Like Breathing

by Tia Fielding

  “I think right now your happiness has two sets of balls, so why not go grab them?” She leered at the men in the backyard.

  “Mine,” Leaf growled playfully, making her giggle and raise her hands in surrender.

  The thought didn’t quite leave him, though. Maybe this was something he should talk about with the therapist too, once he found one.

  “I’m gonna grab my kit and go upstairs, I think,” Rain said thoughtfully.

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah, I know it’s early, but I’m getting tired. Fucking traveling. We’re not as young as we used to be,” she grumbled as they walked to the porch.

  “Oh, don’t I know that. I don’t even necessarily want to travel as much anymore. At one point it was my life. Then after I met Seth, it was one half of my life, and now I’m just….” Leaf shrugged.

  “Maybe you should stick to this place for a while. Figure out a way to work from the city?” Rain asked, and Leaf hummed noncommittally in answer.

  Rain went to get her kit and say good night. On her way back, she stopped to give Leaf a warm hug and then continued upstairs. Leaf went back out to his guys.

  “We’re shotgunning,” Seth said cheerfully. Yeah, definitely high as a kite.

  “I saw. Very hot.” Leaf grinned and plucked the blunt he’d been sharing with Seth from his fingers, then leaned in to kiss him. “I think you’re done for tonight, sweetheart.”

  Dev chuckled, took a deep pull from his joint, and held it out for Leaf. “Can you put that away too? I’m done as well.”

  Leaf took the offering and gave Dev a kiss too. “There’s not much left in these. I’ll toss them into the pit when I’m done with them.” He smoked for a moment, finishing up the joints a bit more, then dropped them into the fire.

  Leaf sat in his chair as Dev and Seth made out lazily. Both of them flushed, and because Dev wore looser pants, the outline of his cock was visible, plumping up. Leaf cupped his own dick through his sweatpants. He’d gotten to the age where, if he smoked a lot, erections weren’t a given. He never had problems otherwise, but weed somehow made even his cock lazy.

  That night, that wasn’t the case. The gentle curl of desire wrapped around him, like it sometimes did after he’d smoked. Normally, there was some sort of urgency, the need to get off as soon as possible, which he would then channel purposefully in a way that made the sex good for his partner first, himself second.

  Nights like this, if he got hard, he’d stay that way for a long time without needing to come. Hell, he could probably take care of both of his boys first.

  He must’ve grunted at the thought, because both Dev and Seth turned to look at him.

  “Hey there,” Dev purred at him, looking delectable with his kiss-swollen lips.

  “Are you two going to concentrate on each other, or could we maybe give Dev his reward now?” Leaf asked, because no, he hadn’t forgotten about that.

  “What did you have in mind?” Seth licked his lips in a way Leaf had never seen him do sober.

  “Well, how about you sit down and have Dev sit between your thighs. I’ll pull my chair closer to join in,” Leaf suggested, shrugging casually, because he knew he’d have to play this safe.

  Despite the weed loosening limbs and minds, and even inhibitions, Leaf needed to be in charge of them all. He didn’t want either of them to feel bad about anything once the high faded.

  Seth changed chairs and went to his own mismatched lounge chair so he could lift the back up. Then he settled in and patted the space between his thighs. “Come on, then.”

  Dev smiled lazily and went to move past Leaf. He stopped Dev, though, with a hand around his wrist. He tugged Dev down to kiss him deeply while letting his other hand slide up Dev’s thigh until his fingers were nudging his balls.

  Dev hissed, pulling his head back. His eyes were a bit glazed, and Leaf would’ve bet it wasn’t just the weed.

  “Go on, then, baby boy,” Leaf said, and the widening of Dev’s pupils told him there might be something there, right in those words. He filed it away, knowing Seth didn’t share that particular kink with them.

  Dev managed to move on his wobbly legs and slotted his ass against Seth’s crotch on the chair.

  Leaf grinned and got up. “So, I was thinking,” he murmured, moving to kneel on the end of the chair in front of Dev. “You got to taste me last time, so I’d like to return the favor.”

  Dev swallowed audibly, and Seth grinned where he was nuzzling Dev’s neck.

