Blue Moon

by Jill Marie Landis

  “Something’s on your mind.”

  Why deny it, Noah thought. “Yeah. A couple of things.”

  “Such as?”

  Noah lowered his voice, leaned toward the center of the table. “You’re going to think I’ve lost more than my eye.”

  “Go on.”

  “You’re going to think I’ve lost my mind.”

  “Why don’t you get to the point and let me be the judge of that?”

  “Water talks to me.”

  Hunter laughed until he realized Noah was perfectly serious, then sobered and scratched his head.

  “Water talks to you?”

  “Yeah.” He rubbed his hand over the back of his neck.

  “What in the hell does it say?”

  “It doesn’t really speak in words so much as it gives me a notion of where it’s going and what’s hidden beneath it.”

  Hunter frowned. “That’s how you knew to warn that other pilot? The water told you?”

  Noah was sorry he had said anything at all. If Hunter did not believe him, no one else would. He was beginning to understand why his mother had left her clan behind to live in isolation.

  “How long has this been happening to you?”

  “A few weeks.”

  “I don’t know what to say, Noah. I never heard anything like it.” As if he did not want to hear anything else about talking water, Hunter changed the subject.

  “You said you had a couple of problems. Maybe I can help with the other.”

  Noah doubted it. At that point, Jemma came back into the tavern with a bright-eyed child riding her hip. The boy was a miniature version of both of them, complete with thick blond hair and sky-blue eyes. He had Jemma’s dimples and smile. Suddenly, Noah envied his friend something that until now, he never knew he wanted.

  Jemma walked up beside Noah. The toddler popped his fingers into his mouth and stared down at him.

  “This is Derek Noah Boone,” she said proudly. “Derek, say hello to your uncle Noah.”

  The boy drooled but did not utter a word. Jemma tried to hand Derek over to Noah, but the child kicked and squirmed, wanting nothing of the sort. She gave him to Hunter instead and went back to work. Noah watched Hunter jostle the baby to a comfortable position and pull his empty mug over so that Derek could play with it.

  “Are you happy, Hunt?” The question was out before Noah could call it back.

  Hunter looked over at him as if he had not heard right. “Am I happy? What do you mean?”

  “All this,” Noah said, gesturing around the tavern. “You told me once you weren’t going to live in one place any longer than you had to, and now here you are with a wife and a family.”

  A contented smile slowly spread across Hunter’s face. “Yeah, well, that was before Jemma O’Hurley ran into me in New Orleans and changed my mind.” He considered Noah carefully. “Somehow, I get the feeling your other problem involves a woman.”

  Noah shrugged.

  “It’s about time,” Hunter said, sounding relieved. “Tell me about her. Where did you meet her?”

  “I found her.”

  “Don’t tell me the water led you to her.”

  “No. She was lost in the swamp where I live now, which is another long story. I helped get her back to her family in Shawneetown.”

  “And now?”

  “She’s still got a lot of things to settle.”

  “You love her.”

  “I want her. All the time. Is that the same?”

  “Does she want you?” Hunter’s expression darkened to an angry scowl. “If she’s the kind of woman who would let that eye patch stand in the way—”

  Noah shook his head. “Nothing like that. It’s just that she’s been hurt. It’ll take her some time.”

  Noah was not a talker to begin with, and uttering such confidences was nearly choking him. As he collected himself, he watched Derek grab Hunter’s shirtfront, pull himself up to a standing position on his father’s thigh, and take hold of a handful of Hunter’s hair. Hunter easily extricated himself, sat the boy down and began to bounce him on his knee. Derek proceeded to pound the tabletop with his fists.

  “You’ve had nieces and nephews, Hunt. A family. What do I know about being a husband or a father? I saw my father only a few weeks a year. I don’t know how to hold a child, let alone talk to one. Even if she wanted to be with me, Olivia deserves more, especially after all she has been through.”

  Derek started banging the wooden trencher against the table. Hunter tried to talk over the noise.

  “They don’t come better than you, Noah. You think I would give Derek just anybody’s name?”

  Payson Bond, Susanna, their boys, the struggling farm, the crude cabin, Olivia—all of them were never far from Noah’s mind. Neither were his doubts.

  “How do you do it?” he asked his friend. “How does any man stay no matter what happens?”

  “If you have to ask, then you aren’t really in love,” Hunter said, with such surety and conviction that Noah began to doubt himself.

  “But how will you know what answers to give your boy when he starts asking you questions? How can you even let yourself love him without being scared to death every minute of the day that something might happen to him? How do you face ever losing Jemma now that you have given her your heart?”

  “Noah—”

  “How in the hell do you know what to do?”

  Hunter sighed. His gaze roamed the room until he found Jemma, watched her for a long moment, and then looked back again.

  “Every family faces loss. There is not a father, mother, brother, sister, cousin, or friend that has not lost someone. No one is spared the death of a loved one—unless, of course, he chooses to hide himself in a swamp for his entire life and never know another living soul. But death has already touched you, Noah. Your father deserted you. You lost your mother and survived.

