The Meltdown

by L. Divine

  “Alaafia, Iyalosha,” Mr. Adewale says, properly greeting my grandmother. “I found her at the lake talking like Maman Marie.” He passes me off to my grandmother, whom I haven’t seen in weeks.

  This wasn’t the kind of homecoming I had prepared for her. I’m grateful he omitted the intimate details of my walk as Mama’s mama. Me kissing my teacher isn’t okay, no matter how it went down.

  “Still waters run deep,” Netta says, pushing aside the luggage on the bedroom floor to make room for us. We sit down on Mama’s bed and let her work her magic.

  “Running water is where your powers lie, Jayd. If you catch your reflection in still water while in a dream state, you will be stuck in that vision until your head is cleansed with moving water. Only then will your head cool.”

  “My powers?” I ask, unsure of what she means by that. “There’s more to them than my dreaming?”

  Mama and Netta share a loaded look between them. Mr. Adewale looks like he knows what’s really going on with me but remains silent.

  “Jayd, have you done any of your assignments?” Mama asks, impatient with my lack of progress.

  “I was going to finish them when the ball was over. I’ve just been so overwhelmed with everything lately, and then the sleepwalking didn’t make it any better.”

  “Childish ways must be left behind in order to become a woman, Jayd, and the queen you were born to be.” Mama looks like she wants to put me over her knee and spank me like the child I’m reminding her of.

  Silently, Mama leads the procession through the main house to the backhouse. When we reach the spirit room, the door is wide open. The screen is torn and shit is everywhere. What the hell happened in here?

  “Your uncle Kurtis happened, that’s what,” Mama says with tears in her eyes. I notice the spirit book on the table, and it’s not in very good condition. It looks like it’s been burned.

  “How did the spirit book get like that?” I ask, equally upset. I knew I should’ve followed my first mind and taken the book home with me.

  “He tried to barbeque it,” Netta says. “It was a horrible sight, but luckily we were just in time to save it.”

  “Can you imagine if he succeeded?” Mama says, flipping through the untouched pages. “We have to protect our lineage, Jayd. Damn the rest.”

  I can hear Maman in my head agreeing with her daughter. I’ve let everyone down. “I’m sorry,” I say, tears streaming down my face, but Mama’s unsympathetic. I know she and Netta are tired from their long journey, and then she has to come and clean up my mess. “I’ll do better from now on, I swear.”

  “This was a test, and you failed miserably, Jayd,” Mama says, picking up the pieces of the spirit room. I have a feeling Mama’s about to give me a whupping and a hug at the same time: her infamous way of loving the wrong out of her children. I used to be so confused as a child when Mama would spank me and then wrap me up in her soft, warm embrace. I didn’t know which way to go, and apparently I still don’t.

  “Miserably,” Netta says, chiming in. Netta sits me down on the bamboo mat near the shrines—the only thing still intact back here. Even my uncles know better than to mess with the shrines. “Who knew we’d get off the highway and go right back to work? Boy, I tell you,” Netta says, rubbing her feet.

  Again, I feel bad they had to come back from their vacation to the mess I’ve made.

  “You melted under pressure like an ice cube in a pit of fire. I thought I taught you better than that.” Mama’s sorely disappointed, and I can’t blame her. “Ogunlabi, have a seat, son.” Mr. Adewale obeys and sits on my former bed.

  “You did, Lynn Mae. She’s just stubborn like her mama,” Netta says, letting it all hang out. Usually she’d censor her criticism of my mother’s youthful ways, especially in front of guests, but I guess she sees too much of me in her to let it go this time.

  “I knew you weren’t ready to handle this all by yourself, even with your mama in your ear.”

  So this really was all a test? They deliberately left me in charge to see if I would sink or swim, and I ended up drowning in my own pool of circumstances. I didn’t see that one coming.

  “Now, Lynn Marie did a good job. That girl’s finally growing up,” Mama says, directing Mr. Adewale to wash his hands. I guess he’s going to help us. Adding a man to the mix is definitely an interesting change.

