“And with all of that, you kept your child. You didn’t give her up.”
“I couldn’t. Jenny was all that kept me going until I finally realized the Lord was watching over us, keeping us safe even where we lived. And that’s why I know giving you away must have been the most difficult thing your mother ever did. And how I understand how badly Sarah is hurting right now. I pray her young man will stand up and become a man and this will turn out different for her. Right now she doesn’t have the option of going home.”
Ben jumped up and stopped her pacing with a hand on her arm, gently turning her toward him. “Oh, Rebecca, I am so sorry.”
“No! I don’t want your pity. I just wanted you to know the truth about my past and I know I don’t deserve—” She broke off. She didn’t know what to say. Didn’t want to look in his eyes and see the disappointment in them. “I have to check on Jenny.”
She pulled away and hurried out of the room and down the hall as fast as she could. A burst of laughter from the front parlor had her scurrying up the stairs as fast as her ankle would let her.
She entered her room, closed the door and leaned against it, sobbing. Her heart was beating so hard she could feel it to the tips of her fingers as she brushed at the tears streaming down her face. At least she had Ben’s kiss to remember. For she was certain there would never be another. Not after tonight.
* * *
Ben watched Rebecca go, wanting to stop her, to pull her into his arms and kiss her pain away. But the time wasn’t right. She’d only think he was being kind when that was the last thing he felt right now. He was furious.
What she’d told him didn’t really surprise him. He’d wondered about it, but then pushed the thought away, not wanting to think she’d been taken advantage of in that way. Now he clenched his fists and unclenched them. If there was any way he could get hold of the cad who’d treated her in such an abominable way, he’d...
Dear Lord, help me here. I want to avenge what happened to Rebecca, but I don’t even know who the man is or how to find him. And vengeance isn’t mine, but Yours. Please help me to control this anger I feel. And thank You for bringing her and Jenny home to Heaton House.
He took the stairs down to his room, trying to make sense of the day. First he’d found he had family who wanted him in their lives, and then he’d found the woman he’d come to care so much for had suffered a heartbreak of her own, and all he wanted to do was take that pain away from her.
He wanted to make her see the woman he saw—one who might have made the wrong decision to trust a man who’d only used her, but who’d paid many times over for her actions. And yet, with the help of the Lord, she’d come through that shadow and back into the light. She was a woman ready and willing to help others, a wonderful mother and the kind of woman he—
The realization washed over him with certainty and he finally admitted it to himself. He was falling in love with Rebecca. And he didn’t want to run from it, but only toward it.
Much as he hated the pain she’d gone through being rejected by a man she thought loved her, he had to admit that he was relieved that she hadn’t left a husband. Instead she’d kept her baby, made a living for them both and trusted the Lord to guide her. And become a strong, wonderful woman.
And yet, she still felt she didn’t deserve to be loved. He was sure that was what she’d been about to say. And how very wrong she was. O dear Lord, how do we convince her that she can have true love? That she can have a man who wants to honor her and love her and her child. One who will never forsake her. Please, will You help me?
* * *
With all the new boarders trying to get used to the way things were done at Heaton House the next morning, Rebecca was glad she stayed busy explaining it all to them so that she didn’t have to look at Ben and see the disappointment in his eyes. For she was sure her revelation of the night before had changed how he viewed her.
“You just help yourself to whatever you want from the sideboard and if any of you need a sack lunch to take to work, let Gretchen or Maida know and you can pick it up in the kitchen before you leave,” she explained to Emily and the others as they made their way into the dining room.
“Really?” Emily asked. “Oh, how wonderful. Your mother had told me room and board, but I wasn’t sure what all that included. Nor did I expect the kind of meals we’ve had. No wonder your sign doesn’t stay out long, Mrs. Heaton.”
“And it doesn’t go up very often,” Julia said. “If four of our boarders hadn’t gotten married within such a short time of each other, it wouldn’t have gone up this time.”
“Oh? Four? Did they fall in love here?” Emily asked.
“They did,” Mrs. Heaton answered. “But I can assure you all that any matchmaking is done on your own. Much as everyone likes to tease me, I haven’t been involved in any of that. Not that I’m opposed to helping things along once I see both parties might benefit from it. But I do not run a matchmaking service here.”
“That’s good to know, Mrs. Heaton. That you wouldn’t mind to lend a helping hand,” Ben said in a teasing manner that caught Rebecca’s attention.
She glanced up to see his gaze on her and she caught her breath. There was no censure in his eyes as he smiled at her. He seemed to be looking at her in the same way he had yesterday morning—before she’d told him about her past. Was it possible they could still be friends after the kiss they’d shared and what he now knew about her?
She told herself to quit her dreaming, but Ben’s gaze moved to her lips and her heart began to slam against her chest. Was he thinking about that kiss? She’d dreamed about it the night before and had thought of little else since waking.
Stop it. She couldn’t afford to let herself care about him any more than she already did. In fact, she was going to have to find a way to distance herself from him or her heart would surely be broken. For, if she wasn’t mistaken, she was only a heartbeat away from falling totally in love with the man.
