by M. Robinson
His face didn’t reveal a fucking thing, not one goddamn emotion and it further pissed me off. I wanted something, anything to make me feel like he cared about me, like my words were having some effect on him.
“Miss Edwards, you need to calm down.”
“Fuck you, James. Stop fucking calling me that!” I shouted and Mack gasped, bringing my attention back to her. “I’ll calm down when you help us. I’ll calm down when you do something. I’ll calm down when you show me anything other than nothing! That’s when I’ll calm the fuck down!” I screamed as Mack’s eyes widened in shock.
He walked from the kitchen to Mack and gave her coffee and then came to stand right in front of me.
“I will not allow you to disrespect me in my own home, Gianna. I am your teacher and you are my student. Sit down and drink your coffee,” he scolded, handing it to me.
I grabbed it and took one look at it before throwing it across the room, shattering it against the door.
“Make me,” I provoked.
He grabbed me by my arm and I tried to get out of his grip, but it made him grab me tighter. I pushed him in the chest and he grabbed my other arm, dragging me to the couch. I screamed and tried to shove him away.
“You need to calm down. You’re acting like a child.”
“That’s all I am to you, isn’t it? Just a fucking child! I hate you. You ruined me. You ruined everything. I fucking hate you!” I kicked him in the shin and that’s when all hell broke loose. He tightened his grip and I brought his arm up to my mouth and bit it. I latched on until I tasted blood; once the metallic taste was in my mouth I bit down harder. He yelled and shoved me on the couch, my back bounced off from the impact. I seethed and went right after him, pushing, kicking, and hitting anywhere and everywhere. And then I went after anything I could see. I threw the portraits off the wall; I pushed the lamps over, and threw every ornament that was breakable in my vision. Mack came up from behind me and tried to grab me.
“Oh my God, Gianna! Calm down. Everything will be all right. We will make it work, I promise. We will make it work,” she begged.
I calmed down enough to make her let go of me, and that’s when I went after him again. I punched him in the face and tried to kick him in the balls, but he blocked me.
“I hate you! I hate you so fucking much. You’ll pay! I promise you, you will pay!” I threatened and grabbed Mack’s arm, and then we got the hell out of there.
We went to the nearest bar and found the guy who took us in his limo. I wanted to hurt Mack but I also wanted to take any scent of him off of me that still lingered. I wanted to fuck him out of my system.
I enjoyed every second of it, and when we made our way to my car, I could tell she was upset, devastated even. I took the long way home through a dark and abandoned road, wanting to have Mack wallow in her misery of what had just happened. I relished in that feeling and I didn’t see the car coming up behind us. I swerved at the last minute as it hit me on my side, making me do a one-eighty on the dirt road. Our heads hit the door windows and I saw stars through my fluttered eyes.
“Mack? Mack, are you okay?”
She touched her forehead. “Yeah…”she replied, immediately opening her door and stepping out. “What the fuck is your problem! You could have killed us,” she screamed.
It was then that I noticed the white truck and it all happened so fast, like a domino effect. I saw someone dressed in a black hoodie come out of the truck at rapid speed, it was so dark that I couldn’t see the face. My headlights were off and only the truck’s were on, facing the other way. The driver was in front of Mack in three seconds flat and that’s when I noticed the bat, swinging and knocking Mack out. Her body fell to the ground with a thud and I lunged over through the passenger side and fell face first next to her.
I immediately checked her pulse. “Oh my God! Mack! Wake up, please wake up! Please!” I screamed to no avail.
She had a pulse but her head had a nasty gash, and when I reached for my phone in my back pocket to call 9-1-1, the phone was backhanded out of my hand, knocking it away.
I looked up and saw her face.
Sarah.
James wife.
“What the fuck! What did you do? What are you doing?” I shouted.
She closed her fist and punched me straight on the cheekbone; I fell to the ground, immediately dizzy and disoriented, clutching the side of my face.
