Ms. Jingle and I go back inside the library.
I stand next to Ms. Jingle while she grades the tests. To move on to the next round, a contestant must get an 85 percent or better.
I watch Ms. Jingle mark every question wrong on the first page of the first test, then the second. She doesn’t bother finishing the grading since there’s no way the girl scored at least an 85.
She does this several more times. Meanwhile, I look out the window and watch Prince playing outside.
“Finally!” Ms. Jingle says, taking off her reading glasses. “Ten girls are moving on to the next round!”
“Ten! That’s perfect,” I say.
We all go outside. Minerva, Lawrence, the maids, including Belly, and Jonah and I stand by the entrance while the contestants are gathered below. I glance at Belly. Her shoulders are slumped.
“I will now announce the names of the ten finalists for princess of Bog!” Ms. Jingle says, the stack of tests in her hand.
She reads name after name. There are lots of cheers.
“And finalist number seven is … Wendy Post,” Ms. Jingle announces.
Yes! Wendy Wonder Woman. I knew she’d be a perfect princess for Bog. Of course she did well on the test!
“Finalist number eight is Althea McDorn,” Ms. Jingle says.
“Big surprise,” someone mutters. “She’s the smartest girl in the whole kingdom.”
“Finalist number nine is … Tulip,” Ms. Jingle says.
What? Tulip? Really?
I glance over at her. Tulip doesn’t look very happy about passing. That’s weird.
“Go, Tulip!” Lawrence cheers.
“And our last finalist is,” Ms. Jingle says, “Belly Armstrong!”
Gasps and whispers fill the crowd. The girls look at Belly with their mouths open.
Minerva and the maids are in total shock.
Lawrence snorts. “Oh, please. Belly’s not even a contestant. Minerva said Belly didn’t hand in her test. She crumpled it up and threw it in the garbage.”
“But I uncrumpled it,” Ms. Jingle says. “And put it on the stack with the rest of the tests.”
Oh, wow. I must have missed that.
Belly tilts her head and peers at me. “Should I really be one of the finalists?”
I hesitate. She’s not my number one pick. She’s too quiet. But she passed the test, so I have to support her. Also she’s nice.
“Yes,” I say. “You passed the first round. You and just nine other girls in all the kingdom!”
Belly’s face brightens. “Wow.”
“Finalists!” I call out with the megaphone. “We’ll be heading down to the swamp in one hour for the next challenge! Take a break, stretch your legs, and get ready!”
Jonah and I head back into the castle.
“I hope Belly wins,” Jonah says.
“Belly? She didn’t even want to enter,” I say. “The teacher handed in her paper for her. But she did finish really fast.”
“So why won’t she win?”
“She’s too quiet! No one will hear her!”
Jonah shrugs. “So she’ll use a megaphone. You just don’t want her to win because she reminds you of Anisa and you’re still mad about the carnival.”
I roll my eyes. “She does remind me of Anisa. They’re both way too quiet,” I say. “But it’s still cool that Belly got as far as she did. Okay, moving on to our next challenges. Feats of bravery and kindness, right?”
“You really love being in charge, huh?”
I smile. “Yes, I do.”
“Well, I hope Belly wins. She’s good at all the stuff she has to do in the castle.”
“It’s her job,” I remind him.
He scowls. “She’s good at being good at her job, then. And a princess has to be good at her job.”
“Jonah, clearly, Wendy is meant to be princess. I know, okay?”
He raises an eyebrow. “Guess we’ll see.”
An hour later, I’m back in front of the castle with my megaphone, though unlike Belly, I don’t really need it with ten girls. There will be two more tests, and then an interview to whittle down the finalists to one person.
One princess.
The finalists are all there. Tulip is examining her nails, which are sparkly pink. Is Wendy admiring her own manicure? NO. Does she even have polished nails? No. I smile.
In fact, what Wendy is doing is stretching her calf muscles. She’s wearing athletic shorts and a tank top, and her hair is pulled back in a tight ponytail. And there’s Belly! She’s wearing a maid’s uniform, but at least she has on sneakers and a sun hat.