  “Yes, she is. I also think that fiancé of hers has a little something to do with her maturity.” Netta picks up a bag of efun and places the small balls of white chalk onto the kitchen table. She then claims the honey, oranges, cinnamon sticks, and molasses, ready to get it started up in here. When this evening started out with me in a beautiful white gown, I didn’t think it would end like this.

  “Jayd, I specifically told you to study. We even made it so that you had as few distractions as possible. All you had to do was maintain the spirit room and fill the client orders, which is all part of your training. But could you do that? Hell no. Instead, you had to go running around with your little friends, keeping secrets from me and shit. If your mother hadn’t told me what was going on at the ball, I would have never gotten here in time to help your stupid little self,” Mama says, now fully pissed off.

  “You have to walk through your past to get to your future,” she continues. “Your mama lost her powers right before you were born, and it had a profound effect on your birth story, my dear. You are getting the esteemed privilege of walking in your predecessors’ shoes, so to speak. Instead of only reading about them from the spirit book or hearing their stories, you get to actually see their paths through your visions—the good and the bad. You get to see what went wrong and experience the pain of losing their powers and their lives. It’s your warning, Jayd. Your lesson. Pay attention, child. Your destiny is here.”

  “But she’s not ready, Lynn Mae. It’s too dangerous for the girl to master her powers this early. She’s not even initiated yet, for God’s sake,” Netta says. She sounds worried, but after all that I’ve been through lately, I’m ready to get on to the next experience on the list. Whatever’s after this has to be better.

  “No, she’s not, but the gift has claimed her. You know that a severe meltdown is the beginning of her change, Netta,” Mama says like she’s talking about me starting my period. Mama says change is a part of life, especially a woman’s. “She has to be initiated tonight. We can’t wait any longer.”

  “Well, we have to make some sort of sacrifice if we’re going to do this right,” Netta says, thumbing through the spirit book. “I’ve never done an initiation on such short notice.”

  It takes months to gather all of the materials necessary for one. Because of the many ceremonies taking place this summer, the spirit room is stocked with everything we need. All they need is Mama’s blessing.

  “Yes, indeed we do. The child needs a bath. She has to be completely cool for it to work.”

  For what to work? And what kind of bath do I have to take now?

  “The river should be warm this time of year,” Netta says, still searching for guidance in our ancient family text. “Or rather a salt bath would do her well. It’ll calm her hot head right down and scrub all that madness off of her at once.” Netta stands up straight as an arrow and points at the page, apparently finding what she’s looking for.

  “What does it say?” Mama asks, gathering white towels, linens, and blankets from the tall pile in the corner of the room across from where I’m sitting. I hate when they act as if I’m not in the room. It makes me feel out of control.

  “That’s exactly how you should feel, because you are,” Mama says, catching my whining in midthought. I also hate it when she does that. “And you need to surrender to the process, Jayd. Walk your path with as little resistance as possible and you will master your powers in a way you thought was possible only in your dreams,” Mama says, her emerald eyes sparkling in the candlelight. I stare deep into Mama’s eyes, seeing all that she sees in my lifetime, from before my birth to me as an old
woman. Sharing the vision, I feel the power Mama’s speaking of, realizing that for the first time, I control my dreams and, through them, the collective powers of my predecessors.

  “See what I’m talking about, child?” Mama asks, directing the next scene in our vision quest. “You can borrow anyone’s sight if you think about it and purposefully fall into a dream state.” As I fall asleep, the power takes over my eyes and I wake up in my mother’s vision. “You have to learn to fall into your dreams and come out with the power you intended to borrow. You also have to learn how to master sleepwalking with the other powers in our lineage. Why do you think I let you keep your mama’s vision so long? I wanted to see what you would do with it and how you would handle so much power.”

  “You knew?” I ask as my mother walks into the room. “Mom, you told Mama about me keeping your powers?”

  My mom looks at me sympathetically. “Jayd, when will you learn that you can’t hide anything from Mama for long?” my mom asks, kissing me on the cheek. “I don’t even try, but I did ask her to let me handle it since I’m the only one who knows my powers inside and out, or at least I was.” My mom joins Mr. Adewale, smiling at Mama and Netta.

