Bones by the Wood

by Johnson, Catherine

  “You havin’ some difficulties there?” He tilted his head towards the store doors, indicating the recently departed manager.

  “Nothin’ I can’t handle.” She really didn’t want him offering to jump in and fight that battle for her.

  “How’re you and...” He paused and ran his hand through his hair. He wasn’t wearing his hat. Thea remembered what it was to feed her fingers into those strands and hold him close.

  “Thea, I miss you and Josh.”

  There was no doubting the emotion in his voice, but she didn’t know what to do, what path to take, other than the one that kept her son as far away from any danger to his life as possible.

  “Dizzy... I can’t. I just... can’t.” The words were physically painful for her to say.

  “Sweetheart, I don’t know what else to say. I’m sorry, so sorry. I’ll fuckin’ beg if I have to.” He looked up at the camera that was fixed to the wall high over her shoulder. “And you’ll have it all on tape.”

  She was fairly certain that she was going to throw up, but she couldn’t be less than honest. “I miss you too, Dizzy, but don’t you see? It’s not you I blame. It’s me.”

  In the days since that awful night, Thea had turned all her fear and blame into self-loathing. She had felt it happening and been unable to stop it. It had eaten away at her dignity and self-respect, at her courage and strength, like a cancer. The more times she relived that night, the more she realized that Dizzy had fought for them before he’d been subdued. He had tried to protect them. He’d ridden out from the ranch and tried to kill those men before they’d gotten too close. It was she that had failed Josh, by getting too close to Dizzy in the first place. She should have had the foresight to see that no good would have come of it and ignored the handsome bastard from the time she first laid eyes on him.

  The evidence of how much he’d tried was still plain to see. The shirt he was wearing covered most of his arms, but there were the remnants of bruises on his face and scabbed lines that had been splits through his lips and cheeks. Her own face was a wonderful concoction of greenish yellow and blue.

  There was also a new addition to Dizzy’s wardrobe. On his left wrist was a black, leather cuff that covered most of his forearm. His sleeve was pushed up over the top of it to make way for the wide band of calfskin. The white gauze of a bandage peeked out of the top and bottom of the cuff. She knew what was under that cuff, or at least, she remembered what the wounds had looked like when they’d been fresh. There had been a series of burns, his skin had been charred and raw.

  “None of what happened was your fault, Thea. Jesus Christ, you couldn’t be more wrong.”

  “I’m not wrong, Dizzy. You need to leave me be. You have to let me look after my boy the best way I know how.” She tried to be resolute, but her voice was dangerously close to breaking. She would not cry; she was so lonely, so alone in this hell, but she would not cry and she would not compound her mistakes by throwing Josh back into the bear pit.

  Her resolve must have shown, somehow. Or maybe he just didn’t think the fight was worth the effort, because he turned and walked out of the store without another word.

  ~o0o~

  Thea had managed to wrangle her shift for Thanksgiving so that she was working during the day. She didn’t want to intrude on Clarice’s evening meal. At least one of them should have the opportunity to celebrate a little. Val had been only too happy to have an excuse to get out of her house while Norm was drinking a little harder, a little longer, in celebration of the holiday.

  Val and Clarice were both worried about her and Josh. They had carefully voiced their concerns, but Thea would not speak to them on the subject. She deflected, or just outright ignored, their questions or observations.

  It had been two weeks since the night they had fallen through the gates of hell, and neither she nor Josh were getting any better. They’d both dropped weight that they couldn’t afford to lose. They looked like walking zombies. Their hair was lank, their skin was pale and lifeless and they both had dark circles ringing their eyes. They were the walking dead, going through the motions of their lives. Thea saw it happening to her boy and didn’t have a clue how to stop it. She felt so helpless, so alone and so helpless.

  She’d picked up some food from the store after her shift. They were having sandwiches, very basic sandwiches, because she was down on funds for the bills with all the shifts she’d missed. Their poor diet wasn’t helping either of them much, she knew that. They usually had a few little traditions for the holiday that she and Josh adhered to. They weren’t much, just cozy, fun things that meant the world to both of them and didn’t cost the earth, a bag of party poppers, a particular brand of pie, small things. She had never been able to afford to make mush of a fuss, but even those tidbits were beyond her reach this year.

  She let herself into her apartment. She’d barely gotten the door unlocked when she was assaulted by the sound of Josh screaming. It was the middle of the day, he must have fallen asleep having been exhausted after a disturbed night. Clarice had said that he’d been awake most of the night before. There was no one in the main living area. Thea rushed into her room, to find Clarice half sitting, half lying on the bed, trying to shake a thrashing Josh into wakefulness. For the first few nights, Thea had tried to not touch Josh when he was in the throes of his terror, it only made it worse. But he was always so deep in the nightmare that no matter how much she yelled, he couldn’t hear her, he couldn’t wake up. So she had to shake him, had to become part of the fear, until he awoke and she could hold him and comfort him. And every time she had to become the thing that scared him more, a small piece of her soul withered and died.

  She hurried to the other side of the bed and joined Clarice in her efforts to rouse Josh.

