Rebecca’s heart melted at his words. Did he really believe that? Or was he just trying to make her feel better? Suddenly, it dawned on her that either way, Ben cared about her—only as a friend she was sure, but her revelation of the night before had not pushed him away.
And if she could keep her feelings—which deepened with each passing day, each passing moment—from him and everyone else at Heaton House, perhaps they could remain friends. Oh, she prayed that would be the case.
* * *
Ben wasn’t sure how to proceed with letting Rebecca know how he felt about her and there had been no time to line up any support in his effort to woo her. But when he’d seen interest in the two new male boarder’s eyes at dinner, he’d made up his mind right then and there not to put his efforts off any longer.
His fear of losing Rebecca far exceeded his uncertainty of her rejection. For if he didn’t try, he’d never know if she returned his feelings. And he must know how she felt about him.
He was so into his thoughts as they climbed the stairs at the Y that he didn’t notice Molly waiting just outside his classroom. Her smile was wide and her eyes sparkled.
“Oh, Molly! I was hoping you’d be here,” Rebecca said. “Can you tell us how Sarah is?”
“Oh, yes! She’s deliriously happy. She and Shaun’s minister married them this very evening. They were totally honest with him and he saw no reason to make them wait. So she is officially Mrs. Shaun Kelly now. She said to tell you and to thank you both for being there for her. Said they’d come calling soon as they could.”
“Please tell her how happy we are for her,” Rebecca said. “And that we do expect that visit.”
“Will she come back to class, do you think?” Ben asked.
“I’m not sure. But they’re moving in with her mother and she seems quite happy about it.”
“Thank you for all your help in getting Shaun to step up and be a man, Molly,” Ben said.
“I was glad to. I knew he loved her.”
Several other women arrived and they ceased talking and made their way into class along with them. A few of the women asked Molly about Sarah and she just told them she was feeling better.
Evidently she was going to leave it there and see if Sarah made it back to class. If not, Ben was sure she’d let them all know Sarah was a married woman now. He sent up a silent prayer that the young couple would have a good marriage and a happy life and then got on with his class.
“Let’s see what you’ve all learned this week.” He knew what he had learned. He’d realized that he cared deeply for the woman sitting in the front row. And he couldn’t wait to start convincing her of it. He’d watched Michael with Violet, Luke with Kathleen and John with Elizabeth. Surely he’d learned a little bit about how to pursue a woman.
By the time class was over, Ben still had no idea exactly how he was going to go about things, but he intended to take advantage of having Rebecca all to himself for just a bit longer tonight.
He cleaned the blackboard and put the class’s homework in his satchel while Rebecca exchanged small talk with some of the women.
Once the others had taken their leave, he checked the time on his pocket watch and made sure he and Rebecca took the stairs slowly in order that their trolley would have come and gone by the time they neared the stop and they’d have no choice but to wait for the next. He could hire a hack to take them back, but the only way he’d do that was if she didn’t agree to his plan.
They came out of the building and started down the street just in time to see their trolley pass by.
“Oh no—it looks as if we missed it, Ben. I’m sure it was because I’m still not walking as fast as usual. I’m sorry.”
“I’m not,” he answered truthfully. “It gives us time to have some hot cocoa. It won’t be long until we’ll be wanting ice cream instead. Unless you’d rather I procure a hack to take us home?”
“No, there’s no need for that. If you’d like some cocoa, I’m happy to have a cup with you.”
The tightness in his chest eased as he led her inside the café that had become his favorite simply because of his time spent there with Rebecca.
The proprietor recognized them and led them to a table right away. It was the same one in front of the window that they’d had the other times.
“Hot cocoa? Would you like a biscuit or buttered toast with it tonight?” the man asked.
Ben looked at Rebecca and she gave him a quick nod, “Yes, I think we would. How does the toast sound, Rebecca?”
“Just right.”
“We’ll have two buttered toasts, then,” Ben said to the owner.
“Very good, sir.”
The man turned to go and Ben smiled at Rebecca. “Might as well. The next trolley won’t be here for about a half hour. I think this has become one of my favorite restaurants”
“The owner is very nice.”
“He is. But that isn’t the reason.”
“No?”
“No. I love the place because I’ve gotten to know you better here. I’ve confided in you here and I enjoy having you to myself for a bit.”
“I—that’s very nice of you to say, Ben.”
“And I need to confide in you again, if I may.”
“Of course.”
“My mother’s abandonment of me wasn’t the only time I suffered rejection...the woman I thought I’d marry turned me down before I came to live at Heaton House.”
“Oh? What happened?”
“Well, I’d accepted my teaching position at the college and was so excited to tell the young woman I’d been courting. I remember the look on her face when I told her and then proposed. It was one of total disgust.”
“But why? Teaching is a very honorable profession.”
“It is. But it’s not the greatest paying one—at least not at first. She evidently thought I’d go to work for her father and told me that she wasn’t about to live on a teacher’s salary and if I expected her to, I’d better think again. She walked out of my life that night and since then, between the abandonment by my mother and her rejection, I decided right then and there that I wasn’t going to risk that kind of pain ever again.”