“Get the fuck up!” she roared.
My head was spinning and felt like it weighed a hundred pounds. She sat on top of me and started pounding on my face and body. I tried to cover myself as best as I could, but I was too disorientated from the crash and her hitting me. She beat me like she was a two hundred pound man. I could feel my body go into shock and that’s when she stopped hitting, but not before spitting in my face.
“You stupid cunt! You fucking ruined everything. He was never going to leave me until he met you. He was happy with me! We were fucking happy. How can you live with yourself? How can you break up a family!” she seethed.
I rolled over, spitting blood and curling into a fetal position.
“Get the fuck up or I swear I’ll kill you. Better yet, I’ll kill her.”
I watched through bruised eyes, trying to keep them open but they were swelling fast. She raised the bat right above Mack’s head. “You have five seconds. Five, four, three, two, on–”
“STOP!” I screamed, finding strength to stand on one leg and then the other. I immediately slouched forward, spitting out more blood, and limped to the side of the car door to hold myself up.
“That’s better,” she stated, lowering the bat to her side.
I finally breathed out and sucked in air from the pain in my ribs.
“Look at me. Fucking look at me, G,” she mocked.
I angled my forehead on the car and turned.
“That’s what he calls you, right? G...awe, how fucking pathetic. You’re so fucking easy, so gullible. Just like he is…the second I told him I was pregnant he believed me like a fucking idiot. You should have seen his eyes light up. Ugh! Like I would ever get pregnant with his fucking spawn again. He believed every word I said. It’s actually kind of comical…did you actually think that there were others?” she laughed. “There weren’t other girls, you stupid fucking cunt. You were the only one. He does love you and it makes me fucking sick. But it doesn’t matter because I already killed your baby, and now I just have to kill him,” she threatened.
I tried to understand what she was saying, but my mind couldn’t process it fast enough. I think I had a concussion. I convulsed and fell to the ground on my hands and knees. I flipped over and leaned onto the car for support.
“Look at you. What the fuck does he see in you? I can’t actually kill him. But I can do something way worse, and guess who’s going to do it. The love of his life, G, that’s who. Get your big girl panties on, darling,” she sang.
“I have it all planned out. See, that’s his truck, which you know because he’s probably fucked you in it. You dirty whore. Anyway, Mack is knocked out so you’re going to say that I am him and he raped you and Mack. She won’t remember anything, thanks to my trusty old bat here,” she stated, hitting the bat back and forth on her palm.
“You’re going to send him to prison, and if you don’t do it, I’ll kill her. And don’t for one second think I won’t fucking do it. I’ll do it and frame you for it. I mean, she is fucking your dad, God that’s disgusting, not that your dad isn’t a handsome man…he very much is. Is it all clicking? Do you understand? There’s motive, baby! It’s fucking genius,” she said in the same singing tone. “All right, you aren’t making this as much fun as I thought it was going to be. Maybe I need to give you some initiative.”
She backhanded Mack across the face a few times and then fisted her hair knocking her head into the ground.
“Please…please stop…you’re going to kill her! Please,” I half sobbed.
She put her hands up in a surrendering motion.
“Okay…if you insist.”
She walked over to me and crouched down in front of me on the heels of her shoes.
“You don’t look so good. Come on, G, I know you want to get back at him. I mean, he didn’t really fight for you,” she taunted. “I mean, granted, I did manipulate him and tell him I was pregnant so I kind of conned him into it. Oh well…beggars can’t be choosers. But in all seriousness, I would have expected him to at least struggle a little and he didn’t. Plus, you guys are eighteen so I don’t think he would get into that much trouble. He may serve some time, but mostly he will just get a slap on the wrist. I just want to make him hurt…just like he hurt me, just like he hurt you. He’s not a good person,” she asserted.
“I gave him everything and it was never good enough, and then you go and parade your pussy around like goddamn gold and he’s walking around with his tail between his legs in love with you. So yes…I was a little jealous, and what better way to get back at him by having his soul mate betray him. I think it’s fucking awesome,” she shouted, throwing her hands up in the air like she was dancing.
