Bitter Ashes (Bitter Ashes Book 1)

by Sara C. Roethle

  “Enough of the history lesson,” James interrupted irritably. “We need to get moving.”

  “So say we hop on a plane, and end up in Finland or wherever,” I began, ignoring James. “How will we find the charm once we get there, and how can we be sure that it is even there?”

  “Because I know the place that you were shown in your vision,” Diana replied, “and I will be going with you.”

  “Couldn't you just draw us a map?” I asked hopefully.

  Diana smiled slowly. “Do you not desire my company?” she asked.

  “It's not that,” I corrected quickly, though really it was. “I just don't see the need for everyone to drop what they're doing to fly to Scandinavia.”

  Diana stared at me until I finally looked down. Strangely, I was much more nervous about the idea of traveling with one little old woman than I was about traveling with my almost sort-of ex boyfriend and a man who might very well be a psychopath.

  I averted my gaze and ate the rest of my french toast in silence, even though it felt like cardboard in my stomach.

  “I should find Sophie before we all leave this place,” Alaric announced, breaking the silence. “We are well hidden here. It makes no sense to risk Madeline being out in the open until we are ready to depart.”

  “So we should just let you run off to Estus while we wait here for the ambush?” James countered, suddenly angry.

  Alaric glared back at James. “If my sister sees us together, she'll hide. I have a better chance of talking to her on my own.”

  “Sophie won't hide from me,” James said morosely.

  I snorted. “Wanna bet?”

  “You don't know what you're talking about,” James snapped.

  I looked back at him, too surprised to be angry. Normally James could take any insult I had to throw at him.

  I turned to Alaric. “What exactly am I missing here?”

  “James and Sophie were once lovers,” Alaric explained, “and he is somehow deluded enough to believe that she still cares for him.”

  “You don't know what you're talking about either,” James said to Alaric. “What happened between Sophie and me is our business. Period.”

  I held up my hands before an argument could begin. “I'm still having trouble grasping the fact that Sophie would ever even look at James to begin with. How recent was this?”

  “The breakup occurred roughly one year ago,” Alaric answered while looking at James.

  I was beginning to understand all of the tension between James, Alaric, and Sophie. Both siblings had told me not to trust him, but wouldn't give me a reason. My guess was that James had betrayed Sophie's trust, and Alaric had gotten protective of his sister. It was all a moot point as far as I was concerned. I'd never trusted James regardless.

  “It doesn't matter,” James snapped. “You're still not going alone to find her.”

  “And I'm not going to let you two run off and kill each other,” I added. “Plus, Sophie owes me an apology.”

  “I'll wait here,” Diana said calmly as she rose from the table and began filling a kettle with water.

  “It's settled then,” I stated flatly.

  “It's not settled,” Alaric argued. “We don't need to risk your life any more than we have to, and our best chance of recruiting Sophie is if I go alone.”

  “First,” I replied as I held up a finger dramatically in the air, “I don't think Sophie will run from me. She may have deserted me, but she's no coward. Second,” I said as I held up another finger, “you've risked my life plenty. There's no need to start getting squeamish about it now.”

  “I agree with Madeline,” James added.

  “I don't care if you agree with me,” I snapped. “I'm the only one here that can find the charm, so we're going to start doing things on my terms. I'm no longer a prisoner.”

  “Maddy-” Alaric began.

  “She's right, you know,” James interrupted with an infuriating smile.

  “Why is it,” I began as I looked at James, “that even when you're on my side, I still want to slap you?”

  “Oooh, please do,” he taunted.

  “Enough,” Alaric said as he slapped his palm down lightly on the table. “If we're all going, we may as well get on with it. If I know Sophie, she'll be hiding in the city. She wouldn't go far until she knew whether or not I'd be following her, and she sure as hell wouldn't hide out in the woods.”

  “So we go to the city, and what, sniff her out?” I asked.

  “Yes,” he replied, “but we might run into a problem.”

