His First Crush

by Mj Fields

  “What if she and, you know, Trucker move away and you rent to someone and—”

  “London.” I turn her to face me. “There are shades.”

  She nods and steps back. “And that shower is huge.”

  I know she’s uncomfortable, but I can’t help loving the blush across her milky white skin.

  “Two-person shower. His and her sides.”

  Her back does that stiffening thing again before she turns to the sinks.

  I can’t help myself. “His and her sinks.”

  She glances back at me, and then away quickly, but I see her looking at me through her insanely long lashes in the mirror.

  I walk up behind her and put my arms around her. “What is going on with you?”

  She shrugs and looks down.

  “We’re alone?”

  “We’ve been alone many times.”

  I turn her to face me. “No, not really. There’s always been someone else around.”

  She leans in and rests her head against my chest. “I’m tired, that’s all.”

  I bend down slowly until we’re eye to eye.

  “Do you have any fucking idea how hot it is that you seem so goddamned nervous when we’re alone?”

  She shakes her head so slightly that it’s almost as if she’s fighting it, like she doesn’t want me to know.

  I skim my nose down her neck then between her tits before scooping her up in my arms. “It’s equally as fucking frustrating.” I sigh. “Told you awhile ago I wasn’t gonna fuck you.” I walk out into the bedroom and kneel down on my bed, her still in my arms.

  “Logan?” she whispers.

  I lay her down, looking at her while she stares up at me expectantly, nervously, and yeah, wantonly.

  I roll her to her side so she’s facing away from me, pull down the black duvet that I know Ava washed since it smells like home, and then lie beside her, pulling her into me.

  “Trust me when I say it’s gonna happen when it’s supposed to.”

  “When?” I hear faintly whispered.

  I chuckle as I kiss the back of her head. “Four days, four years...ouch.”

  That damn elbow of hers is bony as fuck.

  “We’re gonna take a power nap,” I tell her.

  “But Keeka and—”

  “Dad and Tessa are there. I’m gonna insist. I need this, too.”

  “Okay,” she yawns out.

  “Okay,” I yawn back. Damn things are contagious.

  “Logan?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I just want to be prepared, you know?”

  No, I don’t know, I think, yet I don’t want to say it.

  “I want it to be...perfect.”

  I can deal with that.

  “Sleep.”

  “Okay.”

  Lying in bed, I think about what perfect would be. I don’t have anything to fucking compare it to. I mean, one girlfriend, lots and lots of dates, and even more one-night stands. None of which were better than kissing her.

  She wants to be prepared, she’s counting on me to let her know...that’s beyond my realm of comprehension.

  Fucking has always been fucking, and I will be damned if this isn’t making me a little nervous, too.

  “Logan?”

  “London?”

  “I really like your place.” She yawns again.

  “I’m glad you do, since you’ll be staying here a lot. It’s still cuddle season.”

  She looks back at me and smiles softly, beautifully, almost peacefully.

  “I told them I won’t return to school; how do you think it’ll work out when I ask to stay here with you?”

  “Won’t be a fight you have alone,” I assure her. “And London, remember what you told me a while back?”

  She shakes her head.

  “You’re all woman now.”

  She grins.

  “We’ll be fine. It’ll be handled.”

  “We,” she sighs out as she looks up at the headboard then back at me.

  “Close your eyes.” I can’t help myself. I have to give her some shit.

  She does.

  “Perfect to me is going to be you gripping that headboard as you ride my face.”

  Her eyes pop open. “Logan!”

  “I’m serious as a heart attack. I never thought eating a girl would be something I’d be down with. But you, I’m going to devour.”

  She’s speechless.

  “But I’ll let you know before that happens, so you can prepare yourself for that, too.”

  §

  When I wake up, it’s nearly dark, and London is still passed out, in my arms. She’s going to be pissed when she wakes up. Hell, I’m pissed that my fucking powernap turned into a toddler nap.

  I slide out of bed and grab my phone from my pocket. It’s not in it. Then I remember throwing it on the kitchen counter.

