Childhood Fears

by L. L. Soares

  This was usually the moment we held flashlights under our chins and told our best ghost stories until we were both completely freaked out, but neither of us felt like telling scary stories that night. Instead we lay in our sleeping bags on Sean’s bed. (It felt more like camping if we were in our sleeping bags.) I stared at the glow-in-the-dark stars on Sean’s ceiling, tucking my arms behind my head. I watched them until my eyelids got heavy and I could feel myself drift.

  “Josh?”

  Sean’s whisper startled me awake. “Yeah?”

  “That stuff today…it really happened, didn’t it?”

  I’d been trying not to think about it. “Yeah.”

  “That—that thing. It really bit you.”

  “Yeah,” I said, swallowing hard.

  It was quiet for a while, and just when I thought he’d fallen asleep, he whispered another question into the dark.

  “So what is it, anyway?”

  “I don’t know.”

  My answer hung heavy in the room, and Sean asked no more questions.

  After everything that had happened, I expected to have nightmares. Instead, I slept better than I had in a long time. Edgar was gone—he couldn’t get me in trouble anymore. And at Sean’s house I was safe from Michael too. I only hoped he hadn’t taken his foul mood out on my mom.

  At some point in the middle of the night, I could have sworn I heard someone whispering my name.

  I decided it was a dream.

  Chapter Nine

  The next day I was scared to go home. Edgar may have been gone, but I still had to deal with Michael, who would be furious at how we’d taken off on him. I shuddered at the thought of what would happen if he caught me home alone.

  Sean understood my plight without my saying a word. He started his campaign at breakfast, begging his mother to let me stay another night.

  “Well, I don’t mind, but won’t your mother want you home, Josh?”

  Remembering the relief in her eyes when I mentioned I’d be staying with Sean, I shook my head.

  “I don’t think so. I think she’s glad to get me out of her hair.”

  Sean’s mom laughed and leaned across the table to rumple my own. “I doubt that. I’ll have to give her a call, but if it’s all right with your mother, it’s all right with me.”

  The possibility of being able to avoid Michael for one more day awakened my appetite, and I piled more pancakes on my plate. Sean nudged me under the table, and I glanced up to see him grinning at me. He winked, and I grinned back. Maybe his parents would adopt me, and then I could live there forever and ever. They already had three boys—what was one more? I would keep my room clean and do all the dishes. I’d be so neat they’d never know I was there. And then I wouldn’t have to see Michael or worry about Edgar again.

  It was a nice fantasy, but I knew it couldn’t work. I couldn’t leave my mother alone with him. Two days was one thing, but a lifetime? Never.

  Sean’s mother called for him when we were up in his tree house, drinking Kool-Aid and reading about the latest adventures of Spider-Man. My friend poked his head through the trapdoor.

  “No moms allowed!” he roared. Ordinarily this made her smile, but not today.

  “I’m sorry, boys,” she said, and she really did sound sorry, “but you’re going to have to come down. Josh’s mother wants him home right away.”

  Goose bumps broke out on my arms in spite of the warmth of the day.

  “But why?” Sean said in his best whiny voice. When it came to getting his way, he was an expert.

  “That’s what I want to talk to you about. I need you to come down here right now.”

  “But—”

  “Now, Sean.”

  Resigned, we slumped down the ladder to the ground. By that point, my legs were trembling so badly that my sneakers kept slipping on the rungs. I almost fell twice. With our heads bowed, we dragged ourselves to where Mrs. Barry was waiting in the kitchen. She was frowning. I had never seen her so angry before.

  “Is it true you were rude to Josh’s stepfather?” She glared at Sean. We both started at the question. We hadn’t been expecting it.

  “No,” Sean said, his eyes widening until he was the picture of innocence. “No, Mom. I wasn’t rude to him.”

  “Well, Josh’s mother tells it differently. She says Michael told you both to go home, and that you deliberately disobeyed him. He says that you rode off on your bicycles while he was still talking to you, and not only that—he says you went to the landfill.”

