The Big O (The Virgin Diaries)

by Bellus, HJ

  9

  The Reign of Hulk Hogan

  I’m going to freaking murder Scout with a dull ice cream scoop. If I had my cellphone right now I’d be calling her ass up and letting her have it.

  “I’m ready when you are, Olivia.” Oren’s voice drifts through into the dressing room.

  “Just a second.” I reach up behind my neck and tie off the top of my bikini. That’s right, I’m standing on cold cement in a bright yellow and red bikini of Scout’s at a natural hot springs at night. My breasts barely fill out Scout’s top and I look like a little child dressed up in a Hulk Hogan wannabe swimsuit. Thank fuck, I’m not a natural blonde. I’m pretty sure Scout bought this swimsuit as a role-playing outfit with Taylor. Ewwww, abort thought. Shit, fuck, bitch, that was gross.

  I swing open the dressing room door, ready to give the what for to Oren for bringing me to the local “soak and poke” pools, but him in swim trunks leaves me speechless and spasming between the legs.

  He’s in burnt orange swim trunks that compliment his skin perfectly and I definitely see a California man before my eyes. His abs are more chiseled than I ever imagined. But I’m hypnotized back up to his beautiful face outlined with his strong jawline, brown eyes and luscious dark hair. He has a skeptical smile covering his face.

  “Are you going to kill me?” His expression turns even more worried.

  “I’m going to murder Scout and then block her number from your phone and yours from hers.” I plant both hands on my hips and then dash for the towel he sent me into the dressing room with. Shit, I just probably made thousands of Asian Hulk Hogan fans scream world wide with that stance.

  “Stop.” Oren grasps my wrist and pulls me towards him, letting the towel drop to the dressing room floor. “I know Scout was being a bit devilish, planning this date…I mean dinner or friend night out…Shit.” Oren runs his free hand through his hair.

  “Date,” I correct him.

  “I’ve heard several of the officers talk about this place and well, uh…I wanted to come here with you.”

  “You do know this is called the “local soak and poke”, right?”

  “I’m aware of how many babies have been made here. But I’ve never been to a natural hot springs resort at night.”

  “You do have those puppy dog eyes mastered.”

  Thoughts of how many girlfriends he’s had race through my mind. He’s mastered the skillful touch of getting in panties or in my case, Hulk Hogan’s briefs. The picture is masterfully painted before me, breathtaking hunk standing before me, says all the right things, kisses like a god, makes me squirm more than I care to admit…then all the other women he’s crushed and left spilling tears on their pillows flow into view.

  He is a certified lady-killer. He takes them down one at a time with his delicious and very devilish brown eyes, then the ladies swoon to his voice, then his smell, and then WHAM the whole package and they are hook, line, and motherfucking sinker. What’s left, you ask? His ding-dong in your sinkhole and like a good little twat in love, you lay down and let him take you in every single position possible, except the butt- butt in the what-what because that simply causes blindness worldwide.

  “Olivia.” I look up to Oren staring down at me. “We going in or not?”

  “Your Twinkie is getting no where near the sinkhole, you lady killer.”

  His familiar rumble of a chuckle fills the air. “Would you like to swim with me or at least get into the warm, comforting water instead of the cool breeze?”

  “Oren.”

  “Olivia.” He pulls me in closer, cradling my shivering bikini clad red and yellow outfit.

  “Don’t break my heart.”

  The pads of his fingers brush away tendrils of stray hair framing my face. “I’m not here to break your heart.”

  I feel the stray tears stream down my face, rounding my high cheekbones, and pooling into my cleavage. “I’ve opened up to you more than anyone else. Don’t break my heart.”

  It’s too painful to look up to him and allow Oren to analyze or even scrutinize every single emotion streaming across my face.

  “Olivia, will you jump with me?” I feel him tug us closer to the edge of the outdoor pool. The steam, smell, and feel of the natural water envelopes the both of us, as we’re inches away from the steaming water.

