I had to do something.
I was invited to a party on Saturday night. A big one. It was at a mansion in the Hills that was even bigger than mine. It took place every year and normally I lived for it. The most beautiful women in the world, all in one place. Strictly invitation only, no plus ones. So no Darcy.
I almost went, too. I’d been longing for female attention since Darcy had started to freeze me out. If I went to the party it was guaranteed. It would be healthy for me to burn off some stress.
It only occurred to me when I was halfway there that it wouldn’t work. It wouldn’t work because none of those girls were Darcy.
“Turn around! We’re going home!” I said to my driver. He complied without commenting.
Darcy looked surprised to see me. Sat on the couch with her hair in bunches, a bare face and wearing only a green football jersey made for a man twice her size and thigh high socks. She hadn’t planned on it, but she couldn’t have been more enticing to me if she was trying.
“I thought you were having a night out?” she said, trying her best to sound casual but we both knew it was a lie. I sat next to her and grabbed a fist fill of popcorn.
“I decided not to go. It seemed lame.”
“A big party filled with movie stars doesn’t sound lame to me,” she said, “This is lame. Sitting at home with popcorn and chick flicks.”
She was already softening.
“Is that what you were going to do while I was gone? I was hoping you were going to invite some of your old sorority sisters over for a make out session.” I teased. She threw a piece of popcorn at me.
“Shut up. I wasn’t in a sorority,” I said.
“No, of course not. That would be way to conformist for you.”
“Stop mocking me,” she gave me a playful kick. I grabbed hold of her foot and started rubbing it. To my surprise, she didn’t struggle away from my touch. Instead she sunk down into the sofa and gave out a relaxed sigh.
“I can’t help it, you’re so easy to mock.” I said. She gave little purring noises as the tension released from her dainty feet. Did everything she did have to be so fucking adorable? It was disconcerting.
“You’ve ruined my big night in now.” she said, closing her eyes.
“Oh? How’s that? Just by being here.”
“Yup. I was gonna have a real pamper night. A nice bath with some candles while I listen to music. Maybe a face mask. Then I was going to order pizza and watch girly movies from the eighties until I fell asleep,” she said, “But now it’s all ruined because you’re here and you’re a boy.”
“Hey, don’t be sexist! We can still do all of that,” I smirked, “Or we could just have the bath together and skip the rest.”
She rolled her eyes again and gave me another little kick, pulling her legs away from me. Damn it. I liked being so close to her, even if we weren’t having the crazy sex I was hoping for. This was still a thousand times better than how we’d been for the last few days.
“You are such a creep,” she said. Even so, she bit her lower lip and looked at me with those big eyes, “You really wanna just hang out?”
I shrugged.
“Why not. It’s better than hanging out with a bunch of dickhead directors who think they’re Stanley Kubrick.” I said. Anyone was better than that, but Darcy was better than anyone. Much, much better.
“All right. Let’s do it then!”
I grabbed the stack of DVDs from the coffee table to a look. Darcy almost attacked me in an attempt to get them back, but I gently pushed her away.
“Come on, if I’m sticking around I get to pick the first movie. It’s only fair.” I said. Darcy put her hand out.
“Please give them back. They’re my DVDs,” she pleaded. The look in her eyes was serious, fearful almost. Was there something she didn’t want me to see? My body tingled with excitement. It had to be good if Darcy didn’t want me to see it.
“My my Miss Darcy, do we have some dirty movies hidden away here?” I put on a pale imitation of her southern accent as I went through the pile. Heathers, The Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink, Dirty Dancing. Nothing too crazy. Then I got to the bottom of the pile. It wasn’t a dirty movie. I looked up at her in genuine surprise.
“I got it as a gift, okay? I haven’t watched it so I figured I might as well. One of my tutors in college said it was an important moment in the history of the action genre,” she babbled. It wasn’t a dirty movie. It wasn’t a girly movie. It was my movie, Armed and Dangerous. All right, so it was the most critically acclaimed thing I’d been in and the few Die Hard comparisons had made me excited at the time. Perfectly acceptable for a former film student to watch. But holy shit, Darcy wanted to see it.