  “Josh! Josh! Wake up, bud. Mama’s here. Wake up, bud.” She tried to remain calm, but her voice always took on a frantic tone. She couldn’t help it, couldn’t stop it, because she was failing him.

  Josh woke eventually with a start, shooting bolt upright. He was sweating, his limbs were limp. He was panting and ghostly white. And he’d wet the bed.

  Thea changed the wet sheets and his clothes, re-dressing him in his pajamas. She dispatched Clarice to get him a glass of milk and some toast. It was the post nightmare ritual that they had established. Once he was dry and resettled in the clean sheets, Thea coaxed him to eat and drink and got him set with an illustrated copy of Treasure Island to occupy and distract him while she went to speak to Clarice, because it was obvious that Clarice had something to say to her.

  They were barely into the corner kitchen before Clarice broke down into quiet sobs. Her words came out in a hiccupped rush.

  “I can’t do this anymore, Thea. I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened to you two. I know damn well it wasn’t no car accident. Somethin’ bad happened that you won’t tell me about, but you and that boy of yours need help. But I can’t look after him anymore. It doesn’t just hurt me to see him like that, Thea, it scares me, too. You know I think of that boy like a grandson, and I wish I could be stronger for you both, but it just hurts too much. And I don’t have the energy. I’ve tried, I’ve prayed for strength, but I... I... just... can’t.”

  Thea felt her own answering tears roll down her cheeks. She dashed them away impatiently with the back of her hand before she wrapped her arms around the elderly woman.

  “It’s alright, Clarice. I understand. I appreciate everythin’ you’ve done for us. I really do. I can’t expect you to take this on.”

  “But what’ll you do?” Clarice reached for some paper towel to dry her eyes.

  “I’ll speak to Dwight, see if I can move my shifts to durin’ the day when Josh is at school. If I get him on the school bus, could you give me a hand in the mornin’? The early shift starts at seven.”

  “Yes. Yes. I’ll help however I can, I just can’t....”

  “I know. I know. It’s okay.”

  Thea saw Clarice back to her apartment and, for a
moment, was reluctant to go back into her own. She’d had no luck coming up with a plan to move them far away from Ravensbridge, short of packing everything into the truck that she felt guilty for driving, let alone laying claim to and making her escape in. Now she had no plans at all. Working while Josh was at school wouldn’t pay enough to keep this roof over their heads. She had no ideas, no idea at all about how they were going to manage. She’d just have to keep plowing forward. With that thought she opened the door and went to comfort her son.

  ~o0o~

  “Ms. Colby, thank you for taking the time to see me.”

  Like she’d had a fucking choice. The Principal at Josh’s school had called her in because her boy was turning into a ghost. Or he had been. He was a pale shadow of himself, still was, but today he’d gotten into a fight with another boy in the school yard. Thea still didn’t know what had started it, but every teacher that she’d spotted since she’d stepped foot on the school grounds had given her the stink eye.

  Thea was only surprised that she hadn’t been called in earlier. Of course, she had had to cut a shift short to respond to the Principal’s request, which was really a demand, to make this appointment on short notice. Dwight had given her a lot of shit for that. She’d only been working the day shifts for a week.

  “Of course, Principal Schneider. Can you tell me what happened?” Thea felt she was destined to be plagued by short men on a power trip. The Principal was so short it was almost a physical condition. He had a bald patch that met his receding hairline and squinty, shortsighted eyes. The man was a mass of inadequacy complexes.

  “It appears the boys got into a small disagreement during the break and Josh elected to use physical violence as part of the dispute.” The sanctimonious bastard. Thea would elect to use fucking physical violence on him.

  “Principal, I know Josh hasn’t been himself of late, but he wouldn’t have punched that boy unless he had reason to.” Her boy didn’t have the spirit left in him to start a fight.

  “The other boy denies saying anything provocative.”

  Well of course he fucking would. Thea was seething. Her boy was being made a scapegoat. “And what does Josh say?”

  The Principal sighed heavily. “Josh won’t say anything to us, Ms. Colby. I have to ask, is everything alright at home?”

  No, it really wasn’t. “Yes, everythin’s fine. We’re fine.”

  Disbelief was all over the Principal’s face. “No offence, Ms. Colby, but that is plainly not true.”

  She was tired, so very tired of dealing with all this shit. “We’re good. We don’t need any interventions.”

  The Principal’s piggy eyes shifted from side to side. Oh fuck. That wasn’t a good sign. “I’ve seen you around town with the MC, Ms. Colby. Are you mixed up with something you can’t get out of?”

  Not anymore she wasn’t. “No. Not mixed up at all, Principal.”

  “If you’re being threatened or controlled in some way...”

  She wanted out of this office right the fuck now. “I suggest you stop speakin’ now, Principal Schneider. I thank you for your concern about my boy. I’ll see to it that he’s disciplined at home for today. I don’t want him fightin’ any more than you do.”

