Drawn To Dark

by Emma Tharp

  She nods and listens, wringing her hands together. Her face is taut with something that looks like anguish.

  “Helena kept reaching out to me, begging me to be with her again. It was hard for me to deny her, but she’s married. It didn’t feel right anymore. When I told her no, she started using the things I told her against me to manipulate me back into her bed. It was a low point for me.”

  Her hand comes up and clutches her chest, and for the first time today her eyes warm to me. “Oh my God, Kingston. That’s horrible.”

  “For a long time I felt like we were a normal couple. Now, looking back I see that we weren’t. I’m ashamed of myself for allowing her to use me. Can you see why I wouldn’t want to tell you these things?”

  “Kingston, what that woman did to you is reprehensible and not your fault. But I opened up to you about my past. Why didn’t you think you could trust me with yours?”

  The urge to close the distance between us is overwhelming me. Standing up, I move to sit at the other end of the couch closest to the chair she’s sitting in. “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you about Helena. Quite honestly, I wish I could forget about her. But if transparency is what you’re looking for, I can do that. For you. I’ll do anything for you.”

  “This hurts so much. I told you about how Al cheated on me and lied to me. And then I get a video of you with another woman.” She stops herself and blinks rapidly, but it doesn’t stop the tears from falling down her cheeks.

  I go sit on the floor in front of her and attempt to put her hand in mine. But she pulls it away. Damn. Seeing her in this much pain is killing me.

  “Please don’t. You’re only making this harder on me,” she says.

  “I’m sorry, I won’t touch you.” Even though that’s all I want to do. Gather her in my arms and never let her go. Reassure her that she is all I’ve ever wanted and I’m completely in love with her. “When I said that I wanted you to move in with me, I meant it. Hell, I’d like you to come on tour with me so I can spend every day with you. Please say you believe me.”

  She wipes at the stream of tears falling faster down her face now and she shrugs, but says nothing.

  “Helena is a sick woman. She can’t be trusted. But I can.” I reach up to push her hair out of her face, but she moves to stand before my hand makes contact with her.

  She walks toward the door. “Could you please leave now? I need to think and I can’t do it with you here.”

  “But, Cam…”

  “No, Kingston. You have to go now.” Her hands are shaking as she points toward the door.

  With a huge amount of restraint, I make my way out to leave, but I turn to her beautiful, sad face and say, “I’m begging you not to give up on me. I’ve got to go back on tour for another week, but when I get home, will you please talk to me?”

  Opening her mouth and closing it again, Cam takes a few moments before she speaks. “I’m going to think about everything you said, okay? Aside from that, I can’t make you any promises.”

  It’s the look in her eyes that I’m going to take with me back on tour. There’s a small glimmer of belief there in the flecks of amber and gold. It’s probably wishful thinking, but it’s something to cling to as I leave her standing there. She doesn’t know it, but I’m leaving my sad little shriveled heart with her. “Good bye, Cam. Please take care of yourself while I’m gone.” I love you.

  16

  Cam

  “I’m sorry I came over here unannounced. I just need to talk and it couldn’t wait,” I say between sobs as I stand on Penny’s porch.

  “Of course not, I just made microwave popcorn and uncorked a bottle of white. Perfect timing.” She moves to the side and welcomes me in.

  Throwing my arms around her neck, I say, “Thank you, wine sounds perfect.”

  Penny pours me a glass of wine and we go into her living room. She’s got a movie paused on her TV. “I was just going to start a chick-flick, but clearly that can wait. What’s going on?”

  Using the tattered bunch of tissues I’ve had in my hand, I wipe at the corners of my eyes and attempt to compose myself to tell her the story. I don’t leave out any details of the videos that Helena sent to me or how devastated I was. Then I tell her about how Kingston was just at my house.

  Her expression goes from shock to confusion. “Wait, he’s supposed to be in Charlotte for his show tomorrow night.”

  “Yeah, he flew home to see me.” I take a steadying breath before I drink a sip of my wine.

  “Holy shit. That’s insane. Who is the bitch that sent you the videos?”

  “Her name is Helena and she’s been his counselor for two years. She used him for what she wanted and manipulated him. I guess he found out that she’s married and tried to break it off with her. And she doesn’t want him to be happy with anyone else so she sent me the videos.”

  Penny’s lips curl up in a grimace. “That is crazy. Do you believe him when he tells you that she changed the timestamp somehow? I mean, is that even possible?”

  “I don’t know. And I have a hard time trusting my instincts. He seemed like he was telling me the truth, but I can’t be sure that it wasn’t me wanting him to be telling the truth. Does that make sense?”

  She’s got the bowl of popcorn on her lap. It feels like she’s watching me, as if I’m the star of some B-rated movie. “Yes, I think I’m following. And since I’ve been in the dark about this until now, I don’t have much information to go on. But whenever you and Kingston are together, you guys seem so happy, and Davies tells me that Kingston talks about you all the time. That’s got to count for something.”