“Go, Belly!” Jonah calls out next to me.
Although I’m pretty sure Wendy is going to win the whole thing, I’m glad Belly is taking her rightful place among the finalists. She deserves to be here. So what if she’s only a maid? A maid becoming a princess is the ultimate rags-to-riches story, isn’t it?
But I do feel bad for her. ’Cause she’s obviously not gonna win.
“Hello, finalists!” I say.
“Go, us!” Wendy shouts, pumping her fist in the air.
The girls give one another a round of applause.
“The next challenge will be a show of courage,” I announce.
Just like Minerva said, General Glover, the commander of Bog’s army, was happy to help with the bravery test. Minerva, Lawrence, and I worked with him last night to prepare. I see the general marching up to the lawn in full uniform, whistle in his mouth.
“Okay, girls, down to the boats at the swamp!” General Glover shouts.
“The swamp?” Tulip repeats. “Oh, my. I don’t like alligators.”
“You just have to show ’em who’s boss,” Wendy says, cracking her knuckles.
“They’re boss,” Tulip says. “They’ll take a bite out of me, and I would never take a bite out of them.”
Clearly, Wendy will win the courage challenge. Right now, she’s practicing karate.
General Glover leads the march to the swamp, which is just a short walk away.
He blows his whistle. Tulip frowns and covers her ears. I bet she has delicate eardrums.
“Girls!” General Glover shouts. “Each one of you will take a boat, one by one, across the swamp and then make the return trip. Do not stand up in the boat. I repeat, do not stand up in the boat. Got it?”
The girls nod. He continues: “Now, as you know, there are alligators in this swamp. Actually, there are all kinds of swamp creatures, big and small. And let me tell you, just because a swamp creature is small doesn’t mean it doesn’t have sharp teeth.”
“Yes, sir!” the girls shout.
A blond girl is first. She’s about to step into the metal rowboat when an alligator slithers toward her boat. “Ahhh!” she screams. “Alligator! I’m not getting anywhere near that thing!” She runs off.
One down, nine to go.
“Next!” General Glover shouts.
The girl with long red braids, named Holga, steps up and points at one of the gators. “I’m not afraid of you!” she calls out.
Uh, I wouldn’t provoke him. But that’s just me.
Holga gets in the boat. She picks up the oars. The alligator swims toward the boat.
“Beat it, gator!” she says, and rows confidently across the water. Two female army sergeants are on the other side, clapping. Holga rows back to us and hops out.
Way to go!
“Next!” Holga calls.
“Hey, only I get to say that,” General Glover shouts. “Next!”
A petite girl with enviable biceps eyes the water. Now there are two alligators circling in the swamp. And a bunch of green lizards with their tongues darting out are walking around near the shoreline. “Um, I just remembered I’m supposed to be somewhere,” the girl says, and runs off.
“Me too!” the next girl says.
“Chickens,” I hear Wendy mutter.
Wendy is next. She marches up to the boat, completely ignoring the alligators and swamp cr
eatures, which are more numerous now because of all the commotion. She gets in the boat.
“Oh, hi, gators. I know you want to bite me and possibly have me for lunch, but sorry — we all have to share this swamp. So I’ll leave you alone if you leave me alone.”
Wendy is courageous AND smart. I know she’s going to win!
She makes it across and back without a hitch.
Next up is Tulip. She slowly walks to the boat. Can she even LIFT the oars in her delicate hands? She takes white gloves from her pockets and slips them on.
Seriously?
I see her look at the alligators, who are circling nearby. A toad hops right into her boat and sits on the front perch.
“Ugh!” she says. “I heard if you touch a toad, you’ll turn into one!”
“Don’t touch it, then!” Jonah calls out helpfully.
She rows to the other side. Slowly. I stare at my watch. Could she take any longer?
“Shoo!” she calls to the alligators when they start swimming toward her boat. “Shoo!”
Shocker that the alligators don’t listen to Princess Tulip. But she does manage to turn the boat around and make it back to shore. In one piece, too.