  “Which of our myriad of problems are you referring to?” I asked tiredly.

  Alaric looked at me like I was being silly. “You're technically a missing person, Maddy. Walking openly around Spokane is probably not the best idea.”

  “Well then we should probably get me something more to wear than this stupid dress,” I said irritably. I didn't feel the need to point out that I probably wasn't a missing person yet, given that there would have been no one around to miss me.

  “We'll be sure to stop at Nordstrom,” James replied sarcastically.

  Alaric took a deep breath to say more, but Diana cut him off with a tsking sound. “Enough bickering, children. We have things to do, and time is short. Estus may not know where the charm is, but he'd be a fool to discount the possibility of Madeline finding it. Do what you must, then meet me at the airport.”

  I had to wonder just how old Diana was to be referring to Alaric as a child, but I wasn't about to ask her. Instead, I straightened my dress and got to my feet like a good little girl.

  Soon we'd be off to somewhere in Scandinavia. Though it was true that I needed a vacation, I would have been happy with a beach in Mexico. Something told me I wouldn't be getting any margaritas with Diana around.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Our only choice was to leave on foot, which was fine, except that Spokane was a good five miles away from Diana's hidden home. Normally I'd be fine with a five mile hike, but a five mile hike in boots that were a size too big, with two very grumpy hiking companions was not my idea of a good time.

  Also, it was cold. Fall had just begun in Spokane when I was snatched out of my bed and taken to the Salr, but it felt like winter had taken over in the relatively short time I'd been gone. I knew winter would get much colder before the year was through, but normally I would be properly attired for the occasion.

  I'd grudgingly accepted Alaric's shirt, and he didn't seem fazed as he walked bare-chested in the chilly air beside me. I'd have to remember to give him his shirt back before we made it to civilization. I was pretty sure a bare-chested, 6'2”, ethereally gorgeous man walking through town would draw more attention than a woman who may or may not have been reported as a missing person.

  I did my best to keep my eyes off of his bare skin as we walked, but I might have lagged behind a few times just to get a good view of his back for a while. Of course, every time I lagged behind, he would turn and wait for me, dashing my plans to bits.

  “You two are pathetic,” James commented from behind us as Alaric stopped to help me over a fallen log.

  “It's a good thing that I don't value your opinion at all,” I replied, “or I might have some hurt feelings right now.”

  “That's all well and nice for you,” Alaric said with a smile, “but I think I need to go cry in a dark corner for a little while.”

  James snorted. “Mock all you like, but I'm not the one acting like a teenager with their very first crush.”

  “I saw you as a teenager,” Alaric replied without looking back, “I'm not sure I could ever match how ferociously you flirted with Sophie.”

  “Wait,” I said as I stopped walking, “Sophie was an adult while James was a teenager, and she still dated him?”

  Alaric laughed. “Well it was much later that they dated, and he was as much of an adult at the time as he is now . . . which is, of course, debatable.”

  “Oh you guys are just barrels of fun to be around,” J
ames mumbled as he picked up his pace to walk past us.

  “You started it!” Alaric called after him.

  When James was a good distance ahead of us again, I turned to talk to Alaric as we walked. “It almost seems like you guys are friends,” I commented.

  Alaric shrugged. “Perhaps once, but things change, and some things are unforgivable.”

  “And those unforgivable things have to do with Sophie?” I pressed as my curiosity got the better of me.

  “Sophie and James were together for two years, and then Sophie lost interest. Sophie was unfazed, but James had taken their relationship very seriously,” Alaric explained.

  “Why was Sophie so unfazed?” I asked. “Two years is a long time to spend with someone.”

  Alaric shrugged. “Two years to someone who has only lived a human lifetime can seem like a lot, but when you live long enough, two years seems like a blip on the radar. Sophie tried to explain the concept to James, but he wouldn't accept how casually he'd been brushed aside. My sister admittedly could have had more tact, but she has a short attention span, and moved on almost immediately with another man.”

