His First Crush

by Mj Fields

“So, let’s go do it.”

  He scowls then rolls his eyes at me.

  “We can take him. You and I, we can totally—”

  He crashes his lips against mine and laughs against them. “I love you.”

  “Love you more, Logan Links,” I say against his.

  He pulls me into a hug, and then we stand there for a very long time, just holding each other. Even though thousands of people surround us, we are taking this time to enjoy the moment, our moment, every moment.

  “What’s up, Syracuse?”

  The crowd starts to scream.

  I look up and see Memphis Black, lead singer for Steel Total Destruction.

  He laughs. “In case you didn’t know, I’m Memphis Black, and I’m part of this band we like to call STD.”

  The crowd loses it again.

  “We met Maddox and Brody Hines a few years back before STD were cool.” He laughs, and so does the crowd. “Oh shit, we’re the ones who made them so cool they had to change it to STI.”

  The crowd laughs again.

  “So, we were just starting out and no one else would touch us, like we were an infection and not just a disease. But these guys, they gave us a shot. Not only did they give us a fucking shot, they supported us from the go. They liked our disease. In fact, I’m pretty damn sure they loved it. When we heard about the event, we figured our invite was lost in the mail or some shit.”

  The crowd laughs.

  “So, we basically invited ourselves.”

  More laughter.

  “I’m not gonna open this show in the typical fashion.” He shields his eyes and looks out over the crowd.

  The crowd cheers even louder.

  Logan steps back and looks at Keeka. “Let’s go.”

  She nods.

  Logan is behind Keeka, and I’m in front of them, making our way through the crowd that has yet to all be seated.

  Memphis Black laughs again and continues, “It appears to be a family affair, but we wanted to hop up here and tell you it’s time to start spreading love like a fucking STD.”

  “So much for a family event.” I laugh, and Keeka finally smiles.

  “It’s time to stop hate. It’s time to stop bullying. It’s time to stop looking the other way when a neighbor is in need. And it’s time to live every fucking moment the way you want to be remembered!”

  I see Maddox and Dad walk out on stage, guitars hand.

  “Maddox and Brody Hines, everyone!”

  The crowd is now deafening.

  I watch as Dad nods to Maddox then smiles when he steps up, hugs Memphis, and stands in front of the mic.

  “Good evening. I’m Maddox Hines.”

  When the crowd hits a new level, both Keeka and I cover Leddie’s ears as we watch from the wing.

  The lights dim and several screens turn on as Maddox begins to speak again.

  “Today, we remember the lives lost, but we remember them with love and with fondness. We remember to make every moment count!”

  Music begins, but it’s not coming from the stage. It’s coming from the speakers.

  Watching the screen, the name Douglas Jones flashes across it, and then photos for him with loved ones, fishing, dancing, on holidays, celebrating, laughing, smiling, and hugging.

  “My son was thirty-two years old...”

  I quickly glance from the screen to the stage, where a woman stands under a spotlight and speaks of her son while holding an unlit candle.

  “I was blessed to see his smile nearly every day. I was blessed that he called me Mom.”

  She walks across the stage, and Coach Brown then Dad hug her. I see my mom by his side. She also hugs her, and then Lucas lights her candle.

  My heart shatters in two as I gasp and cover my mouth. Logan pulls my back to his chest and envelopes me in his strong arms as tears slide down my face.

  Each name accompanies pictures, followed by a loved one, a brief story, and a lighting of a candle. I have to turn around and bury my head in Logan’s chest when I see Martha Newman’s pictures, the woman who saved so many, including me. When I look back, I see three girls talking about their mother, with a man standing beside them, no doubt their father. When they finish, he ushers them to the other side of the stage, where their candles are lit.

  I turn back and fist Logan’s shirt in my hands as I bury my head in his chest, counting every break in my heart.

