Like Breathing

by Tia Fielding

  “Go wash up, boys,” Mom said then, looking at all four of them. “Dinner is in five minutes.”

  Angel had gone somewhere already, probably to wash up and change his graphic T-shirt into something less… well, colorful.

  Dev, Seth, and Leaf went to their assigned room to change too. All of them chose jeans and button-down shirts. It was too formal, almost, for a family dinner, but they all knew it was quietly expected this once, so they played along gladly.

  “Damn, you do clean up nicely, Mr. DeWitt,” Dev purred at Leaf when he came from the bathroom, having fixed his hair and made sure he had enough buttons open to not feel like he was being strangled, but few enough to hide his chest hair.

  The fact that Dev had started to read them both delighted him to no end. Knowing that Leaf hated anything constricting around his neck, but that Seth didn’t care at all with how he had to dress at work were one thing. The fact that he knew the hole in the back pocket of Leaf’s jeans was from keeping his car keys in it was a whole other intimate detail. He felt like he belonged with them, that he was part of them, knowing these things.

  “You don’t look half-bad yourself,” Leaf murmured as he leaned in to kiss Dev.

  Seth came to them, and they carefully kissed one another for a while—beard burn right before family dinner when all three of them had a healthy stubble going on, no thank you—and then went back downstairs.

  They all took seats, and once they had sat down, Angel slunk into the room like an alley cat. He took his place opposite of Dev and moved his chair so not to sit too close to Leaf on the same side.

  Mom, at their end of the table, noticed. She glared at Angel, put down the bottle of wine she had been pouring from, and cleared her throat. “All right, I think it’s time to talk about the mammoth in the room. I can’t eat before this stupidity is settled,” she said, looking around the table at each man individually.

  “All right,” Dad said, straightened in his chair and looked at her.

  “This situation between you four is plain ridiculous,” she started, then looked at Angel. “Their relationship is not and never has been and never will be about you, Angel.”

  Angel was smart enough not to open his mouth, but he looked positively mulish.

  “The fact that you don’t like these three being in a relationship together is your problem, Angel, not theirs. Certainly not your dad’s or mine.”

  “But—” And there it was, Angel opening his goddamned mouth.

  Dev dropped his gaze to his empty plate and sighed.

  “No buts. I understand that you lost your mentor, but whose fault is that? I understand whatever went on in that office was probably unprofessional, but it’s not like I haven’t visited your father at work in his office over the years,” Mom said, beaming at their dad.

  Both boys groaned out loud, and Seth and Leaf tried to hold in laughter.

  “She’s right. Whatever consenting adults do in their relationship is about them. From what I gather, there are no rules against dating a relative of a student at the college, right, Seth?” Dad asked, looking relaxed and calm, which was… great. Dev hadn’t seen his dad angry more than a handful of times in his life, and he preferred it that way.

  “Right,” Seth answered. “None of us three deny we messed up. But it had nothing to do with Angel.”

  Angel was about to speak, but Mom reached to place her hand on his arm.

  “Angel, this is a thing you’ve done. You chose to act like this, only thinking about yourself, not what it might do to Seth’s career, or your brother’s relationship. Not to mention the emotional distress all three of them must’ve been having over this. You need to take responsibility for your actions. I know losing your mentor is a punishment in itself, but I will not tolerate rudeness inside my house, is that clear?”

  “Yes, Mom,” Angel said, obviously cowed against his will. “I’m sorry.”

  “Right. Now, could someone pass me the salad, and please dig into the moussaka before it gets cold,” she said, reaching for the salad bowl Dev handed over.

  THE REST of the dinner went fine, although Angel was still quiet and awkward. Dev couldn’t help that, though. It wasn’t up to him. As much as he loved Angel—and God knows he did—this wasn’t Dev’s fault and he refused to carry the responsibility to make up with him.

  After dinner, Dad wanted to “show his office” to Leaf, and Seth was summoned to help Mom with cleaning the kitchen. Angel and Dev were shooed away, and they shuffled into the family room, then sat on different ends of the massive sectional.

