Texas Holdem (The Hell Yeah! Series)
Page 17
“My family did this?” Tricia couldn’t believe her ears. “I’m so sorry, Lance. I never knew.” She rose and walked to the desk, picking up the photograph. “I thought Shenandoah was just another property she owned. No one ever said anything about this to me.” Turning to face him, she had tears in her eyes. “Your poor family! I hate this so much!”
Seeing her genuine distress, Lance realized what his rush to judgment had cost them both. “I made a mistake. I jumped to the conclusion that you’d known this all the time. I was so angry at you, I thought it must amuse you to tease me, knowing my family had been destroyed by yours.”
Tricia felt like someone just jerked her feet out from under her. “What did I ever do to make you feel this way?” She came closer to him, raising her voice. “I adored you!”
“I’m not saying it makes any sense, I’m just telling you how I felt.”
“Why didn’t you ask me? Why didn’t you give me a chance to explain, to defend myself?”
Her simple questions had no answers. “I don’t know. I’d been so angry for so long. When I found out you were involved…”
“But I wasn’t involved. I’ve been estranged from my father and his family for my whole life! My grandmother contacted me for the first time just a few months before I moved here. My father is dead, Lance, and so is my grandfather. Marcelle knows she made mistakes with me, but she told me she was trying to set things right.” Tricia held up the offending picture. “She never mentioned you or your family’s land to me. Not a word.”
“I believe you.” His simple admission was made with the deepest regret. All of this could’ve been prevented if he’d just talked to her. How many things in life could be solved, if people would only talk? Wars might be avoided if the two sides merely sat down at a table and talked. He shook his head; the epiphany was almost too painful to consider. “I’m so sorry, Tricia.” Rising. Lance went to her. He needed to feel her against him. He needed to know she could get past this. “Can you ever forgive me?”
When his arms reached out to pull her to him, Tricia moved away. If he touched her, she felt she might shatter into a million pieces. “I can forgive you, but we can’t go back to the way we were.”
“Why not?” Lance didn’t understand. “I was wrong and I’m sorry. I never stopped wanting you. My head was distracted with this mess, but my heart and body never wavered.”
Tricia backed up from him. “You said some horrible things to me, Lance. You pushed me away, you made me feel cheap and worthless. You didn’t even give me a chance to defend myself. How can I trust you again?”
Lance felt like a knife had been jammed into his chest. What could he say? Only the truth. “I don’t deserve a second chance with you, Tricia. I don’t blame you for pushing me away. But you’re pregnant with my child and I need to step up and accept responsibility. I want to protect you. I know you’re…sick.”
“I’ll be fine. I couldn’t bear your pity
“I don’t pity you.” He tried to take her in his arms again, but she put more distance between them.
“Don’t.” She said with force. “I have lived with epilepsy for most of my life. I know how people react to it. I know what you’re thinking.”
Lance lost it. He just lost it. He’d kept his distance long enough. “You have no idea what I’m thinking.” Grasping her arm, he tugged her to him, covering her mouth with his.
Shock and awe swept over her like a tidal wave as his firm, warm lips moved desperately over hers. Precious, familiar feelings swamped Tricia, rushing through her bloodstream like a riptide of desire, pushing her far out of her depth. He spliced his thigh between her legs, pressing his body as close to hers as he could get it. His strong arms crushed her to him until they could feel one another’s heartbeats.
To Tricia, it felt too good, too right.
Overwhelmed, she turned her head and pushed against his chest, ending the kiss. Backing away, she gasped, unable to deny the wanton hunger rising within her. “What was that?”
“That was me showing you how much I want you, proving how much you still want me.” Lance was breathing as hard as Tricia. “I screwed up. I was stupid, I admit it. Just don’t punish us both for my mistake. Don’t punish our baby.”
“Stop.” She placed a hand to her forehead. “Don’t make me into the bad guy in this situation.” Tricia looked at him accusingly. “What do you want from me, Lance?”