  “But that’s not special enough for a reward exactly, is it? So, Seth here is going to help me out a little.” Leaf ran his hands from Dev’s knees up to his thighs, pressing his thumbs against his bulge when he got high enough. “I didn’t even get to see this last time,” Leaf all but purred.

  “Oh, Jesus…,” Dev whispered, quite obviously turned on beyond belief.

  Seth did his part by pulling Dev’s shirt up and stroking his stomach and chest. “I like that you have some hair here,” he said, scratching said patch from Dev’s chest down to his treasure trail and back.

  Dev arched into the touch, groaning loudly. He was sensitive; Leaf liked it, and based on his expression, so did Seth.

  Leaf put his hands on Dev’s fly and looked at him. “Hey, consent, right?” He grinned, knowing Dev would remember being adamant about that during their lunch break on the hike.

  “Please,” Dev breathed, then realized how hopelessly turned on he sounded and laughed shortly. “Seriously, this might be the hottest thing I’ve experienced in my life.”

  “Aww, and we haven’t even started yet,” Seth cooed at him, then promptly pinched both Dev’s nipples at the same time.

  Dev almost howled as he arched off the chair. The sound was pure pleasure, and the way he moved gave Leaf a chance to tug his pants and underwear down. He pulled them off and put them on another chair, then ran his palms along the insides of Dev’s thighs again, enjoying the scrape of the hairs there.

  “You’re so gorgeous,” he murmured, tugging Dev a bit closer, making him recline back in Seth’s arms.

  “He’s perfect, isn’t he? Our Dev,” Seth said quietly, sounding almost awed.

  Leaf could relate. The expanse of pale skin, from where Seth had rucked up Dev’s shirt and all the way down to his toes, was perfect. Leaf wanted them to be inside in the warmth of the bedroom, where he could take his time and examine and taste every square inch. The backyard, even with the fire right by them and high walls to keep them hidden, didn’t seem like the place for such explorations.

  Leaf slid his hands under Dev’s thighs and leaned so he could bury his face in Dev’s groin. Leaf made a happy sound; Dev’s scent was so concentrated there. He licked his way to Dev’s balls and sucked one in, humming around his mouthful.

  “He likes to give head,” Seth said above him. “He likes to taste and smell you a lot.”

  “Fuck,” Dev gasped. “I can tell that. Feels so fucking good.”

  Leaf hummed, letting go of his treat and moving on to the other ball. He loved how Dev’s cock jerked when he played with his sac. He had such a pretty, slender cock that fit his frame perfectly.

  Speaking of which, Leaf finally took hold of Dev’s cock and pulled it into his mouth. He moaned when the taste of Dev’s precome hit his taste buds.

  Seth played with Dev’s nipples again, all the while whispering surprisingly dirty things Leaf could barely hear, or nibbling at Dev’s neck.

  Dev got vocal so quickly, Leaf was proud of his—and Seth’s—achievements.

  “Oh God, oh….” Dev moaned so loud, Leaf was pretty sure the neighbors could hear him. He didn’t get any quieter when Leaf reached for Seth’s hand, put it around Dev’s cock, and went back to sucking on his balls.

  Leaf pressed his thumb against Dev’s taint, winked at Seth, and together they went to town on Dev’s body. It took seconds for him to erupt, splashing come on his chest and stomach for what seemed like a long time.

  Finally, Dev put his shaky hand
on top of Seth’s, who let go of his cock and just hugged him close for a while.

  Leaf got a lazy, sated petting from Dev, and chuckled against the inside of Dev’s thigh. “That a good reward for being a good boy for us?” he asked, hearing the small whine Dev couldn’t hold in.

  “Yeah, so, so good,” Dev said once his breathing settled again. “What about you guys?” he asked, and Leaf guessed Seth’s erection was pressing against Dev’s back.

  “We’ll take care of each other when we go to bed. You’re welcome to stay the night with us if you want,” Seth offered.

  Dev thought for a while, then shook his head. “I’d love to, but I don’t think I’m ready.”

  They all knew that with the three of them in a bed together, it would end up in sex. This, what they’d done here, wasn’t quite as serious in any of their minds, that much was obvious. More than hand jobs… now that would be something else altogether.

