Like Breathing

by Tia Fielding

  “Hey! It’s not superstition as much as it’s covering your bases. Why set yourself up for failure, and all that.” Again, it seemed like Seth and Leaf had discussed this many times before, and Dev smiled.

  It definitely wasn’t one of the things he’d thought he’d find within a poly relationship with a couple who had been together for a long time, but he liked it. Some might be jealous of these things, but for Dev, they showed ease and comfort, and settled in some way he couldn’t explain.

  They fell into more easy banter while finishing the treats and cleaning up the trash after.

  “All right, I think I need to get to work,” Dev said finally, as much as he didn’t want to.

  “Reward another time?” Leaf murmured into his ear when they hugged goodbye.

  “Yeah, definitely.”

  Seth took Leaf’s place and pressed a kiss to Dev’s lips. “We should have our own date night soon, honey. Had one with this one and we missed you.”

  “I know. We’ll try to figure out a time, okay?” Dev kissed Seth again and rolled his eyes when a possessive hand that was not Seth’s landed on his ass.

  “Let’s go before you molest him,” Seth told Leaf, who gave Dev a quick kiss before following Seth out the door.

  Dev went to begin his workday in surprisingly good spirits. Usually after pulling an all-nighter, he was groggy most of the evening. Today that didn’t seem the case. His schedule might flip into a series of all-nighters, sure, and those became easier after a while, but not like this.

  Even Angel noticed the difference in him when he came home with some takeout. Dev explained something about sleeping well into the afternoon and the miracle of caffeine, but he was pretty sure his brother suspected something. He’d have to tell Angel eventually, just not quite yet.

  Chapter Eight

  SETH CHUCKLED as he walked through the house to the backyard, where Leaf was training the dogs. They didn’t really need it, but keeping them sharp was always good and, for a harebrained thing like Missy, vital.

  “What are you laughing about?” Leaf asked, smiling from where he was tossing a ball to Missy as a reward.

  “Oh, Dev just texted me something funny. It’s a long story,” Seth said, and decided not to comment on the fond look on Leaf’s face.

  “Want to do a few rounds of hide and seek? One for each pup?” Leaf asked, getting up from the crouch he’d been in.

  “Sure. Wanna take them to the RV to wait? I’ll ping your phone when I’m hidden. House fair game?” Seth smiled at Missy, who now came running to him, the slobbery tennis ball in her mouth.

  “Leave the door open, but don’t hide there for Missy. Others, sure.”

  “Oh, I bet Dev would love this game,” Seth said, bending down to pet Grace, who had come to sniff at him.

  “He’d probably figure out new places to hide too. We’ve used most of our repertoire already,” Leaf mused. “We could actually take them somewhere where they can run free, and I could have both of you hide in different locations. Set Husky on one search, the girls for another. That could be fun.” Leaf gestured at the dogs, then snapped his fingers when Missy dragged behind when the ball escaped her jaws somehow.

  Leaf walked past Seth, giving him a kiss and a pat on the ass. The dogs followed Leaf into the garage and the RV so Seth could hide in peace, and Leaf would put some music on to make sure they couldn’t hear anything either.

  The order was always the same. First Husky, because while he could wait, it was easiest to have Missy second and Husky got impatient if he went third. Dogs were funny beings sometimes.

  Seth made a slow circle around the backyard, leaving his scent track for Husky to follow. When he got closer to the porch, he took a running leap as quietly as he could and flung himself as close to the back door as his strength and agility allowed. It wouldn’t confuse Husky much, but anything to make the game more challenging would be more fun.

  He made a few other false tracks in the house, then walked into the bedroom and hid underneath the afghan they had on the end of the bed. It would confuse Husky more to have him somewhere his scent was already prominent. It would be easier for the dog to find him in, say, the room they used for storage, because he rarely went there.

  He sent a message to Leaf, just a simple thumbs-up emoji, made sure his phone was on silent, and settled in to wait.

  The air under the warm blanket got stuffy pretty quickly, but he tried to keep his breathing even and quiet as he listened to where the dog might be. It took a couple of minutes at most before panting and the sniffing came from the hallway outside the bedroom door.

