Every Soul a Star

by Wendy Mass

  We all lean forward. His eyes narrow and he says, “They had forgotten to lock the door!”

  At that very second, seriously, that very second, the door of the shed bangs open. We all scream and scramble backward, including Ryan who drops the flashlight.

  Outlined in the flashing of the lightning is a figure, but we can’t see its features. It sweeps its tangled hair off its face and says, “Hey, guys, room for one more?”

  BREE

  6

  “Why so jumpy?” I ask, stepping out of the rain into the warm, dry shed.

  “Bree?” Melanie asks, surprise and relief mixing in her voice. She turns to Ryan and puts her hands on her hips. “Did you guys plan this?”

  “Plan what?” I ask, squeezing into the circle between Ally and Ryan. Everyone is staring at me. You’d think they’d seen a ghost.

  “Your entrance,” Ally says, looking from the door to me and back again. “Ryan was telling a ghost story, and then you . . . right at the . . . oh, never mind. Now that I say it, it sounds kinda dumb.”

  Melanie jumps up and hugs me.

  “What was that for?” I ask, peeling her off of me.

  “You came,” she says. “I can’t believe it.”

  “How did you get up here?” Ally asks, peering at me closely. “The path must be so slippery. Are you hurt anywhere?”

  “And the lightning!” Ryan adds, seeming genuinely concerned. “What were you thinking?”

  I don’t know how to answer. Yes, it was slippery. And muddy. And really, really dark. Basically it was the scariest thing I’ve ever done in my life, and I’ve had my legs waxed by a twelve-year-old (Claire, last year). But I couldn’t stay in that cabin alone. Mom and Dad were at the main house, learning about running the campground. I was just sitting there on the floor, surrounded by all my clothes, and it hit me how out-of-place it all was. All those bright colors were a welcome sight, and it felt good to touch fabrics other than boring cotton. But my wardrobe belonged to someone else. Someone who I don’t get to be anymore. It was like I was looking at the clothes of a dead person. How can I explain how that felt? The goose bumps that ran down my arms and legs. The sudden tightness in my throat that made me feel like I was choking. How can I explain that after sitting there for an hour, not moving, I got up, carefully packed most of my clothes back into the boxes so they’ll be ready for me when I, like Frankenstein, am brought back to life, and then headed up here?

  So I shrug and say, “I figured you guys needed me.”

  They all laugh, which is better than them saying they don’t need me, which I know is really the case. “So aren’t we supposed to be finding a planet or something?”

  “Rained out,” Kenny says. “We get to try again tomorrow night.” He looks longingly at the huge bulky object in the middle of the room, which I figure is the telescope. Drops of water are slipping off the silver cover and forming a puddle underneath it. This is definitely different from sleepovers with my friends. No one’s painting anyone’s toenails, no pictures of models are being torn from fashion magazines, and I haven’t thought of rating anyone even once. Whenever my friends are together it’s usually up to me to organize the activities. But now I feel like I interrupted something. “So you were telling ghost stories?”

  “Ryan was just telling us about a guy with a hook for a hand who haunts campgrounds,” Jack says. “We thought you were him. You didn’t see him on your way up, did you?”

  A few years ago I might have believed him. Jack seems different than when I first met him a few days ago. He’s less shy, and not as pasty. Of course that could just be the lack of light in here.

  “You didn’t happen to bring any food with you, did you?” he asks.

  “Or dry clothes?” Ally adds.

  I shake my head. Honestly, I hadn’t thought this thing through. I only had a general idea where the shed was from Melanie’s description. It wasn’t raining like this when I left. I had no idea the path or the hillside would be so treacherous. I actually had my flip-flops on at first and turned back around for sneakers. I’ll keep that part to myself.

  Jack divides his Milky Way bar into six pieces and passes them around the circle. I hand mine to Ryan. “Bad for the complexion,” I explain.

  “But good for the belly,” he replies, popping it in his mouth.

