“When my mom got home, she found me and tried to take me to the hospital. He went crazy and hit her, threatening to take me away from her. She believed him and tried to fix the burn herself. She put on ointment and wrapped it up, but it never fully healed the right way.”
“For the next couple of years, my dad would beat me with his belt; everything I did would set him off. He always threatened me, saying if I told my mom about it, he would just beat her too. I tried to hide the marks from her, but when I was fourteen, she saw my back.”
“God, I’ve never seen her look so guilty and helpless,” he says in anguish, rubbing the back of his neck roughly.
“She enrolled me in boarding school without my father’s knowledge, saying that this was the only way she could keep me safe. When he found me gone, he tried to get me back, but she told him that she’d call the police and have him arrested for child abuse. I guess he took the threat to heart, because no legal action was taken by him.”
“She moved out of the house and divorced him, cutting all ties. Over the years he tried to contact me, but I never responded. I loved being away from him. I finally had my freedom. I didn’t have to worry about doing things wrong and being a fuck-up in his eyes.”
“When I was in boarding school, I took all sorts of music lessons. I had always been interested in music, probably because of my families’ musical background. I became really good friends with a guy in my class named Brandon, and we actually formed We Fight, We Fall together when we graduated high-school.”
“When I got out, I noticed that my mom’s health was declining. She would always say she was just tired from work, but I knew better,” he says, putting his face in his hands.
“My grandfather signed our band onto his label about a few years later, and when I was twenty two, we started to have a fan following. All the fame went to our heads, and I started sleeping with anyone who wanted me. I never had a real girlfriend before and had no desire to. I also started spending money on cars and…drugs and alcohol. My band and I would get into fights all of the time because of my using.”
“Around the same time, I found out that my mom was doing drugs too. She had been for years, trying to hide it from everyone. She had a drug overdose when I was playing a show overseas.”
“I never even got to say goodbye to her,” he says, his voice slightly breaking.
“My dad ended up finding out about her death and contacted me. He said that he was having health problems himself and that he wanted to see me again. He pretty much guilt tripped me into it, making me seem like a bad son for not looking after my mom. Being the gullible idiot, I said that I would come and visit him.”
“I flew down here to see him, thinking that he’d be remorseful for all the shit he’d done over the years. But…he wasn’t. He was just as heartless as he’d always been.”
“He had a bad heart and couldn’t do much anymore; said it was all my fault for being such a pain in the ass when I was younger. I had been high and drunk since my mom passed, and it got even worse when I stayed with him.”
“That’s when I met Jessica, a neighbor. She came to my dad’s house one day with cookies, seeing if he was doing ok, because she’d heard that he was sick,” he says chuckling harshly.
“I should’ve seen her for the conniving bitch she was, right then and there. But for some reason, all I wanted to do was forget everything in my pathetic life. She was only eighteen, and I fucked her, only a few hours after we met. I took her and fucked her in my old man’s goddamn bathroom. I didn’t even give a shit if he could hear us. Damn, I was so fucked up,” he says rubbing his neck.
“When I finally sobered up, I felt like such an asshole for what I did. I thought she was some innocent girl, so I took her out on dates and spent as much time as I could with her, before I had to leave and go back to L.A. I was so distraught from my mom’s death that I even tried to kill myself. I tried to slit my fucking wrists in the very same bathroom that I fucked her in.”
“He found me there, with the razor in my hand and just said, “You won’t kill yourself. You’re too much of a fucking pussy.” He was right; I couldn’t do it. There was still a small part of me that wanted to live, for some unknown reason.”
“I couldn’t be around my old man any longer, so I booked an earlier flight back to California. Jessica freaked out before I had to go, and I cracked.”
“She told me she loved me, and that she couldn’t stand the fact that we would never see each other again. She said that her family was old-fashioned and would disown her if she ended up pregnant; we would have to make a commitment to each other. So like an idiot, I agreed that marriage was the only option and took her back with me to L.A.”