“Sure thing baby, whatever you say. The shirtless scenes have nothing to do with it.” I winked at her and she groaned in frustration.
“You are infuriating! You know that, right?” she said, before mumbling, “I’m watching it for the film history, the shirtless scenes are just a bonus.”
I stopped teasing her and the two of us pulled up a pizza menu online. It turned out that just like in every other aspect of our lives, our pizza tastes were at odds with each other. We eventually settled on an extra large half meat feast (for me) and half Jalapenos and mushroom for her. A soda for me and diet for her since neither of us were drinking and she still had that stupid complex about her butt being too big. It was big, of course, but in a nice way. I couldn’t take my eyes off it.
She pressed play on the movie and we enjoyed our food in silence. I felt a warmth in my chest that I hadn’t felt in a long time. Being with Darcy gave me something that no drink, or drug or one night stand or bar fight had ever given me. I had never gotten the appeal of relationships. Finding someone you thought was amazing and then clinging onto them until all the passion and love disappeared seemed like a waste to me. It was better to love them in the moment and then move on before either of you got hurt. It made sense up until now. Now all I wanted was to come home to this every night. A girl, some old movies and a steaming pizza.
Darcy gave up halfway through her pizza and curled up next to me. For a few moments she kept her distance, shifting uncomfortably every so often. She reminded me of a cat trying to find the perfect cozy spot to sleep in on a cold winter night. I could feel her purposely keeping herself away from me. Though I wanted nothing more than to touch her I didn’t push it. If she was going to come to me she would have to do it on her own terms. That was the only way Darcy would ever do things. On her own terms. She ended up reseting her head on my chest and holding onto my arm. It felt good.
The movie got more intense. Her eyes widened at my first major fight scene.
“Impressed?” I didn’t have to ask. She wasn’t going to admit it, but her face said it all. The angles the director had chosen showed off my body in the best possible way.
“It’s good choreography.” she said, as if she weren’t practically salivating over me.
“You’re unreal, you know that right?” I said. She smirked.
“Film is a director’s medium. You actors are just the puppets for the directors vision. I’ll admit you did a good job in this one, but a lot of it’s down to directing.” she said. Intentionally trying to challenge me again
“Journalism is an editors medium. You journalists are just the puppets for the editor’s vision.” I said, copying her same snooty tone. She scowled at me.
“All right, we get the point.”
“Why do you have to be so hard all the time?” I suddenly snapped. Darcy’s eyes widened. She hadn’t been expecting that, obviously. If I was being honest, neither was I. It just kinda spilled out.
“What do you mean?” she asked, her voice soft now. Vulnerable. She pulled away from me.
“Do you really think I’m a total jerk or something?” I said. She bit her lip. That could only mean one thing. The answer was a resounding yes. I’d never really given a shit about what a girl thought of me. They’d never been around long e
nough for it to matter. Then why on earth did I care about what Darcy thought? The answer was something I wasn’t quite willing to admit to myself, not just yet.
“You do, don’t you?” I said.
“No, no of course not. You’re a nice guy. I’m sure. Deep down, anyway.” she said. I gave her a withering look.
“You’re not a great actress.”
“No, I’m really not. But I mean it. I think there’s a great guy in there somewhere, but it’s hard for him to come out at the moment. That’s ok, it’s ok to believe your own hype. Completely understandable, actually. It’s kind of impressive that your head hasn’t grown any bigger than it is,” she forced a smile. “I’m sure when things settle down and you can get out of the spotlight for a bit you’ll find yourself more easily. Maybe you’ll even get a job behind the scenes or maybe something that has nothing to do with the movie industry. You’ll have a nice, stable life and you’ll be happy. You’ll be able to be your true self then.”