  One minute everyone (except me) is happily eating their chocolate, the next minute Ally bursts into tears. And not ladylike, glide-silently-down-the-cheek-type tears. Messy, snotty, gulping tears.

  At first we’re all too stunned to say anything. “Did I miss something?” I ask.

  “I don’t want to leave the Moon Shadow!” she says between sobs. “I’ll never make it out there. I don’t want to live somewhere I have to worry about my complexion!”

  “Not everyone worries about that,” Melanie insists.

  “Yes, they do,” I say.

  Melanie glares at me.

  “Well, it’s true!”

  “I don’t want to leave either,” Kenny declares.

  “Me either,” Jack says so quietly I almost didn’t hear it.

  “And I don’t want to stay,” I said. “But something tells me you guys already know that.”

  We all look expectantly at Melanie.

  “I’m happy either way. Here, there, it’s all okay.”

  I shake my head. “You’re hopeless.”

  Ally continues to cry. I dig into my pocket for a tissue, but all I find is lipstick and a movie stub. This just makes her cry harder.

  Jack passes her a napkin. She takes it and blows her nose. I don’t think I’ve ever in my life blown my nose in front of anyone. It’s never pretty, even when I do it.

  “We’ve got to help each other,” Jack says firmly. “That’s all there is to it.”

  “We already tried,” I explain. “We had all these great plans to make our parents change their minds. It didn’t work at all.”

  Ally sniffles loudly. No one says anything for a few minutes as the rain continues to pelt down on the roof.

  Eventually Ryan says, “Um, I don’t mean to sound obnoxious or anything, but have you all tried just accepting it? You know, making the best of things?”

  I give him a glare that would make most boys shudder. “That’s easy for you to say. Your biggest problem is what position you’ll get on the football team.” As soon as it’s out of my mouth I wish I hadn’t said it. Ryan’s been good company these past few days. It’s not his fault that he doesn’t have any problems.

  He breathes in sharply. “Just so you know, my life isn’t always easy. How about the fact that I have a dad who I’m pretty sure hates me, and that my grandparents who practically raised me just got a divorce? But I try to make the best of things, and that’s all I’m suggesting.”

  Great. Now I’m the jerk. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize.” But in my defense, he had never mentioned his parents to me, or told me much about his grandparents other than to say he came out here with them every summer.

  Ally stops sniffling and her swollen eyes open as wide as they can. “Your grandparents got divorced? Can they do that at their age?”

  “Of course they can,” he replies.

  “But why?”

  “When I asked, they just said something about drifting apart. But I heard my grandmother on the phone a few weeks ago, and she said she was tired of taking care of someone. She said fifty years was long enough. She lives with her friend Shirley down the block now. Grandpa was pretty down for a while, but I think he’s going to be okay. He has a lot of friends from his astronomy club, and I go over to visit a lot.”

  “I just can’t believe it,” Ally says. “Why did you tell me that story about the bridge tournament?”

  “That’s what she asked me to tell everyone. I guess she doesn’t want people to judge her. I really felt bad lying to you.”

  “My mom heard she was sick and that’s why she’s not here.”

  He shakes his head. “Nope. She says she’s going to trav
el to the next eclipse somewhere in the Pacific Ocean.” He squirms a little on the sleeping bag, obviously uncomfortable talking about it. Turning back to me he says, “But this isn’t about me, it’s about you guys. Can’t you just help each other? You know, tell the other what they’ll need to survive in the new place?”

  I grunt in reply, but I have to admit it’s not the worst idea I ever heard. Ally and Kenny look glum but don’t argue. Jack picks at a loose thread in the sleeping bag, like he wants to say something, but can’t make himself say it.

  “How about you first, Bree?”

  “Fine.” I pause for a minute to think about what I want to say. “Okay. Here’s the thing about going to a real school. The only way to survive is by being popular, and you have to —”

  “That’s not true!” Melanie interrupts. “Don’t tell them that!”

  “When it’s your turn you can say whatever you want. I’m telling them how I see it.”

  She grumbles but lets me continue.