  It’s the local attraction that I’ve heard countless stories about and now I’m tiptoeing on the edge with my prince whose promising me a future I know nothing about. My heart is screaming, as I swan dive with hot cop and my brain is sending warning flares of danger up.

  I’m left with one final question. “Only if you don’t break my heart, Oren O’Brien.”

  His strong biceps tug me just enough over the edge with him until both of our bodies collide into warm, inviting waters. I let all the negative thoughts flow out as I drown into the hopeless, dark, chocolate brown eyes that have so reassured me over the days. He didn’t run when the awkwardness was on full display, he only pulled closer to me.

  Holding my breath underwater, I feel his tug, and then when my almond-shaped eyes spring open, it’s him I stare back at underwater. It’s not Officer Ladyboner, Officer Fuck Me, or even Hot Pants, it’s Oren I see reaching out for me. His large palm once again clutches around my wrist and I’m dragged directly back into his vortex as he saves me from drowning in everything of him.

  I’m not covered in pasta, sauce, and/or (in my damn case) humiliation…rather bathed in Oren O’Brien, who seems desperately and hopelessly in love with my awkward Asian, Yorkie-loving, and extremely cursed ass.

  I gaze at my future and hope in his brown eyes as we surface from the tempting and very warm waters that something deeper lies between us, even if it’s a fling I get to tell my future grandkids about.

  I’m certain in this very moment that Oren’s Twinkie, beyond a shadow of a doubt, belongs in one of my orifices and in this moment it could very well be my butt-holio and life would be good.

  We both begin to surface at the exact time, but being the gentleman Oren is, he shoots me up first from under the depth of the waters. I gulp, gasp, and struggle to regain my bearing after the masterpiece I was just dunked with.

  We both sputter for several seconds before Oren sends me a Kane’s signature headlight finger movement by his left pectoral.

  For a fact, I’ll be murdering Scout via a dull ice cream scooper as I stare down at my left tit floating right along between Oren and myself. Thank fuck, for the obnoxious red and yellow bikini, I mean it has to take some attention away.

  “Miss Olander.” I hear a very young and eager voice squeal while my left girl remains to peacefully float in the water between Oren and I. His hands clutch low on my ass pulling me towards him, officially smashing my tit into his wet chest and like clockwork my body sings. Slowly, I swivel towards the voice while remaining locked in Oren’s grasp. He uses his large palm to shield my boobie from the view of the youngster while I tuck her right back down into the Hulk Hogan.

  “Amy,” I feign pride and everything a first grade teacher should when I make eye contact with one my students.

  “You got arrested?” Little Amy’s vision goes to Oren holding me in his arms. He’s kept me clutched to him, splaying out both of his palms on my belly.

  “No.” I wave back while plastering on my best first grade grin for the know it all.

  “What are you doing then?” she squeals back, which now has the attention of the entire pool, her parents included.

  “Dinner.” His deep yet gentle voice whispers into my ear.

  “I’m doing dinner,” I holler back to her without thinking and then turn to Oren. “For the love of God, drown me.”

  “Is this a premeditated crime?” he asks with a light chuckle accompanying it.

  “Hell yes,” I groan, turning back to Amy and her family.

  “Do you know how to swim?”

  “Watch this, Miss Olander.”

  The little freaking gem rapid fires off umpteen question
s before her mother finally does shut her up.

  “Amy, out. Your five minutes is up. Time to go.”

  I’m pretty sure Amy’s dad saw my tit as he hasn’t taken his view from my floating boobs since the escapee accident. Amy’s parents both wave good-bye as they leave the pool.

  “I’m starting to see there’s never a dull moment with you, Olivia.”

  “The universe hates me.” I twirl in his arms with my own arms smooshing my boobs together to keep the babies hunkered down. “And don’t complain, I do believe you touched my boob.”

  “Just some side boob action. That’s all.” He raises his hands, trying to look innocent.

  Using my feet against his knees, I push off of him and begin back floating. The stars in the night sky twinkle back at me and the water next to me swooshes up over my belly and when I tilt my head to the side, Oren’s swimming next to me.

  “Wall,” he warns.