Though I did my level best I couldn’t detect a note of sarcasm in her voice. She was so genuine that even though I should have been offended, I wasn’t.
“Yeah, plus a wife and three kids? Maybe a dog?” I said. I was only half kidding but Darcy shook her head.
“Of course not. We both know that’s not going to happen. And that’s ok, Nate. Don’t worry about it. Not everyone has to follow the same life path and achieve the same milestones. You would be miserable in a life like that.” she said.
“How do you know? You barely know me,” I said. The sage certainty with which she spoke was disconcerting. I had never met someone so convinced of my future.
“You’re an open book,” her lip curled into a wry smile, “You said it yourself.”
“You think so?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“I guess you want the exact opposite of me then? Husband who works nine to five and never comes home late, kids that get straight A’s and do piano recitals and gymnastics? A nice patio?” I teased. Darcy shrugged.
“Maybe. So what if I want those things? You gonna make fun of me for it?”
“No. I think that’s a good thing to want.” I said.
There was a long silence broken up only by the gunfire blaring from the TV now. I hadn’t noticed how over the top the sound effects were until this moment. It was almost embarrassing.
“There must have been a girl once,” she said, softly, “You must have fallen in love. Even just for a little while.”
I shrugged.
“Never.”
“Never?”
“Never,” I said, “Is that hard to believe?”
“How can you kiss someone and touch them and be so close to them but feel nothing? I just don’t understand,” she said. I had never thought of it that way. Sex had always just been sex. Something I did to fill a need, like eating or sleeping. My first thought was to give her a joke answer but for once I chose to be serious.
“I don’t always feel a hundred percent there, ya know? I mean I obviously enjoy it and I always make sure she’s enjoying it, but I don’t feel fully connected. It’s like I’m there, but I’m not you know?”
“Oh,” she said.
“What about you? I guess you’ve been screwed over by a million guys like me, huh?” he said. She gave a nervous giggle.
“Not really.”
Not the answer I was expecting.
“No?”
“No. I haven’t done the whole dating thing much,” she said. A light pink blush tinged her cheeks and the tip of her nose.
“You don’t expect me to believe that, do you?”
She smiled.
“I mean it. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had lots of offers. In high school I got asked to the prom by three different guys.”
“Three. Nice.” I said. High school was a blur for me. It mostly involved getting into fist fights with my peers or on one occasion, the vice principal. It was safe to say I didn’t make valedictorian, “So what was wrong with the guys that you wouldn’t cut any of them a break?”
She sighed, her little doll lips pursing into a deep inhale.
“Nothing. Nothing at all. I just didn’t have time,” she said. “I was studying for exams and imagining my life after high school. Safe to say it was nothing like it turned out to be.”
“You didn’t turn out to be a movie star?” I teased. She rolled her eyes at me.
“I’ve never wanted to be a movie star. My god Nate, don’t you think I have a little more originality than that?” she said. I shrugged.
“I don’t know your life.”
“I wanted to be a journalist. Not at a trashy magazine that just publishes celebrity pantie shots and rumors about your sex tape,” she gave an over exaggerated shudder, “A proper, glossy artsy magazine where they published my reviews of new indie films with a little picture of my face in the next column. I figured I’d make editor in chief one day too, but even then I knew that would take time.”
“Why not do that then?” I said. I was earnest but she took it as mocking.
“Sure, why don’t I just waltz in to this magical magazine office and demand to see the editor, give them my resume and tell them I won’t settle for less the two hundred k a year? Get real Nate, stuff like that doesn’t happen. Girls like me don’t get jobs like that.” she said. She crossed her arms in front of her soft rounded chest.
“Why the fuck not?” I said. I hated her attitude towards the whole thing. I’d met hundreds of journalists in my years in the public eye and I knew potential when I saw it. Darcy was strong willed, took no bullshit, had a brain and was just the slightest bit bitchy. She’d be a great journalist if she wanted to. Fuck it, if she wanted to start her own magazine about pseudo erotic horror movies from eastern Europe I was sure it would be great. Why couldn’t she see that?