  “I’m Trucker Cohen. Jones was just some kid I met through messenger online, during the second semester of my senior year. I checked out some of his game clips, the guy had raw talent, no direction, no family—raised in the system—no reason to smile. But, as you can see in these pictures, that’s all he did when he was on the field. Called him my little brother. And he was like a brother for the year he and I became friends. He talked a lot about what he wanted, and I heard everything he said. The day he got in here was my proudest moment, and yeah, his, too.”

  A picture flashes across the screen of Trucker and Jones at Jones’ high school graduation. I am so shocked that Trucker took the time to attend his graduation when Jones had no one else.

  I look at Logan, who shakes his head. “Motherfucker.”

  “You didn’t know,” I say, knowing it’s eating him up.

  “Fucking should have,” he growls.

  “Logan, don’t do that to yourself, okay? Please don’t.”

  “Every moment counts,” Trucker says. looking over in our direction. Then he walks across the stage, where Dad lights his candle.

  “Hate and violence can’t take away memories and moments. They cannot take away love.” Maddox waves his hand across the stage. “It cannot bring darkness to what was already light.” He steps back. “A moment of silence for those whose light will never be darkened because they are still with us...every moment.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  * * *

  New Respect

  Logan

  I watch as Trucker looks at me blankly as he walks off stage. I’m proud of him for what he did with Jones, and he didn’t do it for the accolades. But the way he’s dealing with Keeka...un-fucking-acceptable.

  I nod to him, because straight up, that’s all I got for him, and he looks away.

  I feel London move her hand up my shirt while she pushes her other into my jeans pocket and look down at her.

  “It’s hard, right?”

  I nod.

  “I wish I could help.”

  I put my hand over hers and assure her, “You are.”

  She skates her hand across my abs then rests it on my back as she hugs me. Feels damn good to have her doing that right now. Feels even better that she’s gazing up at me with her blue eyes, looking at me with love and concern, easing the guilt I would normally allow to weigh me down.

  I put my lips on her head and kiss her. Then I glance over at Keeka, watching her looking at him with a pained expression.

  He deserves my apology, but he sure as hell should not get her fucking care.

  I reach over and pull her toward us, and London wraps her hand around hers. We stand just like this as Steel Total Destruction then Burning Souls performs for the community, the victims, for us.

  §

  We don’t go back to the apartment tonight; we head back with our families. Lisa’s, Jamie’s, and Christy’s families will be staying there with them.

  Every one of us is emotionally drained and being with family is necessary at this time. A day to reboot, to comfort each other by simply being there, and then it’s time to move forward, to live like they should be doing right now. We do it for them, and for us.

  Pulling into the driveway at London’s home, I look in the rearview mirror as Keeka’s eyes widen.

  “This is home,” London says, looking back.

  “Looks like a castle,” Keeka whispers.

  “Well, that would be Dad’s fault.” London laughs. “He got carried away with the whole princess thing.”

  “I guess so.” Keeka looks almost in shock.


  It’s a stone, two-story home, with two towers on each side, giving it the look of a castle. The first floor of the towers are Emma and Brody’s room, and on the opposite side is a guest suite. The floor above Emma and Brody’s is Lexington’s, and on the opposite side is London’s.

  The four-car garage is also stone and is attached to the home with an enclosed breezeway of sorts. There is a stone cottage a hundred yards from the home that Caroline and Henry, Emma’s parents, live in.

  As we pull up the paved driveway, motion censored lights automatically come on one by one, lighting the driveway. It’s extremely bright.

  “I guess you always know when someone is pulling in, huh?” Keeka laughs the nervous kind of laugh.

  London chuckles. “You have no idea.”

  She sounds nervous, too, and I’m assuming she’s embarrassed because of how lavish the Hines’ estate is compared to what Keeka is used to.

  “I bet your friends loved coming over here while you were growing up,” Keeka says, looking out the window as we get closer to the house.

  London sighs. “Not really.”

  “Why not?” Keeka ask.

  “Well...” London starts, gripping her lap belt and letting out a slow breath. “Never really got close to any of them, I suppose.”

  “Why? Did you just not want people around?”

  I look at London, suddenly feeling sorry for her.