  The truth is, it does count for something. The fact that Kingston talks to his friends about me and others see us as happy. But is that enough for me to believe him when he tells me he’s been faithful to me? I want more than anything to believe him. “I guess, but my struggle is with the trust.”

  “You’ve got to go with your gut. What does it tell you?”

  “I’ve got zero confidence in my instincts. I was blindsided by Al messing around on me. And here I am with actual video evidence that Kingston’s been cheating on me. Am I being stupid for trusting him? And if I do believe him and take him back, will I be paranoid every time he leaves to go on tour that he might cheat? I can’t live that way.” There’s an ache in my stomach that’s lodged there and doesn’t seem to want to move.

  “I wish I had an answer for you, Cam. You’re going to have to figure this one out on your own.” Penny’s tone is soothing and kind.

  Hugging my knees into my chest, I stare at the TV screen frozen on opening credits. My mind is whirling in a thousand different directions. It hits me like a ton of bricks. I know exactly what I have to do.

  It’s three forty-five. I was able to take the last hour of work off today for my appointment. I set it up earlier in the week and was pleasantly surprised that I was able to get in today, Friday of the same week.

  The office isn’t very big. A receptionist is sitting at the front desk when I check in and fill out the paperwork. Initially I was nervous about coming here, but as the days went by, excitement took the place of nerves. And as I sit here now, a calm comes over me.

  A long black-haired woman in a black form-fitting dress pokes her head out and calls my name. Well, the name I gave them. I didn’t want to tip her off that I was coming. Her face goes pale when she sees that it’s me as her next patient.

  Standing up and holding my head high in mock confidence, I say, “Hello, Helena. So nice to meet you.” I walk past her and go into her office and take the seat across from her desk.

  It takes her a moment to compose herself because she simply stands in her doorway and stares at me with her angular jaw slack and dark eyes wide. She closes the door and says, “What are you doing here?”

  “I made an appointment so that we could talk. Go ahead, have a seat.” My voice comes out strong and authoritative. I’ve been planning this out in my head all week.

  I love
that I have the element of surprise on my side. As she walks to her oversized chair, her gait is off kilter. She looks almost as if she’s just learning to walk in heels. I’ve thrown her off her game.

  “What can I do for you, Camilla?” Her tone is laced with venom.

  “I was hoping you’d ask me that. I’m here for the truth.”

  “About what?” Her face is blank, unreadable.

  An urge in my gut makes me want to grab her and shake the truth out of her. I know she isn’t going to make this easy. “About the videos you sent me. Kingston told me it was you that sent them. I want to know when the videos were taken.”

  “Did you watch them?” she asks.

  “Yes,” I say with a distinct tone of disgust.

  “How did it make you feel to see Kingston fucking me?” She gives me a snarly grin.

  Digging my fingernails into the fabric of the chair, I take a calming breath. “No, I’m not here for you to analyze my feelings. All I want is the truth. I’ll ask again, when were the videos taken?”

  Helena glances around the room and then back at me. “It’s in his true nature to dominate. Do you submit to him? If you don’t, you know you’ll lose him, right?”

  A wave of anger rolls through me, threatening to unhinge me. She’s good at this. I close my eyes for a moment to remind myself why I’m here. I can see now how she stops at nothing to control and manipulate. Poor Kingston for being under her spell for two years. “I refuse to engage with you about my sex life. I’m here for answers. And if you don’t start giving them, I have plans for the videos you sent me.” Helena’s eyes go wide like a frightened animal. “Did you in fact change the timestamp on the video?”

  “Does it matter? You and Kingston aren’t going to work. He doesn’t know how to be with someone like you. And deep down I think you know that. His past is tainted and it’s molded him into who he is today. I can handle him, keep him sane. You’re not qualified to do that.” She tilts her head, a smug smirk painting her face. Despite her external beauty, all I see in front of me is an ugly human being.

  “That’s all the answer I need. I wonder who you slept with to help you change the date. Another patient maybe. Someone good with computers.” Her brown eyes nearly protrude out of her head. I struck a nerve. “Because that’s what happened, you manipulated the timestamp. If you didn’t do it, you would’ve said so by now. Instead you avoided it, tried to twist the truth up in words meant to hurt me. Guess what; your manipulations might have worked on Kingston, but they won’t with me. Thanks for today.” I stand to walk to the door. When I turn back to look at her one last time, she’s glaring at me with cold, hard eyes. “Oh, and one last thing. I wouldn’t bother trying to reach out to Kingston anymore, because if you do, I will forward your videos to the board. Leave us both alone. This is your only warning.”

  I slam the door behind me.

  It’s late and the adrenaline from this afternoon’s meeting with Helena is finally wearing off. Sitting on my couch with a book in hand, a text alert goes off on my phone. It’s from Penny.

  You’ve got to see this. He’s got it bad