by Blake, Leta
Chapter Twelve
The room was quiet now except for the sound of the computer fan whirring, and the shuffling and banging of the girls making a late snack in the kitchen. They’d left at some point during the first vlog entry, but Leith wasn’t sure when. He’d been glued to the screen, his heart in his throat.
As Leith had watched Zach and heard the anguish in his voice, the powerful undercurrents he’d felt driving him for weeks rose to the surface and crashed onto the shore of his consciousness. Tears had streamed down his face as he’d watched each gut-wrenching entry.
Now as he sat staring at a screensaver showing the curl of an ocean wave with a tiny surfer emerging, he flashed on the moment he first saw Zach in the doorway to his hospital room and he’d remembered the golden-crowned kinglet, broken and wounded.
He remembered Zach by the lake at the cabin, alone and despondent, setting his shoulders with determination before returning to the house. There had been so many moments after that—sweet sparks of vulnerability that Leith reacted to instinctively by wanting to touch and hold Zach.
There were three things he knew for certain now. He loved Zach beyond reason, he could trust Zach with his heart and soul, and Zach needed him more than he needed Zach. It was the last one that came as the biggest surprise, though he didn’t know why. The first two fed so hungrily on the last that it seemed completely obvious now.
He clicked on the first vlog of them together, watching it for the sixth or seventh time. Leith was not the person in the video, not anymore. It wasn’t only that he didn’t remember the life that the old him had led, but Leith could tell that the person in the vlog didn’t know how much Zach needed him, and instead only knew how much he needed Zach. That Leith had never been so lucky as to know what Leith now saw so clearly.
Leith paused the first video during a kiss, studying the screen thoughtfully and feeling nothing more than a strange happiness that he wasn’t that guy anymore. “Leith?” Zach’s voice was quiet from the doorway, where he stood with one arm over his chest.
His red eyes and solemn expression made Leith want to drag him into his arms and kiss the sorrow away.
“Can I come in?” Zach asked.
Leith nodded as he stood, tucking his hands into his pockets to keep from touching Zach too soon.
“Marian and Ava called to let me know you were okay. I was going to stay away, but—“ His voice cracked. “I needed to talk to you. Leith, I’m sorry. I should have told you. I made a mistake—”
“Yeah, you did make a mistake,” Leith interrupted. “You should have trusted me. You should have told me how you felt, instead of talking to strangers on the internet. You should have told me everything from the beginning, from the very first day. You should have insisted on me being told the truth about us and not insisted that they hide it. So yeah, I’d say you made some pretty big mistakes.”
Zach swallowed hard and shut the door behind him. He nodded, apparently accepting Leith’s words without defense or argument.
“And you shouldn’t have moved your stuff out of here. Now we’ll have to move it all back, which is a waste of time that we could have spent doing something else.”
Zach’s forehead creased. “What?”
“We could have spent that time talking or…” Leith walked to Zach and put his arms on his shoulders, leaning down to whisper in his ear. “Making up.”
Leith pulled him close, his heart racing. His stomach curled into a knot as he breathed in the smell of Zach’s cologne, sweet, spicy, and so achingly familiar. Zach’s hair felt soft against his cheek, and his breath was hot and coming in hard gasps against Leith’s neck. The incredibly still way he stood in Leith’s arms gave away how very desperately he wanted to make the hug last.
Leith shuddered and leaned back to look into Zach’s eyes, the green-blue fringed with feathery lashes, shining with terror and hope. Zach’s mouth was soft and tremulous, and Leith swallowed hard. He couldn’t resist. Zach’s mouth was so hot and wet—so right. Leith’s knees almost buckled as he twisted his fists into Zach’s shirt, pulling him closer.
Zach’s hands went to his face and his hair, pulling him in for more every time Leith broke for a breath. Leith pushed Zach against the wall, holding him there with his body. God, he needed more. Zach’s t-shirt was in the way now, so Leith found his way way under the hem, pushing it up to run his fingers over hard muscle and soft skin.
“Leith,” Zach gasped. “Let’s just—Leith—”
Leith didn’t want to just anything. He wanted to keep kissing, to touch and smell Zach, to grab handfuls of his hair and shove against him until he collapsed in orgasm and the crazy feeling that overwhelmed him—the thing that was like happiness and comfort and want and need and God-so-good all in one—made them both feel whole again.
Leith couldn’t speak. He could only kiss and moan, and Zach had his hand right where Leith needed it now, Leith’s jeans shoved down as Zach jerked him the way he liked it, firm and rhythmic. Leith tried to get his hand between them to touch Zach, but Zach just pushed it away. Leith would have been frustrated except he could feel Zach’s hips thrusting against his thigh, and Zach’s eyes were big and hot, and incredibly focused on him. Leith kissed him again, sucking Zach’s bottom lip.
Leith whimpered and pressed their foreheads together. “Zach,” he choked out as he shuddered and rocked in Zach’s hand. He was so close, so close, and Zach was watching him now with such tenderness. Leith slammed into orgasm, his hips jerking uncontrollably, his vision graying out, and soft wild sounds coming from his throat.