“After knowing her only a few weeks, we got married and the risk of her being pregnant was just a bad memory. All of the guys in the band hated her. She was the biggest flirt around anyone with a dick, but I honestly could care less. I hated her more every day, seeing her for what she truly was. She spent my money, used my drugs, and wouldn’t even consider getting a job.”
“After a year of marriage, my drug habit got so bad that I missed shows. She started giving a shit about me then, because no shows equaled less cash flow for her. She convinced me to come back here to recoup and get my shit together. I pretty much bailed on the band, and drove down here with her.”
“On the ride over, we got into one of our many ridiculous fights, and I got distracted. I plowed my car right into a tree; that’s all I remember of the accident. I woke up in the hospital, alone, and my left hand was gone. They said I had smashed it in the wreck, and there was nothing they could do to repair the damage that was done.”
“I had been in the hospital for a few days with no sign of Jessica, which was actually a relief. She ends up texting me saying she found another guy to buy her things, because I was useless now without my hand.”
“I took the first plane back to L.A. and went into physical rehab. I told the band that I was no longer able to play with them. They didn’t ask why, and I’m sure they were just sick of my bullshit. The only person who knew about my hand was Brandon. I still was using drugs and drinking after the crash, and we had a big falling out. I lost my only friend that night.”
“I saw what my drug use was doing to me and everyone around me, and I just couldn’t be that guy anymore. The guy who makes everyone’s life a living hell, kind of like my dad did.”
“I finally checked myself into drug rehab and had to deal with that, along with my new prosthesis. It was one of the hardest times of my life, but I managed. I started to work for my grandfather at the label and took over when he passed away. I stared signing new bands, and producing their work. I accepted that my music career was finished because of my fucking hand. I haven’t played anything since I lost it. I don’t even think that I’ll be able to play anything the way I used to,” he says looking sad.
“About two months ago, my dad contacted me again and right before I said he could go fuck himself, he said he had barely any time left to live. I came down here to see him, but he died while I was driving down here. In his will, he left everything to me; the house, his truck and a large sum of money from investments.”
“It shocked the hell out of me that he did that. He probably just wanted everybody to think that he was a good father to me.”
“I’ve flown back to L.A. from time to time for work, but I just kind of unofficially moved here. I started to like small town life, because no one really bothers me or brings up shit from the past. I can keep to myself. Well, until now,” he says looking over at me. Uh, is that a good or bad thing?
“Shit, um, that was some story, Aiden. I don’t think a soap opera script holds a flame to that. I can’t imagine the life you’ve lived. Just…fuck,” I say in shock.
“Yeah, well, I don’t go around advertising my fucked up past. Very few people know about it. Probably just you and Brandon, I guess. Not even Jessica knew everything. She didn’t bother to ask, so I never told her shit about myse
lf. If I would have, she probably would’ve just used it as ammo against me,” he says looking drained. I can only imagine how he must feel after sharing all of that with me.
“Thank you for trusting me with all of this. I would never do anything to ruin that trust. And I think you made a good decision with not ending your life when you wanted to. It was very brave. I don’t know many people who could have had the courage to live with all of that pain,” I say honestly. You really are an incredible man, Aiden.
“I guess you’re right. If I had killed myself, I would have never met you. So there’s that,” he says trying to lighten the mood.
“I think we found each other for a reason. My past is not nearly as bad as yours, but I know what hurt is. I know what it feels like to want to end it all, because you can’t take another minute of it. When you try to move forward, shit just keeps pushing you down,” I say to him.
“That’s pretty much the meaning behind We Fight, We Fall. I chose it, because it seems like every time you fight for something, something else makes you fall. But you just pick yourself back up, and do it all over again.”
“I think deep down, everyone has that will to live and fight for what they want,” he says squeezing my hand gently.