  Sean and I stared at each other, shocked. How did he know?

  “Sean, you know the landfill is off-limits. How many times must I repeat myself?”

  My friend hung his head, not bothering to lie. “Sorry Mom,” he mumbled.

  “You’re lucky Josh was able to stay over here last night. His stepfather is furious. He was of half a mind to come over here and drag Josh home.”

  My hands went cold. I could think of nothing worse than being alone with Michael in his hearse.

  “But we didn’t do anything wrong! He’s lying,” Sean blurted. I could see the color rising in his cheeks. Soon his face would be the same shade of red as his hair. Sean was never one to stay quiet when confronted with injustice. He was kind of like a superhero that way.

  “Sean…” Mrs. Barry said in her warning voice. She didn’t get angry often, but when she did, she was more than a match for her son’s temper. “You shouldn’t say such things about Josh’s stepfather.”

  “Yes I should! You don’t know what he’s like, Mom. He’s…he’s…” Sean struggled to find the words. “He’s evil.”

  “Okay, that’s enough. You need to treat Josh’s parents with respect if you want to keep playing together.”

  I was sure Sean’s look of horror matched my own. If we wanted to keep playing together? Would Michael really try to keep us apart? Would my mother actually let him do it?

  Mrs. Barry ran a hand through her curly hair and sighed. She wasn’t happy about the situation, but I didn’t think she was angry with us anymore. “Josh, your stepfather was going to come over and get you…”

  I inched toward the door. I’d already decided that I was not getting into that hearse. Michael could search all over town for me if he wanted. Maybe I’d run away. I didn’t want to leave my mom, but it had been her choice to let that monster into our lives.

  “…But I insisted on bringing you myself, so I’m going to drive you. We can put your bike on the rack. Sean, you’re going to stay here and take care of your brothers, okay?”

  If I’d been facing a firing squad, I could not have felt any more doomed. I dragged myself upstairs to Sean’s room. I did not want to go home. I didn’t want to deal with whatever punishment Michael might be planning.

  Sean patted my shoulder. “Hey man, don’t worry. It’ll be okay. Your mom won’t let him do anything too bad.”

  I hadn’t told him about the beatings, or the ice-water baths. I hadn’t told anyone.

  Mrs. Barry was quiet as we loaded my bike onto the rack on the roof of the family station wagon. I gave Sean one last goodbye. I had this awful feeling I wasn’t going to see him again. I held out my hand, and he seized it, pumping it wildly.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said, and the words had weight, like a promise. I nodded, though I wasn’t at all sure that I would.

  “Yeah, see you tomorrow. Thanks.”

  Sitting in the front seat beside Sean’s mom was a little awkward. I’d known her for pretty much all my life, but Sean always sat in the front, filling the car with his chatter and jokes. All that filled it now was an uncomfortable silence.

  Mrs. Barry seemed tense. Her lips were drawn into a thin line, and she was holding the steering wheel so tightly her knuckles were white. She must have been really mad at us.

  We were a few blocks awa
y from my house when she pulled into the parking lot of the local McDonald’s, surprising me. We’d just eaten a gazillion pancakes, which were now a heavy lump in my stomach. I didn’t think I could manage anything else.

  I was about to ask if she was still hungry when she turned to me with a serious expression on her face. Usually Sean’s mom was like my friend—always joking around. I’d never seen her so upset.

  “Josh, is something going on at home?” Her voice was soft and careful, as if I were a deer that would spook at the slightest hint of danger. I couldn’t have been more startled if she’d struck me.

  “W-what do you mean?”

  “I’ve known you since you were a wee one, Josh Leary, and I can tell something’s wrong. Something’s changed.”

  What could I say? I never expected her to ask me this question. I couldn’t tell anyone about Michael and his punishments—not her, not Dr. Harvey, not my teacher. Not even Sean.

  “I’m fine. I just don’t want to go home, is all.”