Huh. That was unexpected.
“I’m impressed,” I say to her.
She peels off her white gloves and puts them back in her pocket. “Why, thank you,” she says.
Eventually, there are only two contestants left. One is Belly. The other is a mean girl named Morgana, who has been making snide comments the entire round.
Belly steps toward the boat. She doesn’t say a word. She stares at the alligators. I watch her pick up the oars and row with even strokes to the shore. Uh-oh. The two alligators are chasing her boat.
“She’s got this!” Jonah whispers.
“Don’t get your hopes up,” I say.
“You’ll see,” he says with a small smile.
Belly pays the alligators no attention at all. She focuses on the other side of the swamp. Her boat touches the shore, then she quickly turns it around and rows back. As she steps out, her eyes light up.
“I did it,” she whispers to a tiny yellow snake on a tree branch.
“Oh, big whoop,” Morgana snaps. “Watch a pro make it across and back even faster.”
Belly frowns but doesn’t say anything. Morgana steps into the boat and remains standing in the center of it.
“Did she not hear the ‘Do not stand up in your boat’ part?” Jonah asks.
Morgana sticks out her tongue at the alligators. She puts her hands to her ears and wiggles them and shakes her body. “Losers!” she calls to the swamp creatures. “You think you’re sooo tough.” She gives a karate chop. And that’s when it happens.
She loses her balance.
And falls overboard. Right into the water.
Oh, no! That wasn’t supposed to happen! The general promised me everyone would be safe … as long as they stayed in their boats!
Morgana is not in her boat!
“Ahhh!” Morgana screams. “Help! Help!”
Before the general can even move, Wendy races over to the shoreline and grabs Morgana’s arm.
The alligators open their giant mouths. Their sharp white teeth are ENORMOUS. And they’re headed for Wendy’s left leg!
Morgana is frozen in place, her eyes like SAUCERS as she stares at the alligators moving straight toward her and Wendy.
Wendy quickly carries Morgana to the shore. Morgana drops to the ground, shaking and crying.
“I get a do-over!” Morgana screams. “I was almost torn apart by alligators!”
“No do-overs!” General Glover shouts even louder, and blows his whistle. “I told you not to stand up.”
Morgana glares at him. “This contest stinks.” She gets up, crosses her arms over her chest, and stalks off.
“Some people,” Jonah whispers to Belly with a shake of his head.
I’ll say.
“Oh — and I told you so,” he says, beaming at me and then motioning with his chin toward Belly.
Whatever. I have other things on my mind. There are only five finalists left in the whole contest! I turn to study them.
There’s Holga, with the long red braids, who’s twelve. And Teara, a fourteen-year-old science whiz with a black pixie cut.
Then there’s Belly. And Tulip.
And Wonder Woman herself — Wendy! She saved Morgana! I know she’s going to win.
After a lunch of turkey sandwiches, chocolate-chip cookies, and strawberry lemonade at an outdoor table set up behind the castle, it’s time for the next challenge.
A secret challenge.
It’s really cool.
It was totally my idea.
I’m jumping out of my sneakers. I can’t wait!
“So what’s the next round?” Wendy asks.
“Um, something to do with strength,” I lie.
Wendy flexes her muscles.
Tulip looks at her own biceps. She doesn’t appear to actually have any arm muscles.
Meanwhile, Belly is giving little bits of her sandwich to a friendly family of lizards on the grass. A papa lizard, a mama lizard, and three baby lizards.
As the maids start to take away the lunch plates, Belly jumps up to help.
“Belly, no need,” I say. “You’re a finalist — you’re not at work.”
“Oh.” She blushes and sits back down.
And besides, it’s time for the secret challenge. My super-awesome secret challenge.
I clear my throat. “Girls, because you all did so well in the courage challenge, I’d like to present you each with a gift.”
Jonah is holding a small purple pouch. He reaches in and hands each girl a gold coin.
“Ooh!” Belly exclaims. “I’ve never had a gold coin before.”
“Shiny!” Wendy says, examining it.