  “Iya, what can I do to help?” Mr. Adewale asks.

  I feel so bad for putting him in this predicament, but I know he understands.

  “Do what you do best, Ogunlabi. Protect us. We’re going in.” Nodding in agreement, Mr. Adewale stands at the door. “Our enemies have waged war on our house, and we can’t let them continue with this foolishness. With Jayd and I working together, we can squelch this madness once and for all.”

  “War?” I ask. I have no idea what’s going on.

  “Yes, Jayd. War. Emilio’s godfather and Esmeralda have been working hard to get revenge, and we’re caught up in their mess. That’s the real reason we were gone. We had a lot of work to do and needed to be out of earshot to get it done.” Mama looks at the spirit book, reading the information for herself and nods in approval.

  “We also needed to be with our ancestors,” Netta says. “We got a lot of work done in Nawlins. I sure do miss being home, even if it’s not the same since Oya and Yemoja went buck wild with Katrina. There’s nothing like the kind of havoc wind and water combined can wreak, is there, little Jayd?” Netta asks, her golden-brown eyes shining at the memory. None of her relatives were killed in the storm, but several of their friends weren’t as fortunate.

  “Let’s get her to Mama’s house,” Mama says, referring to Yemoja’s house, the ocean. Yemoja is known as the mother of Oshune, and is therefore also one of our mothers. Lifting me by my right arm and leading me out of the backhouse, she locks the spirit room door and directs Lexi to clear the way, checking for any obstructions in our path.

  “A bembé,” Mama says, acknowledging the commotion in Esmeralda’s yard. “She’s officially taken over as Hector’s wife in their ile.”

  I look across the backyard and see Misty and Emilio kneeling side by side, dressed in all white.

  “Is she initiating those kids tonight?” Netta asks, recognizing Misty and Emilio. “They’re not ready.”

  Mr. Adewale looks sad at his male protégé playing for the other team, but what can he do? Ultimately, we all choose our paths, and Emilio and Misty have made theirs no matter how wrong they both are.

  “And they’re also not our concern,” Mama says, continuing with her trek. I follow my elders, but the loud squawking of a crow circling above my head stops me from moving forward.

  “I can’t see!” I scream. The squawking is getting louder and louder as the bird lands on my hair, pecking at my forehead. “Ahh!” I scream, blood streaming down my face. I know this old crow is Esmeralda, just like in my dream last night.

  “Jayd!” Mama screams, trying to hit the bird, but it’s relentless in its attack. My mom, Netta, and Mr. Adewale gather around, trying to protect me, but the bird’s too agile.

  “You mustn’t let her win,” Maman says in my head. “Open your eyes, child. Je suis ici.”

  Fanning the bird above my head, I open my blind eyes and recognize the distorted vision from my time travels. Unafraid of the pain of the pecking bird, I reach up and grab it in my hands, stilling its fluttering. The black crow silences under my strong grasp, accepting that with one wrong move, I will snap its neck in half.

  “Mama, look at her eyes,” my mom says in shock. “They’re green.”

  “Maman,” my grandmother says, recognizing her mother’s stare. “Maman’s riding Jayd.”

  Netta and Mr. Adewale bow at my great-grandmother’s feet, and Mom and Mama kneel at her powerful presence as well. I’m aware of my actions, but instead of controlling them, it’s like I’m in the background watching it all go down.

  “No!” Esmeralda screams from the other side of the fence separating her yard from ours. The drumming next door has ceased, and Misty and Emilio look at us. The rest of their guests can’t help but wonder what’s going on over here.

  “It’s over, Esmeralda,” I say in Maman’s voice. “You can’t hurt us anymore.” I walk over to the fence with the bird in hand, my eyes beaming as Maman’s powers fully take over the scene. I toss the frightened crow at a shocked Esmeralda.

  “Impossible,” Esmeralda says, running toward the fence with a broomstick. Her tricks won’t work on me now, and the frightened look in her cold, blue eyes reveals what her mind’s not ready to accept. “But I fixed you good. I got you right where I want you, little Jayd. Your head’s too hot to see straight, let alone beat me.”