  It sounded like Husky ran past the bedroom doorway and rounded back immediately. The snuffling came closer, and soon it rounded the bed, exactly where Seth had gotten in. He muffled a laugh when Husky sniffed at the blanket, then jumped on top of the bed to sit by Seth. The dog knew better than to make direct contact, but it couldn’t help the tail-wagging. Husky barked twice as a signal, then sat there patiently as they waited for Leaf to come check the find.

  Leaf walked into the room. “Whatcha got there, boy?” he asked, his smile evident in his tone. “Let’s see….”

  The afghan was pulled off Seth, and Husky almost lost it. The dog looked from Seth to Leaf and back and let out a pitiful whine.

  “Good boy, Husky. Give Daddy some kisses.”

  Suddenly Seth’s whole view filled with blue eyes, pink tongue, and a ton of hair when the dog cuddle-attacked him hard enough to make him go oomph.

  “You found me!” Seth enthused, knowing it would make Husky even happier. “You’re such a good boy, Husky!” They wrestled on the bed for a moment, and then Seth told him playtime was over, and Husky snapped back into attention. “Let’s go find your other dad, eh?”

  Leaf had retreated from the room and was in the kitchen, getting himself a bottle of water. “Hey, ready for Missy?” He smiled and petted Husky, then told the dog to stay inside where it was cooler than in the RV.

  “Yeah, I’ll ping you again when I’m in the spot. I’ll close the door, though, so she won’t run inside.”

  He made a few tracks in the yard, but not too many so Missy wouldn’t get frustrated. Then he went into the corner of the lot, behind the garage. He sat down, leaned against the fence, and peeked through a bush. Perfect. He could see Missy, but she wouldn’t be able to spot him easily.

  He sent a message to Leaf, then waited.

  The side door of the garage opened, and an excited bark-whine sounded from nearby.

  “Where’s Seth? Where’s Daddy? Go find!” Leaf encouraged Missy, as if she needed any encouragement.

  She dashed into the middle of the yard, and Seth had to clamp a hand over his mouth to keep quiet. The dog stood like a statue for two seconds, then swiveled her egg-shaped head this way and that, trying to listen.

  “Nose, Missy. Nose,” Leaf reminded her, and she looked back at him, wagged her tail, and sniffed.

  She made a couple of random-looking circles around the yard, and Seth could tell she was getting frustrated.

  “You can whistle,” Leaf said at the same exact moment, making Seth smile.

  Seth whistled once and his dog stopped midbounce, waiting for another whistle, probably. Seth didn’t give it to her. Instead, he stayed still as possible, waiting for her next move.

  Just as he’d hoped, she bounced toward the corner a bit, then sniffed around again. In a few seconds, she found his tracks and made her way to him, bursting through the bushes like a cannonball.

  “Oomph!” Seth groaned, but he still tried to stay put and not give her anything else. It was hard not to when she wiggled around him, trying to get into his lap and lick his hands and arms.

  “Missy,” Leaf said. He’d come to the corner as well and stood beside the bushes.

  The dog whined but moved a few steps away from Seth, then sat down on her rump. She couldn’t help the shakes she had, though. Her tail wagged and she had a huge doggie smile on her face as she waited for permi
ssion.

  “Good girl,” Leaf said after a while. “Go give Daddy kisses.”

  She bowled right back at Seth, and now that he could move, he straightened his legs and just cuddled with her for a while. Well, if he could call a dog wiggling on his lap and trying to lick him to death out of love “cuddling.”

  Once Missy calmed down a bit, Seth walked with her to the back porch where Leaf stood, holding a bag of treats.

  “Treat-searching for Grace?” Seth asked, gesturing for Missy to go inside, which she did, albeit reluctantly.

  “Yeah, she’s a bit stiff, and you know how she gets if she’s searching for you.” The old lady got quite into the imaginary search-and-rescue, and when she got worked up, the others got worked up. Besides, Grace was getting older, which meant her back end was a bit stiff some mornings. They tried not to overexcite her these days. She wasn’t an excitable dog, but searching for her humans… yeah.

  “Do you want me to go give the others something to gnaw on?”