  “They’re getting the talk, aren’t they?” Angel asked quietly after a few minutes of silence.

  “Yeah. Leaf already got one from Mom.”

  “They seem to like Mom and Dad and vice versa,” Angel said in a tone Dev couldn’t read at all.

  “Yeah, they really do. I mean, they probably have more in common with them than anyone we’ve ever dated before. Closer in age and all that.” Dev shrugged.

  Angel made a humming sound. “I’m sorry,” he said after another few minutes. “I… you know how I tend to react before I think, right?” Angel glanced at him, then raised a hand. “I know it’s not an excuse, it’s not. I swear.”

  “I’ve lived with you most of my life, Angel. I know you,” Dev assured. “But this time, you didn’t just hurt me. And this was never about me, which makes it hurt even more.”

  “I….” Angel looked away and gnawed on his lower lip for a while.

  Dev could tell he was ruminating on something, the agitation in his features and small ticks as familiar as Dev’s own body language. He loved Angel, but he couldn’t help with this, whatever it was.

  “I realized last night why I might’ve reacted as I did,” Angel said eventually. He still couldn’t look at Dev, though.

  “Oh?”

  “I tried to… you know, separate feelings and all that shit. Use the stuff I’ve actually learned in therapy. And I figured out it was probably because… I guess I had a thing for Seth.”

  Dev’s jaw dropped. “You what?”

  “I might’ve been pissed off because you got to have him and I didn’t.” Then, quickly, he glanced at Dev and raised both of his hands. “Not that I consciously wanted to. I think it was more hero worship than attraction. I would never….”

  “Yeah, I know.” Angel would never try to take what was Dev’s or vice versa. They’d agreed on that very early on in their lives.

  “I just… it will take time, okay? I can see you’re all happy, and Mom and Dad like them a lot. Just, give me time?” Angel looked at him carefully.

  “Is this where I tell you I’m going to move out of the house for real when we get back home?” Dev peered at his brother, the corner if his mouth twitching.

  Angel groaned and then laughed. He looked at Dev, who, seeing it was the first time in a while Angel looked at him with something positive in his gaze, laughed, and then ugly sobbed at the same time.

  “Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Angel groaned, then moved to Dev’s side of the couch and hugged him close. “I’m sorry, Dev. I really am.”

  “Me too,” Dev said, because he was truly sorry about how things had gone between them, no matter the reason.

  THAT NIGHT, when they went to bed, Dev cuddled in the middle of his lovers and sighed contently.

  “I’m glad you could make up with your brother,” Leaf said quietly in the darkness of the room.

  “Me too. Although, now that I know why he was an ass….” He hadn’t told Seth and Leaf yet, and couldn’t wait for their reactions.

  “Other than Seth being ‘unprofessional’?”

  “Yeah. Turns out he has some repressed feelings for Seth here,” Dev said casually, then grinned against Leaf’s shoulder.

  “He… what?” Seth sounded scandalized, and it made Dev laugh.

  “He’s attracted to you.”

  “So it’s a fucking case of ‘if I can’t have him, no one can’?” Leaf let out a huff of disbelievin
g laughter.

  “Uh-huh….”

  “For fuck’s sake,” Seth groaned.

  “You can’t help it, love. You’re just too gorgeous and smart for your own good,” Dev comforted him playfully, reaching back to pat Seth on the butt.

  “Jesus….” Seth sighed, but moved so he was even closer to Dev’s back, with his arm over him and hand resting on Leaf’s stomach.

  “Yep!” Dev smiled. “So here’s for it not being awkward tomorrow at the party!”

  Both Leaf and Seth groaned, and Dev couldn’t help the delighted giggle that escaped him then.

  THE PARTY was supposed to be in the evening, so at one point in the afternoon, amid all the preparations, the caterers running around, and people setting out tents and fencing off the pool in the backyard, Dev left Seth and Leaf to nap in their bedroom and went to find his parents.