  Heading out to get it, I stop when I hear Ava and a British accent, and not the friendly one either, but Brody’s.

  When I hear Emma say, “Will you stop pacing?” I physically relax.

  “Our daughter is in bed with...” He pauses. “I’m sorry, Ava, but—”

  “No apology necessary. My dad was exactly the same with Thomas.”

  I hear him sigh.

  “I can wake them up,” she offers.

  “No, no, they need to sleep. Just wish she was home doing so and not...” Brody pauses again then repeats, “Just wish she was home.”

  “And you think if she knows the information you have, she’ll go home?” Ava asks.

  “We’ve decided to ask Keeka to stay with us, as well,” Emma answers for Brody.

  “Logan may not want that,” Ava tells her.

  “Logan needs to focus on his studies,” Brody responds.

  I walk around the corner and up the stairs. Ava is sitting in the corner of the leather sectional, curled up with Luke and holding a cup of coffee. Brody’s back is to me. Emma is the first to see me.

  She stands up, looking past me, I’m assuming for London.

  “She’s sleeping—”

  “I’m awake.”

  I look back to see London right behind me.

  Her eyes are still heavy, and she looks like she could still use about two full days of sleep.

  As she walks around me, I hold back from taking her hand, but she reaches back and grabs mine.

  I look at Brody, whose eyes widen as he looks at our linked hands.

  When we get to the chaise side of the sectional, I kiss her hand. “I’m gonna grab some coffee; would you like some?”

  “Water sounds better,” she replies as she sits down.

  I walk to the coffee pot on the counter and pour myself a cup. Then I walk over to the fridge and open the door. It’s stocked.

  I look back. “Thanks, Ava.”

  As I grab a bottle of Life Water, Ava says, “Emma and Brody brought the groceries.”

  “Well, thank you.” I nod to Emma.

  “London’s roommates needed some supplies for their room; it wasn’t a big deal,” Emma tells me.

  “They’re back at Lawrinson?”

  Emma nods as I walk toward them with my coffee and Ava’s water.

  I set my cup down on the coffee table then open London’s water before handing it to her. “Did Lisa decide to return for the semester?”

  “Yes,” Brody answers this time. “I offered to find a place for them all with tighter security.”

  Emma takes his hand. “But we know the college is safe.”

  He nods.

  “So, London will be returning, as well?” I ask, sitting next to her.

  “That’s going to be her decision.” Emma looks at London. “It’s up to you.”

  “I...” She looks down then back up at Emma. “Is Keeka my sister?”

  Brody takes Emma’s hand and sits. “The test was ninety-nine percent positive.”

  “I want to help her,” London says, shaking her head back and forth as if she’s confused.


  “We’ve decided she’s welcome to come live with us.” Brody watches for London’s reaction.

  “That’s great, Dad, but”—she rests her face in her hands—“she may not want to.”

  “It will all work out,” Emma says as she stands then walks over, sitting on the other side of London.

  “Mom, I’m so sorry he did that to you.” Her lip quivers, and I immediately hate another dead man.

  “It’s in the past.” Emma hugs her. “What matters now is making sure she has what he should have given her—a family.”

  I look at Brody, who’s watching Emma. He’s tense, angry, and all the things a man should be when he sees the woman he loves hurting. I suppose he isn’t all that bad.

  “You should see all the baby things Lucas and Logan bought for her.” London smiles through her tears. “And Logan has a place almost ready for her to live. It’s here, and it’s really, really nice.”

  “I’m curious as to why you feel like you need to take care of her.”

  I look up at Brody, knowing damn well what he’s thinking.

  “It’s not my child. Keeka and I haven’t ever been like that, if that’s what you’re implying.”

  “Then why?” he asks for clarification.

  I shrug. “Something that needs to be handled.”

  “A complete stranger and you—”

  “They’re friends, Dad,” London tells him. “Just friends.”

  Brody’s scrutinizing eyes leave mine to look at London.

