Sapphire Beautiful

by Ren Monterrey

  “The father. He’s stepping out on you, isn’t he?”

  I nod.

  “What a prick.”

  I shake my head. “It was a mutual decision to end things.”

  Andrew wags a finger in my face. “There’s nothing mutual about a decision like that. He’s legally responsible for your baby. Are you going to get a paternity test? Take him to court?”

  I shake my head. “No, nothing like that.”

  Andrew looks like he wants to say more, but he presses his lips together instead.

  We walk in silence for a little while. Then Andrew says, “I meant what I said. About being there for you.”

  “It’s not your responsibility, Andrew.”

  “I know. But I care about you. You don’t have to do this alone.”

  When I realize we’re moving in the opposite direction from the parking lot I stop. “You’re parked on campus. You don’t have to walk me all the way to my house. It’s ridiculous.”

  “Walk me to my car then and I’ll drop you off at your place.”

  I nod and we head toward the parking lot instead. Andrew drives an older model Subaru Forrester. It’s a sensible car, a car one would expect a college professor to drive. Out of the corner of my eye I catch sight of Dante on the other side of the parking lot, heading toward a Toyota Prius. To my surprise he unlocks the car and gets inside.

  He did say that his dad took away the convertible he’d given him. Did Dante purchase a Prius instead? I think about the conversation we had when I told him that was the car I’d imagined him driving. It tugs on my heartstrings to see him inside of one now.

  “What’s on your mind?” Andrew asks as he unlocks his car and opens the passenger side door for me.

  I shake my head. “Nothing important.”

  Andrew has only been to my house once before. When Doug and I moved in we had a housewarming party and invited our colleagues from both of our departments at the university. It was several years ago so I’m surprised he still remembers exactly where I live.

  When he pulls into the parking lot just south of my townhouse I’m a little surprised when he turns off the engine. “Let me walk you to your door.”

  I swallow. Walking me to my door may mean that he’s going to try to kiss me. Am I ready for something like that?

  The guy just told me that he wants to take care of me and another man’s child. A kiss is probably the least of my problems.

  “Let me get your door,” he reiterates as I reach for the handle.

  I wait while he climbs out of the car, hurries over to the passenger’s side and opens it for me. He even helps me out of the car.

  “Thanks,” I tell him as I step out.

  “My pleasure.”

  Andrew is a gentleman. He’s intelligent and hard-working. Although he’s not an Ivy League graduate, he did come out of a fairly prestigious program. Already a full-professor at forty, his resume is impressive. He’s attractive. I’m sure he could have his pick of women.

  But for some reason he seems to want me.

  Unfortunately I still want Dante.

  As completely ridiculous and pointless as I know my feelings for him are, I have still have them. Maybe I always will.

  Yet I still allow Andrew to take my hand as we stroll down the block to my townhouse.

  “You picked a great neighborhood,” he tells me as he glances around.

  “I like it. And I can walk to work. No need for a car.”

  “Your house is nice too. I remember it from the party.”

  “Thanks.”

  We’re both quiet until we reach my front porch.

  “I could give you a hand with that.” He motions toward the plants and bushes in the front garden that have crossed the line from neglected to being completely ignored. “Just let me know when. Have gardening tools will travel.”

  “I appreciate that. I really do.”

  His eyes light up. “Good.” Then he leans down and places a soft kiss on my lips.

  We look into each other’s eyes for a long moment then he says, “That was nice.”

  I nod, because he’s right. That’s exactly how it felt. Nice. Like kissing an old friend.

  There definitely wasn’t any spark, or a tingle running through my body. Andrew’s kiss didn’t leave me breathless. I didn’t feel any of the things I feel when Dante kisses me.

  It was just nice.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He gives my hand a squeeze before he lets it go. “And let me know about the gardening.”

  “Will do.” I give him a quick wave before he turns and walks away.

  ***

  I’m thigh deep in my tenure application when Dante gives a quick knock on the exterior of my door.

  As I wave him in I start to say, “Keep the door open,” but he closes it before I have a chance to get words out.

  “Hi.” He stands on the other side of my desk shifting awkwardly.

  “Have a seat,” I tell him.

  “How are you doing?” he asks as he sits down.

  “Okay,” I lie.

  “Still feeling sick?”

  I hold up the sleeve of crackers that have been my constant companion. “These have helped. And plenty of ginger tea.”

  “I came about the grant application.”

  “Of course.”

  I pull up the PDF on my laptop. The document contains all of the instructions to apply for the funding.

  “It’s a great opportunity if we can get the money,” I tell him as I press print.

  “I’ll do my best with it.”

  I give him a quick smile. “I’m sure you will.”

  We both stare at each other for a long moment. “You got your hair cut.” His hair is a little shorter and for once it has an actual style.

  He nods. “My mom was on my case about it. She paid for me to see Hans, her stylist. Three hundred dollars an hour.”

  “It looks good.”

  He raises an eyebrow. “Three hundred dollars good?”

  “That may be a little excessive.”

