Suddenly Together

by JA Low

  “Yeah.” He looks down at me with a stupid grin.

  “Can I ask you to do something and not to question it no matter what?”

  “Okay,” he says, without skipping a beat.

  “Can you turn around and face the window and give your cock a couple of strokes for the audience.”

  He gives me a crooked grin. “Anything for you, sweetness.” As he turns around and does it, it makes me giggle when I see Derrick’s reaction. I think he is going to faint, his eyes are bugging out of his head and he is fake fanning himself. Then I press the button letting the curtain fall down covering the window.

  “Get dressed,” I tell Christian.

  He stands there for a moment looking at his clothes scattered around the room and then to his hard cock, he raises and eyebrow at me, silently asking for something.

  “Keep dreaming, friend,” I say, which makes him chuckle. He silently gets dressed and slings and arm around my shoulder as we head for the door.

  It’s been a week since Vanessa and I kind of hooked up at the Paradise Club. We are taking it slow, friendship wise anyway. Things at work have become a lot less chaotic with us not fighting anymore and the staff look a lot more relaxed about it as well. Most nights I have been heading out to open mic nights with the boys, looking for the next big thing tucked away in some stale beer stank hole. Throwing my keys in the bowl, I notice there is message on the machine, which is kind of random because if people are after me they call my cell. I press play as I grab myself a beer.

  “Hi Vanessa, this is Tracey calling from Dr. Jensen’s office. He has your test results and would like you to schedule an appointment, if you could please call the office on 533-231, thank you.”

  What the fuck? Test results? Why the hell would Vanessa need tests results for? Fuck, is she pregnant? My heart is racing, I don’t understand. Before I know it, I’ve jumped in my car and headed to Derrick’s. I don’t care how late it is, I need to know what is going on with her?

  I take a deep breath and knock on the door, it’s late but Derrick’s always up doing something, he’s very much a night owl. As predicted, Derrick answers the door.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I need to see Ness.”

  His brown eyes bore into me.

  “If this is some sort of booty call, then you need to turn that fine ass around and go back to where you came from,” he says, crossing his arms defensively.

  “What the…I’m not here for a booty call, are you serious?”

  He just shrugs his shoulders.

  “I need to see Ness, it’s important.”

  He looks me over again.

  “Fine, come on in then. Don’t make me regret this.”

  Pushing my way past him, I run to Vanessa’s room and without knocking I barge in falling over a stray bag on the floor and end up on my knees.

  “Christian, what the fuck?” Vanessa screams at me.

  She looks beautiful, so fucking beautiful. She’s dressed in short shorts and a tank top, her hard nipples pressing against the thin fabric as she lays in her bed reading.

  “Are you pregnant?” I blurt out.

  Vanessa looks at me in shock. “What the hell are you talking about? Are you high?”

  “Well are you?” I press her again as I find my feet and stand looking down at her in her bed.

  “No I am not fucking pregnant. Why the hell are you asking me this?”

  “Who’s Dr. Jensen?”

  Vanessa stills and I can see the color drain from her face. “How do you know about Dr. Jensen?” She sounds angry.

  “They left a message at home, your results are in, so I am going to ask you again…Vanessa are you pregnant?” We are almost toe to toe. I don’t even know when Vanessa sprang up out of bed but we have naturally gravitated toward each other like magnets.

  “Fuck you, Christian.” She pushes me away from her. I catch her wrists and hold them to my chest as she tries and wiggles out of my tight grasp, eventually I let her go.

  “If you are pregnant with my baby, Ness, then I need to know? Unless it’s with some douche bag you are seeing. Do you not know who the father is?”

  Slap.

  My face feels like it’s on fire.

  “You fucking bastard! How dare you come back into my life after all these months and accuse me of being knocked up and not knowing who the father is. How fucking dare you!” She spits fire at me.

  “Well that is the only logical explanation for a doctor to be leaving a message in regards to tests results.”

  “Why? Because I’m some fucking slut who fucks all these men with no condoms?” She hisses at me; my eyes look to the floor. Shit.