  “As to having a family, there are no lessons on how to be a good husband and father, at least nothing written down like those guidebooks the emigrants from back East carry around with them. I just do the best I can. That’s all any man can do. I know you well enough to know that you would do just fine.”

  Noah was still about as confused as he had been when he walked in.

  Hunter straightened Derek’s long shirt. “If you love her, Noah, don’t let her go because you can’t foresee the future. Just take one day at a time,” he said.

  Noah thought of Olivia, of all she had yet to settle within herself, of the fear that never left her, of her deep commitment to her family. He wished things were easier.

  Derek was tired of the mug and began to squirm and fuss. Hunter shifted him to his hip. Before he stood up, he leaned across the table.

  “Noah, if I were you?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I wouldn’t tell anyone else about the talking water.”

  Shawneetown

  Olivia ignored the incessant chatter of the young Scottish girl beside her as they headed into town accompanied by Little Pay and Freddie. There might be but a year’s difference in their ages, but Molly MacKinnon seemed centuries younger. Two weeks ago, Molly had appeared at the cabin door without a word of explanation or apology, begging to have her fetch-and-carry job back, promising Payson that she wasn’t about to run off again. She was willing to work for room and board, but when he told her that Olivia was with them, that they would no longer be needing her, Molly had stood on the threshold cussing a blue streak, not at him, but at herself, for ruining the opportunity to enjoy three meals a day.

  As bemused by the girl’s spunk as she was moved by the obvious signs of poverty in Molly’s ragged, soiled gown, her bare feet, and her need of a good sudsing, Olivia had interceded for her, convincing her father that she could certainly use the extra help. Besides, she had added, Noah had already put by enough venison and ham to feed all of them and Molly.

  Her father readily agreed, as Olivia knew he would. Since she had been home he was more than willing to t
ake any suggestions. She knew he was trying to assuage his guilt, and in Molly’s case she let him. A few times she had almost told him what had happened in New Orleans, but then she would look around the humble cabin or see him struggling in the fields and, knowing all he faced and all he lost, she simply could not bring herself to add to his burden. They continued to dance around the truth and some days it was hard to ignore, almost as if something as big as Bob Carver’s ox had wandered into the cabin and no one wanted to admit it was there.

  Venturing into Shawneetown today had been the last thing Olivia had wanted to do, but when her father told her that he needed to have a day at home alone with Susanna, there was nothing she could do but agree to take Little Pay, Freddie, and Molly into town. Over the past few weeks she had watched Susanna grow stronger in both mind and body. Just as before the attack on the river, loving looks and gentle touches passed between her father and stepmother. No matter how reluctant Olivia still felt about going into town, she could not deny them the time alone they desperately needed.

  Besides, she reminded herself earlier, it had been months since she had escaped from Darcy. Surely by now he had already taken in another virgin. Surely by now he had forgotten all about her. In a way, taking the boys and Molly to town with her was a godsend, for she would not be as vulnerable as she would be if alone. Sooner or later she would have had to get out into the world again. Letting go of her fear would help her turn her back on the past.

  It had taken them over an hour to walk the two miles to town as both she and Molly carried baskets of vegetables to trade at the store. Freddie and Little Pay had run ahead, their dirty bare feet flying as they zigzagged back and forth across the field and along the footpath through the woods.

  Molly had chatted on and on beside her. Olivia caught the Scots girl talking to herself so often that she did not think Molly cared if she listened to her or not.

  “So ye see, it was my father’s grand design to send me here to America, but och, there’s many a day I wish I was back in Scotland again.”

  “Do you know where the store is, Molly?” Knowing that waiting for the girl to take a breath was futile, Olivia cut in.

  “I sure do. It’s just over there.” She pointed toward Nu Way Dry Goods, Ern and Faye Matheson’s store.

  Little Pay came running up to Olivia. “Can we go to the landing, Livvie? Can we go see the flatboats?”

  Olivia scanned the street, taking note of the wagons, the horses, the churned mud that filled the wide lane between the two rows of buildings, the main thoroughfare of Shawneetown.

  “I think you should stay with me.”

  “I don’t mind watching the little fellows, Livvie,” Molly volunteered. “I surely don’t. We can drop these baskets by the store and then I’ll keep them busy while ye look around a bit.”

  Olivia thought Molly as scatterbrained as the boys, but when she saw how eager her half-brothers were to see the riverfront, she decided to give in. She took a deep breath and silently swore that there was nothing to fear, that Molly could see to the boys, and that she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself now.

  Freddie had run back to join Little Pay and the two of them started begging to go on ahead like magpies.

  “Don’t forget the red cloth,” Freddie reminded her. They had both been wanting shirts like Noah’s. It had been ages since she had sewn anything, but she had promised them, deciding that two small shirts was as good a place to start again as any, and not a great extravagance.

  “I’ll get it,” she assured him. “Walk with us to the store and then Molly will take you to the river.”

  “Hey!” Freddie grabbed her by the elbow and started jumping up and down beside her. He pointed down the crowded street. “Hey, lookit! It’th Noah! There’th Noah, Livvie, crothin the threet.”