She forced her thoughts back to the present as the boarders began to scoot back their chairs and get ready to go to work. In the rush of them gathering their things and picking up their lunch bags, Rebecca helped keep order and tried to put that kiss out of her mind.
“Sarah still not feeling well?” Ben asked her mother as Rebecca came back into the dining room.
“No. Poor dear. Maida took her up some tea and toast. Hopefully she’ll feel better soon. I do wish her mother would realize how much she needs her.”
“Yes, so do I,” Ben said. “And for her young man to do the right thing. In the meantime they’re both making this much more difficult for her than it should be. I’ll be praying for her.” He pulled out his pocket watch. “I suppose I’d better be getting off to work, myself. I’ll see you all this afternoon. Have a good day.”
“You too, Ben,” her mother said.
“Bye, Mr. Ben,” Jenny said, just as he left. “May I go play upstairs, Mama?”
“You may.”
Ben’s sympathies for what Sarah was going through touched Rebecca’s heart, reminding her of what a truly wonderful man he was. They all knew this was as much Sarah’s fault as it was her young man’s, but no one realized it more than Sarah; of that Rebecca was certain.
“I do hope Sarah feels better soon. She’s not eating enough and I worry about her,” her mother said, as Rebecca poured them both a second cup of coffee.
“I know. So do I. I opened up to her about my similar situation this morning, Mama.”
“Oh? That couldn’t have been easy for you,” her mother said.
“No, but I felt she needed to hear it. It seemed to help—to know that Jenny and I have a better life now and that there is hope for her and her child. She even smiled when I left the room and there was a little more color in her face. I don’t know what else to do but pray for her, Mama.”
&nbs
p; “That is the best thing we can do, dear. The Lord knows what she needs and He’s watching over her.”
Rebecca nodded and took a sip of coffee. “I told Ben last night, too.”
“Told Ben? About—”
“My past. The same thing I told Sarah this morning.”
“What brought that on? I thought you didn’t want anyone to know.”
Rebecca shrugged. “I didn’t. But he’d shared some of his past with me and I...felt it was time I told him. That’s all.”
“Rebecca, are you...do you care about Ben in a romantic way?”
“I’m afraid I do. But regardless of that, Ben has been a good friend and I felt the need to tell him.”
“I see. Ben is a fine man, Rebecca.”
“Yes, he is. Too good for—”
“Rebecca!” her mother sliced her hand through the air. “I’ll not hear you talk like that. The Lord forgave you long ago. It’s time you forgave yourself.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Ben’s thoughts were so much on Rebecca that day it was a wonder he’d been coherent at all in class. Thankfully it was a test day, so he didn’t have to talk that much the whole day...and that left him plenty of time to think over the night before.
About the kiss and all Rebecca had told him. That had to have been very difficult for her and he was humbled that she’d opened up to him. But why had she decided to do so just then?
Was she was testing him to see what his reaction was? Oh, he didn’t think she realized it, but he had a feeling she wanted him to know her past before he kissed her again. And that he’d better not even try to unless he could accept her for who she was.
Because she had responded to his kiss in a way that had him longing for another. Her lips had been soft and sweet and responsive. But then she’d drawn away and he’d seen the vulnerability in her eyes.
She’d barely spoken to him that morning and if he wasn’t mistaken, he was pretty sure Rebecca was going to try to distance herself from him.
Until recently, he’d thought he should do the same, but he couldn’t bring himself to pull away from her. She simply meant too much to him. Still, he hadn’t been able to let her know of his growing feelings for her—that fear of rejection had run deep.
But Rebecca had been the one who tried to convince him that his own mother loved him. And the look in her eyes when she told him she wished his mother had kept him, had loved him the way he deserved—his heart warmed to melting just thinking about the expression in her eyes.
Rebecca cared about him, he was sure she did, but Ben believed that, deep down, she didn’t think any man would want her after what happened with Jenny. Well, he was going to convince her of just how mistaken she was. And how any man would be blessed to call her his wife.
It was time he admitted how much Rebecca and her daughter meant to him, and that if she would have him, he’d spend the rest of his life trying to show her just how much he cared for her.
He was going to set out to woo her. And if he had to enlist everyone he knew to help him, he’d do that, too. With the testing over for the day, he gathered his students’ papers, stuffed them in his satchel and headed to Heaton House a little earlier than usual. By the time Ben arrived, he had the beginnings of a plan in mind.
However, he walked in on a very different scene than the day before. Mrs. Heaton, Rebecca and Molly were in the front parlor, talking animatedly and looking happier than he’d seen them in several days. Mrs. Heaton motioned for him to join them. “Come have some tea with us, Ben. We want to tell you the news.”
“What is it? What’s going on?”
“Oh, Ben, the most amazing thing,” Rebecca said, her eyes shining. “Just an hour ago, Sarah’s mother, Molly and Sarah’s young man arrived wanting to see her. At first, we had a hard time talking her into coming down to see them, but finally, she agreed. And, oh, her young man—Shaun—rushed forward when he saw her, grabbed her hands and asked for her forgiveness. Then he went down on one knee and proposed to her. Told her that they could live with his parents until he got a better job and they could afford to be on their own.”
