by Amy Andrews
Paul smiled at Joe and reached for his partner’s hand. ‘That’s when you have to fight,’ he said. ‘You know how to do that?’
Callie looked at Joe when she said, ‘I’m from the country, aren’t I?’
Joe smiled. ‘Damn straight.’
Cade was surprised when he hit Callie’s office twenty minutes later that the trio who had been in the lift were now in her office. He smiled at everyone as Callie introduced them. ‘This is my ex-husband Joe and his partner, Paul, and their surrogate, Raylene.’
Cade blinked. Callie had said that so casually he was glad he was sitting down. He searched her face for signs of stress but she seemed relaxed. ‘Nice to meet you all,’ he said, standing to briefly to shake both men’s hands. ‘I understand there are some bladder problems with the baby?’
The next couple of hours passed with information gathering and more appointments made for tomorrow to get a full handle on the situation. There was no time to ponder the bigger picture. Cade was as confident as Callie that the baby was a candidate for a shunt to be placed through fetoscopy but he liked to have all his i’s dotted and his t’s crossed.
When Joe, Paul and Raylene left two hours later, having arranged to return in the morning, there was silence in Callie’s office for a beat or two. ‘Gay, huh?’ he said eventually.
Callie looked at him and smiled. ‘Apparently.’
‘And how does that make you feel?’
Callie searched around for the right adjectives. ‘Relieved. Vindicated. Sad that we both wasted so many years…hopeful.’
Cade frowned. ‘Hopeful?’
Callie’s heartbeat kicked up. From the moment Cade had walked into her office and taken everything in his stride, even more love had gushed into her heart and she knew she was going to take a risk.
Because she always called a spade a spade, said it like it was—that was the country way, after all. And now that she realised she loved him, she didn’t want to waste another second.
Joe had found love—why not her?
‘I’m in love with you, Cade.’ There was that calling-a-spade-a-spade stuff again. ‘It took me a while to realise that but Joe asked me if I had someone and I realised that if he could move on, forgive himself, find love, be happy, then why was I making myself miserable by denying what I know in my heart of hearts?’
Cade stood, horrified by her admission. Love was not on his agenda. ‘Callie.’
Callie stood also. ‘I know it’s a lot to take on board,’ she said. ‘I know that you’re going to need to think about it,’ she confirmed. ‘I just wanted you to know. Needed you to know.’
Cade couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He raked his hand through his hair. ‘I…’ I don’t love you. ‘I…’ Then he realised he couldn’t lie to her or lead her on. For the longest time he’d wondered if he’d done that to Sophie and he wanted to be clear here. ‘I’m not looking for love, Callie.’
Callie felt the rejection like bullets through her heart, and once upon a time she would have blamed it on herself but after today she knew this was about Cade and his issues and he needed time.
‘I know. But I think you’re scared. Like I was. I think there were a lot of times in your life when you weren’t loved, weren’t taken care of, and the times you were weren’t exactly altruistic. I know what it feels like to want to be loved and have that denied to you. I know how that can make you feel like you’re not lovable. But that’s okay. I’m not scared any more and I’m not going anywhere, either. I love you, Cade, and I want to spend the rest of my life proving that.’
Cade took a step back as everything froze inside him. How could she love him? Especially after only a few months’ acquaintance? The people who were supposed to have loved him in this life hadn’t even managed that.
‘You don’t know me,’ he said bitterly. ‘I don’t need anyone’s love. And I certainly don’t need yours.’
Callie held on in the face of his utter desolation. ‘Okay. But I need yours. I’ve lived the last thirteen years without any love in my life and I thought that was fine, that I didn’t need it. But I was wrong. I love you, Cade, and it fills me up and I want you to love me back.’
Cade shook his head as he backed away towards the door. ‘You want too much.’
Callie swallowed a lump in her throat. Maybe she did. But she’d settled for less last time and she wasn’t going to this time around. ‘Yes.’
Cade shook his head. Sophie had wanted too much. He couldn’t go there again. ‘I can’t,’ he said. ‘I just can’t.’