  I stand up with my toes barely touching the rough bottom cement of the pool. Oren pulls me into his chest with a quick peck to my forehead. My body reacts, wrapping my legs around his center and locking my ankles.

  “As much as I want to kill Scout for this, I have to admit this has been the best date of my life.”

  “Mine too.”

  “Yeah, right; you have a lot to compare it to.”

  “I’ve had my fair share.” He crooks his head to the side, “but there’s something I can’t get past with you, Olivia.”

  “You’re a fool.” I mimic his head tilt. “You probably look at me like a trophy. You know, racking in the v cards.”

  His hand snakes down to my ass and squeezes until it’s painful. “If I could, I’d slap your ass for saying that. I’m not that kind of guy and Olivia you don’t deserve to be treated like that by anyone, especially yourself when you think like that.”

  “You know I’m just always waiting for the fall out. I always have been since my mom passed.”

  “You deserve the best. You’re gorgeous, kind, caring, and bit of a train wreck waiting to happen.”

  My smile widens across my face and it feels good to openly talk to him about this. I really like the feeling of genuinely smiling for the first time in a long time.

  “Your smile is dangerous, Olivia.”

  “Oh, and thank you for the kiss.” I lean in, grazing his lips with mine. “Kissing is nice. Kissing you Officer Oren O’Brien is real nice.”

  The warm water envelopes us, the murmurs of the few other swimmers fade away into the night, as we drift of into a dark corner of the pool locked in the most breathtaking, ovary stimulating kiss known to mankind.

  10

  The Verdict’s in…He’s Not Gay

  “So you guys just kissed?” Scout bounces up onto Dad’s desk, laying down lunch for our Saturday time in the shop.

  “Yes, my lord, Scout I’m not a well-rounded whore like you.” I know my eyes go wide and dreamy. “I swear he melted my heart, lips, and panties just with his kisses.”

  “Did he at least pop some wood?” She stuffs a handful of fries in her mouth.

  “I- uh…felt him.”

  “Thank you baby Jesus. I was beginning to the think he was too good to be straight. My damn gaydar has been off lately.” She slams her greasy palm down on the desk. “How do you know he got hard?”

  And just like that my best friend knows damn well she has me backed in a corner.

  “O, spill it now.”

  “It’s not like I’m the most seasoned vet when it comes to bumping uglies, Scout. But his kisses and the way he looks at me.”

  “I told you that I really think he’s into you and if he’s popping wood that’s a good sign he’s not batting for the other team.” Scout pops a fry into her mouth.

  “Keep it PG, girls. I’m here for the grub and to check on expenses.” My dad sits in his favorite worn down chair, grabbing his food from Scout before I have the chance to blow the full details.

  “Just talking about your daughter’s date last night.” She waggles her eyebrows.

  “Well, she’s chipper and has Pedro at her feet, so I’m guessing it went okay.” He draws out his last word like he’s unsure of it and waiting for the ball to drop.

  “It went well, Pops, he’s a great guy.”

  “When’s the next date?” Scout asks as she dry humps her bacon cheeseburger.

  “We’re going to the movies tonight. He had to work today.”

  “And where does he work?” Dad asks.

  “Oh, ol’ Daddio doesn’t know much about your walking daydream, this must mean it’s serious,” Scout taunts.

  “Shut up, bitchface.” I toss my boat of fries at her.

  “Dammit, you girls raise my blood pressure.” Dad slugs his soda. “What does he do, Olivia?”

  His voice leaves no question of the fact he wants an answer. It’s his ‘move your ass, Olivia’ voice or I’ll kick it for you. He’s never laid a hand on me, but I’d recognize his serious voice from miles away.

  “He’s a cop. Just moved to town.”

  “And she wants to hump him,” Scout adds.

  “Jesus.” Dad finishes his burger in record time. “And when do I meet this guy?”

  “Hopefully, soon, Dad.” I pick at the hem of my pants. “I just don’t want to jinx it or scare him away.”