“Like I said, it’s very simple, I’ve already done the hard part, really. All you have to do now is say that he raped you guys. I think you can use your imagination and conjure up something good, I’ve set it up perfectly, you just fill in the blanks.” She clapped her hands together. “Now… if you could so kindly get up, I’ll help, of course, and we can go put some of your blood in his car, so I can go. I need to take the car back and pick up Cara from the sitters. I’ll hand you back your phone and you can call 9-1-1. They will come to your rescue and all will be right with the world. Justice served for women everywhere,” she clarified, grabbing my arm and putting it around her neck.
And the rest is history…
There were no words to explain the look on his face when I tried to reach for him. He backed away from me.
“Don’t,” he warned.
“That’s the whole truth,” I retorted.
“I can’t be near you right now.”
I sighed. “What the fuck did you expect me to do? I never thought you would get in that much trouble! I thought because we were eighteen that they would slap you on the wrist or something. She beat the fuck out of me and almost killed Mack, and then threatened to kill her if I didn’t do what she said,” I angrily explained. “I was backed into a corner, but I swear to you on my parents’ lives that I NEVER thought you would go to prison. It got out of hand so quickly, and the media blew it up as soon as they got wind of it. I’m so fucking sorry,” I wept.
I got down on my knees, right beneath him and grabbed at his pants. “You have to forgive me…you have to forgive me, James. Please! I didn’t know! I swear to God I didn’t know,” I sobbed uncontrollably, slouching forward. “I didn’t know. I swear…you have to forgive me.”
I just sat there, crying for I don’t know how long until I felt his strong, solid arms engulf me.
“Shhh…shhh…shhh…” he whispered, rocking me back and forth.
He just held me as I cried away my sins. I really was a monster and I had ruined the love of my life, and I had ruined Mack. I was responsible for everything; all of it came back to me.
“I love you, I’ve always loved you and I can’t go back and be that person anymore. I don’t want to die and I don’t want to punish myself anymore. I want to be normal. I don’t want to drink to forget or to not feel. I’m sick of being this person, James. I don’t want to be G anymore. I fucking hate her, she ruined my life,” I revealed, knowing that it was the truth.
“I know. I know, Gianna,” he grumbled, and that’s when I realized he was crying.
We both sat there, holding each other, just crying. It was the most liberating and healing thing I have ever done. To sit in the arms of the man you have loved and hurt so badly and to have him feel every pained emotion you’re experiencing is a feeling like none other.
We wept for the past, we wept for the present.
But we did not cry for the future.
After what felt like hours, we stood and I dressed in some cotton shorts and tank top he had stored. It felt weird to have on real clothes. Neither one of us spoke; there was silence everywhere. But when he grabbed my hand and we walked out of the room together, it gave me hope that all was not lost.
We made our way into Mack’s room but it was empty.
“Mack, Mack, Mack!” Still no answer and I instantly panicked.
“Fuck! Mack where are you?” I screamed to no one.
I turned. “Oh my God, where is she?”
His eyes widened in fear and he lowered his eyebrows. “Shit.”
“We need to find her,” I said and he nodded.
I followed him as we searched for her everywhere in the asylum, only to find her nowhere. She wasn’t anywhere. I followed him outside and hours had gone by with no Mack.
Until that old, familiar demon roared its ugly head and I fell on my hands and knees and started throwing up.
“Fuck! Not now,” he shouted.
“I can’t help it!” I screamed in between dry heaving.
“Goddamn it. Are you okay?” he questioned, rubbing my back.
“Don’t worry about me. Go find Mack. I’ll be fine. Just go find her.” He sucked in is lip, not wanting to leave me but finally obliged and nodded.
“Stay right here. Don’t move,” he ordered.
