A Daughter's Return

by Janet Lee Barton

  Mrs. Butler showed him into her office, where a nicely dressed lady who appeared to be in her late forties sat in one of the easy chairs by the fireplace. She turned and smiled at him. She had dark blond hair and blue eyes, and if she was his aunt, it appeared he might have gotten his coloring from his mother.

  “Ben, this is Laura Morgan, who I do believe is your aunt, and she’d like to speak with you about your mother. Mrs. Morgan, this is Benjamin Roth, one of the finest men I’ve ever known. I’ll go make us a pot of tea and leave you two to talk in private for a bit.”

  “Thank you, Mrs. Butler.” She left the room and Ben crossed over and took the woman’s hand in his. “I’m eager to hear what you have to say, Mrs. Morgan. Are you really my aunt?”

  “I am. And I’m so glad you agreed to see me, Ben...Mr. Roth,” she said.

  The expression in the woman’s eyes warmed Ben, making him hope she was who she claimed to be. He took the other chair flanking the fireplace. “Please tell me what you know about me.”

  “First, I am sorry it is me who’s come here and not your mother, but I must tell you that she passed away a few weeks ago and it was only when she was about to die that we learned about you.”

  Ben wasn’t sure how to take the news that the woman who’d given birth to him had died without him ever knowing her. He felt very bad for her family and deeply saddened that he’d never had a chance to know his own mother, but—

  “I realize all of this must come as a shock to you after so many years. Please believe me that I haven’t come here to make you feel bad, or expect you to feel anything at all for my sister. But Loretta—that was your mother’s name—did want me to give you this letter should I be able to locate you, and to let you know that giving you up was the most difficult thing she’d ever done.” She handed him an envelope.

  “But evidently not difficult enough that she came back to get me.”

  “No. And I’m sorry. I...”

  Ben took the envelope. “No, none of this was your fault and I apologize for sounding so rude.”

  “I think you have every right to sound however you feel. I’d like to tell you how I know I am your aunt—”

  “Please do,” Ben said.

  Mrs. Morgan sighed and nodded. “My sister’s memory of that night was very clear and before she passed away she told me about the note she’d left asking the orphanage to take care of you and that your name was Benjamin. That she’d wrapped you in a blue-and-white-striped blanket and tucked a red rattle into the basket she placed you in. And she told me the time and the date she left you. I think Mrs. Butler will tell you that everything confirms that I am your aunt.”

  “Yes, she believes you are.” Ben opened the letter. It was short and to the point.

  Dear Son,

  I called you Benjamin, but I don’t know what name you might go by now—or if you’ll ever even receive this letter. However, I feel I must let you know that I do regret giving you up. I felt I had no choice at the time, and still feel that way. I was convinced your life would be better without me in it back then. But now I find myself wondering if I did the right thing. It was truly the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. I also want you to know that you are heir to a small inheritance left me by my grandparents. I hope this gets into your hands and that my family will honor my wishes.

  Please forgive me,

  Your mother.

  “She told you about the inheritance?”

  Ben nodded.

  “She’d told us her wishes and we could have seen that you got it, had she not written the letter, for she did tell us everything before she took her last breath.”

  “I don’t want her money.”

  “But we want you to have it. It’s the least we can do, Ben. I loved my sister, but I cannot condone her abandoning you. I wish we’d known about you from the beginning. But when she came back home to Boston, she never wanted to talk about what had happened while she was gone. When we asked questions, she always said that was in the past and she didn’t want to revisit it.” Her voice broke before she continued.

  “I’ve never been able to have children of my own and would have adopted you myself, had I known. I—we—want to make sure you know that you do have family. My husband, Robert, and I, and my parents, want very much to be a part of your life, if you’ll let us. But I realize it may take some time for you to decide.”

  She pulled a card out of her purse and handed it to him. “This is my home address and should you wish to telephone, you can tell the operator to ring the Robert Morgan residence at that address. And on the other side is your grandparents’ information.”

  “Mrs.—Aunt Laura, I do appreciate, more than I can say, you coming to tell me all of this. I’m sure this has not been easy for you—”

  “Oh, finding I do have a nephew is a joy to my heart, although the circumstances surrounding it brings us all heartache in one way or another.”

  “Thank you. Your words mean a lot to me. And I would like to meet my grandparents at some point, if you are sure they want to meet me.”

  “I am certain they want you in their lives just as I do.”

  “I will be in touch with you and with them then.”

  “Thank you, Ben. I hope before too very long.”

  Mrs. Butler came in with a tea tray and Ben spent the next half hour getting to know a little more about his family. He was still finding it hard to believe that he had one. When it was time to leave, Mrs. Butler took the tray away and left them to say their goodbyes.

  “I...may I hug you, Ben? I—” Tears flooded his aunt’s eyes as Ben blinked against the sting of them in his own. He stood and so did she. He gathered her in his arms and let her hug soothe the child within him and ease the sorrow that he’d never known his mother.

  What Rebecca had said to him, about how his mother giving him up must have been the hardest thing she’d ever done, had proven to be true and he now thought he could finally begin to forgive his mother.

  “I’ll be in touch soon,” he promised as he left.