  After I pull the document from the printer I slide it over to Dante. He puts his hand so close to mine that he brushes the edge of my palm.

  Just that slight touch is enough to send a tingle through my body.

  When his eyes catch mine I can see that familiar glimmer return to his gaze. My chest tightens when he slowly moves his index finger from the top of my pinky all the way to my wrist.

  I know I should move my hand away, but I don’t. I want Dante to touch me. I crave it.

  Then he slowly turns my hand over and draws light circles around the edge of my palm with his finger.

  A wave of excitement rushes over me as I close my eyes and imagine Dante touching more than just my palm.

  I utterly enjoy the moment while I can, before I come back to reality and move my hand.

  “Back to the application.”

  He clears his throat. “Right.”

  “It’s due November fifth. The same day as my tenure application. Will that give you enough time?”

  He nods.

  “Good. I appreciate your help with it.”

  I expect him to get up and leave, but he just sits there and stares at me. Then he says, “We still have an arrangement.”

  “About that. I think I should tell Claudia the truth. So she’ll cancel the account. I want to do it before the first of the month. I can’t keep taking your money.”

  He shakes his head. “I want you to have it. Even if we’re not together. You can use it for the baby. It’s a way that I can still do my part as a father without my parents or anyone else knowing.”

  “I’ll think about it.”

  He grabs the grant application from the desk as he rises. I expect him to move towards the door, but he circles around my desk instead.

  “What are you doing?” I ask.

  “Kissing you,” he states matter-of-factly.

  “You can’t,” I protest, but my words sound hollow and fal
se. There’s nothing I want more at this moment than to have Dante’s lips on mine.

  He crouches down in front of my chair and sets the application back down on the desk. Then he cups my face with his hands and stares at me for a long moment. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to look at you and not kiss you?”

  His kiss is soft at first, tentative, like the very first time we kissed. But as our lips become reacquainted with each other he deepens the kiss.

  Sparks, fire, passion. Everything I didn’t feel with Andrew I feel with Dante. Every part of my body is electrified from my head right down to my toes.

  I quickly push him away. “We can’t do this.”

  “I can’t stay away from you.” He runs his thumb down my cheek. “It’s impossible.”

  “It won’t work, Dante.”

  “Marry me,” he says impulsively.

  “No.”

  “I want us to be together. I want to take care of you. Our baby deserves a mother and a father.”

  “Andrew—Dr. Madden—and I—um—he said he’d be there for me. He said he’d take care of me. It just makes more sense, Dante. Everything will be so much easier that way.”

  “Did he kiss you?” There’s anger in his voice.

  I nod.

  “Was it anything like this?”

  Dante kisses me again. A kiss filled with so much hunger and passion it nearly takes my breath away.

  “Look at me,” he demands. “If you can look me in the eye and tell me that you felt even one tenth of what you feel with me when Andrew kisses you I’ll leave and let you go.”

  Of course I can’t. Kissing Andrew was about as exciting as kissing a cardboard box compared to kissing Dante.

  “What do you want from me, Dante?”

  “I just want you,” he replies simply.

  “It’s not that easy.”

  “I’ll work this out. I promise. Just give me a chance.” He looks at me expectantly.

  “Fine. I’ll give you a chance.” As the words leave my mouth I can’t believe I’m saying them.

  Another quick kiss. “I won’t let you down. I promise. Will you make one promise to me?”

  “What?”

  “Please don’t kiss Dr. Madden again.”

  ***

  When my afternoon class finally ends all I can think about is going home and getting into a hot bath. It’s been a long week and I’m exhausted. Unfortunately I run into Dean Harris right as I exit the classroom.

  I freeze when I see Paul McNally with him.

  “I was hoping to find you here,” Dean Harris says. “You weren’t in your office.”

  “Last class of the day,” I hint. I’d really like to go home.

  “Have you met Mr. McNally? He donated the money for our graduate research fellowship.”

  “Nice to see you again, Paul.” I make a point of saying his first name.

  Dean Harris furrows his brow.

  “We’ve met,” Paul says through clenched teeth.

  “We were discussing the arrangements for the fellowship dedication ceremony and your name came up.”

  “Really?” I ask, eyebrows raised.

  “Mr. McNally would like you to give a short speech about the importance of integrity in higher education. I told him I’d show him to your office so the two of you could work out the details.”

  “Great.” I do my best to hide my displeasure. Paul McNally is the last person on Earth I want to meet with.

  “I’ll let the two of you get to it,” Dean Harris says before he offers a hand to Paul. “Wonderful to see you again.”

  Paul gives a nod of affirmation as he shakes the Dean’s hand.

  Dean Harris waddles down the hallway. Once he’s out of earshot Paul says, “Let’s go to your office.”

  “This meeting isn’t really about a speech on integrity is it?” I ask as I lead him down the hallway.

  “Maybe my son didn’t just want you for your hot little body. Sounds like you’ve got some brains too.”

  I take in a deep breath so I won’t say something I’ll regret. What I’d really like to do is slap the smug look off the asshole’s face, but I refrain.

