sit down or fall down, so she stumbled to the love seat beside his bed, sinking onto the threadbare cushions. “I-I just—” She couldn’t go on; she was crying too hard.

  And it appeared the emotional breakdown that’d been threatening for a long time had finally come home to roost.

  Perfect. Just…perfect.

  “Rock is right,” he whispered, surprising her when he reached over to hook the edge of his hand beneath her chin, forcing her to look up at him. “We both made a lot of mistakes. Both of us.”

  Yes. Yes they had. But her deception was so much bigger than any he’d ever—

  “Did you mean that other stuff?” he asked, his eyes even more brilliant green against the paleness of his skin.

  She sniffled. She wasn’t surprised to find her hands shaking when she reached up to wipe her cheeks. “Wh-what other stuff?” She’d said so much. Admitted so much…

  He smiled at her then, genuinely smiled. And the sight of those devilish dimples caused a fresh wave of tears to climb up the back of her throat, choking her. She began sobbing uncontrollably all over again.

  “Damn,” he cursed, leaning over to grab the Kleenex box from the little table beside the bed. “It looks like the main pipe has busted.”

  “S-sorry,” she sputtered, relieved and embarrassed all at the same time. Relieved because, for the first time since her brother told her Jake was back, she thought maybe, just maybe, everything might actually work out, maybe they’d actually be able to reach some sort of amiable understanding. Embarrassed because, come on, she was blubbering like she belonged in a straightjacket. Or sedated. Or maybe she was blubbering like a person in a straightjacket who’d been sedated.

  Either way, she was making a total fool of herself but, again, she just couldn’t help it. Everything was so overwhelming. Jake was overwhelming. Her feelings for him were overwhelming. The fact that he could actually forgive her for what she’d done was overwhelming…

  “I’m talking about the fact that you admitted you don’t think I’m anything like your father,” he said, solicitously handing her a tissue.

  “I don’t,” she assured him, indelicately blowing her nose. “I know now that you were only doing what you thought was right.”

  “Yo,” he chuckled, and the sound was so welcome a new torrent of tears spilled onto her cheeks. He was right. The main pipe had busted. “We both royally fucked up by trying to do what was right. Talk about killing each other with kindness, huh?”

  All she could do was nod helplessly as she tried to smile at him.

  ***

  God, she’s beautiful.

  Even with mascara running down her splotchy cheeks and her ponytail falling out all over the place, she was still the most beautiful woman he’d ever laid eyes on.

  And he was finished waiting to hear her say the words he’d dreamed of every night for four long years.

  “Okay, so now tell me,” he demanded, his heart pounding with hungry anticipation. “Tell me to my face.”

  She shook her head, confusion in her eyes—those gorgeous eyes she’d passed down to their son, those gorgeous eyes he hoped she passed down to all their sons. “T-tell you what, Jake?”

  “What you told Rock.”

  She swallowed and wiped her nose on the tissue, apprehensively searched his face. “What do you mean?”

  The pain in his head made the thread by which he was holding on to his patience stretch paper thin. “Tell me you love me, woman.”

  For a long while she said nothing, just stared at him, seemingly paralyzed. Then, when he was about half a second away from jumping out of bed and shaking the truth out of her, she murmured, her fabulous lips trembling delicately, “Of course I do, Jake. You know that. You’ve always known that.”

  “Yes,” he admitted, his heart shouting with victory, his shoulders drooping in relief. “But you’ve never said it.”

  “Never?”

  God love the woman.

  “Never,” he breathed, his expression loudly broadcasting the fact that she still hadn’t.

  Again she just looked at him, dragging out the suspense until he thought he’d scream—and damn the high-heeled demons! Then she sniffed, blew out a shaky breath and said, “I love you, Jake. I love you with all my heart.”

  And there they were.

  The words he’d been waiting to hear since…well, since forever.

  He nearly passed out from the hard burst of joy that shot through him. But he didn’t want to miss a minute of having Shell beside him, loving him, admitting she loved him.

  And speaking of…

  He scooted over in the bed to make room for her. “Get that fine fanny of yours over here.”

  Her eyes widened with shock. “Jake, I’m sure I’m not supposed to—”

  “Ass. In. Bed.” He enunciated slowly, holding up the thin sheet, pasting on a look that brooked no argument.

  She bit her bottom lip uncertainly before climbing in next to him, gingerly laying her cheek against his chest as he wrapped his arms around her.

  Her.

  Michelle. Shelly. Shell.

  The woman of his dreams.

  “I love you, too, you know,” he said, squeezing her tight when she hiccupped on another sob that turned into a dozen more.

  Yo, he was surprised she wasn’t shriveled up like a raisin from dehydration after all the tears she’d shed. But that was Shell for you. Soft, tender-hearted Shell.

  And he wouldn’t have her any other way.

  For long moments he held her, rocking softly as her tears drenched the thin cotton of his hospital gown. Eventually she quieted, eventually she stopped shaking like a le
af in his arms. And it was then he said, “So let’s start talking strategy here.”

  “Wh-what do you mean?” she asked, tensing in his arms.

  “I think we should get married right away. Once I start with the Black Knights, it might be a while before I have enough vacation time socked away for a decent honeymoon.”

  She pushed up to stare down at him, longing and disbelief in her eyes. “Married? Y-you want to marry me?”

  Silly woman. Yo, what did she think? After everything they’d been through he’d just want to be friends?

  “Of course I do. I mean, we already have a son together and,” he pressed his palm against her belly, “it’s likely there will be more.”

  And then they were both thinking about the hotel room and all the things they’d done to one another that culminated in one sadly broken prophylactic.

  A delicate blush stole up her cheeks and, inexplicably, he felt his dick stir with interest.

  Just goes to show, the male is programmed to mate at all costs. Because, damn, he barely had enough blood left to remain conscious.

  “I love you, Shell. You love me. There are no more secrets and—” he hesitated, looking at her from the corner of his eye. “Or are there? You don’t have another one of my kids squirreled away somewhere, do you?”

  “No,” she choked on a laugh, her eyes bright with more tears. “There’s just the one.”

  “Well, we’ll have to work on that,” he promised, watching as his words caused the tears to spill down her cheeks. This time, though, they were tears of joy.

  “Oh, Jake,” she breathed against his lips.

  Her mouth was soft and warm. She was soft and warm. Everything he’d ever wanted. Everything he’d ever dreamed. And despite the little demons and the blood loss, his below the belt region responded with a resounding yes!

  She gasped when she felt him pulse against her leg. “Jake,” she giggled. “We can’t do this here. The doctor is going to be coming in ten minutes.”

  “Okay,” he groaned, nibbling on her smooth, fragrant neck, loving the way she tilted her head back just so. “But I promise, as soon as they let me out of this hack shack, I’m taking you to bed and not letting you out for a week.”