Drawn To Dark

by Emma Tharp

  Cam is wringing her hands in front of her when she says, “Hi, Dee, I’m so happy to finally meet you. Can I give you a hug?” Her voice is tentative and sweet.

  “I’d love a hug,” Dee says.

  Watching my girlfriend and sister embrace shakes something up inside me. An emotion that’s been buried deep inside me. In this room, with these people, it feels like home. Family. It’s been Dee and me. Us against the world. But now, with Cam and Rick, there’s a sense of completion. A void that’s been filled. My chest gets tight and my eyes start to water. I wipe at them with the back of my hand before anyone can notice.

  “So you’re the woman my brother can’t shut up about. It’s great to finally meet you.”

  “That’s me,” Cam says as she takes a seat next to me on the edge of Dee’s bed.

  “Has King ever told you that he’s never introduced me to a woman before? Ever.” Dee raises her eyebrows in my direction.

  Cam whips her head around to look at me and her mouth falls open. “Are you serious?” She glances back and forth between Dee and me.

  “She isn’t kidding. Why would I bring anyone around to meet my sister unless I knew it was the real deal?”

  “I had no idea,” Cam says, her surprise wrinkling the corners of her eyes and tugging her eyebrows, one up, the other down. “He’s full of surprises.” Dee smiles from ear to ear. It’s so nice to see it, even if she’s poking fun at me.

  “Don’t go throwing your brother under the bus,” Rick chimes in.

  “Exactly,” I say. “Now tell me, when are they letting you out of here?”

  “If she continues to be a good girl, they’ll let her out this time next week.” Rick gives Dee’s shoulder a squeeze.

  “My doctor is happy with my progress. I’ve gained a couple pounds since my appetite is slowly returning. Rick has been bringing me homemade smoothies and things I crave. He’s been awesome.” Dee smiles at her boyfriend and grabs his hand.

  “That’s great news, Dee. Some people don’t get their appetites back for months after a bone marrow transplant,” Cam says.

  Dee switches position and tucks her feet up and under her knees. “I want my life to get back to normal as soon as possible. I’m going to let Rick fatten me up.”

  We all laugh at this. Dee has never been fat a day in her life, and with her illness and the chemo, she’s as thin as she’s ever been. But I do hope that Rick’s smoothies, packed with vitamins and nutrients, will help her on the road to recovery.

  “When do you go back on the road, King?” Dee asks.

  “I have to leave on Sunday, but at least this time I’ll only be gone for two weeks.” I hate that I only have six days home to spend with Cam and Dee. And I’m almost positive Cam won’t be surprising me and coming to see me during this leg of the tour, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t beg her to come.

  “Maybe when you get back we can all have dinner at our place?” Dee suggests, looking to Rick for approval.

  “Sure. That sounds great. I can make something Greek or Italian. Whatever Dee is in the mood for,” Rick says as he pushes a stray piece of hair off Dee’s forehead.

  “Or, if Dee is up for it, we could take you guys out.” I’d love to give Rick a night off from cooking and cleaning up. “We can plan it when I get back,” I say.

  “That sounds like fun,” Cam says.

  My cell chimes with an incoming text. I leave it in my pocket. It’s probably Helena. She’s texted and called me several times during the tour, but I haven’t responded to any of them and I plan to keep it that way. I’m going to have to change my number soon.

  “I can’t wait to fill you in on some funny stories about my brother,” Dee says, her voice sounds excited, but her eyes are getting heavy.

  “As fun as it is to pick on your brother, I think it’s time for you to get back into bed and get some rest. We want out of here next week, right?” Rick chides.

  “Yes, dear. You’re right.” Dee tentatively raises herself up to stand.

  Cam and I get off her bed, and Rick grabs her arm and assists her back into a comfortable position.

  When she’s settled, I lean in and give her a goodbye hug. “You keep up the good work and continue getting better.”

  “I’ll keep working on it.”

  “It was so good to meet you, Dee. I look forward to hanging out again and getting more dirt on Kingston,” Cam says and her and my sister share a conspiratorial smile.

