by Amy Andrews
He just couldn’t get enough.
Of her mouth, her taste, her smell, her belly-deep moans. Everything burned. Everything ached.
But he had to.
He wrenched his mouth away, his gaze raking her face, noticing her lips were wet and swollen from his punishing kiss. ‘God, I wish I didn’t want you this much.’
‘There’s nothing wrong with this, Cade,’ Callie murmured, her voice husky as her hand stroked the hair at his nape. ‘We can have this, we can have this all the time. Just let me love you.’
Cade stepped back on a groan. ‘No, we can’t.’ And he jabbed viciously at the emergency stop button again.
The alarm ceased and the lift shuddered a little before moving again. He placed himself against the opposite wall from her—far away from the temptation of vanilla and pockets.
‘Why?’ Callie demanded. ‘I know you want me,’ she said. ‘What’s wrong with giving us a chance?’
Cade felt a hard lump rise in his chest. The same matted, twisted knot of pain he’d been pushing down for years. Since he’d been a little kid and he’d been powerless to stop his father beating Alex. It rose with all the old potency and hatred and self-loathing he’d ever felt.
‘Because I don’t deserve it,’ he snapped. ‘You don’t know me. You think you do but you don’t. Trust me,’ he said as the lift dinged and he was so damn grateful he almost kissed the floor. ‘You don’t want any part of this.’
‘So tell me,’ Callie begged, racing against time as the lift doors opened. ‘Let me be the judge of what I do and don’t want to be a part of.’
Cade shook his head as he pushed off the wall. ‘No,’ he said, then strode out of the lift.
Five minutes later Callie’s hands were still shaking from the confrontation as she hit a speed-dial key on her phone. She didn’t wait for the greeting on the other end when it was picked up. ‘Your brother is a jackass.’
‘Callie? It’s…three o’clock in the morning.’
Callie almost cried at the sound of Alex’s comforting American accent, very different from his brother’s. ‘That doesn’t alter the fact that your brother is a jackass.’
Callie could hear a sigh at the other end and then a voice in the background wanting to know who was ringing at such a God-awful hour. Alex’s ‘It’s Callie’ seemed to placate his wife.
And Layla’s ‘Say hi for me’ made Callie smile.
‘Layla says hi,’ Alex said. ‘Now, why don’t you start at the beginning? What’s happened?’
‘He’s totally incapable of love, that’s what’s happened,’ Callie hissed into the phone. ‘I mean, I get it—I know you guys had a seriously screwed-up childhood and that’s got to give him trust and intimacy issues. Although, God knows, he seems to connect sexually extremely well—but he’s not letting me in at all. I can help him with all that stuff. Why the hell won’t he let me?’ she demanded. ‘God, he’s as stubborn as you are.’
There was silence at the end of the line for long moments and Callie wondered if she’d lost the connection. ‘Alex?’
‘I’m here,’ he said in a gruff, sleepy voice. ‘Okay…so let me get this straight. What you’re saying is…you’re in love with Cade?’
‘Yes, dummy, I’m I love with your brother. Hell, keep up.’
‘Well, when the hell did that happen?’ Alex demanded.
Callie waved a dismissive hand in the air. ‘The last few months. After I bought him in a charity raffle.’
‘Okay…I don’t understand what that means and it’s really late so I’m going to save all the what-the-hell questions for a more suitable hour. But if you want a tip to reach Cade, ask him about Sophie.’
‘Sophie?’ Callie frowned. ‘Who the hell is Sophie?’
‘Oh, no,’ Alex said. ‘It’s up to Cade to tell you.’
‘Some friend you are,’ she grouched.
‘You’re welcome,’ Alex said. ‘I’m going now.’
The phone clicked in her ear and Callie stared at it for long moments. She’d forgotten that he’d fled here because of woman issues. It had totally slipped her mind. He’d certainly never had any issues with her. And the more she’d got to know him the more convinced she’d been that it was deep issues from his childhood that made him commitment-phobic.
But apparently a woman called Sophie held the key.
How could she compete with someone who might still have his heart on a string?