  Lifting my chin. I look into her green eyes and I can see a world of hurt behind them. “No, Ness, I don’t.”

  “Because the only guy I have never used a condom with was you.”

  I suck in a startled breath, not sure why that bit of information makes me feel good but it does.

  “And to clarify once and for all I am not pregnant.”

  A heavy weight feels like it has been lifted from me.

  “Okay, so you’re not pregnant then who’s the doctor?”

  Vanessa takes a deep breath; the room is silent as she mulls over what she is about to say next. “Come sit down,” she says, patting the edge of the bed. I follow and sit in front of her.

  “You know about Mum and how she had her surgery.”

  I nod in agreement.

  “There is a family history of breast cancer in our family, so Mum wanted me to go do this test to see if I will get it.”

  My stomach sinks. What the hell? No, I can’t lose Ness, not now that I just got her back.

  “It’s called the BRCA test.”

  I shake my head in confusion.

  “You know the one Angelina Jolie did.”

  Oh shit, yeah I remember reading something about that.

  “Mum was diagnosed positive and because of her age she decided to have the mastectomy and hysterectomy to give herself a five percent chance of getting cancer instead of an eighty percent chance.

  Fuck! I rake my hands through my hair. “But why are you getting it done?”

  “Because the gene is in my family so the chance of me getting breast cancer is high, Christian. I need to know.” I see her tears, Vanessa breaks down, I pull her into my arms, she wraps her arms around me. It feels so good to have her in my arms again.

  “I’m here for you, okay?” I kiss her, feather light kisses all over her face, trying to calm her down. “I’ll come to your doctor’s appointment, you can’t do this alone.”

  Vanessa sniffles and those big green eyes look up at me. “You would?” She sounds surprised.

  “I would do anything for you, Ness.” I bend down to kiss her lips but she turns her head at the last moment.

  “Sorry, I just…” I pull myself out of her arms. “Please let me know when it is and I will be there.”

  She nods, I get up and leave her room. I ignore Derrick’s barrage of questions and walk out the door and drive home in a daze.

  I am so nervous as we wait in Dr. Jensen’s waiting room. I watch as the nurses sneak glances at Christian who is playing on his phone, they whisper behind their hands. I’ve noticed that some of them have done some primping while we have been waiting. It’s kind of rude seeing he has one of his strong hands holding onto my leg, the one that won’t stop bouncing from the nerves. He could be my boyfriend for all they know. I let out a frustrated sigh at these women, it’s not like I am not used to it. Thank God he is here with me; he’s the only one I have told about this. It’s nice having him back in my life again, I’ve missed him. Things are still a little awkward, but at this moment the last bit of frost between us has thawed, because he is here with me now when I needed him the most and that is the most important thing.

  “Calm down, babe.” Christian smiles squeezing my thigh, instantly calming me down.

  “Sorry, it’s just…”

>   “It’s going to be okay.” He smiles at me and he looks beautiful. His light brown hair has grown longer, and he has it pulled up in a top knot, he has the perfect five o’clock shadow prickling his jaw. Those whiskey eyes staring at me, reminding me of all the fun times we have had together.

  “Vanessa Roberts,” Dr. Jensen calls my name. I smile and get up, Christian takes my hand and we follow him down the corridor.

  “Please take a seat.” Dr. Jensen is hot for an older, distinguished guy, think Gibbs from NCIS. “Okay, I won’t delay the results any further as I’m sure you are eager to find out.”

  No shit.

  “You have tested positive to the BRCA gene.”

  I suck in an audible breath, Fuck!

  “What does that mean?” Christian asks, his hand holding tight against mine. Thank fuck he is here because at this moment all I hear is white noise.

  “It means that her risk of getting breast cancer is about forty to eighty percent in her life time and getting ovarian cancer is sixteen to forty-four percent.