  Rick comes over and shakes my hand and gives Cam a hug. “We’ll see you guys again soon.”

  As we leave the hospital, I’ve got an overwhelming sense of peace that things are going to work out for my sister and me. Putting my arm around Cam’s shoulder, I whisper in her ear, “You ready to go back to my place so we can finish what we started earlier?”

  One more night is all I have left before I have to leave Cam again and go on tour for two weeks. We’ve spent every waking minute that she isn’t working wrapped up in each other in my bed. We order takeout and have only left the house once to visit Dee, who is improving and should be set to go home next week.

  We’re at one of my all-time favorite restaurants called Mario’s Trattoria. It’s dimly lit and there is a private table in the back that I called ahead to reserve. Nobody bothers me here.

  “I wish you didn’t have to leave tomorrow,” Cam says, a frown painted on her beautiful face.

  Picking up my plate of pasta, I move over to her side of the booth to be close to her. I don’t care how it looks or what the waitress or anyone else might think, comforting Cam is all I care about.

  “Remember how it was last time? I’ll make sure we talk every day. You aren’t going to have a chance to miss me.” Of course, I know she’s going to. As am I. It sucks not having her there with me every day, especially since I’ve been spoiled this week. Sleeping next to her every night has been amazing.

  She bites at her bottom lip and shifts her weight to look at me. “I’m sorry I’m being such a baby about you leaving.” She’s holding back. I can see it in the corners of her eyes, how they dip down and are glossy with unshed tears. She wants to open the floodgates, but she won’t. She’s trying hard to be strong.

  Grasping her hands in mine, I say, “Please, don’t apologize. I’m not looking forward to leaving, but you and I have something special and we’re going to make this work.” If I’m honest with myself, I’m falling for Cam. Hard. And I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure she knows she’s my priority.

  “Yes, we are.” She gives me a weak smile.

  “You know what I’d like?” I ask.

  “What?”

  “For you to move in with me.” I’m not sure where this is coming from. It might seem like it’s early to do this, but I’m not playing around. I want her with me whenever possible.

  Her eyes widen, flecks of green sparkle in the dim light. “Really? That’s a big step.”

  “It’d make me so happy if you’d say yes.”

  Her hand sits on her chest, fingers splayed out. “Kingston, you don’t have to do this. I, I…”

  “Cam, stop. I’m not asking you to do this just because. You are good for me, and you make me want to be better. Why wouldn’t I want you to live with me? But, if you aren’t ready, I understand. I can wait until you are.”

  Her hand comes up to my cheek, and she looks at me in wonder. “This might be one of the craziest things I’ve ever done, but it feels right. Okay, let’s do it.”

  Leaning in, I kiss her, pressing my tongue to hers, absorbing as much of her as physically possible in public. A fire builds in me and the desire to have her is almost too much to bear. I’ve been with her countless times this week, but it isn’t enough. I wonder if it ever will be.

  “You make me so happy, Camilla. I don’t know if I deserve you after all of the things I’ve done in my past, but I want to be good for you.”

  “Enough of that. I told you, your past is over. I’m here now and I don’t care where you’ve be
en or what you did. You’ve shown me the good in you.”

  Her faith in me warms my heart and makes me realize I can have it all. She’s the light that’s come into my life to pull me away from the darkness that’s always been there, threatening to pull me under.

  “As soon as I get home from the tour, we’re moving you in. And right now, we’re going home for dessert.” I give her the grin she tells me she loves.

  “Dude, your voice sounded stellar tonight,” Davies tells me as we all head backstage.

  “It’s only night two of this leg of the tour. I had a week to rest. And you guys sounded sick tonight too,” I say, patting him on the back for the compliment.

  “Maybe. Or it could’ve been the crowd. The energy out there was insane.” Davies’ blond hair is askew and the corners near his temples are wet with sweat. He runs his hand through it, slicking it back.

  Saratoga Performing Arts Center is by far one of my favorite places to perform. The crowds here are always amped up and high-energy. Nobody sits down during the entire show, they sing along, and the band feeds off the positive mojo.

  We’re all on a high when we settle down to unwind backstage.