  “I’m suspending him for three days, Ms. Colby. If you won’t speak to me, I suggest you speak to a professional.” He handed Thea two leaflets. She rose and left, trying not to run out of the small space. Only once she was on the other side of the door did she look at the pamphlets; AAA and a domestic violence helpline. The Principal was covering his bases.

  Fuck. Just, fuck! She was going to end up with her boy being taken away from her and dumped in the system if she wasn’t careful.

  Josh was sat on a hard, orange, plastic seat in the corridor, waiting patiently. He had a black eye, but it wasn’t a bad one. If Thea was honest, it was hard to tell what was bruising and what was shading from the lack of sleep. The nightmares were still gripping them both, every single night. And now when Thea got past her replay of that night and got back to sleep she was dreaming about being thrown out of their apartment and living on the street. That dream definitely had a basis in reality. It was becoming a very real possibility.

  “Come on, bud. Let’s go home.”

  Josh looked at her suspiciously, but he grabbed his bag and followed her to the truck. He didn’t say anything until they were on the route home.

  “Shaggy was gonna teach me how to punch, so I could do it right. I didn’t do it right. Andy said I was a pussy. I’m not, Mama, but I’m sick of bein’ scared all the time.”

  She had failed him. She was still failing him. “I don’t know how to help you, bud,” she admitted. She’d explained to Josh why she wouldn’t take him to a doctor. Josh had been mortified by the thought of discussing his bedwetting with someone other than her anyway.

  “I know. I’m just tired, Mama. Tired of it all.” He sounded so much older than his ten years that it made Thea’s soul ache.

  “Me too, bud. Me too.”

  She didn’t have any answers. She was lost.

  ~o0o~

  Thea had a rare day off. She’d worked every day for two weeks straight and every night for almost two whole weeks before that. Unfortunately, it wasn’t going to be enough. It was never going to be enough. The hourly rate for the night time shift was slightly more and the hours were longer. Doing the day shifts didn’t give her enough hours or enough of a rate. She was fucking screwed and she had no idea how to fix it.

  And, as she’d been expecting, she’d received a note from the landlord that morning, a notification that they were too far behind with the rent and that he was kicking them out. He’d run out of patience extremely quickly in Thea’s opinion, but he could not be persuaded to give them a chance. They had three days, three fucking days, to find somewhere new to live and to get out before he started eviction proceedings.

  She had no idea where they were going to live. This apartment was about one of the cheapest in town. She had no funds for a deposit of a month’s rent in advance. She was back to the meager plan of packing them into the truck and driving until the gas ran out.

  They were fucked.

  But for now she had to put it all to one side because she had yet another load of urine-soaked bedding to wash. She was all packed up and ready to head to the laundromat when the knock came at her door.

  She wasn’t expecting anyone. Her blood ran cold. But it wasn’t a heavy knock. It wasn’t Dizzy. Maybe it was Clarice?

  Thea opened the door. It was Annelle, standing with her hands on her hips and not looking like she had arrived for a friendly chat.

  “Let me in, Thea.”

  It wasn’t a request; it was barely even polite. But Thea did not hesitate to let her friend into her home. She didn’t know what she would have said to her, if she was even allowed to mention what had happened; Dizzy had never specifically sworn her to secrecy, but she was suddenly ashamed that she hadn’t thought to call Annelle sooner.

  “Dizzy told me what happened, Thea.” Annelle was wearing a no-nonsense, tailored grey dress and had selected her attitude to match.

  Thea started to cry. Just having someone else know released a little of the burden. She hadn’t even realized that all the subterfuge was part of the problem, that the secrets and lies had been weighing on her so heavily.

  Annelle made her way over to the kitchen corner. Thea hadn’t really moved from the door. “How’re you doin? Scratch that. I can see damn well that you’re fallin’ apart. Sit. Now.”

  Thea stumbled into one of the chairs at the kitchen table. Annelle set some coffee brewing, and before long, put a steaming mug of caffeine in front of her. Annelle took the seat on the opposite side of the table.

  “What’s that smell?” Annelle wrinkled her nose while she glanced around the apartment for the source of the sharp scent.

  “Josh has nightmares, and he’s wettin’ the bed. Please, don’t say anythin’ to him.”

  “Like I would.” Ann
elle was obviously offended at Thea’s lack of trust.

  “I was on my way out to get the sheets washed.”

  “Jesus, Thea.”

  At those two words and the concern that thickened Annelle’s voice, Thea broke down completely. The whole sorry story came flooding out. The humiliation of her boss not trusting her and belittling her, the nightmares, the incident at school, the fear that Josh’s teachers were watching and waiting for an opportunity to take her boy away, and finally, the eviction notice.

  And when she was done and she couldn’t cry any more, Thea realized that Annelle had been holding her the entire time. She had no idea when Annelle had left her seat, but her friend had wrapped her in her arms and she wasn’t letting go. Thea was still fucked, but she felt just a little less alone.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  When Annelle had stalked into the garage and demanded to speak to him, Dizzy had decided that it would be a good idea to take her into the Chapel. The woman was on some sort of mission and he’d have bet good money what the topic of conversation was going to be. He’d also have bet that he didn’t want his brothers listening to every word. He’d been right.