Butterfly Tears

by Zoë S. Roy

  “He said he had to take a longer trip than me to reach Ottawa. I think it’s only fair for me to meet him part-way.”

  “Right, you already put yourself in his shoes. You must really like him.” Suli said sarcastically, clapping her hands as though cheering on a wonderful performance. “Great! A blind romance! When are you going?”

  “Next Thursday. I’ll take a train and come back the following day…” Meili hesitated. “Do you think it’s a bad idea?”

  “Bad idea?” Suli smirked. “You won’t listen to me…”

  “Am I too old?” Meili became anxious.

  “Too old? How old is he?”

  “In his thirties, I guess. He’s at least thirty-five.”

  “You’re not old! You’re a couple of years younger. The problem is blind dates can be dangerous, especially for girls. And it isn’t the Chinese way, you know. Some men may only want to take advantage of you. You’re really going overboard, to date a man you’ve never seen, in a city you’ve never ever been to, and he doesn’t even live in! Would any other normal Chinese girl be as bold as you?”

  “I’m old enough, sister!” Meili rolled her eyes. She got up off the bed and turned her back to Suli, tapping her foot on the floor to indicate her impatience.

  “Okay, I won’t say anything, but you need to be careful. Don’t trust–” Suli halted as soon as Meili turned back around, her eyes downcast. “I can lend you any dress or skirt you like. And I’ll give you $100 to help with your trip.”

  Meili brightened and said, “Thanks, Suli. Wish me good luck.”

  Suli sighed. “Of course … I hope it all goes well.”

  That night, Meili had a dream: she wandered down an empty street looking for someone to ask for directions. A girl walked past her. Excited, she asked, “Excuse me. Could you please tell me where Pacific Mall is?”

  “Pacific Mall? Do you mean Pacific Ocean?”

  Meili shook her head. “No, I mean ‘Pacific Mall.’”

  “I don’t understand,” the girl said with a confused look. “Sorry. I can’t help.” She left.

  Meili realized she was speaking Chinese. She tried to speak English but could not make any sound. At that moment, she saw a huge building not far from the street. She recognized it as the mall she had been looking for. When she entered the mall, she saw crowds of people moving about. She bought a pink polka-dotted dress from an Italian fashion store. When she left the building, the streetlights were on. They glimmered and smiled around her, sweet and warm.

  The next morning, Meili felt gorgeous. Looking out the window of her sister’s tenth floor apartment, Meili’s eyes drank in the red and gold maple trees dotting green lawns like colourful balloons. She imagined that some day she would sit on the porch of a beautiful house, and watch her children chase butterflies around the maple trees on the front lawn.

  She decided to get her hair dyed in order to impress her date. In the afternoon, she would flip through the pages of the “H’s” in the telephone directory to hunt for more potential clients.

  ***

  Her train arrived in Ottawa in the early afternoon. She stood up from her seat and smoothed her pink dress that she had borrowed from her sister. With a mini-suitcase in her hand, she strolled toward a turnstile. She glanced around the station and saw several men. Which one is he? Only two men wore T-shirts. The younger one’s T-shirt had a picture of a white sailboat. It must be him! He had told her he loved sailing. Her eyes beamed as the man smiled and walked toward her. “I’m Linqi. Are you Meili?”

  Glad to be recognized, Meili nodded. “How did you know?”

  “Well, I wasn’t sure, but you looked like you were waiting for someone.” Linqi’s gaze fell on her hair, which she had just dyed blond. He had expected to see a black-haired girl. He stretched out his hand. “May I carry your suitcase?”

  “You don’t have to,” she answered as she handed him the suitcase and then followed him out of the station. “Where are we going?”

  “Do you mind going to my hotel? I have already reserved a room.” He looked at her and waited for a gesture of consent. “We can leave your suitcase there and go out.”

  “Okay, I’ll check into the same hotel.” She paused at a parking meter, wondering where the hotel was.

  “All right, let’s go.” Linqi turned and beckoned for a taxi.

  The taxi took them to a Holiday Inn and stopped in front of the entrance. Linqi paid the driver, got out, and opened the door for Meili. They entered the lobby. After a discussion with the desk clerk, Meili received a key to a room, which was on the same floor as Linqi’s.

