Always Come Home (Emerson 1)

by Maureen Driscoll

But he had not just himself to consider. He had his sisters. And Ava, as well. If he married her, the future would be grim for all of them. He was not sure he could even keep food on the table. They would lose every bit of the estate that was not entailed and there was still a possibility he would end up in debtors’ prison. That wasn’t a life for Ava. To toil away, scraping by, when she might have a husband who would provide for her. For he had no doubt that as soon as she left here, she would meet a gentleman who would recognize her for the treasure she was. He would marry her. They would make love morning, noon and night. She would make him laugh and give him children who would be every bit as impertinent as their mother. And they would all live happily ever after. It was what she deserved.

  And the very thought of her doing that with another man was making him miserable.

  He only had tonight. He would not take her innocence, no matter how he burned to be inside her. He would do nothing that would prevent her from having the life she deserved, the damned husband she deserved.

  She was beneath him, heated, kissing and stroking him as if there were no tomorrow. Because for them there couldn’t be a future. He took a leisurely stroll down her body, past the beautiful breasts, skimming her stomach. He took a turn and explored her right leg. The firm thigh, down to the rounded calf. He discovered her foot was ticklish. He tried her left foot to find it equally ticklish, almost receiving a kick in the chin as he did so.

  “I’m so sorry,” she said. “I couldn’t help it.”

  “What if I were to kiss your foot for another few moments?”

  “I believe I would kick you again and not apologize.”

  “Then I believe I should continue my journey upward.”

  He kissed his way up her other leg, enjoying the way she squirmed beneath him. As he reached the top of her leg, he moved over to the heart of her.

  “Colin! You shouldn’t be there!”

  “Hush, sweetheart. I am exactly where I should be. Exactly where I want to be.” He nuzzled her gently, then smiled as her hands came down on his shoulders. He could tell she was torn between pushing him away and pulling him toward her. He took the decision away from her as he burrowed in to the heart of her, reveling in her gasps of pleasure.

  He wanted to taste her. He needed to taste her. He needed to remember everything about this night. But he had to make sure he did not go too far. For if he truly made love to her, he would have to marry her. He would have no alternative. But he couldn’t marry her. Could he?

  Could he?

  He breathed her in, kissed her into oblivion. And when she cried out with her release, he was with her in his own way. The only way he could be.

  She was still breathing hard as he lay down beside her and pulled her head onto his chest. He reached for the nearest clothing – hers, he believed, but was beyond caring – and covered her with it. She lay boneless in his arms and though he was harder than he’d ever been, he gave no thought to going further. Being with her like this was enough. It had to be.

  “Colin,” she whispered, as she pulled a shaky hand up to caress his cheek. “Colin, what was that?”

  “Something it was my pleasure to give you, love.” Love. It felt so right to call her that. “It was something I wish I could do forever.”

  “But you did not…I mean, there was no pleasure for you.”

  “On the contrary, I shall dream of this night for the rest of my life. It was sublime.”

  She must not have believed him, for he saw her hand reaching for him. Her slender fingers were about to press against his cock, when he caught her hand.

  “I would love nothing more,” he said, barely able to get the words out, given the way his body was rebelling. “But I am afraid I will not be able to stop if you do. And I will not do that to you. To us. Please let us remain as we are. A moment frozen in time. Before regrets. For it would be more lonely than I could ever imagine to make love to you fully, then never do so again.”

  For a moment, she remained as she was. Reaching for him, but held back by him. Then she slowly pulled her hand away and once again placed her head on his chest. They were silent for several minutes. He could not be sure, but he believed he felt one of her tears drop down to his chest.

  It was just as well, since he was crying himself.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  The days following Christmas were busy in the dower house. Ava sent inquiries to employment agencies in London and even one in Scotland. Colin tried not to take it personally that she would try to move that far away from him. Though he also knew he would always be tempted to find her, no matter where she was.

  Colin sent a few inquiries of his own to London, to a few men he’d gone to school with. While the vast majority of the students at Eton and Oxford had been from the aristocracy, there had also been a few sons of solicitors and other men of business. Colin had always made a point to make them feel welcome, especially since he knew Clayton and his ilk loved preying on anyone they considered beneath them.

  And they’d considered everyone beneath them.

  But perhaps one of those men now engaged in commerce could help him by offering employment. Perhaps it was possible to restore his family’s finances without having to marry for money. Perhaps a future with Ava was possible.

  Dear sweet, passionate Ava. By unspoken agreement, they’d avoided being alone with each other since their night in the library. Ava had begun her lessons with Letty, so they could usually count on his youngest sister being an unwitting chaperone. Rose, however, was another matter. She was intent on matchmaking, for whenever Rose would come upon the three of them, she would find some excuse to draw Letty away. A part of Colin applauded her actions, for the more time he spent with Ava, alone or in company, the less he wanted to be apart from her. And he suspected Rose knew that.

  It was ironic, then, that it was Rose herself who inadvertently convinced him he must marry for money.

  A week after the interlude in the library, Colin had entered the sitting room to find Ava preparing Letty’s lessons. She’d been avoiding the library, just as he had. Neither needed a reminder of what had transpired there.