  “I’m here for you, kid, even if this guy is the one or you end up being the crazy teacher who never marries and the town suspects lesbonic behaviors.”

  “She throws up when she sees puss. You’re good old man.” Scout pats his shoulder as he saunters from the office and back out to work. Dad’s hands have always been happy when covered in oil and solving the mystery of a broken engine.

  “Love both of you, crazy girls.”

  Once the door shuts behind him, Scout peppers me with questions.

  “Is he huge or mid-size and just exactly how did you touch his pecker?”

  “Scout.” I sit straight up in the office chair. “He’s huge like Tony the Tiger has nothing on him.”

  “Oh shit, he’s bigger than Tony.” I have Scout’s full attention in this moment.

  “We made out in the corner of the pool. His hands were everywhere gripping my ass, roaming up my sides; he even got side boob action. Another family hopped into the pool and we had to part. When I slid down the front of his body, I felt every inch of him and then out of nowhere, I grazed his Woodie with the back of my knuckles.”

  “And…”

  “He’s glorious and huge. We had to separate and then just swam around for a bit, but holy shit it was hot.”

  “He’s definitely into you, O.” She wraps her arms around me, plopping her ass in my lap. “It’s like my baby girl is growing up.”

  “I think I’m falling in love with him.” I lean my head on her tits.

  “Your cherry is going to get popped in the very near future, but as a seasoned sex freak, just watch out for your heart, O.” Scout runs her fingers through my hair.

  “I want to fall hopelessly in love and then get my cherry popped.”

  “If I’ve learned one thing, O, it’s that it just takes days for your who-ha to heal, but forever to cure a broken heart.”

  I let her words soak in. I know she’s right, but I also know I’ve fallen for every touch and compliment from Oren. My heart’s being drowned in the idea and thought of love. I know I’ve jumped into a dark, murky pool that I can’t get enough of.

  My damn phone is supposed to arrive on Monday, which it better since I feel freaking naked without it. Oren gifted me with one hell of a goodnight kiss when he dropped me off last night and promised to pick me up again at seven o’clock to go to a movie and popcorn. He vowed it would be less date-ish, but my only request was more kissing and petting. He left one hell of a kiss imprinted on my lips before turning to his car.

  Now here I sit in my apartment with Pedro sleeping in my lap and remember the stinging bruise of his lips on mine. It hasn’t even been twenty-four hours and I’m more than re
ady for another outing with Hot Cop.

  It’s crazy because tonight I’m not worried about my outfit, hair, or makeup; my body is just zinging to see him again.

  I’ve showered, tossed on some clothes, light makeup, and have done nothing but picture him for the last hour while mindlessly scrolling social media and petting the sleeping dog in my lap.

  An ignition of fireworks light up my apartment and they’re not the sexy ones, but more of a spine chilling, rapid fire barking brought to you by Pedro. A loud knock on the door sent him into spastic barking episode.

  I check the clock on my wall that has each number marked by a different muscle car, courtesy of my old man, and realize it’s an hour early for our movie time.

  I scoop the yapping freak up into my arms and make my way to the door, swinging it open.

  “Did you happen to check your peephole?”

  It’s him. The Sex God. The Instant Lady Boner. Mr. Get in My Vagina Right Now.

  “Hey,” I barely squeak out.

  “Got off early and I’d text you, but…”

  “Yeah, no phone. I need to give you my home phone number.”

  “You have a home number?”

  The look on his face cracks me up. It’s shock, awe, and a twinge of disgust.

  “Yeah, my dad insists since I’m so clumsy and well…”

  “Ahh.” He nods. “Good dad, but he should teach you about checking your peephole before slinging open your door.”

  I grab him by the wrist and pull him into the apartment. “No one comes here but Scout and well now you. I thought it was Miss Jackass USA since you’re so early.”

  “No excuses.” He growls out. “I’ve seen too much shit in my career. Check the peephole.”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” I wave him off. “But nice surprise.”

  “Slow day and my partner took over for me.”

  “Nice.” I nod.

  “Hey, dog.” He pats Pedro, who’s tucked under my arm.