Tulip looks bored, like gold coins are no big deal to a princess. But Tulip is a princess without a kingdom or treasure or anything at all. And when she thinks no one is looking, I see her kiss the coin and put it in her pocket.
“Wow, that coin sure means a lot to Tulip,” I whisper to Jonah, surprised.
“Just because she was born a princess doesn’t mean she’s rich,” Jonah says.
What the girls DON’T know is that the coin IS their next challenge. We’re going to watch very closely to see what they do with the coin they were given.
And now I have to hurry back inside for a few minutes and get ready for part two.
All of a sudden, the ground starts shaking. There’s a rumble in the distance.
“What’s that?” Jonah asks. Prince barks.
“Sounds like horse hooves,” Belly says.
I stand up and crane my neck to see past the bushes lining the swamp. Guys on horses are headed toward us, galloping fast. The one in front has flowy blond hair and a white-and-gold shirt and a cape.
Ugh. Prince Micha of Bug.
He and his groupies ride up so fast that the chocolate-chip cookies on my plate bounce right onto the ground.
Great.
“Can we help you?” I ask Prince Micha.
The prince hops off his horse and walks over to me. “Well, well, if it isn’t the Pea Princess!”
“Please don’t call me that.”
Jonah laughs. “It’s kind of funny.”
I scowl at my brother.
“What are you girls up to this fine day?” the prince asks.
He’s actually right about the fine day. Instead of being a thousand degrees, it’s merely five hundred. Maybe I’m just getting used to the heat and humidity. And my crazy hair.
“Just finishing up lunch and about to begin the next challenge in the contest,” I say.
He throws his head back and bursts out laughing. “Hahahaha!”
His entourage also guffaws.
“You’re not really going through with that nonsense?” the prince asks. “Are you?”
“It’s not nonsense,” Jonah says.
P
rince Micha rolls his eyes. “Whatever you say, little man.”
Jonah sticks out his tongue. Prince — the dog, not the jerk — lets out an angry bark.
Instead of leaving, though, Prince Micha and his group just stand there and watch the five finalists. The girls aren’t doing anything all that interesting right now. Tulip has retrieved her gold coin from her pocket. She is gazing at it and smiling. Wendy is doing push-ups on a purple mat under a tree. Belly is sweeping crumbs from the table even though I keep telling her she’s not a maid today. The other two — the redheaded Holga and the pixie-cut Teara — are fanning themselves with thick green leaves.
“Uh, Abby?” Belly says, walking up to me with her dustpan. “Why is the prince just standing there watching us?”
“Good question,” I say. “Maybe he’s really never met girls who don’t sit around fanning themselves.”
“Abby, no offense,” Jonah says, “but that is kind of what everyone’s doing right now.”
Oh. Crumbs. But we’re between challenges! That’s why!
But Jonah’s right. So why is Prince Obnoxious watching us? What does he want?
I’m about to ask him when Prince Micha and his band of followers get back on their horses and leave.
“That was weird,” Wendy says.
I nod in agreement. But enough about Prince Micha — it’s time for this afternoon’s real challenge. I need to head back to the castle now so I can change into my disguise.
“Be right back!” I call out. “I just have to pee!”
“Well, you are the Pea Princess!” Jonah calls out.
Now it’s my turn to stick out my tongue.
Back in the castle, I quickly pull on the costume that Minerva designed for me. If Jonah doesn’t recognize me, I’ll know the costume is perfect.
I sneak out of my room and find Jonah and Prince in the hallway.
“Ahhh!” Jonah cries. “Where did YOU come from? What did you do with my sister?”
Prince whines. But then he takes a step closer. And closer. He sniffs my foot and starts wagging his tail.
“Aw, Prince knows it’s me from my smell. But you didn’t! Jonah, it’s me! Abby! In disguise!”
Jonah’s eyes widen. I look at myself in the full-length mirror in the hallway. I’ve gone from ten-year-old girl to an old crone — with a lifelike face mask of an old woman, a gray wig, a big wart on my cheek, a dirty, raggedy old brown dress, and no shoes.
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