Lance faced her, his chest heaving, feeling more at a loss than he ever had in his life. “I want to take care of you. I want to take care of our baby.”
“I can handle this, I don’t need you.” Just saying the words didn’t make them true, she did want him and she wasn’t sure she could manage by herself. What held her back from grabbing onto his offer with both hands was the memory of his face when he’d scathingly pushed her away. “You’ll change your mind. I’ll have another seizure and you’ll wish you were anywhere else than with me.”
“Not true, not even close,” Lance argued, “I would never do that.”
She held his gaze for a few seconds, giving him time to process everything that had happened. “How can I trust you?” she finally whispered. “I never would’ve believed you would push me away like you did before. In a thousand years, I never would’ve thought you could treat me the way you have. You said I made your skin crawl.”
“I didn’t mean it. I was hurt.” Lance felt the weight of his mistakes crush his hope. “Please, Tricia. Don’t shut me out. Please.”
Sorrow burned in Tricia’s chest. “I’ll never keep your baby from you, Lance. I’ll have whatever test you need me to have, to insure paternity.”
“I don’t need that.”
She just kept talking. “I just can’t go back to where we were. If there was no baby, you wouldn’t be standing here.” Bringing her arms up in the familiar position, she hugged herself tight. “I need for you to leave.” She started toward the stairs. “Thank you for the flowers and the apology. I accept both. Please follow me and I’ll walk you down so I can lock the door behind you.”
Lance didn’t know what to do. What else could he say? He couldn’t force her. “I hurt you so much and I’ll never forgive myself.”
On the top landing, Tricia flipped on the light. The sudden brightness hitting her in the eyes made her blink. She didn’t try to answer Lance, she was too focused on the unwelcome tingling and the ringing in her ears. “No, not now. Please not now.” She’d let Lance upset her. She shouldn’t have argued with him. “I can’t go down, I don’t want to fall,” she muttered as the seizure claimed her. Sinking down on a step, she leaned against the wall and closed her eyes, submitting to the uncontrollable attack.
“Tricia!” Lance exclaimed behind her. “Oh, God, baby.” Sitting down on the step behind her, he lifted her into his arms. “What can I do?”
“Hold me,” was all she could say.
Clasping her tightly, he whispered, “Texas Holdem. Texas Holdem.”
She buried her head against his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. Don’t be.” He kissed her on the forehead. “I want to be here for you. I’ve wanted you for so long, baby. Don’t let my stupidity rob us of what we could have together.”
For long minutes, he rocked her on the stairs, increasing the pressure of his arms when she would jerk uncontrollably against him. Once she quieted, he picked her up and took her back inside the apartment. Seating himself on the couch, he held her in his lap. “You could’ve fallen down the stairs, Tricia.”
She let out a long breath, surprised to realize he was trembling too. “I didn’t.”
“You might next time.” He kissed her on the forehead. “Come home with me. I’ll see that you get to work on time and I’ll make sure you get home okay. If I can’t do it myself, someone at the ranch will be available.” Lance was positive the McCoys would help him keep his promise.
“Live with you?” Tricia sat up. “No. I won’t be a burden. I can take care of myself.�
�
“You could’ve fallen down the stairs so easily,” he reminded her. “Is that what you want?” Yes, he was laying on the guilt. He was determined to use whatever tools he had at his disposal. The only other one he had was seduction and he had no qualms about using it too, given the chance. “Come home with me, baby.” He nuzzled her neck. “I’ll make you glad you did.”
Tricia had to put distance between them. He was tempting her beyond bearing. “The seizures don’t happen often. Stress is one of my triggers.” She began to ease off his lap.
Now, the guilt came back to weigh on him. “I won’t place undue stress on you, I promise. I’ll handle you with kid gloves. I’ll treat you like a princess.”
“I’ve only been taking my medicine for a few days, the seizures will lessen and become more infrequent over time.” She was saying this by rote, as much to convince herself as him.
