Jurgen: A Comedy of Justice

by James Branch Cabell

  40.

  The Ascension of Pope Jurgen

  The tale tells how on the feast of the Annunciation Jurgen came tothe high white walls which girdle Heaven. For Jurgen's forefathershad, of course, imagined that Hell stood directly contiguous toHeaven, so that the blessed could augment their felicity by gazingdown upon the tortures of the damned. Now at this time a boy angelwas looking over the parapet of Heaven's wall.

  "And a good day to you, my fine young fellow," says Jurgen. "But ofwhat are you thinking so intently?" For just as Dives had done longyears before, now Jurgen found that a man's voice carries perfectlybetween Hell and Heaven.

  "Sir," replies the boy, "I was pitying the poor damned."

  "Why, then, you must be Origen," says Jurgen, laughing.

  "No, sir, my name is Jurgen."

  "Heyday!" says Jurgen: "well, but this Jurgen has been a great manypersons in my time. So very possibly you speak the truth."

  "I am Jurgen, the son of Coth and Azra."

  "Ah, ah! but so were all of them, my boy."

  "Why, then, I am Jurgen, the grandson of Steinvor, and thegrandchild whom she loved above her other grandchildren: and so Iabide forever in Heaven with all the other illusions of Steinvor.But who, messire, are you that go about Hell unscorched, in such afine looking shirt?"

  Jurgen reflected. Clearly it would never do to give his real name,and thus raise the question as to whether Jurgen was in Heaven orHell. Then he recollected the cantrap of the Master Philologist,which Jurgen had twice employed incorrectly. And Jurgen cleared histhroat, for he believed that he now understood the proper use ofcantraps.

  "Perhaps," says Jurgen, "I ought not to tell you who I am. But whatis life without confidence in one another? Besides, you appear a boyof remarkable discretion. So I will confide in you that I am PopeJohn the Twentieth, Heaven's regent upon Earth, now visiting thisplace upon Celestial business which I am not at liberty to divulgemore particularly, for reasons that will at once occur to a youngman of your unusual cleverness."

  "Oh, but I say! that is droll. Do you just wait a moment!" cried theboy angel.

  His bright face vanished, with a whisking of brown curls: and Jurgencarefully re-read the cantrap of the Master Philologist. "Yes, Ihave found, I think, the way to use such magic," observes Jurgen.

  Presently the young angel re-appeared at the parapet. "I say, messire!I looked on the Register--all popes are admitted here the moment theydie, without inquiring into their private affairs, you know, so as toavoid any unfortunate scandal,--and we have twenty-three Pope Johnslisted. And sure enough, the mansion prepared for John the Twentiethis vacant. He seems to be the only pope that is not in Heaven."

  "Why, but of course not," says Jurgen, complacently, "inasmuch asyou see me, who was once Bishop of Rome and servant to the servantsof God, standing down here on this cinder-heap."

  "Yes, but none of the others in your series appears to place you.John the Nineteenth says he never heard of you, and not to botherhim in the middle of a harp lesson--"

  "He died before my accession, naturally."

  "--And John the Twenty-first says he thinks they lost count somehow,and that there never was any Pope John the Twentieth. He says youmust be an impostor."

  "Ah, professional jealousy!" sighed Jurgen: "dear me, this is verysad, and gives one a poor opinion of human nature. Now, my boy, Iput it to you fairly, how could there have been a twenty-firstunless there had been a twentieth? And what becomes of the greatprinciple of papal infallibility when a pope admits to a mistake inelementary arithmetic? Oh, but this is a very dangerous heresy, letme tell you, an Inquisition matter, a consistory business! Yet,luckily, upon his own contention, this Pedro Juliani--"

  "And that was his name, too, for he told me! You evidently know allabout it, messire," said the young angel, visibly impressed.