  “Ava,” he said.

  She looked up and the moment their eyes met he was seized by the urge to kiss her senseless. To run his hands over every part of her. To make her his.

  “Ava,” he said again, for he couldn’t think of anything to say other than asking her – no, begging her – to let him make love to her.

  But just then Rose entered the room. “I’m so glad to find you both here. I am done with Letty’s new gown and she would like to show it to you.”

  Letty entered, beaming from ear to ear and wearing her new gown made from the fabric James had sent from America. The green was the perfect complement to her hair. Colin noticed this gown was much longer than the ones she’d previously worn, perhaps even too long. No doubt Rose had left plenty of material since this one would have to last a while.

  “You look beautiful, Letty,” said Colin.

  “Yes, you do,” said Ava. “And Lady Rosemary is an accomplished modiste.”

  “Perhaps I should have my own shop on Bond Street,” said Rose. “’Twould be an easy life if all my customers were as beautiful as Letty.”

  “I can hardly wait to see the gown you make for yourself,” said Ava. “If you need any help, I’ll be happy to assist.”

  Rose straightened the bow on Letty’s dress. “Thank you for the kind offer, Ava. But I am sure I can muddle through.”

  “Rose doesn’t have the material anymore,” said Letty. “She sold it to Mrs. Watkins in the village.”

  “You what?” asked Colin.

  “Oh, dear,” said Rose. “I was hoping you wouldn’t find out. It was terribly generous of James to send it. But the fabric was so fine, I decided we would get much more use out of it in credit from Mrs. Watkins. And when would I ever have an occasion to wear such a grand gown?”

  “At your come-out!” said Colin.

  Rose sighed.
“Letty, why don’t you go show Maude and Stemple your new gown? I am sure they would love to see it.”

  When Letty left, Rose turned to Colin, once more the voice of reason and practicality. “A Season is such a waste of money.”

  “It is your birthright!”

  “Perhaps I should leave,” said Ava.

  “Ava, please stay,” said Rose, “and help me talk some sense into my stubborn brother. The cost of a Season goes well beyond one dress. We simply cannot afford it, Colin, regardless of how hard you have worked to get us out of dun territory. Furthermore, I do not want a Season. At least not right now. There’s nothing to say I can’t have one another year, if you still feel it is necessary.”

  “But you deserve the chance to have fun like other girls.”

  “I have never thought the Season sounded even remotely fun. Have you ever enjoyed it?”

  For a moment, all Colin could do was sputter like a fish, though an elegant one. “That is not the point. Ladies are supposed to enjoy the Season. Gentlemen merely tolerate it.”

  “So the best I can hope for would be to find a gentleman who would barely tolerate my existence.”

  “You would have gentlemen swarming all over you. Which, now that I think of it, isn’t at all to my liking. But how will you meet a husband if not in the social whirl of the ton?”

  “How will I meet one in an atmosphere where a proper lady is never supposed to speak her mind or act as she normally does? I daresay any husband I would capture under such circumstances could surely sue me for luring him into a contract under false pretenses. And what makes you think I must go to London to find a husband? Perhaps I have already picked one out.”

  Colin did not know what to say. It was hard to argue about the artifice of the ton. It was one of the things he hated the most about the world they’d been born into. But what the devil had she meant about already picking out a husband? And it wasn’t just Rose’s declaration that had been odd. There had been a speculative look on Ava’s face that made him think she knew his sister better than he did. Colin made a mental note to ask her about it later.

  There he was again, trying to find ways to be alone with Ava when Rose was sacrificing her own future. He’d seen her admiring the white silk, yet she’d selflessly sold it to that gossip Mrs. Watkins to help provide for the family. Colin had to do his part, which meant seriously considering Miss Babcock as a bridal candidate.

  Mrs. Babcock had already made her plans for his future clear. Not a day went by that she didn’t send a note inviting him and Rose to the house for one event or another. Rose had told Colin she had no desire to return. While she’d liked Miss Babcock during the little time she’d spent with her on Christmas, a visit to Nora would mean time spent with Richard and Myra. Rose felt the unpleasantness of the latter more than cancelled out any pleasure in the former.

  Colin understood – and shared – Rose’s views about Richard and Myra. But he had every reason to accept Mrs. Babcock’s invitations. For, as prospective brides went, little fault could be found with Nora Babcock. At least from what little he knew of her.

  Yes, she was American, which meant she would receive snubs from some of the haughtier members of the ton. But Colin had never cared about bloodlines. Her heritage would not bother him in the slightest.

  Her family, however, was slightly more problematic. He didn’t know if there was a polite way of inquiring whether her family planned to return to America on a, hopefully, permanent basis.

  But as Ava began sending more and more queries to employment agencies with almost insulting haste and his own to London had so far gone unanswered, Colin began the process of getting to know Miss Nora Babcock. He wanted to see if they could form a friendship that would be the foundation of a marriage. For, while he knew he would never find a love match when his heart would always be Ava’s, he could never enter into a marriage with someone he did not even like. Perhaps he would discover some hidden fault of Miss Babcock’s that would so repulse him that he could put from his mind any type of courtship.