Callie watched him turn and leave. Her heart bled for what could be. But she hadn’t given up on Joe all those years ago so she sure as hell wasn’t going to give up on Cade.
If the last few hours had taught her anything, it was that love was worth fighting for.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
WITH THE DIAGNOSIS of a posterior urethral valve blocking the flow of urine out of the bladder, and all the other tests coming back normal, Cade performed the shunting procedure with ultrasonic guidance two days later. After the baby was born he would need to go to surgery immediately to correct the problem permanently but a shunt was a good temporary fix.
Raylene was given intravenous sedation for both her and the baby as the pig-tailed shunt was inserted via fetoscope into the baby’s bladder, through an incision low on the baby’s abdomen. The tiny piece of plastic would be a conduit for the urine to flow out into the amniotic fluid, which had already decreased significantly. Thanks to the procedure, it would build up again and do its vital job of helping the lungs develop.
Joe had asked Callie to be there with them throughout. She was great, explaining everything as the procedure unfolded, which allowed Cade to get on with it. But she was wearing that dress and vanilla and to cap it all off her revelations from a couple of days ago were still swirling around inside his head.
She loved him.
Resentment bubbled in his gut as he worked. How dared she drop that on him? That wasn’t the kind of relationship they had. They’d both known that from the beginning. And now she’d gone and changed the rules on him.
It was just like Sophie all over again.
He’d bet Callie wouldn’t love him if she knew what had happened with Sophie.
How he’d been blazingly angry at her deception, at having fatherhood thrust upon him, at being taken advantage of when he’d specifically told her that fatherhood wasn’t on his agenda. How they’d rowed and he’d told her he didn’t want her or the baby. That she’d lied, tricked him into it and he hadn’t wanted anything to do with either of them.
He’d been so furious.
And then she’d compounded everything by trying to kill herself and had forever cast him in the role of bad guy. He couldn’t lie to himself. When he’d found out that she was okay but that the baby hadn’t made it…the relief that whooshed through him had been like a drug buzz.
But what kind of a person did that make him?
He should have been grieving for his unborn child and part of him had been devastated at the loss, but, overwhelmingly, all he had been able to feel had been that he’d dodged a bullet. And he’d hated himself for that, the resentment growing and festering until the grief and the guilt, and the anger had become too much and he’d run away from it. Run from L.A. to New York. To Alex. To a whole new life.
And when it had eventually caught up with him there, he’d run to the other side of the world.
‘Almost done,’ Callie said to Paul.
Caught up in the past, Cade was startled for a moment to hear her voice. He tuned back in to the present, annoyed that he’d let his thoughts drift off his patient. He knew his hands and his brain could perform the procedure on automatic pilot but it was no excuse.
Raylene and her baby deserved his undivided attention.
And he was angry at Callie for that, too!
He finished up in ten minutes and was relieved when Callie volunteered to stay and monitor Raylene while she came round. She�
��d taken the day off to support Joe and Paul and he wanted her here with them, rather than anywhere near him, upsetting his equilibrium with her bloody vanilla essence and that damn pocket dress.
Had she worn them deliberately to mess with him? Because it was working. It had been days since he’d touched her, kissed her…and, God help him, he wanted more.
He slipped back a couple of hours later to check on Raylene’s progress. She was sitting up in a cosy recliner chair with a cup of tea and some biscuits. She was still in her theatre gown but her drip had been bunged off and she was looking alert and relaxed.
‘How are you feeling?’ he asked, smiling at her, ignoring the delicious smell and sight of Callie in his peripheral vision.
Raylene smiled back. ‘Good, thanks. A little bit sleepy still but no pain or anything.’
‘That’s good,’ Cade acknowledged. ‘How about we get you up on the bed and I’ll do a quick ultrasound to check on things?’
Paul and Joe hovered around Raylene as they helped her up and she rolled her eyes at Callie. ‘I can get out of a chair, you two,’ she grumbled good-naturedly.