  "Of course, I know all about it. Well, I repeat, upon his owncontention this man is non-existent, and so, whatever he may sayamounts to nothing. For he tells you there was never any Pope Johnthe Twentieth: and either he is lying or he is telling you thetruth. If he is lying, you, of course, ought not to believe him:yet, if he is telling you the truth, about there never having beenany Pope John the Twentieth, why then, quite plainly, there wasnever any Pope John the Twenty-first, so that this man asserts hisown non-existence; and thus is talking nonsense, and you, of course,ought not to believe in nonsense. Even did we grant his insanecontention that he is nobody, you are too well brought up, I amsure, to dispute that nobody tells lies in Heaven: it follows thatin this case nobody is lying; and so, of course, I must be tellingthe truth, and you have no choice save to believe me."

  "Now, certainly that sounds all right," the younger Jurgen conceded:"though you explain it so quickly it is a little difficult to followyou."

  "Ah, but furthermore, and over and above this, and as a tangibleproof of the infallible particularity of every syllable of myassertion," observes the elder Jurgen, "if you will look in thegarret of Heaven you will find the identical ladder upon which Idescended hither, and which I directed them to lay aside until I wasready to come up again. Indeed, I was just about to ask you to fetchit, inasmuch as my business here is satisfactorily concluded."

  Well, the boy agreed that the word of no pope, whether in Hell orHeaven, was tangible proof like a ladder: and again he was off.Jurgen waited, in tolerable confidence.

  It was a matter of logic. Jacob's Ladder must from all accounts havebeen far too valuable to throw away after one night's use at Beth-El;it would come in very handy on Judgment Day: and Jurgen's knowledgeof Lisa enabled him to deduce that anything which was being keptbecause it would come in handy some day would inevitably be storedin the garret, in any establishment imaginable by women. "And it isnotorious that Heaven is a delusion of old women. Why, the thing isa certainty," said Jurgen; "simply a mathematical certainty."

  And events proved his logic correct: for presently the youngerJurgen came back with Jacob's Ladder, which was rather cobwebby andobsolete looking after having been lain aside so long.

  "So you see you were perfectly right," then said this youngerJurgen, as he lowered Jacob's Ladder into Hell. "Oh, Messire John,do hurry up and have it out with that old fellow who slandered you!"

  Thus it came about that Jurgen clambered merrily from Hell to Heavenupon a ladder of unalloyed, time-tested gold: and as he climbed theshirt of Nessus glittered handsomely in the light which shone fromHeaven: and by this great light above him, as Jurgen mounted higherand yet higher, the shadow of Jurgen was lengthened beyond beliefalong the sheer white wall of Heaven, as though the shadow werereluctant and adhered tenaciously to Hell. Yet presently Jurgenleaped the ramparts: and then the shadow leaped too; and so hisshadow came with Jurgen into Heaven, and huddled dispiritedly atJurgen's feet.

  "Well, well!" thinks Jurgen, "certainly there is no disputing themagic of the Master Philologist when it is correctly employed. Forthrough its aid I am entering alive into Heaven, as only Enoch andElijah have done before me: and moreover, if this boy is to bebelieved, one of the very handsomest of Heaven's many mansionsawaits my occupancy. One could not ask more of any magician fairly.Aha, if only Lisa could see me now!"

  That was his first thought. Afterward Jurgen tore up the cantrap andscattered its fragments as the Master Philologist had directed. ThenJurgen turned to the boy who aided Jurgen to get into Heaven.

  "Come, youngster, and let us have a good look at you!"

  And Jurgen talked with the boy that he had once been, and stood faceto face with all that Jurgen had been and was not any longer. Andthis was the one happening which befell Jurgen that the writer ofthe tale lacked heart to tell of.

  So Jurgen quitted the boy that he had been. But first had Jurgenlearned that in this place his grandmother Steinvor (whom King Smoithad loved) abode and was happy in her notion of Heaven; and thatabout her were her notions of her children and of her grandchildren.Steinvor had never imagined her husband in Heaven, nor King Smoiteither.

  "That is a
circumstance," says Jurgen, "which heartens me to hopeone may find justice here. Yet I shall keep away from mygrandmother, the Steinvor whom I knew and loved, and who loved me soblindly that this boy here is her notion of me. Yes, in merefairness to her, I must keep away."

  So he avoided that part of Heaven wherein were his grandmother'sillusions: and this was counted for righteousness in Jurgen. Thatpart of Heaven smelt of mignonette, and a starling was singingthere.