He collapsed a little, letting Zach’s strength hold him up. He was shaking and spent. Somewhere deep in his mind he knew that from now on, no matter what, raging wouldn’t do any good. Fighting the past wouldn’t help either, but he didn’t have to freak out, because he’d done that already and this is where he’d end up again.
“Zach—” Leith whispered.
“Shh,” Zach said, smoothing his hand through Leith’s hair and clasping the back of his neck. “Just…shh.”
“I love you.”
Zach trembled. “I know. I love you too. I’m sorry for what happened.”
Leith ducked his head, ashamed. “No, I’m sorry. I…I scared myself and I know I scared you.”
“Leith, you were triggered.”
“I should have more control. It’s just the things he was saying about you—I saw red. Can I claim brain damage?”
Zach chuckled and shook his head. “You could, but do you really want to?”
“I’m so sorry, Zach.”
“I know. Leith…you have to know that he meant nothing. I was lost without you and I did something incredibly stupid. I didn’t know if you’d ever…if we’d… I was so fucking afraid.”
Leith closed his eyes and held Zach tight, fighting off the image of Zach going to a stranger to be taken care of and have his fear eased. He caressed Zach’s cheek. “Zach, from now on I want to know everything. I want you to tell me about who I was before, and I want you to tell me about missing him, not some random people online. I want to know everything about you.”
Zach lips trembled but he nodded.
“I already know your secret, Zach. You’re lost, and you think I won’t want you if I know that. You’re wrong.” He forced Zach’s chin up, looking into his eyes. “I need you. I love you and I’m not going anywhere.”
“Same here,” Zach whispered.
“I know,” Leith murmured against Zach’s lips before kissing him.
The bed was the only place Leith wanted to be. As they moved there together they left their clothes on the floor. Hot, needful seconds turned into desperate, wanting minutes. Splayed on his back under Zach’s mouth, hands, and body, Leith didn’t know if Zach was torturing him or making love to him. He was strung out near orgasm and his cock ached but Zach wouldn’t let him touch it, pushing his hands away and holding them down.
“Only when I say,” Zach whispered.
Sweat broke out
all over his body as Zach slid his hand between Leith’s ass cheeks and rubbed fingers against his asshole, testing the lube he’d applied when he’d rolled on the condom a few minutes earlier. The circling fingers brought up a sweet aching feeling that made Leith twitch his hips and turn his face into the pillow, a non-verbal plea for Zach to go on.
Zach’s middle finger slid in pretty easily, and Leith felt his ass clenching around it. The next finger wasn’t as painless, but Leith didn’t care. He couldn’t stop kissing Zach. The fingers in his ass burned some, but that just made him feel hot everywhere. He breathed in and out with staccato, shaking breaths as Zach finger fucked him.
It went on and on, and when Leith moaned for more, Zach shushed him and continued to play with his ass. Leith could barely keep his eyes open. The sensations cascading over him were making him crazy, and he whimpered eagerly when Zach finally lifted his legs onto his shoulders.
Zach’s cock against his asshole was thick, and the tight, burning stretch pulled a moan from Leith. One of Zach’s hands moved to his hip, holding him steady as the other gripped his leg tightly. The sweet slide after Zach’s cockhead passed the tight ring of his anus was so incredible that Leith slammed his hips up fast, needing more.
Zach grunted and bit his lower lip, his eyes hot. “Easy, Leith,” Zach murmured.
Swallowing hard, Leith met Zach’s thrusts, riding the crazy shivery waves that rushed over him with every brush against his prostate. “Zach, please,” Leith murmured, and Zach bent to kiss him, licking into his mouth and kissing down his neck. Leith grabbed his own nipples and squeezed, his toes curling and uncurling, and his cock dribbling pre-come.
“Zach, please. I need to come.”
“Soon.”
“Now.” Leith reached for his cock.
Zach smiled and pushed Leith’s hands away again. He held them down on the bed and rode him harder and faster. Aching, Leith closed his eyes and let go. It was too good, oh God, too good. He couldn’t deal with it for much longer and he was shaking, trembling like a leaf. His heart pounded so hard it thrummed in his ears.
“Zach, please. Zach, ah, God…”
He was breathless now, his cock slapping against his stomach again and again. It was almost enough to make that final push into orgasm, but he just couldn’t reach it. Zach’s voice was layered over everything, but he couldn’t make out words anymore. He was shivering and shaking, pushing his hips up to meet Zach’s thrusts.
He tossed his head on the pillow, sweat slid down his face, and his ass clenched in spontaneous rhythm around Zach’s cock. Suddenly he flew apart. The bed and Zach and his own body disappeared in a breathless endless moment. Then he was slammed back into coming and coming and coming, his hands clenched in the sheets, his body arched up and reaching, his cock issuing thick, white streams of come.