  She stared out the windshield at the parking lot. Her hands still gripped the steering wheel.

  “Your mother’s acting different too. When I talked to her on the phone, she said you had to come home, but I had this feeling she really wanted me to keep you at our place. Do you know what I mean?”

  Her sharp green eyes examined my face. Sean had told me that you couldn’t hide things from his mother. I was really scared. What if she figured out my secret? What would happen to our family then? I lowered my gaze to my lap, unable to meet her eyes.

  “Not really,” I mumbled.

  Mrs. Barry took my chin in her hand and lifted it so I was forced to look at her. “It’s that stepfather of yours, isn’t it? What is he doing to you?”

  Ashamed, I pulled away from her and brushed the tears from my eyes with the back of my hand. “Nothing.”

  “Josh, you’re not going to get in trouble. I want to help you, but you have to talk to me. Does your stepfather hurt you? Is he hurting your mom?”

  As she spoke, I stole a glance at her and realized something amazing. Sean’s mom didn’t like Michael. She didn’t like him at all.

  I could feel the words bubbling up in my chest, threatening to escape. I wanted to tell her. I could picture the police coming for Michael and taking him away so he would never hurt us again. But what would happen afterward? Mom had told me often enough that without Michael’s money, we’d be in the poorhouse. I didn’t know where the poorhouse was, but Mom seemed terrified of it. It had to be pretty bad if it was worse than living with Michael.

  And what if the police didn’t come for my stepfather? Or worse, what if they only gave him a warning? He would kill me. No, as nice as Mrs. Barry was, I couldn’t tell her.

  “No, he’s okay,” I said.

  She waited for another long moment, and then patted my hand. “If you ever decide you want to talk about it, you can call me. Anytime, day or night, do you understand?”

  I nodded, not able to speak over the lump that had formed in my throat.

  “And in the meantime, you can stay with us. As much as you like, as much as your mom will let you, okay?”

  She started the car then, and I was relieved. Even though I really didn’t want to go home, I wasn’t sure I could have kept quiet much longer.

  “I’m going to tell you something important, and I don’t want you to forget it. If something happens at home and you need to get away, I want you to come over as fast as you can. Run straight to our house. Don’t bother calling, just come. It doesn’t matter how early it is, or how late. Okay?”

  Surprised, I nodded again. Only when she was satisfied that I’d understood did she pull out of the parking lot. I could have sworn she muttered, “Poor little lad.” Thoughts raced through my head as she drove closer and closer to my house. How had she known something was wrong? What had given it away? Michael had always been careful not to leave any marks. What had she seen? Did Sean know?

  When she pulled into my driveway, she patted my leg briskly. She was back to her no-nonsense self. The softness she’d shown in the McDonald’s parking lot was gone.

  She didn’t say much as she helped me get my bike off the rack. By the time we were finished, my mother had opened the front door. My heart sank as I saw how sad she looked. She was thinner than ever. Her face was pale, and there were dark smudges under her eyes. As she stood in the driveway, wringing her hands and apologizing to Sean’s mother again and again for the inconvenience, I realized it was obvious there was something wrong. We might as well have posted signs in the yard.

  Mrs. Barry turned to my mother then, her eyes flashing. Mom took a step back, and I didn’t blame her.

  “Now, I don’t mean to tell you your business, Eileen. But I talked to the boys, and they said they didn’t do anything wrong. I have to say I believe them. That man of yours scared the bejesus out of them. I think they’ve been punished enough, don’t you?”

  I wasn’t sure what she meant. Up to that point, we hadn’t been punished at all, unless taking me home was our punishment. And we had disobeyed my stepfather.

  There was a threat to her words. I heard it, and I knew my mom heard it too. She put a hand on my shoulder, and I could feel how unsteady it was. “Yes,” she said in this choked little voice that didn’t sound like my mother at all. She couldn’t meet Mrs. Barry’s eyes either.