  He flew off as if shot from a cannon, his short legs churning, his feet kicking up mud. Little Pay was hot on his heels and quickly passed his brother by as they raced along.

  “Do they mean the man who built the smokehouse?” Molly asked, reminding Olivia she was still there.

  Olivia nodded, unable to find her voice until she spotted Noah: heart-stoppingly handsome, his skin darkened by the sun, his strong features shaded by his hat brim. He was using the ragged red strip of turkey cloth as an eye patch and carried his pack and rifle, looking much the same as the day he left, except that now he led a sorrel horse.

  The boys had stopped him in his tracks. She watched him greet them, then quickly scan the surroundings until Little Pay pointed in her direction and Noah turned her way. She faltered, almost tripped, then caught herself.

  “Jeezus, now he’s a fine handsome devil,” Molly said.

  Olivia instantly bristled. “He is that.” She glanced over at the auburn-haired girl, assessing her shining blue eyes, her glowing cheeks, and the dusting of freckles spattered across her nose. She had never known jealousy before, so the experience was a new one, especially since she knew she had no right to claim Noah after turning him away.

  Down the street, his long strides were eating up the distance between them. He handed the reins to Little Pay and now both the boys were running in his wake, trying to keep up.

  Olivia’s heart was pounding so hard she felt lightheaded, but she found herself smiling for no reason at all, save one.

  Noah.

  Olivia smothered the urge to run to meet him. She straightened the skirt of her plain violet dress, raised a hand to her hair and decided it was too late to do anything about the way she looked.

  Noah’s mouth was set in a grim, determined line. They had not parted on the best of terms, but surely there was no reason for him to frown so.

  “Noah, what a surprise.” Even to her own ears, the greeting sounded inane.

  “What are you doing in town by yourself?”

  Chapter 14

  “I’m not alone,” she said. “I’m with the boys. And Molly.”

  Noah dismissed the girl beside her with a glance.

  “Not much protection,” he said.

  “From what?”

  “I would think you know that better than I do.”

  Her heart was hammering so hard she could barely hear herself think. Seeing him there on the street, she knew for a certainty that time and distance could never erase what he had come to mean to her. She saw with blinding clarity that she more than cared for him. She loved Noah LeCroix. No matter how long he might stay away, no matter how many times she sent him home, she would always love him, but she would never be good enough for him, either.

  Fighting to mask her feelings, she tightened her grip on the basket handle. “What are you doing here?”

  He looked over her head, toward the path that led in the direction of the homestead and sidestepped her question with one of his own. “Where’s your father?”

  “I’m Molly MacKinnon,” the Scottish girl suddenly piped up.

  Noah ignored Molly. He asked Olivia again, “Where’s Payson?”

  “At home with Susanna. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself and the boys.” She handed her basket to Molly.

  Little Pay and Freddie, leading Noah’s horse, had finally reached them.

  “Noah’th got a new horth.” Freddie, as usual, proudly announced the obvious.

  “He’s taking us for a ride,” Little Pay added.

  “Why don’t the two of you go down to the waterfront with Molly? Now,” Olivia suggested.

  They were both outraged. “Because we wanna stay with Noah,” Little Pay told her.

  Noah looked pained, but made no protest.

  “Noah has things to do, I’m sure,” Olivia told them, wishing them away for a few blessed moments of peace.

  “No, I don’t,” he said.

  The boys started jumping up and down.

  “Your problem is that you are too honest,” she told him.

  Noah reached out and lifted a lock of her hair, rubbing it between his fingers. For an awkward moment, Olivia thought he
might carry it to his lips. He let go and it dropped onto the bodice of her gown. The movement was open and spontaneous, as intimate as a kiss. Olivia went weak in the knees.

  Blessed Molly chose that instant to set both baskets on the ground beside Olivia and announce, “My arms are breakin’. Come on, boys, off we go down to the river. You’ll have a chance to talk to your friend Noah here in a while. How about we let him use those muscles of his to help Livvie carry the vegetable baskets to the store?”

  Somehow the girl managed to persuade both boys to go with her without much fuss at all, and she even took it upon herself to tell Noah that they would tie his horse up at the hitching post outside the store.

  Noah was still watching Olivia. She could feel his gaze on her as surely as if it had the warmth and power of his touch.

  “How are things with you, Olivia?”

  “Fine. Little Pay hasn’t had any more accidents. The whole episode at the pool seems to have shaken Susanna out of herself. She’s still not the way she was before, but she’s let go of some of her sorrow and is up and about a little more. Molly’s the girl my father had hired who ran off before. Everything seems to be getting better, little by little.”

  “You speak of your family, but what of you? Have you told your father yet? Have you settled things between you?”

  She caught her bottom lip between her teeth and looked at the ground. “There hasn’t been a good time.”

  “Still having nightmares?”

  The nightmares had started up again the night he left, but she wasn’t about to admit it.

  “No.” She looked up and knew he had caught her in the lie. “Well, not so often, really.”

  He reached down for the baskets, picked them up, and waited for her to make the next move. Olivia started down the street and he fell into step beside her.

  “What are you doing here?” She hoped her feelings did not show in her eyes. “Where did you get the horse?”