“Can we go back, Tricia? Please? Can we forget all of the misunderstandings ever happened?” He knew he sounded desperate, but he was desperate.
Compassion rose in her breast. She placed a hand on his knee, aware of the strength in his body. He was big and powerful, warm and real. “No, we can’t go back.” She felt him tense beneath her touch. “But we can move forward.” Raising her gaze to lock with his, Tricia surrendered. “Protecting our baby is important. I know living alone is risky. I could go live with my grandmother…” She heard the rumbling growl in his chest and she squeezed his leg in response. “Let me finish. I want to continue working as long as I can, so I won’t go to North-Star.”
“You’ll come home with me.” His declaration wasn’t demanding, it was an appeal.
“I’ll go home with you.” The relief on his face was instantaneous. “For the baby’s sake. But just for the baby’s sake. We don’t have to pretend to be anything else.”
“There would be no pretense.” He went to his knees at her feet. Seeing her distress, he wanted to do nothing to threaten her. “Okay. Whatever you say. I only want to be with you, in whatever capacity you’ll allow.” Without thinking, he leaned forward to steal a kiss. To his relief, Tricia didn’t fight him. She kissed him back.
“That’s not supposed to happen.”
“I apologize. I’ll be good.” He dragged a knuckle down her cheek to the fluttering pulse point in her neck, then slowly down to the sweet indention of her collarbone. “I’ll let you decide if you want more…of me.”
Tricia could feel her body react. There was no way to hide it. Her nipples grew hard and her breathing grew shallow. She wanted him, there was no denying the obvious. “I can’t let you break my heart again, Lance. I have to stay strong for me and for our baby.”
“Okay. Whatever you say.” He was grateful she’d agreed. This was a victory. His battle to win her back wasn’t over, he could bide his time. Lance stood and offered Tricia his hand. “I’ll do my best to make you happy and keep you safe. You won’t be sorry. I promise.”
* * *
When Lance Rogers put his mind to something, he was like a bulldozer. Before Tricia knew what was happening, he’d packed her bags and carried her down the stairs. Depositing her in his truck, he’d taken her keys and locked everything up. Once he joined her in the cab, he gave her a relieved smile. “We’ll get you home and I’ll feed you. How about some tomato soup and grilled cheese?”
“That sounds good, but I can cook for myself.”
“Are you questioning my culinary skills, Miss Yeager?”
His lighthearted tone helped alleviate some of Tricia’s unease. “No, I’d never do that, Mr. Rogers.” Maybe they could make this work. She’d be lying if she didn’t say this arrangement eased her mind about keeping the baby safe. How could she ever live with herself if she did something to endanger their child?
“After supper, you can take a nice long soak in the tub and I think it would be better if you took my bed, it’s more comfortable. I can sleep in the guestroom.”
“No, I refuse to put you out of your room. I’ll take the guestroom and I won’t argue about it.”
Hearing the steel in her voice, he backed off. “We’ll work everything out.” Reaching over to cover her hand, he gave her a smile. “No stress, remember.”
“No, no stress. I’m not a weakling, though, Lance. I don’t need coddling.”
“How do you coddle someone? I’ve never been sure of that word. Sounds like something you’d do to milk.”
Tricia laughed. “That’s curdle. When you’re being unreasonable and stubborn, I bet you could curdle milk.”
Lance recalled the times he’d yelled at her – in the restaurant and at the cabin when she’d come to tell him she was pregnant. He regretted those moments more than words could say. “I’ll never hurt you again, Tricia. The anger and resentment was so ingrained in me, I reacted without thinking. I’ll make it up to you, I’ll prove to you that I’ve changed if it’s the last thing I ever do.”