  I glanced at him with an eyebrow raised, then glanced at James in the distance to make sure he wasn't close enough to hear us. “You know, that's exactly what Sophie said about you when she warned me not to develop any feelings.”

  “That I moved on immediately with another man?” Alaric joked.

  “The short attention span,” I replied without mirth, though I was pretty sure he knew what I meant.

  Alaric looked down at the ground as we walked. “My sister needs to learn when to keep her mouth shut.”

  “Was she telling the truth?” I prodded, not willing to let the subject drop so easily.

  Alaric sighed. “Perhaps, but the past is not always a predictor of the future.”

  We walked in tense silence for a moment, then Alaric said, “But back to my story.”

  I blushed, because I'd completely forgotten that we'd originally been talking about Sophie and James. I cleared my throat. “Yes, do go on.”

  “James couldn't handle seeing Sophie with another man,” he continued, “though he never admitted it. Instead he befriended the man, Sammael was his name.”

  “Well that was big of him, I suppose,” I commented.

  Alaric shook his head. “James spent a good deal of time befriending Sammael. They became quite close really. Sammael would have trusted James with his life. It was at that point that James tortured and killed Sammael. This happened roughly six months before you came to us. James later admitted that he spent the time to gain Sammael's trust in order to make his vengeance more rewarding. He also wanted to allow Sophie enough time to get attached to Sammael, so that the loss would hurt her more.”

  “And he was allowed to remain in the Salr?” I asked, shocked.

  “That was the day James became Estus' pet torturer,” Alaric replied distantly. “Estus claimed that James would prove to be the very best man for the job.”

  I let out a slow breath. “Well, Estus was right on that count, I suppose.”

  “Though he was wrong to ever trust him,” Alaric added.

  “Wasn't he wrong in trusting you as well?” I countered. “You didn't exactly hold up well on the loyalty meter either.”

  Alaric glanced over and offered me a small smile. “I suppose you're correct.”

  I shrugged. “It still seems too simple to me . . . ” I trailed off.

  “That Estus would put so much faith in any of us?” he questioned, reading my mind.

  “Escaping shouldn't have been as simple as it was,” I elaborated, “and even after James and I escaped, to let you go as well?”

  “I've considered that,” Alaric replied.

  I rolled my eyes. “I'm going to need a little more feedback than that.”

  “I've considered the fact that perhaps we are doing exactly what Estus had hoped. Perhaps he knew all along that the charm was not in the Salr. He couldn't trust us to go free and find it for him out of loyalty, so instead he set us up to do it out of a need to defeat him,” Alaric explained.

  “What if that's all true?” I asked. “We could very well be doing exactly what he wants us to do.”

  Alaric's expression turned somber. “We must continue on regardless, and hope that we can defeat Estus when the time comes.”

  I let out a huff of breath. “I'm not doing it to defeat Estus. I'm doing it in an attempt to join Aislin's clan.”

  “And why would you want that?” Alaric countered quickly, like he'd been wanting to ask for a while. “You're out here, free. You could just move somewhere far away and live your life.”

  “And have to look over my shoulder forever?” I replied.

  Alaric shook his head. “That's not why you're doing it.”

  “What is it that you want me to admit, exactly?” I snapped.

  I wasn't sure why I was getting angry, I just knew that I didn't like being pressed on things I didn't want to talk about . . . even if I didn't know why I didn't want to talk about them.

  Alaric shrugged. “Nothing at all. I'd only like you to consider the fact that not having a clan does not automatically mean you will be alone.”

  That was it. He'd hit the nail on the head with the word alone. I looked ahead again to see how far James had gone. He was barely visible in the distant trees ahead of us, but I lowered my voice none-the-less. “What exactly are you proposing?” I asked.

  Alaric moved closer to me so that we were walking shoulder to shoulder, except even at 5'9”, my shoulder was quite a few inches lower than his.