  “Hey, we take this one day at a time like we agreed, right?” Leaf said and got up, his knees creaking enough for him to wince. He handed Dev his pants and grinned. “You might want to go clean up in the downstairs bathroom before you lower your shirt.”

  Dev looked at himself and chuckled. “Yeah. Okay.” He pulled his T-shirt over his head and got up, naked and gorgeous. He then proceeded to pull on his pants, smirked at Leaf and Seth, and walked through the backyard and into the house.

  “This could work,” Seth said quietly. “Like really, really work.”

  Leaf took Dev’s place and cuddled against Seth. “Yeah, I think so too.”

  THE NEXT day, Rain sat in Seth’s office with Leaf as he made the call to Seth’s therapist. He got two possible names: one who specialized in childhood abuse victims, and another who also knew a thing or two about cults and survivors.

  She warned Leaf that the latter might be too busy, but to call them anyway.

  Leaf didn’t call. He sent emails to both therapists, explaining the basics of his situation and that he had come to the point in his life where he wanted to do something about the memories that had resurfaced lately, and all the rest of the mess in his head.

  Once he hit Send, he closed the laptop and turned the chair, ready to get up. Rain walked to him then, plopped on his lap, making the chair groan under their combined weight, and hugged him.

  “This is the right thing to do, you know that, right?”

  “Yeah. I know it’s not healthy to suppress the feelings or the memories. It’s just….” Leaf sighed.

  “Scary shit you think is better hidden in your head even though you know it’s really not?” she guessed, making Leaf chuckle. “Hey, we’re survivors, big brother.”

  With that in mind, he agreed to drive to Denver twice a week to see Dr. Lauren Reynolds, the therapist who knew about cults. If she was any good, it would be worth the drive.

  Chapter Ten

  ON SUNDAY evening, Dev packed a suitcase for the week he’d be house-sitting for Seth and Leaf, and figured out what exactly he needed to take, computerwise.

  His normal setup was two desktop computers—one a badass gaming machine and the other one for work and more casual gaming—and total of four screens. He had the regular stuff, like external hard drives, keyboard, mouse, headphones, and shit to take care of too. That meant figuring out how to pack them.

  Now, if he’d wanted, he could’ve worked on his laptop only, but since he rarely did that at home, he had never really gotten into the habit of doing it in the first place. Besides, being somewhere for what could be up to a week, he might as well have as fully functioning, regular setup as he could.

  He’d been puttering around in his room for a while when Angel knocked on the door frame. “What are you doing?” he asked, looking at Dev in confusion.

  “Uh, yeah, I’ve been meaning to tell you. I’m going to house-sit for a friend for about a week. Starting tomorrow,” Dev said, feeling oddly edgy.

  “What?”

  “House-sitting. For a friend. They have to leave town for family stuff and need someone to watch their house and pets,” he continued, then sighed, turned around, and plopped into his gaming chair—another thing he might want to bring to Seth and Leaf’s, really. Dammit. “The guy I’m seeing needs help, okay? I’ve been meaning to tell you, but I’ve only known for a while”—he was stretching the truth, but oh well—“and you haven’t been around much.” That much was true. Angel had been working on a group project almost every night that week.

  “Dev, what’s going on?” he asked, sitting on the edge of Dev’s bed across the room.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Why are you not telling me who this guy is? You’ve never acted this weird before about anyone.”

  “I’m not—”

  “Wait,” Angel said suddenly. He held up his hand and did something complicated with his face, or so it seemed. “Don’t tell me….”

  Suddenly Dev knew his brother had somehow made the connection.

  “Angel—”

  “Are you fucking my professor?” Angel asked in a carefully calm tone that Dev knew was actually his “extremely pissed-off” voice.

  “It’s not like that!” Dev hastened to say, knowing Angel was about to blow a fuse.

  “He’s fucking married, Dev! What the fuck are you thinking?” Angel got up and paced. “So it’s not official, but he’s been with this guy for something like a decade, Dev. What the fuck are you—”

  Suddenly Dev couldn’t take it anymore. “I’m dating them both!” The words flew out his mouth like missiles.

