Jurgen: A Comedy of Justice

by James Branch Cabell

  31.

  The Fall of Pseudopolis

  So Jurgen abode in Leuke, and complied with the customs of thatcountry; and what with one thing and another, he and Chloris madethe time pass pleasantly enough, until the winter solstice was athand. Now Pseudopolis, as has been said, was at war with Philistia:so it befell that at this season Leuke was invaded by an army ofPhilistines, led by their Queen Dolores, a woman who was wise butnot entirely reliable. They came from the coast, a terrible armyinsanely clad in such garments as had been commanded by Ageus, a godof theirs; and chaunting psalms in honor of their god Vel-Tyno, whohad inspired this crusade: thus they swept down upon Pseudopolis,and encamped before the city.

  These Philistines fought in this campaign by casting before them amore horrible form of Greek fire, which consumed whatever was notgray-colored. For that color alone was now favored by their godVel-Tyno. "And all other colors," his oracles had decreed, "areforevermore abominable, until I say otherwise."

  So the forces of Philistia were marshalled in the plain beforePseudopolis, and Queen Dolores spoke to her troops. And smilinglyshe said:--

  "Whenever you come to blows with the enemy he will be beaten. Nomercy will be shown, no prisoners taken. As the Philistines underLibnah and Goliath and Gershon, and a many other tall captains, madefor themselves a name which is still mighty in traditions andlegend, even thus to-day may the name of Realist be so fixed inPseudopolis, by your deeds to-day, that no one shall ever dare againeven to look askance at a Philistine. Open the door for Realism,once for all!"

  Meanwhile within the city Achilles, King of Men, addressed hisarmy:--

  "The eyes of all the world will be upon you, because you are in someespecial sense the soldiers of Romance. Let it be your pride,therefore, to show all men everywhere, not only what good soldiersyou are, but also what good men you are, keeping yourselves fit andstraight in everything, and pure and clean through and through. Letus set ourselves a standard so high that it will be a glory to liveup to it, and then let us live up to it, and add a new laurel to thecrown of Pseudopolis. May the Gods of Old keep you and guide you!"

  Then said Thersites, in his beard: "Certainly Pelides has learnedfrom history with what weapon a strong man discomfits thePhilistines."

  But the other kings applauded, and the trumpet was sounded, and thebattle was joined. And that day the forces of Philistia wereeverywhere triumphant. But they report a queer thing happened: andit was that when the Philistines shouted in their triumph, Achillesand all they who served him rose from the ground like gleamingclouds and passed above the heads of the Philistines, deriding them.

  Thus was Pseudopolis left empty, so that the Philistines enteredthereinto without any opposition. They defiled this city ofblasphemous colors, then burned it as a sacrifice to their godVel-Tyno, because the color of ashes is gray.

  Then the Philistines erected lithoi (which were not unlike may-poles),and began to celebrate their religious rites.

  * * * * *

  So it was reported: but Jurgen witnessed none of these events.

  "Let them fight it out," said Jurgen: "it is not my affair. I agreewith Silenus: dullness will conquer dullness, and it will notmatter. But do you, woman dear, take shelter with your kindred inthe unconquerable Woods, for there is no telling what damage thePhilistines may do hereabouts."

  "Will you go with me, Jurgen?"

  "My dear, you know very well that it is impossible for me ever againto go into the Woods, after the trick I played upon Phobetor."

  "And if only you had kept your head about that bean-pole of a Helen,in her yellow wig--for I have not a doubt that every strand of it isfalse, and at all events this is not a time to be arguing about it,Jurgen,--why, then you would never have meddled with Uncle Phobetor!It simply shows you!"

  "Yes," said Jurgen.

  "Still, I do not know. If you come with me into the Woods, UnclePhobetor in his impetuous way will quite certainly turn you into aboar-pig, because he has always done that to the people whoirritated him--"

  "I seem to recognise that reason."

  "--But give me time, and I can get around Uncle Phobetor, just as Ihave always done, and he will turn you back."

  "No," says Jurgen, obstinately, "I do not wish to be turned into aboar-pig."

  "Now, Jurgen, let us be sensible about this! Of course, it is alittle humiliating. But I will take the very best of care of you,and feed you with my own acorns, and it will be a purely temporaryarrangement. And to be a pig for a week or two, or even for a month,is infinitely better for a poet than being captured by thePhilistines."

  "How do I know that?" says Jurgen.

  "--For it is not, after all, as if Uncle Phobetor's heart were notin the right place. It is just his way. And besides, you mustremember what you did with that gimlet!"

  Said Jurgen: "All this is hardly to the purpose. You forget I haveseen the hapless swine of Phobetor, and I know how he amelioratesthe natural ferocity of his boar-pigs. No, I am Jurgen. So I remain.I will face the Philistines and whatever they may possibly do to me,rather than suffer that which Phobetor will quite certainly do tome."

  "Then I stay too," said Chloris.

  "No, woman dear--!"

  "But do you not understand?" says Chloris, a little pale, as he sawnow. "Since the life of a hamadryad is linked with the life of hertree, nobody can harm me so long as my tree lives: and if they cutdown my tree I shall die, wherever I may happen to be."

  "I had forgotten that." He was really troubled now.

  "--And you can see for yourself, Jurgen, it is quite out of thequestion for me to be carrying that great oak anywhere, and I wonderat your talking such nonsense."

  "Indeed, my dear," says Jurgen, "we are very neatly trapped. Well,nobody can live longer in peace than his neighbor chooses.Nevertheless, it is not fair."

  As he spoke the Philistines came forth from the burning city. Againthe trumpet sounded, and the Philistines advanced in their order ofbattle.