  Once we’re in my office Paul closes the door behind him. I take a seat at my desk and Paul takes the seat across from me.

  “I won’t bore you with any small talk bullshit,” he says. “Dante told me and his mother about your little problem. We don’t like the way he’s handling the situation so I’m stepping in to take care of the problem.”

  He doesn’t even give me a chance to respond. He plows ahead. “My son is twenty-two years old. He’s got his whole life ahead of him and has an extremely bright future. I don’t want any complications.”

  “I take it you consider me a complication.”

  He removes a checkbook from his suit jacket pocket and opens it. “I’m willing to write a check right now. Ten thousand dollars to make the problem go away.”

  “What do you mean by make the problem go away?” I ask even though I know damn well what he means. I want him to say the words.

  Of course the chicken shit can’t even say what he wants me to do. “Twenty thousand,” he says instead.

  I shake my head. “That’s not something I’m willing to do.”

  He closes the checkbook and places it back in his jacket pocket. “Here’s the alternative. And I suggest you think about it very carefully. Keep in mind that I’m a major donor to the university and I understand you’re applying for tenure.”

  That gets my attention.

  He pulls a business card from another jacket pocket and slides it across the desk. “Bradley Jackson is our family’s attorney. He’ll release a check to you for two hundred and fifty thousand dollars. In exchange you’ll sign a non-disclosure agreement that you’ll never talk about Dante being the father of your child to anyone as well as a statement that you will never sue for child support.”

  “I don’t want your money. I don’t want Dante’s either. Getting pregnant wasn’t some scheme to trap him. It was an accident as sometimes happens when people have sex with each other. I love Dante and I probably always will. That’s why I’m letting him go. I realize he’s still young and I want him to have the wonderful life that he deserves just as much as you do. Probably more than anyone else on the planet I want him to be able to reach his full potential. If I was the gold-digging whore that you’re trying to make me out to be, right now I’d be saying screw you, calling my own lawyer and making sure Dante pays for his child for the rest of his life. But I’m not going to do that. I would never do anything to hurt Dante and I would never do anything to compromise his future.”

  I slide the card back across the table. “I don’t want anything from you and I don’t want anything from Dante. Now if you’ll excuse me I have work to do.”

  Paul stares at me for a long moment. Then he rises from the chair. I think he’s going to leave, but he thumps a finger on the desk instead. “Dante deserves a lot better than this. And he deserves a lot better than a whore like you.”

  And with that he storms out of my office.

  The door barely has a chance to slam shut before I break down into a sobbing mass.

  Paul McNally might be one of the biggest assholes on the planet, but he’s right about one thing.

  Dante deserves better.

  ***

  I take in a deep breath as I stand outside The Club. My heart feels like it’s getting ready to thump right out of my chest. I know Claudia is going to be furious and I’m not looking forward to facing her wrath.

  But face it I must.

  I open the door and charge inside before I have a chance to change my mind.

  “You don’t have an appointment.” The annoying model at the front desk states the obvious.

  “I need to see Claudia.”

  A scowl covers her otherwise perfect face. “She’s not going to be pleased.”

  “She’s not going to be pleased with what I have to tell her anyway.”


  The model removes a cellphone from her pocket and dials. “One of the girls is here to see you...I know...the old one.”

  Great. I’m the old one. As if thirty-two is ancient. What happened to thirty is the new twenty? I guess that doesn’t apply to the oldest profession.

  Once her cellphone is back in her pocket the model says, “You know where her office is.”

  “I do. And thank you for the warm welcome.”

  Another sneer is her only reply.

  My legs feel like jelly as I head down the long hallway to Claudia’s office. By the time I reach her door my chest is so tight I feel like I can’t breathe.

  “You can do this,” I tell myself.

  My hand is shaking when I open the door to her office. Claudia is already glaring at me when I step inside.

  “You don’t have an appointment.” She’s determined to state the obvious too.

  “I’ll only take a minute of your time.”

  She glances down at the gold watch on her wrist. “Speak.”

  I clear my throat. “I need to end my arrangement.”

  “And why is that?”

  “Because I’m pregnant.”

  She looks genuinely shocked, but only for a brief moment. Then her face turns to stone.

  “I’ll inform Mr. McNally of your intention to end your arrangement. As per your contract Mr. McNally is required to make one final payment before the account is closed.” She glares at me. “I’m going to recommend that he give you one dollar. And even that is too much in my opinion.”

  She’s surprisingly calm, although all the muscles in her face are tight.

  Like the last time when she just stopped talking I wonder if I’ve been dismissed. There isn’t much more to say.

  I’m surprised when she speaks again. “You actually fooled me. You’re the only girl to ever do that. I can usually smell a gold digger a mile away. You trapped a twenty-two-year old. You must be so proud of yourself.”

  “I honestly didn’t think I could get pregnant,” I tell her even though deep down I know it’s futile. Like Dante’s family she already has her mind made up about me.

  “You’re a great liar. The sad thing is that you’re even lying to yourself. Now get out of my office and never come back.”

  I hurry out of The Club as fast as my legs will take me.