Cade turned on the machine, letting it boot up as he strode over to the light switch near the door and flipped it off. Callie reached over and pulled the blind down on the window, shutting out another spectacular Gold Coast day. The room darkened significantly. There was still light coming in from around the edges of the blind but it was dark enough to make the images easy to see.
Grainy snow soon flickered on the screen and Cade punched some information into the keyboard before picking up the warmed conducting gel and squirting it on Raylene’s bared abdomen. ‘Ready?’ he asked.
‘Yup,’ Raylene said. Joe and Paul, who were standing next to her, also nodded.
He was very aware of Callie at the foot of the bed as he applied the probe to the blob of warm goo he’d squeezed on. She’d positioned herself for a good view of the screen—exactly as he would have done if their positions had been reversed.
The baby’s image appeared on the screen and he noticed in his peripheral vision Joe reaching for Paul’s hand.
‘Hah! Look at that,’ Callie announced, coming around the end of the bed towards him until she was standing close.
Within touching distance.
Part of him wanted to lean back into her, to have her slip her arms around his neck. To turn his face, bury it in her neck and take big deep sniffs of her.
How could he be angry with her and still crave her so badly?
‘What?’ Joe asked, looking at Callie then at Cade.
‘The bladder has reduced significantly,’ she said.
Cade nodded, ignoring Callie’s tempting presence behind him, and did a quick set of measurements. ‘By about half,’ he confirmed.
Paul squinted at the screen. ‘It certainly looks a lot smaller than in the last ultrasound.’
Joe let out a noisy breath. ‘Thank God,’ he whispered.
Paul hugged him, and Cade was surprised by the streak of envy that burned a path of destruction through his gut. Why he was envious he had no idea. Maybe it was the demons that Joe had overcome to get him to the place he was now.
Cade knew all about demons.
‘There’s the shunt,’ he said, turning back to the screen.
They spent a few minutes watching. Looking at every inch of the baby again, listening to his heartbeat. Joe and Paul were keen to look as much as they could and Cade was happy to indulge them.
When they were done he wiped the glop off Raylene’s stomach then got up and switched the light back on. Callie popped the blind up and for a moment, as the glare cut into the room again, it almost blinded Cade. He squinted against it and all he could see was her silhouetted figure in front of the window.
And what a figure.
He wanted her. It was irrational but it was there. He hadn’t ever wanted anyone like this. But his needs were physical and she wanted more than that.
More than he could give.
Cade returned to the side of the bed, determined to be brisk and detached. To get through his standard spiel then get the hell out of the room.
‘So, as I was saying yesterday,’ he said, addressing all three and studiously ignoring Callie, ‘there’s a forty per cent risk that the shunt will dislodge, which is why it’s important that you keep up the weekly ultrasounds through your care provider in Noosa.’
Joe nodded. ‘We will.’
‘But if it does dislodge,’ Paul asked, ‘is it just a matter of having another one re-inserted?’
Cade nodded. ‘I once inserted four during the length of one pregnancy back in the States.’
‘Four?’ Raylene said.
Cade smiled at her and patted her hand. ‘That’s unusual,’ he assured her. ‘But I’d be prepared if I were you to have the procedure done at least once more.’
‘Okay,’ she said, her hand absently rubbing her baby bump.
‘Do you want me to set up the first appointment with your care provider?’ he asked.
‘I’m going to do the first couple,’ Callie said, stepping away from the window, her pockets coming closer.
‘We’ve booked a unit for two weeks,’ Paul said. ‘We want to be sure everything’s going okay before we head back home.’
‘Oh,’ Cade said, looking at Callie for long moments. ‘Well, you’re in very good hands, then.’
Joe laughed. ‘Yes, we are.’
‘Right. Well, I have surgery shortly so I’ll take my leave. You guys are free to go whenever Raylene feels up to it. And I guess I’ll be seeing you around the next couple of weeks.’
Joe held out his hand. ‘Thank you so much, Cade,’ he said as they shook hands. ‘You have no idea what this means to us.’