Cade was at his desk later that evening when his phone rang. The sun had just about set and darkness was closing in around him. He snapped on his desk lamp as he picked up the phone. ‘Dr Coleman.’
‘You may be my brother but if you hurt Callie I’m going to come and hunt you down.’
Cade wasn’t amused. ‘I thought you were supposed to be on my side.’
‘Not if you’re being an idiot. Are you being an idiot?’
‘I’m not being an idiot,’ he snapped. ‘Callie, on the other hand, is acting like a complete idiot.’
Alex snorted. ‘What’s she done that’s been so bad, bro?’
‘She thinks she’s in love with me. It’s totally ridiculous,’ he spluttered, outrage in his voice. ‘We just don’t have that kind of relationship. She didn’t want that kind of relationship. I’m here for my career, not to…get involved with some mad woman who thinks she’s in love with me. We hardly know each other,’ he said.
‘Have you told her anything about your past? Anything you haven’t even told me?’
Cade remembered the virginity conversation. ‘Some,’ he admitted grudgingly.
‘Then you’ve told her more than you’ve ever told anybody else. That means something, Cade. Trust me, I know.’
‘Oh, God,’ Cade grumbled. ‘There’s nothing more sickening than a loved-up reformed recluse.’
Alex laughed but it was short-lived. ‘You haven’t told her about Sophie.’
‘It’s none of her damn business.’
More silence. ‘You’ve gotta stop beating yourself up about that, Cade. It’s time to forgive yourself. Aren’t you tired of running away from it? Stop running, man. Talk to Callie.’
Cade would rather stick himself in the eye with a hot poker. He wasn’t about to admit to anyone else how badly he’d screwed up with Sophie. ‘I don’t recall asking for your advice.’
‘Yeah, well, you’re getting it anyway. Callie’s the best and if you love her as much as she loves you then you’d be a fool to let her get away.’
Cade hated that Alex knew her better than he did. He hated hearing the affection in his brother’s voice that hinted at a depth of relationship that He could only wonder about.
‘Did you sleep with her?’
It was out before he could stop it. He knew it was none of his business but he had to know. Callie had said they’d only ever been friends but he knew what his brother had been like before Layla and he sure as hell knew how Callie had needed male affirmation almost as much as oxygen.
There was a hesitation on the end of the line. ‘Alex, I said did you sleep with her?’
‘I’m only telling you this because you and I made a pact when we patched up our differences that we would always tell each other the truth. Because really it’s none of your damn business.’
‘Oh, my God, you did sleep with her.’
‘Yes, but—’
Cade slammed the phone down as a hot spike of jealousy burned like acid all the way up his oesophagus. He stood up so abruptly his chair crashed to the floor.
He didn’t give a fig who or how many men she’d slept with in her past. She was an adult who enjoyed her sexuality—more power to her. But Alex hurt.
And he was going to go and tell her just that.
Callie had not long stepped out of the shower and was in her gown, pouring a glass of wine, when someone pounded on her door like there was a fire in the building. Her phone rang and she contemplated ignoring the door and answering it but another bash made up her mind. She picked up the phone, noticing she
had several missed calls, and answered it on her way to her poor injured door. It was Alex.
‘Oh, hi,’ she said. ‘Listen, just hang on a sec, there’s someone at the door.’
She pulled the phone from her ear and used both hands to unlock the deadlocks and pull it open. Cade stood outside, glowering down at her, his tie yanked aside in its usual disarray. His hair looked like it had been raked through a thousand times.
‘You slept with Alex.’
Callie’s gaze locked with his. It wasn’t a question or a demand. It was an accusation. Her heart rate picked up at the simmering frustration in his whisky eyes. She brought the phone back to her ear. ‘I think I’m going to need to call you back, Alex.’
‘It’s Cade?’
Callie’s gaze didn’t waver from Cade’s. ‘Yes.’
‘I’m so sorry,’ Alex said. ‘He wanted to know the truth so I told him. I’ve been trying to get hold of you to warn you.’
‘It’s fine. I’ll deal with it.’ She hit the End button then stood aside. ‘You’d better come in.’