  Christian squeezes my hand tightly at those figures. Shit, they are really high. The men start talking amongst themselves while I have a mild, no, major freak out. I am going to get cancer; this little test is like a crystal ball telling me what I have to look forward to.

  “So if she has the surgery her chance of getting cancer is like five percent?” Christian asks.

  Wait, what surgery? Why are they talking about surgery? Am I going to have to lose my breasts? No way Vanessa. Just like Angelina Jolie, she got her boobs taken off so they wouldn’t kill her. Shit, I am Angelina Jolie!

  “I’ll do it,” I blurt out in the middle of the conversation. “Take them off, I don’t want my boobs if they are going to kill me.” The room goes quite.

  “Babe, why don’t you think about it?” Christian advises me calmly.

  “There’s nothing to think about, Chris, I want them off so I can live.” I turn my attention to the doctor. “Am I able to get new ones at the same time or do I have to have a different surgery for that?”

  “Miss Roberts, we can remove the breast and reconstruct it with a new one all in the one surgery.”

  “So that means I can choose new boobs?”

  The doctor laughs, “Yes, you get to choose new breasts.”

  I turn to Christian and wiggle my eyebrows at him, making him laugh.

  “Miss Roberts you need to know about the risks of having a double mastectomy.”

  “I understand, my mum just had this done a couple of months ago. I helped with her recovery.”

  The doctor explains everything to me anyway, it’s part of his job I guess. Until he is satisfied that I understand everything about the surgery and diagnosis, we do not leave his office. “Okay, well let’s see when we can fit you in.” He fiddles with the calendar on his computer.

  “Are you sure about this, Ness?” Christian whispers, while the doctor is distracted.

  “How is there a choice, get cancer and die or get new boobs and live.”

  Christian looks at me intensely. “Just so you know, I’m coming with you to pick out the new boobs. You really should have an expert with you and I just happen to be one, I’m brilliant with boobs.” I elbow him in the side, making him grunt. He gives me a brilliant smile, which helps ease my fears.

  ***

  “So a couple of months and you will be getting some new boobs,” Christian jokes as he drives me back to Derrick’s after the doctor’s appointment.

  “Yeah, I guess I will…” I let my words trail off. “Thank you for today, Chris, I couldn’t have done it without you.”

  “Hey, what are friends for?” he shrugs as he pulls into Derrick’s driveway.

  We sit there in silence for a while, staring out the front window of the car.

  “I really couldn’t have done it without you.” I break the silence.

  He turns and looks at me, his hand moves toward me pushing the hair away from my face.

  “Thank you for letting me be there.”

  Just the tiniest of touches has ignited my body, I can feel my breathing has changed as his thumb gently strokes my cheek.

  “I don’t ever want to lose you, Ness.”

  My heart aches at the way he is looking at me.

  “If this surgery is the only way that I get to keep you for longer then I am all for it.”

  Tears start to run down my face, my heart hurts, “I don’t want to die, Chris.” The gravity of what the doctor has told me starts sinking in.

  Christian pushes his chair all the way back, unbuckles my seat belt and hauls me onto his lap. My legs spread on either side of his thick thighs, his large palms hold my face as those familiar whiskey eyes sparkle with emotion. “You are not going to die, Ness. This surgery is preventative, you don’t have to go through it but every six months you will have to have mammograms and keep on top of things that way.”

  I know that is what the doctor told me, but what happens if they still don’t get it in time. Ovarian cancer is harder to detect usually when it’s too late. I want to have kids. Fuck, I might not be able to have kids. That’s when I start to have a panic attack, my chest feels like an elephant is sitting on it and crushing me.

  “Ness, Ness, breathe, it’s going to be okay.” Christian is yelling at me, trying to help me out of my attack. “Eyes on me, angel, eyes on me.” I try and focus on his face, looking over his square jaw and the stubble that covers it, his long neck, those apple bud cheeks, those eyes, those eyes that can see through to my soul. My breathing slowly starts to abate. “That’s better.” His hands are still holding my face. “Want to tell me what that was all about?”

  Just thinking about kids, makes my heart start to race again.