I sit there, thinking about what he said. It all makes sense. Every time I want to quit, I feel something from within that makes me push on. It’s like an uncontrollable force.
I sip my now cold coffee and try to forget about the past and just focus on the future. I know I need to tell him my secrets, but I just don’t know how to. He looks over at me like he wants me to say something, but I just continue drinking my coffee.
“Are you okay, Emma?” he asks with concern.
“Yeah, I’m just thinking about things,” I say
“What things? I hope what I told you didn’t change things between us,” he says sadly.
“Oh no, Aiden. It’s not you at all. I’m just stressing about telling you about my past. It’s just me overthinking things, as usual,” I say with a tight smile.
“Whatever you say to me, I will still want to be with you. No matter what you tell me, I won’t change my opinion of you. I’ll take you any way I can get you,” he says smiling.
“Ugh, you’re so cheesy, Aiden!” I say chuckling, “but thank you for that. Do you think you could be patient, and we could talk about me tomorrow? I want the time we have together before I have to go to work to be relaxing,” I say, praying that he agrees.
“Whatever you want, baby. If you want, we could just hang out here and listen to some records,” he tells me.
“That sounds perfect. As long as I get to lie in your arms, though,” I say shyly. Why am I so reluctant now? Probably because you’ve reached a new point in your relationship, that’s why!
“You’re cute when you’re shy, baby. Don’t get me wrong though; I still like the Emma that practically rips off my clothes to have her way with me,” he says winking. That bastard! I’ve never done that. Ok, maybe just a few times.
He grabs my hand, and we walk over to the living room. We both look over at the destruction that was caused last night.
“Fuck, I forgot that I broke my record player earlier. Hopefully the stereo still works, and I can just play my iPod on it until I get a new player. Let’s see if it works,” he says to me embarrassed. He stands the stereo upright and plugs it into the wall.
“Well, it turns on ok. Let’s try it out.” He plugs in his iPod. I hear a familiar drum beat drifting out of the speakers.
“Um, are you trying to tell me something, Aiden?” I say jokingly. The song is The Bad in Each Other by Feist. Yeah, it pretty talks about two people, good on their own, who bring out the bad in one another when they’re together. Very appropriate.
“Oh, shit. No, I didn’t mean it like that. Fuck, do you know all of the music I listen to? I just wanted you to hear a band on my label, that’s all,” he says guiltily.
“Oh, hush. I was just kidding. I really like this band actually. She has an incredible voice,” I say enviously.
“Yeah, she does. It was awesome working in the studio and producing the album. I love the entire process, because you see the song as a rough draft pretty much. You make it sound full and ensure that everything fits perfectly together,” he says with pride.
“Damn, it sounds like you really like what you do,” I say impressed.
“Yeah, I do actually. When I was a musician I liked the whole writing and creative process, but being on stage and playing live wasn’t really my thing. I liked just playing for myself and helping others to perfect their work,” he says.
“I can’t imagine having the satisfaction that you do from your job. I loved to sing in the past, but it’s not like there was a future in it for me,” I say. He’s looks over at me smiling.
“You forget that your boyfriend has a major record label. If that’s what you want to do, I can make it happen,” he says seriously. Oh, no way in hell can I use him like that. Tempting, but no.
“Oh Aiden, I could never do that to you. I told you I don’t want it to ever seem like I’m exploiting you. I’ll just have to figure out things on my own. Thank you, though,” I say smiling.
“I just want you to have whatever you want. Plus, I’ve been thinking about what you said the other day and what I told you today about my hand,” he says. What did I say? I can’t keep track of my big mouth.
“About us playing together. You could sing, and I could attempt to play piano. If I were to play again, I would want it to be with you. I know you wouldn’t judge me if I didn’t sound great,” he says like it’s the best idea in the world.
“I’d love to play with you, Aiden. I think it would be a lot of fun, and I really want to hear you play something too,” I say smiling.
“Well in a few days we should definitely, how’d you put it, ‘jam together?’” he says laughing.