  “So, here’s my presents for you guys,” he said after following them to his dad’s study, where the window hanging sat against the wall in its supersecure packaging. “Yes, Mom, you can open it now.” He chuckled at his mother clapping her hands like a little girl.

  He gave his dad the small package. “Happy anniversary, Dad.”

  While Dad opened his present, he helped Mom with hers, because the whole thing was quite big.

  “Now, I don’t know where you’re going to put this, but….” He took the last of the packaging away and she stared at the stained-glass peacock surrounded with vines and roses.

  “Oh, Devin,” she breathed, then hugged his side while never taking her eyes off the art. “It’s wonderful!”

  “That’s beautiful, son. And thanks for these, I’ll definitely use them tonight.” He held up the cufflinks, smiling.

  “I think it will fit my reading room’s window perfectly. I think I want it hung right now. Dev, could you get someone to help you and hang it up?” She looked so happy and hopeful, Dev nodded immediately.

  “Sure thing, Momma.” He kissed her cheek and went to get Angel.

  They were carrying the piece carefully to the small library room—or reading room, as Mom put it—when Angel piped up. “I’m so glad this isn’t a contest, brother mine.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I got her chef’s knives and a few super hard-to-find games for Dad’s old consoles.”

  “Dude, they still love everything we get them. And I bet you didn’t get the cheap knives?”

  “Definitely not.” Angel grinned.

  “Good thing it isn’t a contest, then.”

  Smiling, they made sure the heavy artwork was securely attached to the wall above the window. It did look amazing, even if Dev said so himself.

  “Good job, bro,” Angel said as they stepped back to examine their handiwork.

  THE PARTY itself went fine. There were a few people who looked at Dev, Seth, and Leaf funny. Some didn’t know what to make of them. Apparently three men looking close in different configurations throughout the party seemed to confuse some.

  One of Dev and Angel’s old teachers, Mrs. Elliot, came to Dev in a rare quiet moment when he was standing by the opening to one of the two tents, Seth and Leaf slow-dancing to something beautiful.

  “You look at them like my husband used to look at me,” she stated by his elbow.

  “Then you were a lucky woman,” Dev, ever polite, answered.

  She smiled at him and patted his arm. “That I was, Devin, that I was. For nearly fifty years.”

  “If we get even half of that by some miracle, I’ll be the happiest man in the world,” he said quietly, but she heard him anyway.

  “Life might surprise you. In any case, dear boy, I’m glad to see you found your home.”

  She walked off to the bar, and her words hit Dev hard.

  Home wasn’t Colorado. It was Seth and Leaf.

  Chapter Seventeen

  SETH LOOKED up from his laptop screen and frowned.

  “What’s wrong, sweetheart?” Leaf, who had just come in from a walk, asked.

  “I think I need a library for this. The internet is….”

  “Less organized and palpable?”

  “Yes!” Seth smiled.

  “Ask if Dev wants to go. He’s been at his computer since eight, and it’s now… almost two. Go grab a late lunch while I figure out my schedule for the next week?” Leaf came to kiss him gently, knowing he felt a pang when they talked about his going away on a job again.

  “Yeah, okay.” Seth grabbed Leaf’s ass, squeezed, and dodged past him before he could retaliate.

  Seth found Dev in his office, with Weasley asleep in a small cardboard box on top of his desk by one of the three screens. “Honey?” He went to pet the cat and scratched Dev’s neck with the other hand, knowing he’d get goose bumps.

  Dev shivered and tore his gaze off the screens. “Huh?” The dopey smile made Seth feel loved.

  “I’m going on a field trip. Wanna go with me?”

  “Interesting. Where?”

  “Well, for lunch somewhere, but also to the library.”

  Dev seemed to take stock of his body and winced as he straightened his back. “Yeah, I could use a break.”

  “If you’re in a spot where you can quit, then now’s as good as ever?”

  “Yeah, see you downstairs in five minutes,” Dev promised, and Seth leaned to give him a kiss.

  “Make sure it’s that five minutes and you can pick where we go eat.”

  “Deal!”