Tricia looked away from him and stared out the window. She couldn’t afford to let herself hope for anything more than shelter during this particular storm. Bringing her baby safely into the world had to be their priority. Feeling pensive, she recognized that the storm Cady predicted was no small one, it was a perfect storm, one that had blown her completely off course. How ironic that the harbor where she sought sanctuary…was Lance. “I never wanted you to change.” Her voice was so soft, she didn’t know if he would hear her or not. “I loved you just the way you were.”
Past tense. Loved. Lance cursed under his breath. He’d worn his resentment of the past like a hair shirt and now that resentment might cost him his future. “Just give us a chance, just a chance, that’s all I ask. Don’t close the door completely, please.”
Tricia didn’t answer and he didn’t press further.
Soon, they were pulling beneath the Tebow sign and headed in the direction of the foreman’s cabin. The evening shadows were dense, so all she could see was the porch light he’d left on. When they drew nearer, she could see the outline of the house itself. “I’ve always loved this place,” she murmured. “The porch is so inviting and the woods are so peaceful.”
Lance didn’t say what immediately came to mind. The cabin didn’t belong to him, but he was beginning to understand that there were more important things than where you hung your hat. People were more important. Family was more important. Love was far more important. “It’s a good house. Well built.” As he came to a stop, Lance shut off the engine and opened his door. “Sit right there, I’ll help you out. This old truck is so high off the ground, I don’t want to risk you missing the running board.”
Tricia waited, excitement fizzing through her veins despite her acceptance of the circumstances. This would be the second night she’d ever spent with a man. Unlike the first, she’d be sleeping alone. “Thank you,” she murmured as he lifted her down. His big, strong hands grasping her securely felt…right. She let him take her hand, holding onto it as he gathered her bag from the back. “I have only been inside the cabin once, to deliver a pie. I sat in the porch swing that day, I love your porch swing.”
“I remember,” Lance muttered. “Would God I’d had sense enough to compel you to stay then.”
Tricia didn’t reply. She was watching her step as he led her into the place that would be her home, at least for the next eight months. As she darkened the door to the cabin, she couldn’t quell the feeling of homecoming that cascaded over her.
But this wasn’t her home, no matter how much she might wish otherwise.
The interior of the cabin wasn’t fancy, yet it was welcoming and warm. She let her eyes rove over the hardwood floors, the paneled walls, and the stone fireplace. An uncomfortable knot formed in her stomach as she stared at the big bed visible through an open doorway. She needed to keep her wits about her, she could so easily slip back into the habit of craving him like food and water. A maelstrom of emotions churned with her as he set her bag to the side. “We’ll get you settled in a moment, first you must eat.”
“Great!” Lance accepted her admission as a good sign. “If you’ll slice the bread, I’ll put the soup on to heat.” He made a place for her at his table, fetched a knife, and a loaf of bread. “Cady made this bread, I think it’s whole grain.”
“Smells delicious. I wonder if she baked some magic into it.” She took the knife and cut four generous slices. “I’ll have to try my hand at baking bread.”
Lance placed cheese and butter on the table, then was brave enough to steal another kiss. “You have your own brand of magic, don’t ever doubt it.”
She reached for the butter and accidentally bumped his hand, sending sparks shooting up her arm. He was close enough that she could smell him – fresh mown hay and leather mixed with the irresistible scent of a virile man. Memories of when she expected love and happiness to be her due sought to surface. She battled them down. With the return of the condition that had plagued her youth, she knew those things were out of her reach.
Blushing at their happenstance touch, he began to slather the bread with butter while she sliced sharp cheddar cheese. “Do you want a boy or a girl?”
The question so startled Tricia that she dropped the knife she’d been wielding. “I want a healthy baby, Lance. The gender is of no consequence.”
“I agree, wholeheartedly.” He added cheese to the bread and popped them into the warming oven on a cookie sheet. “Now, while those brown. Let’s get you set up in the bedroom. Are you sure you don’t want to share my bed?”
His suggestion caused a wave of heat to wash over her body. “Don’t tease, Lance. You promised.”