“Hey, that’s a legitimate term for playing music with someone else, you jackass. How dare you!” I say joking back.
The rest of the day we spend lying around on the couch, listening to music and talking about our likes and dislikes. I found out that we were both outcasts in high-school and both of us hate pickles with a passion. He teared up at the end of The Notebook, and I just rolled my eyes in nausea.
It feels so normal and nice just being able to hang out with him. He’s one of those people that you never tire of being around. He listens intently to what I have to say and laughs at my poorly executed dirty jokes. I don’t have to pretend to be something I’m not when I’m with him; I can be the woman that I used to be before Jeremiah left me. Not only is he my boyfriend, he is now becoming my best friend.
“So, it’s about time that we get you to work.” I blink a few times, breaking away from my straying thoughts. I look over at him, his dimples sullen. I smile at his expression, because I know how much he wants me to stay right here next to him. I inwardly jump for joy, because we have something in common; I feel the exact same way.
************************
We get to Leo’s, and I reluctantly remove myself from his bike. He starts to get off too, but I touch his arm, holding him back. I don’t really want a repeat pissing contest to happen between him and Lucas.
“Aiden, I can just go inside by myself. Don’t worry about me,” I say casually. He looks a little upset, probably guessing my reason for not wanting him to go inside.
“Ok, Emma. I can take a hint,” he says smiling tightly.
“Just make sure Lucas stays in line, so I don’t have to kick his ass,” he says jokingly, even though I know for a fact that he’s entirely serious. I go over to him to kiss him goodbye, and he grabs my waist.
“I really don’t like this whole no sex thing. I’m starting to think it’s just a ploy to get me to want you even more than I already do,” he says gruffly.
“What?! I would never be a dick tease to you. I just thinking that waiting a little while is a good thing, that’s all,” I say. God, he thinks I�
��m teasing him? It’s probably just as hard for me as it is for him to keep my distance.
“I’m just warning you, I can only be patient for so long. You’re going to have to give it up sooner or later, Emma,” he says grinning. Oh, fuck! I’m in trouble. I kiss him lightly on the cheek and slip out of his arms.
“Bye, Aiden,” I say, making my escape inside of the bar. I can hear him laughing as he drives away on his bike.
I get inside and hear, “Hey, Emma. It’s been crazy in here today. I’m so glad you’re here.” It’s Leo and, he looks really frazzled and exhausted.
“No problem, Leo. I’ll just clock in early and help out with whatever you need,” I say nodding.
“That’s great. Lucas is in the back right now unloading food, and Leslie is just running around serving tables. Maybe you could work the bar for a bit until her break,” he says.
“You got it, boss,” I say to him smiling. I really like Leo. He’s one of those father figure types that are always really nice to everyone. I can see why he is one of the few people who Aiden talks to. No one can resist his friendliness; kind of like Lucas and his flirting.
I start serving several people at the bar, wishing I had more hands to serve drinks with. Damn, Leo was right; it is really busy in here today. I’m not complaining or anything. It just means that I’ll make mega tips at the end of the night.
I look over near the pool tables and hear really obnoxious laughing; a few guys drinking and playing. Oh, shit! It’s Todd, and his douchebag friends. Fuck! When Leslie gets off of her shift, I will have to take over her tables. I just pray they don’t recognize me with my new hair. Hopefully Todd has hassled way too many women in his time to keep track. Oh please, please.
“Hey, Em.” I look up and find Lucas standing next to me behind the bar. His hair is styled differently today, and I catch a whiff of really expensive cologne. He also has some sexy scruff on his face. Hmmm, I wonder if he has a date later. He sure knows how to clean up well. I try to ignore the assholes plying pool and focus on Lucas.
“Hi, Lucas. You’re looking really nice tonight. Hot date later?” I say arching my eyebrow at him. He blushes and looks embarrassed. Shit, what did I say?
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