  “The baby isn’t his, and he doesn’t have to explain anything. What he’s doing...” She looks at me. “What he’s done is admirable.”

  “I appreciate the praise, London, but I’m not doing it because I need a pat on the back.”

  She leans in to kiss me.

  Well, fuck, I think, trying to decide whether I should have seen it coming and pulled back, given her a cheek, or just let it happen.

  I let it happen.

  It’s quick, and when she pulls back, she looks up at me at the same time a growl escapes Brody’s chest. Her eyes widen when she realizes she just planted one on me in front of her folks. I can’t help feeling amused, which she can tell, a small, self-conscious giggle erupting from her mouth.

  Fuck it. I lean in and kiss her quickly on top of her head, and do so while looking at Brody.

  His eyes narrow a bit. Mine don’t change. I show no emotion, even though I would love to show him that it matters fuck not what he thinks of me, or my dad. London and I are going to be together.

  Our eyes are locked, and I refuse to be the first to look away.

  “Do you think we should get back to the hospital?” Emma asks.

  Brody looks at her, saying nothing.

  “Well?”

  He nods and stands. “I think that’s a good idea.”

  Same, motherfucker, same.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  * * *

  Angels

  Lucas

  “Honey, why are you crying? Is everything okay? I gotta whisper ’cause I can’t be too loud,” I whisper-sing to this tiny little Angel, as Logan calls her.

  “Lucas.” Tessa smiles. “That one may be even more inappropriate than the last.”

  I look down at little Angel. “Check out those pouty lips.”

  “Just like London’s,” Tessa says, leaning down and kissing the top of her head. “I’m going to grab some coffee.”

  “Want me to?” I ask.

  She smiles big and brightly. My wife is still as fucking hot as she was back in high school.

  “That was cute.”

  “What? Me?” I wink at her.

  “No, the fact that you offered to hand over the baby when I know damn well you have no intentions of doing so.” She winks back.

  “Logan and London are baby hogs. Can you blame me?” I defend myself.

  “Yeah, they’re horrible,” she picks on me as she turns to walk out the door.

  “Hey, baby?”

  She looks back.

  “I’m fucking cute,” I tell her.

  She laughs as she walks off, saying, “Yeah, I know. Always have been.”

  “Hot,” I call behind her.

  “That, too, Links, that, too.”

  I look down at the tiny little life in my hands. Not going to lie; I wish Tessa and I had a kid together to replace the one we lost all those years ago. I know I can’t take back all the shit in the past, because it would change everything beautiful and perfect we have blended together over the past five years, but still.

  Angel whimpers, and I smile. “I got more for you, sprout.”

  Her eyes fixate on the dull light above the rocking chair that I’m sitting in.

  “Baby, you’re my angel. Come and save me tonight. You’re my angel. Come and make it all right. Don’t know what I’m gonna do—”

  “I know what I want you to do,” Keeka huffs. “How about shut up already?”

  “Your mommy’s awake, and apparently, she’s a critic,” I tell Angel.

  Keeka’s been straight-up nasty since Logan and London left.

  “You’re no Brody Hines,” she says, sitting up and feigning shock. “Sorry, my bad.”

  “You have a pass,” I say, to which she looks shocked. “For now.”

  “I didn’t ask you to be here. I didn’t ask for Suzy Sunshine to be stuck up my butt either,” she snarls.

  “Well, that’s kind of tough shit.” I play my words off as a joke, because I’m pretty damn sure, by attitude and spunk alone, she’s of Ross blood. “If you’re Troy’s daughter, that makes Suzie Sunshine—Tessa—your second cousin.”

  “I don’t need you to draw me a family tree.” She rolls her eyes, but her tone had a little less attitude.

  “John Ross, Jack Ross, and Josette—or Josie Ross—are siblings. Tessa, Alex, Kendall, Molly, and Jake are John and Maggie’s kids. Jack Ross is Jade’s daughter. His two other sons died when they were young. Josie had one child, Troy.”