Cade had both hands planted wide on the doorframe. ‘I don’t want to come in,’ he snapped.
‘Well, I’m not having this conversation with you standing in the hallway so stop being a petulant child and get your butt inside.’
She didn’t wait for a response, just turned on her heel and headed for her lounge room. By the time she was reaching for her glass of wine she’d heard the door click shut, and as the rich bouquet slid over her tongue, Cade appeared in her peripheral vision.
Cade shook his head at her as she turned to face him. She was wearing that gown. The woman was going to be the death of him.
‘Well?’ he demanded, as she calmly took another sip of wine.
‘We had a one-night stand a few weeks after we first met. Nothing more. That’s it.’
Cade felt the wind go out of his sails at her frank admission. He’d been expecting outrage and denial, like Sophie had expressed when he’d confronted her about her supposed contraception. But not Callie. ‘Why didn’t you tell me when I asked you?’
‘Because it was none of your damn business, Cade. You and I weren’t a thing then and Alex and I never have been. We’ve never felt romantic about each other. It was just a crazy, impetuous one-off.’
Cade snorted. ‘Your speciality.’
Callie sucked in a breath at the insult. She wished she had a snappy comeback but she had nothing. Why was it that the people you loved were the ones who knew how to hurt you most?
Cade had shocked himself. He sat back on the arm of the lounge chair and raked his hand through his hair. ‘God. I’m so sorry… . That was a complete knee-jerk reaction and totally unforgivable. I don’t know what’s the matter with me today.’
Callie felt her anger dissipate as quickly as it had risen. Cade looked so lost and confused. She hoped he was here insulting her because he loved her, but she wasn’t sure if that was going to be an easy admission to extract from him.
She turned and poured him a glass of wine. As she handed it to him she said, ‘I do. And I don’t think it’s got anything to do with me and Alex.’ She’d made him think about his feelings and he was off kilter. ‘Who’s Sophie?’
Cade’s hand stalled halfway between them and Callie pushed the glass the rest of the way into his hand. He stared into the red liquid. ‘Alex has been talking, I see.’
Callie shook her head. ‘No. All he said was to ask you about her.’
It was on the tip of Cade’s tongue to say no, to go to hell, then to pass the wine back and just walk away. But the lump was there, hard and hot and bigger than ever, and he was so very tired of keeping things inside. The catharsis when he’d told her about his time in Beverly Hills had been profound.
‘Sophie was a woman I had a fling with back in L.A. Before I went to work with Alex in New York. I don’t know how it happened, how we ended up in a fling, because I was a total three-or-four-dates-then-on-to-the-next-one kind of a guy. But we were. I think her being an accountant had something to do with it. I could really get away from the pressures of work with her.’
‘Makes sense,’ Callie said.
‘We’d been seeing each other for about six weeks. I was having a good time but I didn’t have any serious intentions. And then she announced that she was pregnant.’
Callie blinked. ‘Oh.’
‘Yes,’ he said grimly. ‘Oh.’
‘Weren’t you using protection?’
‘Of course,’ Cade said testily. ‘Condoms, and she was on the Pill. Or at least she told me she was on the Pill. So that one time we were caught out without anything, I felt okay about pressing on.’
‘But she wasn’t?’
‘No. She never had been. And she admitted it to me. Told me that she loved me and wanted to marry me and now we could because she was having my baby. It was like some nightmare soap opera.’
‘Oh, dear.’ Callie had worked hard not to let any of the men in her life get the wrong idea but it had still happened and she felt for Cade.
Cade nodded. ‘I totally freaked. I didn’t want to be a father, not after my childhood. We argued, I told her I didn’t want anything to do with her or the baby, to get out of my life.’
Callie winced. She could just imagine how awful the conversation must have been.
‘Not my best moment.’
‘What happened then?’
‘Later that night she washed down a bottle of pills with a bottle of vodka.’
Callie gasped. She walked the three paces between them and put her hand on Cade’s forearm. ‘Oh, Cade, that’s awful, I’m so sorry. Did she make it?’