  “You… what?” Angel stood there, frozen to the spot all of a sudden.

  “I, uh… I’m dating them both, Seth and his—Leaf.”

  Angel made an aborted sound, sat back on the bed, and stared at the floor for a moment.

  “Angel—”

  “Shush,” he snapped, holding up a hand and not looking at him.

  Dev waited, knowing it was the only thing he could do.

  “So you’re telling me, you’re dating my professor, who is a decade older than you, and his husband, who is, what, around the same age our dad is?” Angel’s tone was dangerous now, like he really couldn’t accept what he was hearing and was getting angry about it.

  “There is a thing called polyamory, Angel,” Dev said gently, carefully, hoping not to rock the boat more but out of other things to say.

  “But you’ve never once said you were poly, Dev. What the fuck do you think you’re doing with—” He stopped himself, then started again. “My professor, Dev. Do you know how fucking weird that is for me?”

  “Well, it’s not like I fucking planned any of this!” Dev finally snapped right back.

  Angel fumed, obviously beyond reasoning. He got mad extremely rarely, but if he really did, Dev knew he needed to cool off before he could be talked with.

  “Dev, what if you break them up? What if they break your heart? What if you’re just a fucking plaything for them?”

  Dev’s jaw dropped. A whoosh of something swept over him. “Yes. Because why the fuck would two guys like them want me, right? What could they get from me except ass?” He got up and glared at Angel. “That’s what you’re saying, isn’t it?”

  For some reason Angel seemed to snap out of his anger and raised his hands. “No, Dev, that’s not what I’m—”

  “No. No. I’m done with this conversation. Get out of my room, Angel.” He couldn’t help the way his hands curled into fists and his whole body tensed for a fight that he logically knew wouldn’t come.

  “Dev,” Angel said in a pleading tone.

  “Get. Out.”

  Angel looked upset, angry still, but he knew he’d hurt Dev, so he did as he was told and left the room.

  Once Dev was sure Angel had gone downstairs, he sat on his bed and forced his fingers to unfurl. His hands were shaking, and he realized Angel had touched a nerve he’d managed to keep hidden. Why would Seth and Leaf want him? What if he was a passing fancy, something to spice up their life for
a bit? In any case, he still wanted them in that moment.

  He couldn’t stay in the house with Angel right then. He grabbed his phone from his desk and called Seth.

  “Hey, Dev. How’s the packing?” Seth answered, sounding happy, and it almost made Dev choke up. He must’ve made a sound, because Seth was instantly on high alert. “Dev? What’s wrong?”

  He could hear murmuring from the background, and somehow that made things better and worse at the same time. “I… I fought with Angel. A-about us. He knows.”

  “Oh, honey….”

  Seth put him on speaker, and Leaf’s rumbling voice came through. “Sweetheart, do you need us to come pick you up tonight?”

  “If it’s not too much trouble? I’m almost packed but….”

  “Do you need more time to pack?” Seth asked in his serious, organized tone.

  “Half an hour, maybe. Can you bring the SUV, but without the dog things? I may have a shitload of stuff I’ll need….” He was sheepish, which he knew he shouldn’t because he was the one doing his lovers a favor, not the other way around.

  “Half an hour is fine. We’ll be there,” Leaf promised.

  “It’s okay, Dev. I’ll go make sure there’s space for your stuff in the study, and we’ll be there in half an hour. See you soon, honey.”

  “Okay, thanks.” Dev ended the call and sighed.

  Trying to relax didn’t seem to work, so he got up again and went downstairs. Angel sat in the living room, staring at the TV, but Dev could tell he wasn’t really seeing anything. The way he tensed spoke volumes of his mood right then.

  Dev ignored him and went to the garage for a couple of plastic bins. He wanted his stuff safe, even if the trip wasn’t long, and cardboard boxes could always rip or lose their bottoms when lifted. He went back upstairs and gathered all the things he needed.

  He’d have Seth’s car while he and Leaf were away, so if he forgot something, he could easily go get it while Angel wasn’t home. The thought of doing that, gladly going behind Angel’s back because of the tension between them, made his heart do a painful thing.