  Syd takes a seat next to me on the couch. “Hey, great show.”

  “Thanks. I love it here,” I say before chugging half a water bottle.

  “I wanted to tell you that I think your girl is awesome.” Her smile is shy, timid almost.

  This lights me up. “She is, isn’t she?”

  “Yes. I’m typically more of an introvert, but Cam was so easy to talk to. We hit it off right away,” Syd says as she swipes her short hair out of her face.

  Coming from one of the sweetest people I know, this means a lot. But I wouldn’t expect anything different. Cam is a people person. She makes everyone comfortable when they’re around her. “That attracted me to her. She’s a keeper.”

  “I figured you two were pretty serious.” She gives me a playful nudge. “You guys were inseparable when she was here.”

  “That’s how we are all the time. I just asked her if she’d move in with me.” The smile spreads across my face thinking about having Cam in my bed every night and waking up next to her every day.

  “I’m happy for you guys,” Syd says.

  “Hey, Kingston.” Tyrell, the security guard walks over to me. “A woman is here to see you. Says you aren’t expecting her. She looks familiar.”

  Syd and I look at each other open-mouthed. “Cam is here to surprise me.”

  Jumping up out of my chair, I follow Tyrell out the door. Adrenaline is coursing through my system. I can’t wait to get my arms around her.

  Stepping outside the door, it’s like a slap in the face when I see Helena standing in front of me and not Cam.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” I ask, a sharp edge to my voice.

  “Kingston, I came here for the show and to talk to you.” She reaches toward me, but I grab her hands before they make contact. Her gaze darts from me to Tyrell who hasn’t left my side yet.

  “It’s okay, Tyrell. I’m going to go in the next room and talk to her. But this is it. Don’t let her anywhere near me again,” I say this for him, but also for her. She needs to know I’m not allowing shit like this to happen anymore.

  “Sorry about this, Kingston,” Tyrell says and backs away.

  Grabbing Helena’s arm, I lead her to a room down the hall that’s empty. I shut the door behind us and say, “I’m going to ask again. Why are you here?”

  “I need to talk to you. Please, it’s important.” Her voice is choked with emotion and she’s wringing her hands in front of her. Such a contrast to her normal, composed self. Her eyes have dark circles under them, as if she isn’t getting any sleep. Even her clothes aren’t the same. Before she was always the picture of sophistication. Tonight, her jeans seem loose and her top is a pale pink color, but it appears as if it’s dirty.

  I’m not sure how many times I need to express to her that our relationship is over and my patience is at an all-time low with her, but I force myself to be civil. “You’re here. You came all this way. What do you need?”

  “I’m getting a divorce. I told him it’s over. Let’s give us a go.” Her hand flutters between the two of us in a strange jerky motion.

  “Helena, no…”

  “Wait. Don’t answer yet. I know you better than anyone. This is what you said you wanted.” Her hands come up, as if she’s going to touch me again, but she must think better of it because they fall down to her sides.

  Of course, she’s coming here to wave a carrot in my face. She’s right; before I met Cam, this is exactly what I wanted. But now I can see it all clearly. We were never going to work. “No. You and I are no good for each other. We want different things. I don’t want to be a Dom. At all.”

  Her lips are pulled in between her teeth and she’s shaking her head. “Is this because of that girl?” she spits out the last word with venom. “I’ve seen you all over social media with her.”

  “Listen, I never wanted to be a Dom. I did it for you, and she has nothing to do with that.”

  “Who is she and what does she mean to you?” Her tone is almost a slight growl.

  I’ve never seen her this way. Ever. She doesn’t have control of her emotions. It isn’t good. I don’t know the best course of action. Leading her on isn’t going to happen. A clean break is what I’ve been trying to do, but she isn’t taking the hint.

  “I’m in love with her. You’ve got to leave me alone and start fresh with someone else.” My tone is firm but holds some compassion. “You deserve to be happy.”

  Helena kneels in front of me and looks up. “Please, Master. Take me one last time. I want your hands on me. I’ll do it any way you want.” Her voice is choked with emotion.