“I think Molly finally got him to see what he was giving up by running,” Rebecca’s mother added.
“Oh, I knew he loved her. I’ve seen how he looks at her. I’ve seen them together. He was just frightened out of his wits,” Molly said.
“What about her mother?” Ben looked at Rebecca.
Her eyes welled with tears, although they didn’t fall. “Well, then her mother began to cry and asked Sarah to forgive her, too, telling them they could live with her until they got on their feet, also.”
“Sarah gathered her things and they were going to speak with their minister and ask him to marry them right away,” Mrs. Heaton said. “I told them they could use our parlor for the wedding, but they didn’t want to put it off and I’m glad. I think they’ll be fine now.” Mrs. Heaton wiped her tear-filled eyes. “The Lord answered our prayers faster than we ever dreamed.”
“He does that sometimes.” Ben prayed the Lord would answer his own prayer to be able to convince Rebecca of his love just as quickly.
* * *
Rebecca had debated most of the day whether to go to class that evening. She needed to distance herself from Ben until she could get her feelings for him under control. But how did one stop caring for someone as much as she cared for Ben?
How did she put thoughts of the kiss they’d shared out of her mind when the very thought of it sent her tummy topsy-turvy? And how did she get out of going to class without making Ben wonder why? He’d have more questions than she wanted to answer and she wasn’t going to lie to him.
Her thoughts were scattered all during dinner, trying to be polite to the new boarders and avoid looking at Ben all at the same time.
Ben would treat her as kindly as he always did, of that she had no doubt. Still, she was more than certain he wouldn’t be kissing her ever again. Her heart twisted at that thought, but she’d get through this new kind of heartache. She had to. And she had to make sure she was friendly to Ben. Her mother had gone through too much because of Rebecca’s decisions in the past—after selling the family home in Virginia, she and Michael had come here to try to find her. And they’d stayed to search every lead, never giving up hope that she would be found, even as the years passed and they’d begun to wonder if she was even alive. During that time, her mother had opened up Heaton House to try and help other young women who needed a safe place to stay. A place where they could feel at home. Hoping no other families had to go through the pain of losing their daughter. Oh, what she’d put her mother through! And she wasn’t going to bring tension of any kind to her home, not now—not ever.
So she freshened up right after dinner and told herself to try to act as normal as possible, but when she came back down to find Ben waiting for her, talking to her daughter, bringing a smile to Jenny’s face, she wasn’t sure that was possible.
What was normal? Acting the way she had before they kissed or now, when her heart swelled at the sight of him—thinking about what a wonderful father he’d be, what a loving husband he would make?
Oh, please, dear Lord, help me to keep my feelings for this man from showing. I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable and I don’t want Jenny to be hurt because of my actions. I don’t know what to do—or how to act. And I—
“Rebecca, there you are.” Ben’s smile seemed the same as always, warming her heart as usual. “Jenny and I were wondering if she should run up and see what was keeping you.”
“I’m sorry. I must have been dillydallying. I hope we won’t be late.”
Ben pulled her jacket off the rack and held it out for her. “Not if we get going. We’ll be fine. And you look lovely.”
“Why...thank you.” Rebecca felt her face flush at his compliment and
she tried to hide it by bending down and kissing Jenny. “You behave for Granma, you hear?”
“Yes, Mama. I will.”
“She’s always minds me, dear. You two have a nice evening.”
Ben opened the door for her and Rebecca waved to her daughter and mother before hurrying out into the chilly night air. He took her arm and steered her toward the trolley stop. “No need to hurry. It isn’t there yet. Besides, I can tell your ankle isn’t completely healed as you’ve been favoring it lately.”
The very fact that he’d noticed warmed her heart. Ben was the most compassionate man she’d ever known, but he was thoughtful of everyone, so she needn’t read anything into it.
“It is getting better. Only later in the day it seems to give out once in a while. I should have brought my cane.”
“No need. Remember, I’m here.”
How could she forget? He pulled her hand through his arm and she did feel steadier as he matched his steps to hers.
The trolley arrived just as they reached their stop and on the way to the Y, they talked about how things had changed so quickly in Sarah’s situation and how happy they were for her.
“I think Mama gave Sarah’s mother a lot to think about, and Molly got Shaun to see what he’d be giving up and realize how much he loved Sarah. She was a great help to Sarah through all of this—even talking her into coming to Heaton House.”
“Yes, and you helped more than you realize just by being there for her.”
“I hope so. I did tell her about my situation before I was reunited with my family, but just this morning. I wish now I’d told her sooner.” She paused, surprised that she’d confided in him again. What was it about this man that had her willing to open her heart to him?
“I’m sure confiding in Sarah helped her immensely, Rebecca. To know your situations were similar. And I’m thankful it turned out the way we’d all prayed for it to. I wish...you hadn’t had to suffer such heartbreak on your own. You deserve so much better.”
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