He was loud too. He couldn’t keep quiet as it went on and on, leaving him trembling and weak, whimpering as the orgasm slowly ebbed with small shuddering contractions.
Zach pulled out of his ass, and Leith moaned in disappointment, wanting more even though he was exhausted and covered in come. Zach pulled the condom off and started jerking his own cock, his eyes raking over Leith’s body eagerly. Leith watched, trying to catch his breath, as Zach’s eyes closed, his face crumpled, and he shot a hot load onto Leith’s stomach.
The noises Zach made were amazing. Leith shuddered through another aftershock before pulling Zach down to him and their beautiful mess, kissing and rubbing his back.
“Was that good?” Zach asked.
Leith scoffed softly. He held Zach even closer and kissed the soft skin of his neck. He wanted to know how the old Leith had met Zach, but he waited to ask, not wanting to mar the moment. He knew that for Zach, it was the beginning of the story that ended with losing his lover—the one who’d died when Leith lost his memories. He kissed Zach’s neck again, tightening his arms around him and willing him to feel how much he loved him.
“Well?” Zach asked again, squirming in Leith’s arms and smearing their sticky come between them.
Leith grabbed Zach’s hips, holding him still, and whispered, “I don’t know. You’ll have to show me again later so I can be sure.”
Zach smiled and kissed Leith’s neck. “I think I can manage that.”
“I’m going to shower.” Leith didn’t move a muscle.
“I can probably manage it in the shower even.”
Leith chuckled. “You might have to manage it alone.”
“Now, that I might have some trouble with.”
“Good thing you have me.”
Zach brushed their noses together. “Good thing we have each other.”
Leith kissed him through the swell of emotion that crested over him. Then he laughed and flipped Zach before jumping up and grabbing a towel from the hook on the back of the door. “First!” Leith yelled, darting out the door with Zach scrambling to get his boxers on to catch up.
FOUR MONTHS LATER
VLOG ENTRY #11
INT. BLUE FLIGHT – BOOTH – NIGHT
Zach sits next to Leith. He’s smiling and tapping his fingers on the table, while Leith relaxes next to him, slumped down in the booth, eating bites of cheese. Zach salutes the camera.
ZACH
Hello, my loves. It’s been over four months since my last confession.
LEITH
Yeah, for all these months people have been emailing, wondering if I ever came back or if I was on the missing persons list.
ZACH
He claps his hand over Leith’s mouth.
As you can see, Leith came back!
LEITH
Prying off Zach’s hand.
Over four months ago, for the record. I was gone for, like, a day and a half.
ZACH
Yes, well. Ahem. Shhhh, this is my vlog, remember? So, my loves, he returned and we worked things out. We are now one hundred percent on the same page. About everything.
LEITH
He scoffs.
Oh yes, we are so simpatico that our hearts beat in sync. I never want to spank his bossy ass, and he never calls me a stubborn jerk, and we never argue. Ever. Oh, except for the fact that it’s exactly the opposite of that. Especially the part about him being bossy.
ZACH
Leith is too modest. He doesn’t want anyone to get any ideas about how amazing being with me is, or someone might show up and try to steal me away from him.
LEITH
He lifts his chin and narrows his eyes at the camera.
Just try it. I’ll take you down.
ZACH
And he would. But hey, enough of that. Let’s catch up on our lives. Leith is doing well, as you can see. He’s finished his outpatient treatment, and even though he won’t admit it, he misses his flaky doctor. Leith uses a lot of water metaphors now and talks about exploring the universe. It’s all very deep.
He ignores Leith’s glare.
He’s also boxing sometimes, but has decided—thank God— not to try to do it competitively. He’s working a bit at Blue Flight, but the best thing is he’s started back to school. He’s majoring in psychology, actually.
LEITH
He chuckles.
Yep. That about sums it up.
ZACH
And I’m still busy as ever at the bar. Blue Flight was written up recently as the fifteenth most hip place to be in all of Brooklyn.
LEITH
Fifteenth most hip. That’s one better than sixteenth.
ZACH
Zach punches him in the chest and Leith moans and plays it up.
Can it, smart guy.
Leith makes a motion with his hand to zip his lips. Zach kisses him quickly before turning back to the camera.
Now, what was I saying? Oh, right! Things are good here.
LEITH
Great even.
ZACH
Now who’s bragging?
Leith points at himself with wide eyes and mouths silently, “Me? Bragging? What?”
LEITH
Unless his boyfriend forgets him again, and then he might be too depressed to update for a while.
ZACH
He laughs.
Babe, come on. Don’t even joke. But, yes, if Leith breaks his promise to never forget me again—
LEITH
Not going to happen. I never break promises.
ZACH
Maybe we should knock on wood.
They both rap their knuckles on the table.
LEITH
Seriously, I won’t forget you, though. I have a very good memory for an amnesiac.
So yes, before this gets any more ridiculous, we’ll say goodbye.
He waves to the camera.
See you next week! Mwah!
Bye!