  It hurts to see her like this. Stripped of all her pride and unable to see what’s in front of her. “Stand up, please.” Reaching under her arms, I help her up. “You need to go now. Don’t call me anymore, or text. Leave me alone.”

  Helena shakes her head, almost like she’s trying to get the cobwebs out. She straightens her shirt and gives me a menacing smile, turns to the door, and leaves.

  14

  Cam

  It’s been five long days since Kingston left. I miss him terribly. It’s a constant little ache living inside my heart.

  As I was leaving work today, I filled Penny in on my plan to pack up the necessities and bring them to Kingston’s house so I can surprise him and be all moved in when he gets back. There’s no reason not to. We can talk about what we’ll do with my house at another time. I’ve made up my mind and I know he’ll be so excited that I took the initiative and did it all while he was away.

  Changing out of my scrubs, I get into a comfy pair of yoga pants and a sweatshirt, and grab a moving box I picked up at the grocery store on my way home.

  Where to start, and what do I actually need? Kingston has a fully furnished, beautiful home. We don’t need anything. All I’ll need are my personal items. I bring the box in my bedroom and start folding clothes that I still wear and place them in the box. Moving on to my dresser, I add my gym clothes, socks, and underwear to another box. There’s a card on the bottom of my bra drawer. I don’t recognize it. Opening it, it’s a one year anniversary card from Al. In the past, if I had found this card, I’d stare at it and cry for all the things we could’ve been. Seeing it now doesn’t call up the same old emotions. Now all it is is an old card from my ex that I don’t need anymore. I stand up and bring it to the kitchen and throw it in the trash.

  Kingston sends me a text: Going on stage. I’ll Facetime as soon as the show is over. Miss you xo

  I send him on back: Good luck. Can’t wait to see you xxxooo

  My heart is happy every time I see a message from him. Just to know he’s thinking about me warms me from the inside. I’m falling so hard for him. The first night I spend with him after I’m all moved in, I plan on telling him that I love him.

  Since I�
�m here, I decide to heat up some pasta that I made last night. I take my dish to the table with my laptop and open it. Checking my email, I notice an address that I’m not familiar with but the subject line reads: MUST WATCH VIDEO OF KINGSTON LAWLESS.

  A part of me knows I shouldn’t open it. It’s probably something stupid from a gossip show, but my curiosity gets the better of me. I open it and click on the attachment.

  It’s blurry at first and difficult to make out. It’s someone’s bedroom and the timestamp is from two nights ago. He was in Saratoga that night. There’s a stunning woman on all fours on a bed. She’s got some sort of gag in her mouth. There’s a man having sex with her from behind. I can’t tell who it is, but he’s got a riding crop in his hand and he whips her in the ass with it. He’s out of focus. A squeal comes from her throat. I can’t look away. They change positions, she flips over and lies on her back, and he gets closer to the camera.

  It’s Kingston. He’s having sex. No, BDSM sex with a woman. Two nights ago. What. The. Hell.

  Is it possible that it’s his head dubbed in? I don’t want to keep watching, but I do. I have to know. It’s him. His face and tattoo are in perfect focus. Rushing to the bathroom, I barely make it there on time to be sick in the toilet. I rinse my mouth out and go to my bed to lie down.

  Kingston likes BDSM. He’s never asked me to submit to him before. Could I do that? I don’t think so. I’ve never considered it. And now that I know he’s cheating on me, I have to end it.

  Tears start to fall down my cheeks. It’s happening again. The man I love is being unfaithful to me. What have I done to deserve this treatment? With Al, I knew things were going downhill. I still didn’t expect him to be online dating. And now here I am again. This time I couldn’t be more surprised. Everything seemed to be going great with Kingston and me. He asked me to move in with him. He acted as if being loyal to each other was the most important thing. He fooled me. How did I buy into it? He made me believe that it’d be okay to fall for a rock star. I’m a fool.

  Do I call Penny? I’m so humiliated. I have to have time to think. That’s what I’ll do tonight. Cry and think. Things will be clearer in the morning. My heart and stomach ache. Curling into the fetal position, I let the tears fall.