  Esmeralda’s followers begin to chant loudly to the returning drumbeat as she boldly stares into my eyes. Instead of avoiding her debilitating eyes, I look straight into them, Maman’s powers coursing through my blood.

  “Oui, Esmeralda. Se mettre d’accord,” I say, agreeing with Mama’s archenemy. “My head’s too hot. I need a cool mind to finish you off.” Focused on Esmeralda’s vision, I slowly drain her mind of its cool advantage, transferring my heat to her head and vice versa. With every beat of Esmeralda’s heart, Maman robs her of her sight, crippling her in her own house. Misty and Emilio watch in awe as my eyes beat their godmother at her own game: I bet her wicked ass didn’t see that one coming.

  “No!” Esmeralda screams. “I can’t see!”

  “Funny,” I say as my enemy squirms from the pain she’s used to wielding on her victims. “I can see just fine.” Before I can get too cocky with my new swag, I feel faint and fall to the ground.

  “Jayd!” Mama screams, coming to my aid. “We have to get her to the ocean. Her crown can’t be put off any longer.”

  “I’ll drive,” Mr. Adewale says. He’s proving himself to be quite handy in spiritual matters. I think they’ve done this before. We all leave the backyard and pack into Mr. Adewale’s truck.

  Mr. Adewale expertly maneuvers his Jeep over the rocks and sand off the main road leading to the pier. The ocean is calm tonight and the breeze warm. I miss spending evenings like this with Jeremy, but I can’t think about that right now. I have to focus on getting my head straight.

  We exit the vehicle and head toward the water. I still can’t wrap my head around my maturing powers. If I can borrow anyone’s sight through my dreams, we can bring back all of the powers mentioned in the spirit book. That’s got to be the dopest shit ever.

  “Jayd, sit down,” Mama says.

  My mom and Mr. Adewale serve as lookouts for any unwelcome visitors we might encounter, but this part of the beach is pretty deserted.

  Netta takes my hand, leading me to the wet part of the sand where the water turns to salty froth and kneels down beside me.

  “All fresh water returns to the ocean. Daughters of Os-hune always go back to their mother, Yemoja,” Mama says, scrubbing my ankles with the sea salt and ocean water. The full moon fills the dark sky, blessing the ancient ceremony. This is the beginning of my journey to full initiation, my first step to becoming a priestess in my own right.

  “It’s about balance, Jayd. Yemoja
is the cool, levelheaded mother while Oshune is the fiery, passionate one, but she can be cool as well,” Netta says, washing my arms and hands in the same mixture. I can already feel my body cool down, but Maman’s still in my head. “They both have their crazy moments, as evidenced by floods and tsunamis,” Netta adds, checking the romantic side of both powerful female orishas.

  “The point is that it takes all levels to become all the woman you were born to be. And you can’t be afraid of your power. That’s good for no one.”

  Mama’s right about that. I’ve been no good to anyone lately.

  Mama gently massages my scalp, parting my hair with her fingers. She then wraps a large white sheet around me, covering my white gown from this evening’s ball. As she prays over me, Mama rips the delicate fabric away from my body, tugging me hard with every pull.

  “Jayd, you’re going to take off the dress and throw it into the ocean,” Mama says, passing Netta one end of another sheet identical to the one I’m wearing.

  Knowing Mrs. Esop’s going to be extremely upset at both my disappearing act and the loss of the couture gown, I follow Mama’s directions and let the dress go with the ebb of the receding tide. It comes back with the flow, and I again attempt to discard the new outfit, this time going with it.

  Completely taken asunder by a wave, I’m unafraid because I can feel Maman’s presence take over, eliminating any doubt that I’m doing the right thing. While underwater, I can see everything so clearly. It’s all running together like a movie in front of my eyes. The heavy feeling I’ve been carrying on my head gently fades away with each ebb and flow of the strong tide. The blindness, the fall at cheer practice, the fight with Jeremy, Sandy’s crazy-ass accusation of Rah being her new baby daddy, and last but not least, Mickey going to Misty for help losing weight, which in turn has made her lose her mind. In the quiet of the water, I can hear the answers to all of my inquiries. I now know what to do.