  He knew he should not wish for it, but could not help it. For, after all, he was a besotted fool for Ava.

  *

  “Stemple,” said Rose, as she entered the kitchen to find him and Maude laughing about something even as Maude prepared dinner and Stemple polished the silver. Rose was quite fond of them both. She hoped they would stay even after they married, though a betrothal had not yet been announced.

  Men could be such slowtops.

  “My lady,” said Stemple. “How may I be of assistance?”

  “There is a favor I must ask of you. Please stop posting Miss Conway’s letters. At least the ones to employment agencies.”

  Stemple looked a bit uncertain. “But, Lord Ridgeway gives me the post to take to the village nearly every day.”

  “Yes, and while you may certainly continue to post his correspondence, please refrain from doing so for Miss Conway.”

  Stemple grew only more confused. “If I might ask, my lady, has Miss Conway done something to anger you?”

  “Not at all. I like her very much, indeed. Which is why you must stop posting those letters.”

  “We don’t want Miss Conway to leave,” Maude explained to Victor. “If you keep posting those letters someone will hire her and she’ll be forced to go.”

  “But his lordship asked me to do so.”

  “I know you are very dedicated to Lord Ridgeway,” said his sister. “But the last thing my brother needs is for Miss Conway to find employment in London or anywhere else. The next time Miss Conway hands you a letter for the post, simply give it to me, instead. They’ll both thank us in the end. I like the way you are doing your hair, Maude. It is very pretty. Don’t you think so, Stemple?”

  “Uh, of course, my lady.”

  “And you’ll do what I ask?”

  “Yes, my lady.”

  “Excellent!” said Rose as she smiled at both of them and departed.

  Stemple could only watch her go. “I don’t feel right disobeying his lordship,” he said.

  “But you want Ava and his lordship to end up together, don’t you?”

  “Yes, but…”

  “There’s no ‘but’ about it, then. Do as Lady Rosemary says.”

  Maude turned back to her work as Stemple was left to wonder once again about the complexities of love.

  *

  Colin did not know what was wrong with him. He was alone with Miss Babcock in the sitting room in the manor. Her mother had left them alone with the door cracked only the slightest amount. Nora was a beautiful woman, dressed in a gown that showed off her features admirably. Myra wasn’t the only one in the family with an impressive bosom, though Nora’s was a good deal more covered.

  A man intent on marrying the beautiful heiress at his side would have tried to kiss her by now. He might even have tried to compromise her. With her eager mother hovering just outside the door, he had a feeling it could be done easily.

  But Colin didn’t feel like kissing her. All he wanted to do was go back to the dower house and kiss Ava. However, he had to at least try to get to know Miss Babcock. He would start with simple conversation.

  “Do you miss America?”

  Nora angled her head as she considered the question. The afternoon sun draped her features in a dazzling light. “I miss some of the people and the country itself can be most beautiful. But I daresay I am quite happy here in England, as well.”

  “My brother has written of the resilient American spirit that believes no obstacle is too great to overcome. It is an admirable trait.”

  “But there is also something to be said for British traditions. I imagine there are doors open to you for no other reason than your birthright.”

  “That is true and I will be the first to admit that being an earl does give one advantages. At the same time, there are activities which are harder to undertake when one is in the peerage, such as having a profession.”

  Miss Babcock’s lovely eyebrows ro
se in surprise. “You would like to have a profession?”

  “Quite frankly, I never thought about it all that much before discovering the extent of my family’s financial difficulties. The closest I ever came was when I was a soldier. I joined primarily because I felt it was my duty, though I must admit I gained some satisfaction from knowing just how much it displeased my father. But I found I did not care for war and certainly would not have wished to make a career of it.”

  “I imagine it would be dreadfully difficult work. But, you were an officer. They had a much better time of it, did they not?”

  Colin thought back to his service. Yes, the officers had a much better time of it than the rank and file. There were some officers who were so far back from the front lines they might as well have been in England. But he had not been one of them. He’d preferred being with his men, leading them into battle. The greatest hardship had not come from the sleep deprivation or terrible food or the filth and disease. It had not even come from the risk of dying or being horribly injured. No, the worst part of being an officer had been watching the men in his command mowed down in battle, dying agonizing deaths.

  He’d spent time with his men. Perhaps too much, for it was a rare night even now when he did not wake up at least once with thoughts of the heroes who never returned home to their sweethearts, wives and children. He spoke to few people about his memories and, somehow, could not envision doing so with Miss Babcock, no matter how many years they were wed.

  But he could talk to Ava about it. He could talk to Ava about anything.

  “My lord?”

  Colin realized he hadn’t said anything for a significant amount of time. But that’s what thoughts of Ava did to him. “My apologies, Miss Babcock. My mind wanders from time to time. Are you looking forward to your time in London later this year?”

  “Yes I am, though Miss Patton says both Myra and I have a great deal to learn if we wish to do well in Society.”

  “Miss Patton certainly has strong opinions, does she not? I am sure you and Miss Myra will do quite well.”

  “Will Lady Rosemary have her come-out soon?”