  Ben’s thoughts were in turmoil as he made his way to Heaton House, which seemed to be in chaos as two of the new boarders had arrived at the same time.

  Rebecca looked at him closely, but there was no time to speak about how things had gone with his meeting at the orphanage.

  “Can we meet in the little parlor after you put Jenny down for the night?” he asked quickly.

  “Of course. I should be there around nine.”

  He only nodded and then offered to show Mr. Adams and Mr. Clark to their rooms on the ground floor. As the two men followed him downstairs, Ben thought nine o’clock couldn’t come too soon.

  Chapter Twenty

  Even though Ben was eager to talk to Rebecca and tell her about the meeting with his aunt, he found dinner with all the new boarders quite interesting.

  Everyone seemed to be taking stock of one another to see how they fit, but he knew from experience it would take weeks before they all were totally comfortable with each other.

  Except, for some reason, he’d felt at ease around Rebecca almost from the first. Otherwise, he’d never have tried so hard to get her to be a mentor to the young women at the Y. And then she’d helped him begin to forgive his mother even before he’d met his aunt and found out anything about her.

  “You’re a teacher, Mr. Roth?” The new boarder, Emily Jordan, broke into his thoughts. “Do you enjoy it?”

  “Please, call me Ben. I’m sure Mrs. Heaton told you we don’t stand on ceremony here. We all call each other by our given names. And, yes, I enjoy teaching very much. And you work for Macy’s—is that right? That must be very interesting.”

  “Please call me Emily, then. It’s never boring, that’s for sure. I enjoy working at Macy’s very much.”

  Joe Clark cap
tured her attention then, and Ben glanced over at Rebecca, who was speaking with Steven Adams. He wasn’t quite sure he liked the new seating arrangements, but at least she was close enough that he could still converse with her if her attentions weren’t taken elsewhere. Matt didn’t look thrilled, either. Millicent was listening to the conversation going on between Joe and Emily.

  Ben had to grin at Jenny, who was trying to take it all in, looking from one to another of the new boarders and trying to listen to four or five conversations going on at the same time.

  For the most part everyone seemed quite genial and once they found out that most nights the boarders gathered in the parlor after dinner to talk, play games or sing around the piano, the new people seemed quite happy to join them on their first night.

  He stayed until he thought it must be time for Rebecca to return from putting Jenny to bed, and, after excusing himself, he ambled down the hall to the small parlor and took a seat in one of the easy chairs.

  It was only then that Ben let himself think about the aunt he’d never known he had and what she’d told him. After all these years, he’d met a member of his family. And he didn’t know how he felt about it. He placed his elbows on his knees and bent his head, running his fingers through his hair. Dear Lord, I don’t really know what to think about all this. For so long I’ve wondered why my mother left me, if she ever cared about me and—now I find she did. Although, I still don’t understand how she could have left me. But I know so much more than I ever have before and I thank You for that. I—

  “Ben? Are you all right?” Rebecca asked from the doorway.

  His heart warmed when she hurried over to take the chair next to him. “You look a bit bemused, I must say. Do you want to talk about it?”

  He was glad she was there. “I do. But first, how is Sarah doing? She didn’t come down to dinner.”

  “She wasn’t feeling well, and I think meeting so many new people at once was more than she could deal with right now. I just checked on her after I got Jenny to bed. She’s better this evening, but not really good. Mama had a talk with her mother today, although Sarah doesn’t know that. We’re praying Mrs. Jarvis will think about what not being in Sarah’s life would mean to her and that she’ll soften toward her daughter.”

  “I’ll be praying that she does.”

  “I know you will, Ben. Now, tell me about your meeting. How did it go?”

  “It actually went rather well. I met my aunt—Laura Morgan is her name. Apparently my mother passed away a few weeks ago after a long illness—”

  “Oh, Ben. I’m so sorry.”

  Ben shrugged, “I never knew her, Rebecca. I’m sorry for my aunt and her family, but I truly don’t know how I feel about her passing. I am glad to finally know who my mother was. And that, according to the letter she left for me, she loved me. She wrote that giving me up was, as you said, the most difficult thing she’d ever done. I’m thankful to know that.”

  “Oh, I am glad that you finally do know, Ben.”

  “So am I.” Emotion threatened to overtake him and he cleared his throat. “My aunt also told me my mother did say she regretted giving me up, at the very end, when she told her family what had happened. My grandparents were shocked to find out about me, and they asked if I’d be willing to meet with them.”

  “What did you say?”

  “That I’d be in touch soon. I feel I must meet them, get to know them.” Ben pressed his thumb and forefinger to the bridge of his nose and shook his head. “I never thought I’d ever have family of my own.”

  “And now you do. I’m so happy for you, Ben. Your aunt...how was she?”

  “She was very kind and I think they are all as stunned as I am to find this out after so many years. Evidently, my mother never let them know about me until she was about to die.”

  “I imagine it was hard for them to take it all in and to realize they never had the chance to know you.”

  “Yes, I’m sure it was. I do want to meet them, want find out more about my mother, but I—” He paused and didn’t finish what he’d been about to say.