  “People can be assholes,” I say, reaching over and squeezing London’s hand.

  She smiles at me then closes her eyes.

  “Judgmental and jealous bitches who think, because she appears to have everything, she’s a snob. She never was to them. Only me, huh?”

  London laughs and shakes her head. “You deserved it.”

  “I suppose I did,” I say, putting the vehicle in park before leaning over and hitting her buckle, releasing it.

  “You did.”

  She gets out of the vehicle before I can open the door for her. I let it slide, but also decide not to unbuckle her belt so I have a fighting chance next time.

  I laugh at myself as I get out, open the back door, grab the three bags of Leddie’s essentials, and unlatch her car seat.

  Looking at her sleeping, I think of what Trucker’s missing out on. However, I don’t get angry this time when I do so. Instead, I feel sorry for him.

  “I’m going to have ten of you,” I tell the sleeping child.

  I look up from her and into London’s shocked face.

  “Not now of course,” I tell her.

  Her eyes widen more.

  “I wouldn’t expect that you’d want ten.”

  Now she looks a little annoyed.

  “What I mean is—”

  Amusement flashes on her face now, and I shake my head.

  “I just want kids and—”

  “You should just stop now.” She rolls her eyes and smiles. “But I’m not having ten, and I’m nowhere near ready.”

  “Of course you’re not. I mean—”

  “Come on, London,” Lexington calls after her. “It’s cold.”

  London giggles. “Come on.”

  I follow them into the house and watch London as she watches Keeka look around.

  “Come see my room,” Lexington says, grabbing Keeka’s hand.

  Keeka looks back at London, who laughs.

  “I’ll go with.” She looks at me. “You have her?”

  “Of course,” I say, setting Leddie’s car seat on the ground as they walk away.

  “Incoming,” Emma says with a laugh, and then I hear nails tapping on the floor.

  I know what’s coming, so I step in front of Leddie’s seat and prepare myself.

  When Birdy comes out first, I realize I’m making a face when I hear Brody chuckle from behind me.

  “That thing...” I pause and correct myself, “That cat has—”

  “Been alive forever?” Brody looks at the hairless cat the same way I assume I did.

  “The dogs, though...” I bend down and pet one of the two Saint Bernards. “Bailey, right?”

  “Shakespeare,” Brody corrects me.

  “Right.” I pet both Shakespeare and Bailey until they have calmed down enough.

  “They’ll sniff her but won’t hurt her.” Brody seems to be reading my mind. “The cat, however, I think you should get rid of just to be safe.”

  I hear Emma laugh and look away from the hairless thing.

  “Birdie won’t harm her either,” she assures me then looks at Brody. “After over ten years, you’re still trying to get someone to get rid of poor Birdie. He’s family.”

  “Look at our family. Hell, even our dogs are attractive. That thing...” He shudders. “Despicable.”

  Emma rolls her eyes at him then looks back at me. “He loves the cat.”

  “I certainly do not,” Brody tells her, to which she laughs.

  “Logan, would you like to put Leddie in here?” She pauses and corrects herself, “The room?”

  I nod as I remove my boots, shrug off my coat, push up my sleeves, and then squat down to unbuckle her.

  Brody grabs Leddie’s bags, and with Leddie sleeping against my shoulder, we follow Emma out of the foyer, through the family room, and into the guest room.

  I have been in the house, yet never inside one of the bedrooms. It’s round and massive, and the walls are stone. The headboard of the king-sized bed sets against a wall that doesn’t meet the celling or touch either side of the room. It’s painted a pale pink and has white letters spelling out Keeka and Leddie hanging from it.

  “Brody thinks I went a little overboard.” Emma shrugs. “I just want her to know she has a place here, as well.”

  I nod as I continue looking around. At the foot of the bed is a round crib with a canopy over it.

  “This was Harper’s when she was a baby. Tessa thought she’d like it. The sheets are clean and”—she motions to it—“you can put her down if you’d like.”