“Oh, Ben, I’m so sorry. But I think you might be better off without her. She didn’t appreciate your worth at all.”
“Nor did Jenny’s father appreciate yours. But perhaps it’s time we...you and I...put all that in the past and begin to live the life the Lord has given us. I know I’ve been blessed in so many ways and I realize now that Mary wasn’t the woman for me and I never was truly in love with her. She was the first woman I was really attracted to, but that’s not the same as being in love.”
The proprietor came back with their order and, after taking a sip of hot chocolate, Rebecca said, “I believe I know what you mean. I was so young and thought I knew what love was. But I had no idea. I was attracted to Jack and believed him when he said he loved me. And I thought I loved him, too.”
She shook her head. “But it didn’t take long to realize how naive I really was. By then I’d made a decision to keep my shame to myself, which made my life and my daughter’s much more difficult than it should have been. I am blessed that the Lord saw to it to reunite me with my family. I know I’ll never have exactly the kind of life I dreamed about when I was younger, but it can be a good one.”
“What makes you believe you can’t have your dream?” Ben’s gaze caught Rebecca’s and held.
“Ben, no man—I mean—I...” She shook her head and took another sip from her cup.
Ben lowered his voice so only she could hear. “You think no man would want you because another man took something he had no right to take?”
“I wasn’t totally innocent in that, Ben.”
“But you expected something else, Rebecca. You though
t he was a different kind of man than he turned out to be.”
He could see the sheen of tears in her eyes as she nodded. “I did.”
“Not all men are like him.”
“I do know that. But I have Jenny to think of and I can’t afford to make that kind of mistake ever again.”
Ben wanted to tell her right then how much he cared. But it wasn’t the right time. Rebecca needed to be courted, needed to know that when he told her how he felt, he meant it with every fiber of his being. This was not the time to move too fast.
“But you need to enjoy yourself. I need to enjoy myself. We’ve become friends, haven’t we?”
“I think we have. I know I’ve opened up to you in a way I haven’t anyone else.”
“And you know I’ve done the same. So as friends, how about we go to an Italian restaurant I know of this weekend? You didn’t go to the baseball game with us last summer. We all went there afterward and it became a favorite of mine. Do you like Italian food?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never had it.”
“Then perhaps you should. Maybe I’ll see if Millicent and Matt want to go one of these days.” He wanted to be more than “friends,” of course, but no need to make her nervous about a dinner date.
“That might be fun.”
“Good, I’ll plan it.”
“I look forward to it.”
Not nearly as much as Ben did. He watched as she took another sip of hot cocoa and then a bite of the toast. She looked more relaxed now and he was glad. She smiled over at him as he took a bite of his own.
“Mmm, this is good,” she said. “It goes great with the chocolate. I think they were made to go together.”
Just as the two of them were. Oh, he was going to win this woman’s heart or exhaust his own in trying.
Chapter Twenty-Two
The next few weeks were some of the most enjoyable Rebecca could ever remember. Ben was insistent that they put their pasts behind them and live the lives the Lord had given them, full of blessings, family and friends. If she didn’t know better, she could almost convince herself that Ben was trying to woo her.
He’d corresponded with his aunt and had made plans to go meet his grandparents over spring break.
“I can’t believe that I have a real family,” he said on their way to class one evening. “I must admit to being envious of those boarders who have close families.”
“I’m sure it’d be hard not to feel that way. I’m delighted for you, Ben.” And she was. He seemed to be happier than she’d ever seen him and it was totally understandable. She knew how she’d felt being reunited with her family, but to think you didn’t have a family—and then find that you did and that they wanted to be part of your life! She couldn’t see how he could be anything but joyful.
Over the next few weeks, she and Ben spent more time than ever together—not that she was complaining. She loved spending time with him, but it did have its drawbacks. Her feelings were growing for him with each passing day, and she feared as days went on it would get more difficult to hide from anyone—especially Ben—how she felt.
As a group that included the new boarders, they all went on what they were sure would be the last sleigh ride of the season when a late round of snow came, letting them know that spring wasn’t quite there yet. Ben was very nice to Emily, but he treated her no differently than he did Julia or Millicent, and Rebecca was more than relieved about that.
However, she sensed that their friendship seemed to be growing. She felt more comfortable with him each day—but was that a good thing or not? Was she setting herself up for more heartbreak? Still, she couldn’t seem to put any distance between them as she’d thought she must. Didn’t even want to try right now. She could only pray for the Lord to help her through whatever heartache was in store as a result of continuing to spend so much time with Ben.
Michael and Violet asked her to come to dinner one night to talk about her mother’s upcoming birthday the next month. “Why don’t you ask Ben to come, too? That way you’ll have an escort here and back, and Mother Heaton won’t have to worry about you.”