  “As I was saying,” I say with a glare at Melanie, “you have to learn the rules of the school. You have to figure out who the popular kids are, and why they’re popular. Each school will be different. In some schools the popular kids are the rich kids, or the best-looking, or the ones on a certain sports team. You’ll need to find this out before school starts so you can be prepared.”

  “Wait a second,” Ally says, her eyes still rimmed red. “How can I be prepared? I won’t fit into any of those groups.”

  “You don’t have to really fit in with them, you just need to make them think you do. You can pretend you played a certain sport at your old school, but now your parents are making you focus on schoolwork so that’s why you’re not playing now. Or you can say you just moved from Beverly Hills and lived next door to movie stars. As the new kid, they’ll try to put you in a category right away. Your job is to make sure it’s the one you want.”

  Ally turns to Ryan. “Movie stars? This isn’t helping.”

  Kenny says, “I don’t know, it sort of makes sense. Like if I go in there on the first day and try out for the math team, then I’ll be known as this math wiz, and no one in the entomology club will take me seri-ously.”

  “The what club?” I ask.

  “Entomology,” he repeats. “The study of bugs.”

  “Who told you there’s going to be a bug club at your school?”

  “You mean there won’t be?”

  Jack and Ryan shake their heads. I don’t even trust myself to respond.

  “Is it my turn yet?” Melanie asks.

  “Yes, please!” Ryan says, shooting me a look.

  “Sheesh,” I say, pulling my sweatshirt tighter around me. “I was just trying to help.”

  “Okay, so let’s say there are no bug clubs at your school,” Melanie says with a lot more patience than I could have mustered. “Then you can start one. That’s the great thing about living in a big town. You can do so many things. My sister might be a little obsessed with being popular, but she’s right about kids wanting to put you in a box.”

  Kenny freezes.

  “Not a real box,” Melanie quickly assures him. Kenny breathes a sigh of relief.

  “The trick is that as long as you know who you are, and what makes you happy, it doesn’t matter how others see you.”

  I snort.

  “It’s true,” Melanie argues.

  “Yeah,” Jack says, “if you want to get teased all the time.”

  Melanie shakes her head. “Kids respect you if you don’t show fear. They think you know something they don’t.”

  “Which is what?” Kenny asks.

  I find myself leaning forward a bit to hear her answer. Jack does the same.

  “Like if I’m at lunch, and I’m doing algebraic equations, I don’t hide behind my book like I’m doing something wrong. I put it right there in the open. When people see I’m happy doing what I’m doing, it sort of takes the power away from them to tease you about it.”

  “So Kenny shouldn’t be afraid to let people know about the things he likes,” she continues, “and Ally, you’ll still be able to do all sorts of astronomy things even though the sky won’t be as dark. There are planetariums and astronomy clubs and lots of big bookstores and libraries and museums where you can learn about anything.”

  I glance at Ally’s face, or what I can see of it by the glow of the single flashlight. Her skin is brighter already, less ashen. I’m surprised to find that I’m wishing it could have been me who made Ally feel better.

  “Now, Ally,” Ryan says, “It’s your turn. Tell us what makes living here so great.”

  Ally takes a deep breath and sighs. “Where do I start? When you live out here, you feel like a part of the universe. The stars are so close and the sky is so wide, it’s like the earth and the sky and everything in between are one. It’s hard to remember that there are so many bad things going on in the world. It doesn’t seem possible when everything around me is beautiful.” She shivers. “Out here Kenny and I have grown up in this wonderful little bubble where you don’t have to worry about how you look, how people judge you, or even what channel to watch on the nonexistent television. Our choices are so easy.”

  Kenny has been nodding during Ally’s speech. “She’s right,” he says. “I couldn’t have said it any better.” He and Ally share a warm smile. I feel a stab of jealousy at their closeness. I don’t like feeling jealous, but it’s a familiar feeling. Every time I look in my Book at all the beautiful models I feel jealous. It’s tiring.

  Jack says, “Sometimes I feel like I live in my own little bubble. I’d rather live in this one. I don’t have any friends in my bubble.”