  “Would you like to take a walk outside or have a rest first?” asked Linqi once they reached her room.

  “I’m not tired. We can walk if you want to,” answered Meili as she opened the door to her room and stepped inside to deposit her suitcase. She was eager to get to know him, but did not know where to begin. Maybe I should just go along with what he feels like doing, she thought. Under her breath, she mouthed, “A guest will follow a host. You can decide what to do –”

  “We’re guests to each other,” he said to her, smiling as if he had read her mind. “So you can decide and I’ll follow you. By the way, have you ever visited Ottawa before?”

  Meili shook her head. “I’d like to visit Parliament Hill if that’s okay.” Suddenly, she remembered something. “Linqi, do you mind if I make a phone call?”

  “Not at all. Do you know anyone in Ottawa?”

  “No. I need to call my sister in Toronto.” She motioned for Linqi to come into the room. Up to this point, he had remained standing in the doorway. She walked to the window and took her cell phone out of her purse. Linqi sat in the only armchair in the room, while Meili dialled Suli’s number and gave her the name and phone number of the hotel she had checked into.

  Linqi waited until she finished her call. “I know the city well because I once studied at a university here. I can be your guide.” Rising from the chair, he walked over to her and pointed through the window at a green-roofed tower in the distance. “See that green pointy roof? That’s Parliament Hill. It’s about a twenty-minute walk from here or a couple of minutes by bus or taxi. Which way do you prefer?”

  “On foot, of course.” Walking will provide us with a better way to get to know each other.

  After they visited Parliament Hill, Linqi suggested they eat at a Swiss Chalet. Meili did not enjoy non-Chinese food, but showed her respect for his choice. She kept telling herself, I can learn and adapt. She ordered what he ordered even though she had a problem with salad. She stared at the raw lettuce, green pepper, and onion on the plate, frowning. How can I eat this? She poured a lot of French dressing on the vegetables before biting into them.

  “It’s sour, isn’t it?” Linqi noticed her twisted face and said, “You could leave the salad if you don’t like it. It took me half a year to get used to North American food.”

  “After twenty years in the States and Canada, which food have you eaten the most?” Meili gave up on the salad and took a bite of her quarter chicken.

  “Any food that is served fast. Apparently you aren’t used to fast food yet.” Linqi chewed the chicken, and his lips glistened under the lights when he spoke. “Do you like your job?”

  “Well, it’s hard to get customers. I’ve only found three in two months,” answered Meili. “Do you have a family here?” Looking into Linqi’s puzzled eyes, she added, “I mean parents and siblings.”

  “No, I only have an aunt. I’m a lone wolf,” Linqi smirked.

  “Are you hunting sheep?” Meili giggled. It’s a good thing, she thought, that he doesn’t have parents to look after.

  “What?” Linqi stared into her face. “I meant that I’ve struggled all my life like a wolf. But I’ve gotten ahead.”

  “It’s difficult for women.”

  “It’s easie
r for women if they have higher education,” he replied.

  “Ah, but how could I afford it? Besides, my English is not good enough.” Meili only had a high school diploma from China. Her babysitting job did not help her learn English, and her telemarketing job didn’t make her enough money to cover tuition costs. Going to university was a mere daydream.

  “Have you made the effort?” He took a napkin and cleaned his lips. “I worked hard although I could’ve had an easier life –”

  “Do you…” Meili interrupted him and searched for the right words. “Did you have a lot of response to your personal ad?”

  “I’ve met a couple of women. Have you ever had any boyfriends?” asked Linqi before he took a sip of his ice-cream shake.

  “Not really.” Meili drank her tea.

  “Why not?”

  “My sister introduced me to some university graduates, but I was not interested.”

  “Why are you interested in me?”

  “You’re handsome and successful…”

  “You never saw me before today.” Linqi laughed. “You’re apparently interested in businessmen.”

  “You sounded all right to me when we spoke on the phone.” Meili’s face flushed. “Maybe you think I’m not good enough, but I can learn more English. I can do lots of things.”