Cade smiled as he shook Paul’s hand, as well. ‘Oh, I think I have some idea.’
Joe laughed. ‘Yeah, I guess you must if you do this sort of stuff all the time.’
‘It was my pleasure to be able to help. I’ll see you later.’
Four sets of eyes followed Cade across the room. ‘Man,’ Raylene said, as the door closed after him, ‘I envy the woman who warms his bed.’
‘Amen to that,’ Paul said.
Callie glanced at the frank appreciation on Paul’s face. And on Joe’s. She tried to remember if she’d ever seen that look directed at a man when they’d been married, and couldn’t. Joe had been holding back his real self for too long—it was good to see him being himself. It was a crime that he’d waited so long to realise it.
And she didn’t want that for herself.
She didn’t want to pine away for Cade in secret because he couldn’t handle the truth. Paul had been determined enough to fight for Joe—he hadn’t taken no for answer.
And neither should she.
Not when she was fairly certain Cade had feelings for her, too. She wasn’t going to give up on him without a fight. ‘Excuse me,’ she said. ‘I’ll be right back.’
Callie caught up with him at the lifts. ‘Cade,’ she said, drawing level with him. ‘Thanks. For everything today.’
Cade shook his head. He didn’t want her near him, clouding his judgement with all those damn pockets and her chocolate-cake memories. ‘Come on, Callie, it’s my job. No need to thank me.’
‘Of course there is,’ she murmured. ‘This case isn’t just any case to me and I really appreciate all you’ve done.’
Cade shrugged. ‘All part of the service.’
The lift dinged and Cade sighed in relief. He waited for it to empty then stepped inside. The last thing he expected or wanted was for her to follow him in.
Cade pushed the door hold button and held out his other hand in a stopping motion. ‘Oh, no,’ he said. ‘You do not want to get in this lift with me.’
‘I…don’t?’
He shook his head. ‘You and those damn pockets need to stay the hell away from me.’
His gaze settled on her breast pockets and Callie felt the blast of heat from his gaze right down to the
deepest muscle fibres of her belly. She lifted her chin. ‘Well, that’s too bad because I’m coming in,’ she said, and she pushed past his hand until she was standing inside, a mere foot from him.
The doors shut behind them.
Cade’s nostrils filled with the sweet milkiness of her. ‘Goddamn it, Callie, vanilla?’ he demanded. ‘Were the pockets not enough?’
Callie’s decision to wear both this morning had been deliberate but she’d forgotten she was wearing the vanilla oil, caught up as she had been in Raylene’s procedure and recovery. She shrugged. ‘I know you like it.’
Cade thrust a hand through his hair—‘like’ was such an insipid word. ‘Like it? I want to push you against this wall, strip all your clothes off and sniff you all over,’ he snapped. ‘But you knew that, didn’t you?’
Callie didn’t think the rhetorical question required an answer and she doubted he’d like it anyway. If sex was the only way she could get through to him then she wasn’t averse to using it, using his desire for her body to connect with him emotionally.
To start with anyway.
But that all went by the wayside as the heat in his gaze melted her common sense into a puddle of goo at her feet.
Callie leaned across and pushed the emergency stop button. An alarm filled the lift as it jerked to a stop, toppling her into him. ‘So what’s stopping you?’
Cade breathed heavily as her blatant invitation intertwined with her vanilla essence to reach down inside his pants. The air seemed to get heavier with each breath he dragged in, the alarm fading as desire washed everything else out.
‘Oh, hell,’ he muttered, seizing her upper arms, pivoting around with her until her back was against the wall.
He looked at her for long moment, his lungs drowning in her aroma now, craving its sticky heaviness. His gaze zeroed in on her mouth—her lips were slightly parted, welcoming.
‘Cade,’ she whispered.
Cade groaned as he slammed his mouth onto hers. Her immediate little whimper, the way her arms came up around his neck and her body aligned stoked the fire in his loins even higher. He flayed her mouth with his—probing her lips, commanding entrance, demanding her complete capitulation.