She narrowed her eyes at me, as if searching for any hint of sarcasm. I stared right back at her to show her that I wasn’t kidding. I wanted to know what her excuse was.
“Because,” she said, her voice so low it was hardly a whisper, “Not everyone can be as lucky as you. We don’t all get things handed to us.”
Handed to me? That’s what she thought? That I was some punk ass little rich kid with a stage mommy and a dad who paid for drama school? Could anything be farther from the truth.
“All right,” I stood up marched out of the room, slamming the door behind me. I could hear her calling for me over the sounds of the TV, but I ignored it.
If that’s what she thought then I wasn’t going to correct her.
Darcy
Something I’d said had triggered something in Nate that I’d never quite seen before. I couldn’t fully understand it. Why was he so sensitive? It certainly didn’t fit with his typical alpha male shtick. Was what I said really so offensive?
I called after him to no avail, so I got to my feet. I opened the door and padded down the his bedroom, the warm carpet comforting under my toes. Despite everything, I’d been enjoying our little conversation and chill out evening. It was the closest thing I’d had to a night with a friend since I’d moved to the city. It couldn’t be over just yet.
I knocked softly on the bedroom door.
“Nate,” I said, “Are you ok?”
No answer. I knew he was in there.
“I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“You didn’t upset me,” he growled from the other side of the door, “I don’t get upset. I get pissed off. You pissed me off.”
“Oh,” I took a deep breath, “Look, I’m sorry. Something I said obviously set you off and I don’t blame you. You’ve been really good to me Nate, bar a few instances that we won’t talk about right now. And I’ve been…well, I’ve been me. And I’m not always the nicest person. I don’t know how to act around people sometimes so I either become a doormat or a bitch.”
“You can say that again,” he said, but some of the venom had gone out of his voice, “Open the door.”
I put my hand on the knob an
d slowly turned. The door gently swung open, revealing Nate’s stark but modern bedroom. He was sitting on the bed, shirtless and next to what looked to be a new dent in the wall. Caused by his fist if his bloody knuckles were anything to go by.
“Jesus Christ!” I ran to his side and took his hand. Up close, I could see that his hand was already a little swollen and painful looking.
Nate shrugged.
“It’s fine, really.” though to my surprise, he didn’t pull his hand away from me.
“Why did you do that?” I asked. He shrugged again and reached into his bedside locker for some bandages. Obviously this was a frequent occurrence if he had them on hand like that.
“I like to punch shit when I’m mad. You know, walls, floors, paparazzi.” he grinned. I tutted and took the bandages from him.
“You’re doing that wrong, let me,” I said, before adding, “Seeing as it’s my fault you need them.”
Nate suddenly became serious.
“No. No, Darcy. I did this to myself. I do stupid shit all the time. I’ve always done it, it’s who I am. I was like that before you met me and I’ll be like that after you leave,” he said. The thought of leaving this screwed up little love nest hit me in the gut. I hadn’t considered that this would end for a while. Nate would go from being a living, breathing man who annoyed the shit out of me but made my heart flutter into a distant, almost mythical figure that I couldn’t have anything to do with in my wildest dreams.
“You do do stupid shit,” I said, while wrapping his fingers, “What were you thinking when you signed up for a romantic drama?”
He laughed then. I liked his laugh. It made me giggle just hearing him laugh. It felt like being a part of something wonderful.
“I was thinking a big pay check.”
“Ah. Well that’s understandable,” I said, “There. You’re all bandaged up. Now don’t mess up my work.”
Nate raised his eyebrow and looked me up and down.
“You know you would look hot as shit in a nurse uniform. Fuck.” he said. I protested but my blush gave me away. Nate’s comments weren’t exactly unappreciated.
Starring Me and You Page 10