  I nod and walk to it, laying her in the center. I watch as she moves a little, no doubt adjusting to the change in positioning. Then I step back and consider the size in comparison to the one bassinet she sleeps in at our place.

  “It’s big.”

  Brody chuckles softly. “Next time she’s in it, you’ll think it shrunk. They grow fast. Too damn fast.”

  I look back at him and nod.

  Emma clears her throat. “Behind the bed is the closet and bathroom. Lexington’s old changing table is in there. Would you like help putting her things away?”

  I swallow hard. “I can do it.”

  “Wow,” I hear Keeka whisper, and then Lexington laughs from behind her.

  “It’s the same as mine and London’s, and it’s yours!”

  “Shh...” Brody smiles at her. “You’ll wake your niece and scare your sister off at the same time.”

  “Sorry.” Lexington tries to whisper, but it’s much louder than the average whisper. She pushes between London and Keeka and stops when she sees the crib. “They brought it?”

  “Last night while we were up in Syracuse. Ryan and Jade set it up.”

  “You didn’t have to do that for just...” Keeka looks from the crib to the letters on the wall then quickly looks at me.

  I know the look; it’s fight or flight.

  “It’s Harper’s old crib. Tessa thought you’d be able to use it—”

  “I’m not moving here.” Keeka shakes her head adamantly.

  Emma puts her hand on her shoulder. “We just want you to feel at home; to know, like London and Lexington, this is your home, as well.”

  She looks at me again, and I nod.

  “So, you’re not kicking me out?”

  “Never, Keeks,” I assure her.

  “I’ll get a job soon. I’ll—”

  “Way to freak her out,” London scolds Emma and Brody.

  “That wasn’t our intention,” Brody tells her firmly.

  “Well, a little warning would have been great. She’s not used to
all of you yet,” London huffs.

  “But it would have ruined the surprise,” Lexington says sadly. I look over at her to see her eyes filling with tears. “I made the letters for yours and Leddie’s names. You can take them with you if you want.”

  “No,” Keeka tries to soothe her. “Of course not. That would be silly. I mean, what if I got lost in this house and went in the wrong room? If they were gone, I would end up sleeping with you.”

  Lexington giggles. “A sleepover?”

  London smiles. “You wouldn’t get much sleep. She snores.”

  “Well, I may snore, but she snores louder,” Keeka jokes.

  “Wait until she toots in bed.” Lexington smirks then looks at me and quickly away.

  “What?” Emma laughs.

  “Yeah.” Lexi glances out of the corner of her eye and quickly away again. “London’s sleep toots are worse than Shakespeare’s and Bailey’s.”

  “Really, Lexington?” London laughs and grabs her.

  “Really,” Lexington squeals on a giggle.

  I watch London and Lexington’s interaction, and then I watch as Keeka smiles at them, looking longingly at them.

  Realization sets in, and I smile, looking down.

  Brody pats my shoulder then nods to the door. “Shall we let them get the room set up?”

  I nod then steal a glance at London. She’s hugging Lexington and looking at me with a smile.

  In the kitchen, I sit and look around at the stone backsplash, sleek black countertops, and the stainless-steel kitchen appliances.

  Brody opens the refrigerator and grabs two bottles of beer. He sets one in front of me and opens the other.

  “We’re not trying to sway her to stay with us,” he states before taking a drink of his beer.

  “She wouldn’t,” I tell him, twisting off the cap and taking a drink of mine, allowing him to let that sink in.

  His eyes lock with mine and he nods. “She may want a welcoming, safe place to crash for her and Leddie when you and London are busy, or she needs a break, or if she’d like to spend more time getting to know the rest of her family. Or maybe, Logan, when you and her sister would like to take a few days to go to, I don’t know, New York City for a date?” He takes a drink, eyes still locked with mine as he allows realization to settle in me.

  When he shakes his head, and I look away, he clears his throat. “You’re used to playing defense, Logan. I’m used to offense.” I look back at him. “We’re clearly playing on the same team here, so we should start supporting one another. London, Keeka, and Leddie deserve that. As do Maddox, Lexi, and you.”