  “I propose that we destroy the charm,” Alaric whispered. “Our people are not meant to be ruled.”

  “Just a few days ago you were all, Estus is Doyen, he asks and I obey,” I argued, shocked at what Alaric was suggesting.

  “He pushed too far,” Alaric said simply.

  “Really?” I said sarcastically. “Was it the assigned kidnapping, the maiming of your sister's girlfriend, or the maiming of your own girlfriend that caused you to finally draw the line?”

  “My girlfriend?” he asked with a lascivious smile, ignoring everything else I'd said.

  I rolled my eyes. “You know what I mean. What finally changed your mind?”

  “My mind was changed as soon as you and Sophie decided to leave the Salr, as I no longer had much reason to stay,” he began, “and that decision was solidified as soon as James harmed you. I will not again put myself in the position of obeying one leader blindly.”

  I couldn't argue with him. He was right to assume that I'd give the charm to Aislin just so I wouldn't have to be alone again. I didn't trust myself around humans, and any Vaettir I might associate with would belong to one of the warring clans. The only option I saw was to join a clan . . . unless others would forgo being part of a clan with me . . .

  “Please tell me what you're thinking,” Alaric said after I'd been silent for a while.

  I glanced up at James again. “I'm thinking that this could very well be the biggest decision of my life.”

  “You're young,” Alaric stated. “My sister and I have been part of many clans, and we have been on our own as well. The centuries change things. Eventually big decisions become inconsequential.”

  “Well that's depressing,” I replied somberly.

  “It is something you'll learn to deal with, in time,” Alaric said with a small smile.

  I laughed bitterly. “Barring the fact that I'll probably be killed off any day here, I doubt I'll live anywhere as long as you have.”

  “Why would you say that?” Alaric asked. “You are Vaettir, just like the rest of us.”

  “James explained about the more powerful Vaettir aging slowly,” I answered. “I imagine I'll be aging rather quickly.”

  “It is not as simple as that,” Alaric replied. “My sister and I are long-lived not because of our power level, but because we are Bastet. We are descended from the goddess after whom we are named.”


  “So you're like, part god?” I asked incredulously.

  Alaric shook his head. “I am Vaettir. We come from the earth, just as the gods and goddesses of old.”

  “Then where do I come from?” I asked, perplexed.

  “My dear,” Alaric replied, “you are a denizen of death. You are not descended from anyone. You simply exist.”

  “And what about my pesky penchant for empathy?” I asked, not liking the idea of coming from nothing.

  Alaric shrugged. “Now that, I have no explanation for, and it was clear that Estus did not expect you to come with such interesting gifts.”

  “Okay,” I began, reverting back to our original line of conversation. “If I am a denizen of death, and other Vaettir like Sivi identify with the elements, what exactly do you, as a Bastet, embody?”

  “War,” Alaric replied simply.

  “Well that's comforting,” I mumbled.

  Alaric laughed and pushed against my arm playfully. “Since when is death intimidated by a little bit of war?”

  My legs were beginning to tire from all of the walking, and my brain was tired enough that I didn't quite know how to answer him. Sure, death was a part of war, but death wasn't supposed to feel the pain and emotions of those who were to be claimed.

  I took a deep breath, and gave Alaric the only answer I could think of.

  “Since death grew a heart.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  I felt like my feet were about to fall off by the time I first heard sounds of traffic. The sun was making its slow decent past the trees, robbing us of the last of its warmth. James had eventually fallen back to walk with us, though he'd remained silent by my side.

  I unbuttoned Alaric's shirt, not looking forward to baring my arms to the chilly air. He took the shirt absentmindedly and began putting it on as he sniffed the air, reminding me of a lion, or some other large cat.

  “Anything?” James asked as he eyed our surroundings.

  Alaric shook his head. “I know a few places she would go. We might have to search for a while.”

  “We don't have much time,” James replied sternly. “That we're yet to see any sign of pursuit from Estus' people is shocking, to say the least.”