  “You don’t?” Ally says, her brows rising. “How is that possible?”

  I know how it’s possible, but I’m keeping my mouth shut.

  Jack shrugs. “I don’t like to do the same things as other people, I guess.”

  “What do you like to do?” she asks. “You know, when you’re not organizing planet-hunting missions?”

  They share a quick smile, then Jack goes back to pulling at the piece of loose string on his corner of the sleeping bag. Quietly, he says, “I like drawing, and reading science fiction novels and . . .” He says something else, but at the same time Kenny jumps up and yells, “It stopped raining!” and everyone springs to their feet and runs out. Except for me and Jack, who don’t move.

  “What did you say just now,” I ask, “before Kenny cut you off?”

  He seems surprised that I’m asking him and takes a little while to answer. “I said I can come awake in my dreams. I can fly.”

  “That’s what I thought you said. Why do you want to come awake in your dreams?”

  He shrugs.

  I peer closely at him. The sliver of moonlight coming from the open door casts strange shadows on his face. “Is it because you like the dream world better than the real one?”

  With obvious effort, he meets my eyes. “It’s not just that. When I fly, I feel free.”

  The shed door bangs open and Kenny comes back in before I can respond. I’m not sure what I would have said anyway.

  “The rain has stopped for a while,” Kenny says, “but the cloud cover is too great. All you can see is the moon.”

  “That’s enough for me,” Jack says, not wasting any time getting to his feet. “Let’s take the scope out and at least take a look through it. We can leave the monitor and computer attachments here.” He takes a quick glance back at me, then starts dragging the telescope toward the door.

  I scoot out of the way. I’ve dreamt that I’m a famous model before. I’ve dreamt that I marry a prince and we have a huge wedding at a fab castle. But flying? I wouldn’t tell Jack this, but it sounds like a waste of time. I think you should dream about things you really want to happen. That way, they’re more likely to come true.

  “C’mon out,” Melanie says, interrupting my thoughts. “Come look at the moon.”

  “I’ve seen the moon before.”
<
br />   “Not like this you haven’t.”

  I let her drag me outside where no doubt the mosquitoes are buzzing in full force from the rain. The air is thick and soupy, and I can tell the lull in the storm is just that, a lull. Everyone has switched to their red flashlights even though only a handful of stars are visible.

  I almost trip over the telescope cover, which is balled up on the wet ground. Ally has her eye pressed to the side of the telescope, and it takes me a minute to realize that’s where the eyepiece is. “That’s Dandelion Crater,” she tells Jack. “It was named after a Ray Bradbury book.”

  Jack’s face lights up. “Really?”

  Ally nods and steps back. “Take a look.”

  Jack comes forward and puts his eye to it. I hear a sharp intake of breath. “It’s so . . . so close!” he says. “Like I can touch it!”

  Melanie pushes me toward the telescope, but I stand firm. For reasons I don’t understand, I’m suddenly deathly afraid to touch it. Jack’s not moving anytime soon anyway.

  “You know, Ally,” Jack says, not taking his eyes away. “You might not be able to see as many stars where you’re going, but you’ll always be able to see the moon.”

  “I’ve never spent much time looking at the moon. There were always so many other things to see.”

  Ryan says, “You can try to find all the craters on the moon instead of the Messier objects. I know it’s not the same thing, but at least it’s something.”

  Ally nods, but instead of answering, she turns to me and says, “Okay, it’s your turn now.”

  Jack reluctantly steps aside and waves me forward.

  I approach the telescope very slowly. “How about I use an empty toilet paper roll instead? I’ve heard that works great.”

  Everyone laughs, but Ally shakes her head and points to the telescope. I can’t see a way of getting out of this. I take a deep breath and rest my hand on the side of the telescope for balance. Ally yells, “Don’t jostle it!” But apparently I already did, so they have to locate the moon again, which requires looking through this small tube called the finder, and then adjusting knobs. You wouldn’t think something as big as the moon would be so easily lost.