  DEV MADE it in five, so he picked Martha’s. There was a weird full-circle feeling in sitting down—this time in the downstairs, though—and ordering the same exact things they had the first time.

  “The rings should be here tomorrow,” Seth said when they were waiting for their lunches.

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah. I like that they come in before Leaf leaves.” He couldn’t help the frown marring his features, and Dev reached a hand over to cover one of his.

  “Love, you know he has to, right?” Dev spoke quietly, gently, like Seth was somehow fragile. Maybe, about this, he was. “It’s a massive puppy mill, and they need all hands on deck once they bust it.”

  “Yeah, I know. It blows my mind that a place like that exists. It’s gonna be all over the news, too, now that the Feds are involved.”

  “Yeah. Sounds more like a drug raid than a puppy raid, to be honest. But then again, if they do deal drugs too, the least the FBI can do is help with the dog part of the business as well.” Dev frowned.

  The bust had been in the works for months now. Leaf had been called in after another trainer who knew his reputation had suggested him for the FBI. The dogs were mostly potentially aggressive bigger breeds, so they really needed help.

  “I’ve told him there’s no way he’s coming home with a puppy,” Seth said after Sam placed their plates in front of them.

  Dev grinned. “Yeah, I think Weasley wouldn’t know what to do with a dog not used to cats.”

  “Speaking of the little guy, have you made the appointment for him yet?” Seth asked, poking into his veggie lasagna.

  “Yeah, day after tomorrow, midday.” Dev grunted. “Poor fellow, losing his balls.”

  “You know we have to. It’s not fair for him to keep them.”

  “No. And he’s definitely old enough now. Alex said she could’ve done it sooner, but she said there’s no harm doing it now.” Then he chuckled. “Can we not talk about balls being chopped off while we eat?”

  “Agreed.”

  “Leaf hates that he won’t be there, since he’s leaving tomorrow evening,” Dev said after a while of silent enjoyment of the meal.

  “Yeah. Maybe we need to make sure he feels extra loved tonight?” Seth asked, grinning.

  “Ooh… I like the way you think.”

  AFTER THE library, they hauled home a ton of books on world history and art, and lugged them into the downstairs study.

  “That should last you a while.”

  “At least Leaf isn’t taking the SUV, in case you need more boo
ks,” Dev teased him, and earned a swat on his ass for being a pain. “Should we go find our man?” he asked once they were done arranging the books in a Weasley-proof way.

  “Yeah, let’s do that. I could use a shower. He’s been out cleaning the RV today, so he needs one too, I think. Unless he beat us to it,” Seth mused.

  “I like this plan.”

  Dev went to start the shower, and Seth wandered outside to find Leaf. He was at the garage, stocking the RV with dog food.

  “Who are you taking with you?” Seth leaned to the side doorway of the garage.

  “Husky. You can have the girls here. I think Missy would be too much, and Weasley will need Grace as he recuperates.”

  “Sounds like solid reasoning,” Seth said in a purposefully low voice.

  Leaf turned to look at him and raised a brow curiously. “What’s going on?”

  “How about you stop doing this and come upstairs with us? There might be one young man in the shower, waiting for us as we speak.” Seth smirked at the way Leaf’s eyes widened for a second.

  “Oh, I don’t need to ask what the occasion is, do I?” The smile Leaf shot him was a little bit sad around the edges, but he still followed Seth out of the garage and into the house.

  “No. We’ll get the rings tomorrow, but we want you to have something else to remember us by as well.” Seth lead Leaf by the hand on their way up the stairs and into the bedroom, where they got undressed.

  “That so?” Leaf pulled his shirt off and got rid of his shoes by the door.

  “Yeah. You get to call the shots, and after, we’ll watch a movie and then order some dinner. And then maybe we can do this again before bedtime, eh?” Seth wiggled his ass at Leaf, who chuckled but undressed faster before following him into the bathroom.

  “Took you a while.” Dev leered at them openly when they fitted themselves into the shower cubicle.

  It took a bit of organizing and superb limb control, but they all managed to just about fit there.