  “You don’t have to decide when right now. Do you have a way to contact them later? Is your aunt still in the city?”

  “She was going back to Boston tonight. But, yes, she left me addresses for both her and my grandparents. I told her I would be in touch with them soon.”

  “Good. Then you can think it over and pray about it. I’m sure the Lord will guide you.”

  “He will. I just need to let Him. Right now I’m having a hard time not feeling guilty about not being able to grieve for the woman who gave birth to me. But I never knew her, Rebecca. I wish I had, but I didn’t.”

  “Oh, Ben!” Rebecca reached out and covered one of his hands with one of her own. “That is no fault of yours. You feel sorry for her family. And obviously they feel remorse that they never knew you because she didn’t let them. Neither they, nor you, are at fault here.”

  “I know. I just wish I could grieve for her. I wish—”

  “Oh, Ben. Don’t beat yourself up over this. I wish she’d kept you and loved you, as you deserve to be loved. I—” She stopped suddenly and the expression in her eyes touched his heart on many different levels.

  She began to pull her hand away, but he clasped it with his own and looked into her eyes. “Thank you, Rebecca. No one has ever said anything like that to me and I can’t begin to tell you how much it means to have you to talk to, to share all of this with. And even though my mother never came back for me, you were right. She seemed to believe she had no choice.”

  He could tell Rebecca was trying to hold back her tears and he took a deep breath. To know this woman cared about him... He stood and pulled her to her feet.

  “You are very special to me, Rebecca.” Ben looked down into her eyes and tipped her chin. “Thank you for being here for me.”

  He set out only to kiss her forehead, but one look at her lips and he couldn’t resist bending down and touching his own to hers. The answering softness of them had him deepening the kiss and he pulled her farther into his arms.

  * * *

  Ben’s kiss was all Rebecca had imagined and more, and she couldn’t help but respond. But much as she never wanted it to end, she couldn’t let it go on. She broke the kiss and took a step away, taking a deep breath and trying to calm her rapidly beating heart. She didn’t know what to say. “I—I’d better go check on Jenny.” She turned and only Ben’s hand on her arm stopped her from running out of the room.

  “Rebecca, I...I know I should apologize, but I enjoyed kissing you entirely too much to do so.”

  Oh, she didn’t want an apology. She wanted another kiss. But once he knew the truth about her past, he wouldn’t— “It’s all right, Ben. I know you were just thanking me. You’ve had an emotional day and...I’m glad you shared with me. I want you to know I’m ready to listen anytime...” She was rambling, wanting to stay with him and run all at the same time.

  He’d enjoyed the kiss, too. She knew it, felt it. But what did that mean? Did he feel the same kind of spark that she did? The kind that warmed her heart clear through and sent her pulse racing? Surely a kiss that affected her the way his did would have had an effect on him, too?

  She had to tell him about her past. Now. This man had told her things she knew he’d never told anyone else. She owed it to him to be as honest with him as he’d been with her. She couldn’t run again.

  “There’s something I need to tell you.” She couldn’t put it off any longer. Rebecca began to pace.

  “What is it? Please sit down, Rebecca.”

  She nodded and sat down once more. Only then did Ben take his seat.

  “Is something wrong? Are you upset with me for kissing you?”

  She shook her head. “This isn’t about that. It’s just that there is something I need
to tell you, and I should have told you when you first told me about your mother and if not then, certainly when we found out about Sarah.”

  “My mother and Sarah? What do they have to do with anything you should be telling me?”

  Dear Lord, You’ve helped me through so much. Please help me find the words. “The reason I understand so well why your mother must have felt she had no choice, and how confused and hurt Sarah is feeling now is because I am not that different from either of them.”

  “What are you trying to say, Rebecca?”

  “I left home in Ashland, Virginia over five years ago—ran away you might say—leaving my family to think I wanted to make it on my own in the city. But I really ran away to marry a man they disapproved of. He promised we’d marry as soon as we got to New York City.” Rebecca took a shaky breath. There was no way to pretty it up. “And I thought we did marry—but the certificate meant nothing. It turned out to be fake, which I found out when he left me three months later.”

  “He left you? Just like that?” Ben jumped to his feet and began pacing, clenching and unclenching his fists.

  “He did.”

  “Did he know you were...expecting his child?”

  “No. I only found out a few weeks later. He left me with just enough money to live on for a few months—told me to go home to my mama.”

  The tears in her eyes were almost Ben’s undoing as she continued.

  “But I couldn’t bring that shame on my family. Or thought I couldn’t. Now I know my mother would have taken me in, but at the time I couldn’t bring myself to go home. I gave Jenny and myself my grandmother’s maiden name, and as time went on, I convinced myself I had done the right thing for all of us. Only it was so...”

  “Difficult?”

  Rebecca nodded as tears began to slide down her cheeks. She couldn’t look at Ben. Didn’t want to see the disappointment in his eyes. She brushed at her tears, stood up and began to pace again. “I took in washing and ironing and I managed, but barely. Still, I’d made the decision to run away with him on my own and I couldn’t go back. Oh, Ben, I was so impulsive and rebellious. I don’t excuse any of it. I did wrong.”