  Leaf shook his head. “You hide a handful of these around the yard. That way she’ll know they’re from you. I’ll go treat the kids.” Leaf kissed him and handed the bag of Grace’s favorite freeze-dried chicken strips.

  Trying to remember where he usually hid the treats, Seth went around the yard and hid five strips in different kinds of spots, everything from the grass to a lawn chair by the fire pit, and one in a bucket by the porch stairs.

  Leaf came back just in time to see Seth open the garage door on his way to let Grace out of the RV. He made the dog wait until the music was off, then gave her permission to go search the yard.

  She waddled a bit nowadays, which was endearing as hell.

  He was about to go sit on the porch stairs with Leaf when his cell vibrated in his pocket. He tossed the treat bag back at Leaf and dug out his phone.

  “Hey, Mom,” he said, surprised by her call.

  “Hello, sweetie.” Seth could hear the fondness and smile in her tone. “How are you doing?”

  “We’re fine. Just watching as Grace searches for treats in the backyard,” Seth replied, smiling as he sat down next to Leaf.

  “Are the dogs all fine?”

  “Oh yes. Grace is getting older, but otherwise they’re fine.” Then, because it was glaringly obvious in her voice, Seth asked, “What’s up, Mom?”

  The thing with Seth’s mother, Kathleen Pritchett-Kent, was that she wasn’t good with emotions. She held them inside most of the time and used them for her art. She’d never been the most conventional of mothers, and Seth’s relationship with her was complex.

  “I… uh…. Do you think it would be possible for you to get a few days off work if there was a good enough reason?” she asked, sounding hesitant and somehow off.

  “I think so. My TA is reliable and knows her stuff. What’s going on, Mom? You’re worrying me.”

  Leaf reached to take his free hand and moved to sit closer so their sides were touching.

  “I know this is very last-minute, but I have to go to the hospital next week for an operation. It’s—”

  “What?” Seth snapped. “You’re ill enough to need an operation and I just hear about this now?” He couldn’t keep his rushing emotions out of his tone, but he didn’t care.

  Leaf wrangled his phone out of his hand and put her on speaker. “Hi, Kathleen. Can you tell us everything from the beginning?”

  “Hello, Leaf. Yes, o-of course.” She took a deep breath. “A while ago I found a lump on my breast. I’m having it removed. It’s not a big deal. I’ll be home the next day, but… but I’d really like if Seth could be there. See, Michael is traveling that day—he wasn’t supposed to be, but it’s something he can’t get out of and….”

  “Kathleen? We’ll be there. Just let us know when you need us, and we’ll both come, okay?” Leaf spoke in an even, calming tone, and Seth hated how easily it affected him too.

  His mother took another deep breath, and Seth could hear it ended in a sob.

  “Mom, we’ll be there,” he promised.

  “It’s a w-week from now. Next Tuesday. I should be back home on Wednesday morning.”

  “We’ll try to be there on Monday. Let us figure this out, and we’ll let you know when we’ll be in, okay?” Seth took over the talking, now that he felt calmer.

  “All right. Thank you, Seth, Leaf.”

  “Talk to you soon,” Seth said, and Leaf ended the call.

  Leaf gave him the space he needed right then. He felt insulted, even though his reasonable brain reminded him this wasn’t about him at all.

  “You know her,” Leaf said quietly after minutes of silence. “She hates this stuff, and she has to be scared out of her mind to call you.”

  “But why didn’t Dad call me?”

  Leaf snorted. “As if she would’ve ever forgiven him.”

  The man had a point there. Michael Kent wasn’t really a man who would go against his wife. Their love story was stuff of legends, and part of it was because Kathleen needed a keeper who wouldn’t suffocate her. Michael, on the other hand, needed someone who loved him unconditionally and let him work long hours. Seth assumed he’d been a bit of an accident, although—probably—a happy one in the end.

  Grace, after checking with them on whether she’d found all the treats and Leaf confirming to Seth that she had, indeed, found five during the call, ambled over to them and climbed the stairs to sit at the top with them, then put her slightly slobbery head on Seth’s shoulder.

  “Aww, thanks, girlie,” Seth murmured, reaching back to scratch her by the cropped ears. “You’re such a good girl.”