  “Ness,” Christian growls, forcing my attention onto him. “Tell me.”

  “Kids, I was thinking about kids.”

  Christian frowns trying to work out my train of thought. “What about them?”

  “I want them, but I don’t think…” My words trail off as I am lost in my thoughts.

  Warm lips touch mine, my mouth automatically opens for them, hands hold my face, the kiss is soft and gentle, loving even. Eventually Christian pulls away, giving me a smile that makes my stomach do cartwheels. “Remember how we had that conversation a long time ago about turning thirty-five and if you haven’t found someone then we would be it for each other.”

  I frown, because yeah I kind of do, but I swear he must of been high when he said that.

  “We can hit fast forward if you want. You and I can have a baby together.”

  My whole body stiffens.

  “You don’t have to say anything now, just think about it, okay?”

  I nod because I am too stunned to say anything.

  I’m not going to lie I have been freaking out about Vanessa’s diagnosis. Cancer, that is fucking serious. What she is considering is a matter of life and death. I know she has age on her side but I understand where her worries are coming from, to be able to look into a crystal ball and see into the future would suck. But I am trying to be strong for her, I listen when she calls me in the middle of the night in a panic, I sooth her, letting her know everything is going to be okay. She’s asked me not to tell anyone, she doesn’t want any of our friends to know just yet. I understand she is scared but our friends will just want to be there for her, support her. She asked me to swear not to say anything to anyone, of course I agreed.

  ***

  “I’m glad I’m here today, I told you I am a boob enthusiast.” My hands play with some silicon breasts in the plastic surgeon’s office.

  “Stop molesting the breasts, Chris,” Vanessa snaps at me but her smile lets me know she isn’t angry.

  “Ness, I’m feeling them up, making sure they are the right fit. You don’t want something that is to small and you don’t want something way to big. You need them to be just right. Like these.” I throw a pair of DDs at her.

  “Chris, these look so huge, I don’t wa
nt to look like one of your stripper friends.” She throws them back at me.

  “Babe, you would be a high class stripper with these.”

  She rolls her eyes at me.

  “Miss Roberts, thank you for waiting.” The doctor waltzes into the room. He walks straight over to where Vanessa is standing.

  “If you could open the top of the gown so we can have a look.”

  Vanessa’s eyes glance over to me where I am seated with an excellent view. She gives me a glare, I ignore her, it’s not like I haven’t seen her tits before or feasted on them or licked or nipped or—fuck I’m getting a half chub in the doctor’s office, this isn’t good. Vanessa sighs and opens up her green hospital gown to show the doctor her perfect breasts. Fuck, I’ll miss them. The doctor starts touching them, moving them as he talks about breast tissue and what happens with reconstruction, some sort of bullshit, but all I see is red. Calm your tits Christian he is a doctor, this is his job. Pretty awesome job really, I look around and realize he touches boobs all day, then before I know it, Vanessa has closed her gown again and the doctor is showing her different sizes and explaining the benefits of them.

  “I recommend your natural size which is a C cup, if you want you could drop down to a B if your old breast size gave you problems.”

  “No, V, don’t do that,” I quickly interject, they both look at me funnily. “Do not go a B, where’s the fun in that size. No, you need at least a D, look at them they are perfect.” I hold them up for reference.

  “I’m guessing your partner likes the original size?” The doctor asks with a smirk.

  “He’s not my partner, he’s a friend,” Vanessa adds.

  Not going to lie, her confession hits home that I don’t really get a say in what size boobs she should have because I won’t be the one playing with them. So I distract myself with some samples instead.

  ***

  “I’ve decided to go for a C cup if you were wondering.” Vanessa nudges my shoulder as we head toward the car park.

  “I’m sure someone will love them.” My tone is sulky; I can’t help it.

  “What’s the matter?”

  I continue walking in silence. “I’m just sad knowing I won’t get to play with your boobs ever again.” When I turn around to gage her response she’s stopped walking and is looking at me strangely.