  “That’s good,” Linqi nodded.

  She relaxed a little. They ate in silence for a minute. Then she asked, “Do you have a good business?”

  “Not bad. My company sells quality computer products. And I have a well-trained staff.” Linqi breathed deeply and added, “But sometimes, I doubt if business is what I’m actually interested in. But, let’s not talk about it, okay? I’m a businessman who hates business. Ha!”

  Linqi looked naïve when he laughed, but his laughter made Meili uncomfortable. She did not know why.

  ***

  The evening was pleasantly cool, and the scent of marigolds filled the air. Meili felt a little frustrated after supper when they strolled back to the Holiday Inn. What does Linqi want? He’s too sophisticated for me, Meili sighed.

  “Are you tired?” asked Linqi as they walked up to their floor.

  “Not really.” Meili motioned toward her room. “You can join me if you like.”

  “I’ll walk you there.”

  “You…” Meili choked as she approached her door. Her voice began quivering. “You’re not sincere. I thought you were interested in a serious relationship. Yet, you don’t want to talk about your plans for the future although you know I’m serious.” She entered the room and sank into the armchair.

  “What plans? You mean a long-term relationship?”

  “Yes, you know what I mean.” Meili felt disappointed, and tears began to well up in her eyes.

  “It’s hard for me to promise you anything on the basis of a first date.” Linqi walked to her and stood beside the chair, placing his hand on her shoulder. “You’re a little bit too –”

  “Too what?”

  “I’m not sure. It’s a little hard to catch on to what you mean. Maybe you think too much.”

  “You don’t think, do you?” Meili took hold of his hand.

  “I don’t think when I date. I just want to have a good time.”

  “Can you have a good time forever?”

  “Ah huh!” Linqi chuckled. “Is my mother here? I tried marriage before, but it didn’t work.”

  “Do you want to see me again?”

  Linqi sat down on the arm of the chair. His hand caressed her short hair that shone golden under the light. “Do you mind telling me why you’ve bleached your hair blond?”

  “I like the colour. Why not?”

  “I like the colour, too. But,” he paused for a second and said, “I feel quite amused when I see a ‘bottle blonde’ who can’t speak English or French well. I think learning the language and culture is more important than changing the colour of your hair.”

  “I’m learning English, too.” Meili raised her head. “Tell me what I can do to please you?”

  “There is something lovely in you.” Linqi stood up. “Sleep well. I have an early meeting tomorrow morning and have to say goodbye to you now.”

  Meili’s eyes dimmed, and her lips moved but did not say anything more.

  He paused at the door. “By the way, Linqi is a pen name for the ad. My real name is Henry Ow Yang.” It was as if he were able to guess her thoughts. He added, “I might call you up next Monday. If not, forget me. Good night.”

  That night, Meili dreamt that she had wandered into a forest and got lost. When she woke up, she realized she was in room at the Holiday Inn hotel and would take the train home to Toronto in the morning with an uninsured heart.

  ***

  Saturday again and it was sunny. Meili returned home from the hair salon and looked into the mirror before going to meet with Mrs. Yang. Her hair appeared shiny and dark in the mirror’s reflection. Remembering Mrs. Yang’s habit of strolling in the park on fine days, Meili put on a dark red sweater and a pair of stone-washed jeans.

  She arrived at Mrs. Yang’s house as usual at one o’clock and walked into her living room.

  “Take a seat. Let’s drink some tea before going to the park.” Mrs. Yang said as she placed a teapot on the table. “My son’s back home.”

  “Your son? Where is he?” Meili looked around but did not see anyone else. She had heard Mrs. Yang talk about her son a few times. In Meili’s mind, he was a boy of ten, which was the only photo of her son that she had seen. According to Mrs. Yang, parents in her hometown would never show recent photos of their only child to any person unknown to the child. This was a way for them to protect their child’s soul from slipping away with strangers.

  “He came home yesterday. He had to go to a meeting and will be back pretty soon.”

  “How old is he?” Meili became curious.

  “He’ll be thirty-eight this coming Monday. You know he’s my only baby. I hope he can find a decent wife. Would you like to meet him, Meili? He’s a wonderful boy.”