  She sits back and crosses her arms. “I don’t care.”

  She does, so I continue, “Troy was pretty much as bad as Tessa’s high school boyfriend—he liked the ladies. When Tessa and her high school and college boyfriend went on a vacation together, they stayed with him and some of his friends in Ft. Lauderdale. That’s where Tessa and Carmen, your mother, met. They became instant friends, and the minute Troy saw her, he wanted her.”

  She looks up at me then back down, trying to hide the fact that she was interested in what we know damn well is the truth, that she’s Troy’s daughter.

  “He changed for her, and from what I’ve heard, he loved her. They were together at least two years. I don’t know why they broke up, but they did. Troy was a changed man because of her. He went back to college, and that’s where he met Emma.”

  She looks toward the window, and I swear I see her eyes mist over.

  “It’s all overwhelming, I know,” I explain.

  “I’m sure someone like you has no clue, so save it.” She sniffs.

  “I have a clue. I was seventeen when I got a girl pregnant. I was terrified, and Tessa, she assured me I could do it, be a dad. Trust me when I say I had no belief in myself. My dad is a fucking ass, and my mom was a lush.”

  She looks back at me, this time with no malice in her eyes or words spewing out of her mouth to push me away.

  I look at Angel. “Sweet girl, you’re blessed to have this family, and I dare say blessed to have this sassy ass over here as your mom.”

  “She’s not blessed; she’s cursed.”

  I don’t look at her. I continue to look at the baby, whose eyes are closed, sleeping peacefully on my chest.

  “Angel, your mom is scared. I’ve been there. I thought after losing two babies to miscarriage that even God Himself knew I didn’t deserve to be a dad. Thought I had no idea how to be one. Your cousin, Suzy Sunshine, your mom’s friend Logan, your possible aunt London, they’ll show her just how much she deserves to be trusted to love you like she wants
to, but for some reason may feel like she can’t right now. Maybe even feels like she has never been.”

  “Don’t lie to her.” Keeka bats away a tear. “I’ve heard and said enough lies for a lifetime.”

  I stand up and walk over to the side of her bed with Angel in my arms, then sit down next to her. “I’ve done a lot of shit wrong in my life, Keeka, a lot. Learned all my lessons the hard way. I pushed through and, by the grace of God, I’m still here. And I’m thankful I am, because I’m able to love my two kids, Tessa’s kids, our grandkids, like I never thought I deserved or was capable of doing. Took a lot to get to the point where I trusted in myself. But the moment when I bonded with Ava, and then Logan, I knew damn well they deserved love. More importantly, I knew I deserved to be their father and love them the way I learned to love. The Ross crew, well, there are no better teachers, so let them love you, let them love Angel.”

  I hand Keeka her child, and she looks at her as she lies in her arms. I can see she’s trying not to get swept up in that little life.

  “You wanna know a secret? The faster you let that wall down and let them in, the faster you’re going to see that every hurt you’ve experienced in your life so far and all alone will never fucking hurt you as deeply again.”

  Angel begins to whimper.

  “Can you sing?”

  She shakes her head, then closes her eyes.

  “Apparently, neither can I.” I nudge her softly.

  She smiles a fucking legit smile. It comes and goes really fucking fast, but it was there.

  “Give me a song with the word angel in it,” I tell her, knowing damn well I’m pushing here, but fuck if I don’t want her to break, to fold, to look at her baby and share in the love it freely gives her, us.

  Angel whimpers again, I look at Keeka. “Give me one?”

  Tears begin flowing down her face as she speaks in a sing-song tone the words of “Angel” by Sarah McLachlan. “Spend all your time waiting for that second chance. For a break that would make it okay. There’s always some reason to feel not good enough.”

  She swallows back her tears and holds Angel higher as she brings her knees to her chest then puts Angel on her legs as she continues to say the words and cries while looking at her daughter.

  Neither of us heard the door open until I hear my wife choke back a sob.

  Keeka looks up at her, sorrowful tears flooding her face. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”