  She had come to them as soon as her previous task, the treats, was done. She didn’t have to, and if she hadn’t sensed the mood her humans were in, she might’ve gone to sniff around some more instead. But she’d been trained to be a support animal, which was why she knew how to handle anxiety attacks, and Seth was so damn grateful for it.

  “Do you think Dev would come watch the kids while we’re in Texas?” Leaf asked thoughtfully. “I mean, that’d be the easiest way to handle the trip, wouldn’t it?”

  Seth pondered on it for a moment. “Yeah, I think so. He loves them and they respect him enough to be good. I’ll text him right now.”

  Leaf went to let the younger dogs out, and Grace settled down behind Seth, warming his back with her body.

  He texted Dev, asking what his plans were for the next week and if he could work from their place if they’d move a work computer there. They were texting back and forth when Leaf’s voice came from inside, answering his cell.

  Seth hoped it wasn’t an urgent job. He didn’t think Leaf would leave for anything right then, but he also knew they’d both feel bad if their human needs would affect some poor dogs’ situation in a negative way.

  Seth leaned back carefully until Grace’s tail thumped against the stair and smiled. She loved affection, and this was something she liked more than anything. Sometimes, when Seth was home alone with the dogs, she’d just come and sleep on the couch by his legs so as much of her as possible would touch him.

  “Hey, sweetheart, can you ask Dev if he wants to meet my sister? Rain is stopping by on Thursday night. She’s going to a friend’s commitment ceremony in Kansas City this weekend.”

  When Seth looked back, Leaf was still on his phone. He smiled. “Hey, Rain!” he called to her, hoping she’d hear him.

  Leaf grinned, put the phone back to his ear, and went back inside.

  Seth texted Dev. Do you want to meet Leaf’s sister? She’s coming to stay overnight on Thursday.

  It took Dev thirty seconds to answer. Hell yes! What’s the plan?

  Normally we just eat well, then sit for the rest of the evening in the backyard around the fire pit and smoke pot.

  Sounds good to me. Can’t wait to see what you’re like while high.

  A winky-face emoji accompanied the last text and made Seth smile. Yeah, it could be fun to get high with the DeWitt siblings and Dev. He hadn’t i
ndulged in a while, and Leaf hadn’t either.

  Seth got up and went to his study to email his boss for the leave next week. It was highly likely he couldn’t catch her in person, so better make sure she’d see his request for time off as soon as possible.

  LATER THAT night, they showered separately and went to bed after making sure the house was locked down and the dogs were happy and in their beds. It was an evening routine for them, had been for a decade whenever they were both home, and it soothed Seth’s anxiety to go through it that night. He couldn’t really help the fact that his mind kept obsessing a bit over his mother’s illness. She’d said it was going to be fine, but he knew enough about breast cancer to know sometimes things were anything but fine.

  He curled up against Leaf’s side and played with his chest hair. “I’m worried,” he admitted as he twirled the gray and black strands around his fingers.

  “I know, sweetheart,” Leaf murmured, squeezing him closer.

  “I think I might want to go talk to Rosalie again,” he said after a while, more thinking out loud than anything.

  Leaf hummed. “I talked with Dev on our date. About some childhood stuff.”

  An odd surge of gratefulness washed over Seth. Dev understood Leaf and Seth better than probably anyone Seth had ever met. The fact that Leaf had already opened up to him, even a little, about his childhood was massive.

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah. His story is… I don’t even know. He’ll tell you himself at some point if you want to know. But he’s been to therapy a lot when he was younger. All his childhood, really. Rain suggested therapy again, and Dev said the same thing. I think… maybe it’s time?”

  Leaf’s body twisted against Seth as he turned his head awkwardly to look at him. He looked at Leaf in return. “You know I’ll back you up 100 percent, right? I think it’s a good idea. You could ask Rosalie if she knows anyone who specializes with….” He didn’t quite know how to finish the sentence.

  “Postcult stuff? Yeah. I think that’d be good. I don’t know any other ‘survivors’ in Colorado, so I can’t ask them for recommendations. And I’d rather not go dig out info on the internet. I don’t….”