Cade liked the feel of her hand on his arm. In fact, he wanted to pull her close and sink into her entire embrace. ‘Yes. But the baby didn’t.’
Callie shut her eyes briefly. Cade had been through the wringer. He may not have acted admirably at the time and that obviously weighed on him now, but he’d been dealt a massive whammy and he’d lashed out. ‘I’m so sorry.’
Cade shook his head. ‘Don’t be, because all I could feel was relief. Just…overwhelming relief. Relief that she was okay but, more than that, relief that I didn’t have to deal with an unplanned pregnancy.’
He looked down into his wine and swirled it around a couple of times before looking back at Callie—dear, sweet Callie who was looking at him like he was one of the good guys. ‘How could I think that way?’ he asked. ‘What does that make me?’
Callie stroked his cheek with her spare hand. ‘It makes you human.’
‘No,’ he insisted. ‘It makes me awful. It makes me the bad guy.’
‘Cade,’ she chided gently, her hand coming back to rest on his arm. ‘What do you tell mums when they’re relieved when a severely deformed foetus is stillborn? Do you tell them they’re awful and bad?’
‘No.’
‘And do you mean it?’
‘Of course I do, but it’s not the same thing, Callie.’
‘Cade, you knew about the baby for, what, a few hours? Yes, you were angry. Yes, you argued, yes, you said some things that you plainly regret until this day. But you were entitled to feel all those things. You weren’t to know that Sophie was going to act in such an extreme manner. You didn’t have a crystal ball, Cade. You can’t be blamed for her actions.’
‘I shouldn’t have been so harsh.’
Callie shook her head. ‘So you think you don’t deserve to be happy, to fall in love, have a chance at a future with someone because you argued with Sophie and she tried to kill herself? That being alone is your punishment or something?’
‘You think I do deserve to be happy?’
Callie smiled gently at him and took a small step towards him. ‘Of course I do, Cade. You are one of the most caring, compassionate people I have ever met. You had a bad night that had some terrible consequences, but you have to realise that you weren’t responsible for her actions. Or the sequence of events afterwards. You have to forgive yourself.’
> Cade sorted. ‘That’s what Alex said.’
Callie dared to take another step closer, her thigh brushing his knee. ‘Then that’s two concurring medical opinions,’ she murmured.
Cade wondered if it could be that simple. He wanted it to be. And with Callie looking at him with love shining in her eyes, turning them a dazzling kaleidoscope of blues and greens, he thought maybe it could be.
‘You’re very wise in matters of the heart all of a sudden,’ he said, his hand sliding to her waist and pulling her into the V of his open thighs.
Callie’s hand slid onto his shoulder. ‘I’ve had a crash course in love just recently.’
And in that moment Cade realised she wasn’t the only one. Callie had stormed into his life and turned it upside down and he loved her for it. He hadn’t been looking for love. In fact, he’d been hiding from it, but it had found him—she’d found him. His chest swelled with it.
He loved her eyes and her smile and that bloody gown and the way she’d been brave enough to take a risk on loving him even when he’d pushed her away.
‘So have I,’ he said.
Callie’s breath caught for a moment and then she grinned. ‘Really?’
Cade grinned back. ‘Really.’
‘So you don’t want to…just be friends any more?’
‘Oh, God, no,’ he groaned, pulling her closer, his head level with her chest, his nose pushing the gown aside to nuzzle along her collarbone. ‘That was a stupid idea.’
Callie shut her eyes. ‘The worst.’
‘I want to love you,’ he said. He pulled away and looked at her. ‘I do love you.’
It sounded strange for a moment. He’d never told a woman that before but telling Callie felt right. He knew it in his bones.
Callie’s heart felt like it was going to burst from her ribcage as it swelled and soared. She took his wine and hers and placed them on the counter. Then she rushed back into his arms and kissed him. A kiss holding all the love in the world. A kiss to seal their commitment.
‘I love you, too,’ she said, pulling away, smiling down into his sexy face.
‘I’m sorry it took me so long to get with the programme,’ he said, staring into her beautiful face. How could he not have known when it was just there, humming away now in every cell? ‘But I’m going to spend every day of my life proving it to you.’