  Meili grinned at Mrs. Yang and thought, You bought my insurance once before. Now you want to sell me your son. Who knows if a thirty-eight-year-old is really a wonderful boy? “Sure, why not?”

  At about 1:30 p.m., they heard footsteps approaching the front entrance. Mrs. Yang rose quickly from the couch and went to open the door. “Henry Ow, come meet Meili, my delightful companion.”

  “Meili?” a man stepped in and gaped at Meili, who had already stood up from her chair with a puzzled look as well.

  Meili recognized him immediately. “Yes, it’s me.” She pointed to Mrs. Yang. “Henry Ow, is this your mother or aunt?”

  At that moment, Mrs. Yang clapped her hands with delight. “My dears, you’ve already met?”

  “Is he your son or nephew?” asked Meili. “He lives in Moncton, not Montreal!”

  “Yes. Isn’t Moncton part of Montreal?” said Mrs. Yang. “In my hometown, a widow calls her only child ‘nephew’ and the child calls his mother ‘aunt.’ This is the way we widows used to have our children blessed. And this is why my son calls me ‘aunt.’” Mrs. Yang became enthusiastic when talking about her son. “You see, my son’s grown well and is –”

  “Aunt, take a break. You’re too excited.” With a grin, Henry Ow walked toward Meili and said, “It’s good to see you again. You look like yourself now.”

  “Really…” Meili stood motionless, amazed at the encounter.

  “How about having dinner with me tonight?” Henry Ow extended his hand.

  Meili gripped his hand, delighted. “Okay. After I come back from the park.”

  Then she turned around to Mrs. Yang. “Are you ready for a walk, Mrs. Yang? We can go now.”

  “Yes. Let’s take a walk.” Mrs. Yang nodded and walked toward the door.

  Meili follo
wed suit. The porch’s wind chimes jingled with the breeze, and sparkled in the sunlight.

  A smile smoothed away the wrinkles on Mrs. Yang’s face as she turned to Meili. “You can ask my son to buy your insurance later.”

  Jing and the Caterpillar

  ON A JULY AFTERNOON IN 1971 in Guangzhou, China, four-year-old Jing ran out of her apartment building to join her playmates on the lawn. It was hot and humid, but the children had fun looking for sweet grass roots.

  “Jing, come and look,” a girl about five years old called out. She stood near a shrub, pointing to a branch.

  Jing scampered over and took a look. “Yuck, a worm!”

  A match-sized green worm was hunched on a leaf. The girl picked up a twig and waved it at the worm. “You little thing. Where are you going?”

  “I think it’s going home,” said Jing.

  “Nope. I think it’s eating the leaf,” answered a boy, joining them. He prodded the worm with a small stick to help it move onto another leaf.

  “Look, there are a few more worms here. They’ve eaten up all these leaves,” Jing said in excitement.

  “We’re worms; we need food, too.” The little girl changed her voice into a high-pitched whisper. “You girls and boys eat candy and cookies. We eat leaves.”

  “Ha, ha, little worm, let me give you some food.” Jing giggled and plucked a leaf to feed the chanting girl.

  “Thanks, Jing, but a leaf isn’t enough. I want candy,” the girl laughed.

  “Big worm, I have candy for you,” said the boy, smiling as he handed a white grass root to the girl.

  “Ha, good boy.” The girl took it and placed it into her mouth. “It’s so sweet. Thank you.”

  “Look, I’ve found more sweet grass.” Jing squatted and pulled out a few sweet grass roots. “Try mine. They must taste sweet, too.”

  The children searched for more sweet grass roots and then watched the worms squiggling on the shrub again.

  Gradually, Jing felt sick to her stomach. Her head began to spin. She lay down on the lawn and closed her eyes. She dreamt of a boundless, dark green forest. In it was a cabin. A biplane was hovering over the forest cabin, spreading a mass of fog. In the cabin a man sat at his desk in front of a typewriter. His fingers tapped the tiny keys. A woman with a basket pushed open the door and stepped in. Golden-yellow mushrooms filled her basket. The round basket then turned into a huge, blooming sunflower.