  Sean’s mom watched us for a moment. I could tell she didn’t want to leave. For a minute, I thought she’d tell my mom to get in the car. Maybe Mom would agree, and Mrs. Barry would whisk us away from here. We’d live at her house and never have to see Michael again.

  But that didn’t happen. Instead Mrs. Barry sighed, an exasperated sound. “Well, have a good day, then. Josh, I hope I’ll see you tomorrow?”

  I glanced up at my mom, knowing she was being put on the spot and hoping that she’d cave. “We’ll see,” she said. “He has some chores to do, and he needs to apologize to his stepfather first.”

  Apologize to Michael? I could think of nothing I’d rather do less. But the answer seemed to satisfy Sean’s mom, because she told us goodbye and got in her car. As she backed down our driveway, it took every inch of willpower not to run after her.

  Once she was gone, I asked my mom the question I’d been dreading. “Is—is he really mad?”

  “I don’t think so. But he thought that you should come home, and I agree.” She knelt down in front of me then, holding me by the arms. “Josh, I want us to be a family. A happy family. Michael has promised to never, ever hurt you again, but I need you to show him some respect. Do you think you can do that? Can you do it for me?”

  I said I would, although I knew I’d never respect that monster, no matter what he did. And as for never hurting me again, I’d believe it when I saw it.

  We walked into the house together, her arm wrapped tightly across my shoulders. If she’d noticed I no longer had a backpack or her spade, she didn’t mention it.

  Michael was in the living room reading a newspaper. He was sitting in my dad’s recliner, and the sight of him in that chair made me furious. I wanted to hit him, to hurt him. I didn’t want him anywhere near my dad’s things.

  He put down his paper as we came in, acting like he just realized I was home, although he must have heard Mrs. Barry’s car in the driveway. Maybe he’d even heard what she’d said.

  “Hello, Josh. How was the sleepover?” He flashed one of his shark-like smiles.

  “Fine.”

  “Glad to hear it. Your little friend there, he seems like he has lots of energy.”

  I could feel my cheeks getting hot. “His name is Sean.”

  “Ah yes, that’s right—Sean. He’s a jumpy fellow, isn’t he?”

  I didn’t know what to say. I’d thought Michael would be furious about the way we’d taken off on him. What was with this phony nice-guy act? It was even cre
epier than when he was holding me under water.

  “Well,” he said, shaking out his newspaper when I didn’t respond, “I guess you better get going. You have a lot of work to do before you can see your friend again.”

  I stared at Mom in confusion. What was he talking about? I had chores to do now and then, but nothing too serious. Nothing that couldn’t be finished in an hour or two.

  “It’s your room,” she told me. “I don’t know what you’ve done in there, but it stinks to high heaven.”

  My room? My room had been fine when I’d left for my adventure with Sean. Suspicious, I immediately looked over at Michael, and of course he was smirking at me.

  “You have to learn to take better care of your things,” he said. “Unless you want to be grounded for life.”

  With a sinking feeling, I ran for my room. As soon as I yanked the door open, it hit me. The smell was overpowering. Still clinging to the doorknob, I stumbled back a few steps.

  My entire room was filled with the stench of ripe, rotting garbage. But that wasn’t the worst of it.

  There on my pillow, still covered in coffee grounds, egg shells, and God knows what else, was Edgar.

  And he was grinning at me.

  Chapter Ten

  “But that’s impossible! You’re shitting me, right?”

  “No,” I whispered into the phone, glancing over my shoulder even though my bedroom door was closed. I’d opened the windows to let the cool air in, but the room still smelled. I was getting used to it, though. “He’s definitely back.”

  “B-but how?” Sean’s voice cracked, and I could tell he was scared.

  “Michael must have followed us. He must have seen what we did, and then dug Edgar up after we left.”

  “That’s impossible,” Sean said again. “We lost him, remember? He wasn’t following us. There’s no way he could have turned around in time to see where we went.”

  “Then maybe he guessed. In a car, he could have caught up to us easy.”

  I shuddered at the thought of Michael waiting in the trees, watching everything we did.