So she asked and was quite pleased that Ben accepted right off. Over a dinner of rib roast served with creamed potatoes and gravy, along with peas with baby onions and rolls, they started the birthday planning.
“I think Mama might like a night out to hear the Philharmonic Orchestra,” Rebecca said.
“Oh that’s a good idea. We all went once before Michael and I got married and she loved it, didn’t she, Michael?” Violet asked.
“She did.” Michael reached over and took his wife’s hand. “That was a special night, wasn’t it?”
“She’s mentioned that she’d love to go again,” Rebecca said, feeling a bit envious of the obvious love her brother and his wife shared.
“All right, let’s plan it,” Michael said. “See if any of the boarders want to be included. You know she’d want them to come if they want to and it will be my treat.”
“I’m sure they’ll all want to,” Ben said. “And be glad to pay their own way. I know I’ll be more than happy to.”
“I know. But it’d be easier just to say it’s my treat,” Michael said.
“Well, I won’t turn it down, then.” Ben grinned. “But perhaps the boarders can all go in together for a gift for your mother.”
“That would be nice,” Rebecca said.
“I’ll bring it up.”
It was getting late by the time they left, and the night air had a bite to it, but no wind. Rebecca was glad to have Ben’s arm to hold on to. It was a clear night, with a big moon and a sky filled with what looked like a billion stars.
“You know,” he said, “we still haven’t gone to that Italian restaurant I told you about. Want to try for this Saturday?”
Her heart fluttered. She’d wondered if he’d changed his mind. “Yes, I would. But I’ll need to see if Mama minds keeping Jenny.”
“You know she won’t.”
“Probably not.” She chuckled. “Jenny loves her so much. She’s quite fond of you, too, you know.”
“The feeling is quite mutual. She’s a great child. And the credit goes to you.”
“Thank you, Ben.” Rebecca felt her face flush and was glad it was dark out. Ben seemed to be complimenting her right and left lately. Not that she minded; she had a feeling he was trying to bolster her confidence after she’d confided in him.
He was the best friend she’d ever had, and she was falling more in love with him each day. She shouldn’t be agreeing to every outing he suggested.
Come to think of it, there’d been several times her mother or someone at Heaton House had suggested that she and Ben do this or that together lately. Of course Ben was one of her mother’s favorites, but if Rebecca didn’t know better she might think they were all trying to get them together. No, that was only wishful thinking on her part.
O dear Lord, please help me. I want to be with this man every chance I get, and yet I know I’m setting myself up for heartbreak. What if he finds someone he’s interested in and falls in love? She certainly wouldn’t take kindly to us being best friends. Please guard my heart in preparation for when the time comes when Ben and I can’t be best friends any longer.
A sharp pain shot through her heart at the very idea. She was so into her thoughts that they were back at Heaton House before she knew it, and her mother was just coming down from putting Jenny to bed.
“Hello, dear. Did you have a good time? Has baby Marcus grown since I saw him this morning?”
Rebecca chuckled. “We did have a good time. And that baby may well have grown since this morning. He is so sweet.”
“Well, of course I think both my grandchildren are the sweetest in the world,” her mother said.
“Mrs. Heaton, I was wondering�
�I’d like to take Rebecca out to dinner this Saturday,” Ben said. “But Rebecca wanted to make sure you wouldn’t mind watching Jenny before I plan anything.”
“Why, of course I don’t mind. You know that, Rebecca.”
“I told her you wouldn’t.”
“Well, I never want to take you for granted, Mama. I’m so blessed to—”
Her mother sliced the air with that hand, causing even Ben to laugh.
“Surely, you know what that means, Rebecca,” Ben said.
“Oh, yes, I do. It means enough, or say no more.”
“Correct,” her mother said. “Just see that you have a nice time. I’m going to check in with the new boarders now and see how they are doing. Much laughter has been drifting up the stairs so I believe they’re beginning to feel at home.” She took off toward the parlor.
Rebecca turned to Ben. “I’m going to check on Jenny. Thank you for escorting me tonight.”
“Nothing I’d rather do. I’ll make reservations for our dinner.”
“I’m looking forward to it. Good night, Ben.”
“Good night, Rebecca.”
She turned back at the landing and saw him still standing there looking up at her. The expression in his eyes had her heart doing a breathtaking double flip. “Sleep well.”
“You, too. Sweet dreams.”
Oh, she’d be dreaming all right—she couldn’t remember a night in the past few weeks that she hadn’t dreamed of Ben. They’d been such sweet dreams, she’d had to remind herself each morning that they were only dreams.
She made it to Jenny’s room and gazed down on her sleeping child. The Lord had blessed her so much. With this precious child, in leading her back to her family and in providing such a wonderful friend in Ben. She felt bad about even thinking of asking for anything more. But if she did, it would be for those dreams to come true.
* * *
Ben watched as Rebecca descended the stairs, her mother and Jenny following behind.
She wore a dinner dress of blue-green velvet and cream lace and had pinned her hair in a little more elaborate way than she usually wore it.
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