I dry heaved for a few more minutes and fell onto my back, right next to my own vomit. My vision started to go blurry and I started shaking uncontrollably. This was it. I was dying. It had all caught up with me and this was my finale. It was time to meet my maker.
I closed my eyes and prayed for forgiveness.
What’s all that noise?
Beep, beep, beep, beep…
“I think she’s waking up.” I heard a voice I didn’t recognize. “Miss Edwards, Gianna, it’s time to open your eyes. Open your eyes for me, I know you can.”
I squinted my eyes from the brightness of the room. “Water,” I requested with a hoarse voice.
“I’m going to elevate your bed to have you lean forward. Tell me if you’re uncomfortable.”
I took in my surroundings, I was in a hospital room. How the hell did I get there?
“What am I doing here? Ho–” I cleared my voice. “How did I get here?”
“You’ve been through quite an ordeal. Do you remember anything?” she questioned as she handed me water in a foam cup. I grabbed the straw and inhaled it all.
“More,” I requested.
She poured more and handed it to me, “You’re very dehydrated. The doctor will be here in a few minutes. He will be able to answer all your questions. You are very lucky to be alive.”
The last thing I remembered was looking for McKenzie. “McKenzie, is she okay? Where is she?”
“She’s fine. She’s here,” I threw my head back against the pillow, relief taking over.
I looked outside the window, it was dark and gloomy. I watched the drizzles of rainfalls and the sounds of the machine were soothing. What a combination to make me tired. I was exhausted and felt like I had run a marathon. My bones were aching and my stomach was queasy.
“Miss Edwards,” an older man said, holding a clipboard by my bedside.
“Don’t call me that,” I quickly disapproved.
“Oh, I apologize. What would you like me to call you?”
“Call me Gianna. My name’s Gianna,” I informed, taking pride in my name for the first time in my life.
“All right, Gianna. I’m Dr. Longhand. I am the attending physician who has been looking over your case. You have been through hell and back, huh?”
I nodded.
“Well…your friend is in much better shape than you are. I’m sure you’re aware of that. How long have you been drinking?”
“A while.” I shrugged.
“How long is a while…a few months, years?” he asked in an agitated tone.
“Years.” He nodded like he expected me
to say that.
“You’re pancreas is extremely inflamed and it has caused a kidney infection. Antibiotics can cure that, however, your liver, Gianna,” he sighed, shaking his head. “I haven’t seen a liver that damaged on someone your age, well...it’s been a while. We need to discuss sobriety because if you continue to drink the way you have, you will experience liver failure and you could die,” he explained, looking at me like a concerned parent would.
“I understand,” I replied.
I didn’t want to drink anymore. I had left that life behind me. I was done being that person.
“How long have I been here?”
“You’ve been here for three days. We’ve kept you sedated to keep your blood pressure down. We have you on Valium for the tremors and shakes, some Zofran for the nausea and a banana bag IV for hydration and nourishment. Your withdrawals shouldn’t be as uncomfortable as they would be. We are medically detoxing you. This is best place for you right now. We will monitor you for a few more days and I’m going to request you talk to a therapist before you’re discharged. Do you remember anything?”
“Where’s Mack?” I asked, ignoring his question.
I needed to talk to Mack; we weren’t getting James in trouble for this. I was done putting the blame on everyone else.
“She’s been asking for you as well. The sheriff would like to speak to you, to both of you.” I nodded.
“I need to speak to Mack before I speak to anyone.”
“I’ll see what I can do.”
He proceeded to check my vitals and provide me with all the information of what they would be doing for the next few days. I complied with everything he said and suggested. When nightfall approached, I took a few bites of my dinner but mostly just drank my juice, trying to shake the thought of vodka in it. It wasn’t going to be as easy as I had hoped. The triggers were everywhere for me. It was very quiet with the lights dimmed in the hallway. I could tell most of the nurses went home because there was no chaos. All was calm. I listened to the voices that came off the TV, not even paying attention to what I was watching.